The Big Fat Indian Wedding

"1200 baraati log...5-star hotel me reception...special gifts...10 lakh ki wedding budget..."

Tadaa!!!... welcome to "The Big Fat Indian Wedding"'...and it only keeps getting bigger and better every year...as Anant and Navya's shaadi is just around the corner, I thought, why not join the festivities by making a post...😊

For starters, who have no clue as to what happens in an Indian wedding, the last few episodes of Navya should give you some hint...everything about the wedding here is astronomical...glitz and grandeur are the two words that mainly define the whole proceedings...

Once the marriage is fixed, there is actually a whole lot of time before the actual ceremony takes place (yeah I know...Deepak has very little time at his disposal)...and this is the period where you actually get to see the preparations in full swing...between the bride and the groom's side, the degree of preparations vary, of course...after all, isn't Deepak's current state of mind indicative of how much the bride's side has to bear...Deepak might not be the first dad in the world to opt for VRS to cover up for his daughter's marriage expenses, if he does so...such fathers are aplenty...clothes, food, jewellery, invitations, rent for marriage hall, decorations etc ...the list is endless, but one month is too less a time..

The actual tamasha, however, takes place on the day of the wedding...what with everyone running left, right and center, chaos reigns...you'll have relatives pouring in from various parts of the world- Mumbai to Manhattan...and the first to-be-done ritual in a marriage by the bride's side, is to invite them all ( the groom-wale included), and provide them comforts...it really doesn't matter if that concerned person is the groom's-mama's-second cousin's- tauji's-chachi's-beti...receiving them well is the first mantra to a trouble free wedding...didn't  CSB say, baaraatiyon ke liye special gifts...so lets say, keeping them happy alone will cost...urmmm..a few lakhs...

And yes, there is the case-of-the-bride-getting-late-to-dress up...its just bling, bling and only bling...designer lehengas, expensive jewel sets, heavy make up ( did I forget the parlor+mehendi expenses for the bride , her mom , daadi, aunts, cousins?? )...Indian weddings are a mini fashion parade...and the already-bahus in the groom's side will evaluate (sounds cheap, but it's the truth) the new- bahu in terms of how much she is decked up in or rather the cost of it...runs into lakhs no doubt...

The respectable men will all be huddled in one corner, drinking ( fresh juices in normal weddings, alcohol in rich weddings) and eating , all at the cost of the bride's father...and the food yeah...people expect varieties these days...Indian, Continental, Chinese, Italian...you have a group of relatives who attend weddings just for the food...and you'll have one crowd to criticize the food-namak kam, shakkar kam, masala kam...so, that's another 2-3 lacs down the drain for satisfying relatives who waste the food...

Do I hear someone shouting, "Where is the entertainment"?...well, everyone is an entertainer in a wedding...you have the baraat dancing session, the mehendi ceremony dancing, the sangeet ceremony dancing...shell out a few more bucks and you can hire music troupes to play your favorite songs to match your steps to it...the recent trend in marriages is the DJ nite...no besura trumpets and bands...the songs in their pure form, complete with aunties dancing to Sheila and Munni...the money involved is more of course...but who cares, the bride's father has taken up a loan anyway...

What is a wedding without drapes, flowers and carpets?? Call your nearest decorator and he'll charge you an arm and leg for those roses and sunflowers...did you know, weddings are getting thematic these days?? So if the bride or groom decides to base their wedding on fire, the settings will be in hues of red, orange and fiery yellow...a theme for the Bajpais, anyone??

In spite of the bride's father putting all his lifetime savings into the marriage, very few relatives actually participate in the marriage actively, in a positive way...to start with, all the old ladies will spew venom at their DILs...all young ladies will be giving the daggers to their MILs...the husbands and the uncles will be seen discussing sensex, Manmohan Singh, Congress, BJP, Obama etc...the young dudes from the groom's side will be checking out the cute chicks from the girl's side...and the kiddos will be seen playing hide and seek...the poor bride and the groom will be seen suffocating in the mandap, coz of the smoke emanating from the pyre...and the Pandit Ji will keep continuously rambling mantras at a break neck speed that you just can't decipher what he's telling ( they don't come cheap either these days)'...and the rest, you all know what happens, I guess...

Well...pride and prejudices, sense and sensibilities, complaints and compliments, fun and frivolity...You get it all in weddings...and I'm not stressing that every marriage pretty much follows the same pattern...hitches and glitches apart, marriage is a memorable occasion and is all about happiness at the end of the day...

 I wrote the whole post, purely keeping the Bajpais and the budget part in mind...coz that is what is proving to be a big headache as far as AN's marriage goes...will it be OK if Deepak agrees to accept the money offered by Om? And what do you think will be the random happenings in AN's marriage, like the ones I've mentioned above? You guys can share what happened on the day of your marriage...happy discussion'😊...

Edited by madhu_sridhar - 12 years ago

Wow Madhu!!u wrote it all down...& i am feeling nauseous!! Its not a question whether the parents can afford these weddings, it is more important to analyse what is the need of such weddings?? As viewers, we will lap it all up, some will even dream of their wedding to be similar... who will question the justification of such expenses?v few...

Thanks Madhu for writing the Indian wedding so succinctly.    Sometimes it is very much as the subject says  A Big Fat Indian Wedding.

Madhu, Reading your post was like listening to Shankar Mahadevan's Breathless...I got married according the special marriage act & our friends were the only guests...Thank god I made the right decision...We weren't in a situation to arrange a wedding reception as we had to go to our houses to give the news of our wedding...

Edited by Reshmi_AnYa - 12 years ago

nic post yyar...well written

Madhu, what a nice post... and how true... in a country where so many ppl live below the poverty line, our weddings are so lavish... sometimes you hear the figures quoted and it can actually feed so many ppl for for so many days...

Madhu very very well written!! And what a though provoking topic too!👏

Recently my aunt got married and this was the first time when I was closely involved with the marriage preparation of a close relative..And I witnessed all the points you mentioned in your post first hand..All these seemingly absurd stuff actually happens in desi weddings..I was actually astonished to see the ridiculous amount my aunt's dad had saved up for her wedding (They were a middle class family but they did spend a hefty amount on her wedding)..The food, the hall for the wedding, the dress, the jewelry, the never ending ceremonies, they had it all..And while it definitely was a hell lot of fun for all of us in the immidiate family, I always wondered exactly what was the need to have over 3000 wedding guests..3/4th of those invitees only cared for the food anyway ( and like you said some were insensitive enough to criticize the food while gorging on it🤢)..And their presence or absence wouldn't have made any difference to the bride and groom anyway as they wanted their immidiate family and friends to be present only..I guess I will never understand the obsessive need to invite every single person you have ever known to your kid's wedding..
Two things I would like to see happening in any desi wedding including AnYa's:

1)A mutual agreement on how much should be spent, and this should be done keeping botht he family's financial status in mind and making sure unnecessary burden is not put on one side and then sharing the cost 50/50..The idea of girl's parents sharing the whole cost is saddening, are they being punished for having a daughter??😕

2)Cut down on the guest list, only include people who truly care for the two people getting married..👍🏼

Awsome post Madhu 😃 It's really sad how the girls side always has to carry the responsibilities! My mom wasn't raised in India and neither was my dad but even though, my mom told me initially my dad's side wanted her to pay for the whole wedding! But then my mom and dad took a really good step and said that they will pay for their own wedding... I strongly believe that we, the new youth, especially in Indian families, should do that. I mean thats the point when it proves that if you can go through a marriage, you should pay for it too... Or otherwise, it should be spilt between the bride and groom's families. Although over here in Navya, we can't obviously expect AnYa to pay for their own wedding which kind of proves, they aren't really ready 🤔 Anyways back to all the wedding part, I always feel that weddings in our Indian culture, many a times are to show off  to society which is an example of the loonies! Their main purpose of the wedding is to show off and many a times the bride and the groom aren't even given as much as attention to their clothes, how they look, lights sound..ect.  Great topic to discuss.. I hope that we see a Nayi Soch again regarding the financial situation of the wedding 👍🏼 Anant will hopefully stand up to the Bajpayees that they need to pitch in money too, I mean if they have then use it idiots 🤔 Before I do too much bak bak great topic and post again 😃

Originally posted by: nuttycleo

Wow Madhu!!u wrote it all down...& i am feeling nauseous!! Its not a question whether the parents can afford these weddings, it is more important to analyse what is the need of such weddings??

As viewers, we will lap it all up, some will even dream of their wedding to be similar... who will question the justification of such expenses?v few...

do u know...the bridal wear itself these days can cost the same amount as Deepu's wedding budget? Of course you will be buying a name then...it will be a Ritu Kumar creation or perhaps Manish Malhotra outfit...but  these do sell...

Affordability...a boon or a curse? sorry for ranting...but cudnt help...no offense pls...

Edited by madhu_sridhar - 12 years ago

Originally posted by: ilunavya

Thanks Madhu for writing the Indian wedding so succinctly.    Sometimes it is very much as the subject says  A Big Fat Indian Wedding.

A blessing these days is most of the weddings ( or at least the ones I know of and attended) are where the expenses are shared 50 - 50 between the groom and the bride's party which actually helps coz then the expenses are shared equally and once the groom or bride's party realized it is going to be shared then there will not be unnecessary expenses

Another blessing for the families is when their kids study, settle and then get married.  In most of these cases the burden of the marriage is usually borne by the children.  

But I agree with you, it is sad to know that Bajyapees kind of people do exist today and Mishras exist to cater to them only so that that daughter will be treated well in the inlaws house