It was almost 2 mth in college, a gang of girls from our seniors called me n Madz
Tum abhishek ke bahan ho
I looked at her like "wht" a girl in there gang knows I am only child of my parents
No
Oh I thought so
Han hum kum k melay mein kho gay thay'I so wanna say that . and than they started my interview. Actually they where just confirming the information thy have with them and to my surprise they knw every thng from my roll no to my fathers name.
Madz: so, why they where asking about you so much ..han
Fiza: I looked at her like "what". Us k ek bahai hai kal mera rishta lay ker arahy hai. By god Madz get out of it. Who cares
Madz: ma'am start caring. Even that day I told you he is checking on you whenever and wherever you are.
Fiza: woh
Madz: common nups, Adi and tht girl in that gang you know can do anything to please him
: Fiza: cut it Madz. He doesn't even know me, never talk to me, n he wasn't checking was just looking
Strange are the denials . this was my first. I knew from first day two eyes are following me evry where. He is checking on me. His best friend tried to talk to me. But even than who cares. Never I found any disrespect in his eyes, never I felt awkward at his gaze. Dnt know y but there was sum kind of respect n sincerity in them
He being intelligent found the most weakest species in our group Diya..n she being stupid told him more than enough
Days where pasing and his looking was converted into gazing..gazing into talking eyes. soon he found ways to talk, from " practical journal complete kerna hai tm plz day do" to diya criket match dkhny chalai..u also joinn us". N being in denial practical journal tak tu thik hai but going for criket match no ways.
I never can forget that morning when I was feeling great . it was actually a lovely day dnt ask why because I was feeling so. I dressed up differently that day wearing a modern dress. Me n wearing western naa not tht often, I always use to wear traditional in college with my head covered'but tht day it was sumthing different . I left my hair half open , purple paints n short shirt on it'
Looking nice..sumthing special
Thanks dada..naa asay hi..bye
I entered my college n the silent eyes welcomed me. He was standing at the far corner. I looked at him n ignore him..bt his eyes got stacked on me'his eyes said wht I wana hear I look gr8 tht day'excitedly he taped hs friend shoulder without removing his eyes from me, he ask her to see me. She looked at me n passed a sarcastic smile and looked at him an shok his head in disbelieve..he was too lost to notice all ths
Suhani: oye hoa..sum1 is looking gr8
Fiza: I know I so wanna say that but just say thanks
Diya:chalo anatomy ke class hai'larko k nam yaad rkhna kitna asan hota hai but these bones uffff.
Madz: tmhai koi subject acha lagta hai'tm log chalo vr joing
Madz: so why sum1 is smiling so much
Fiza: ths isn't done . you know me way too much
Madz: batao na
Fiza: he praised me today..shamlesly
Madz: shouted wht he said so
Fiza: woh aur kuch kahay ga'suraj zameen par ajay ga us din ' (after a pause) shayad'bth of us laughed n proceed to class
How can sum1 tht mad
Madz ma'am love is unconditional
Fiza; kitabi baatein
Madz: chalein miss practical..ap ka majuno is waiting in class
Fiza: oh freak ..anatomy ke tu combine class hoti hai'ab tu woh meri antomy parhy ga
Diya: Picinic plan horahi hai..tu chalo gi na
Fiza: ofcourse..that is even a question
Diya: baki party kaha hai
Fiza: thy dnt have any lectures today so haven't cum..lets go in class
We enter the class and my luck his friend ask us to join us. Diya pleaded me please and said ok . we set beside each other in him hs friend diya n than me order.
I was trying to concentrate on lecture and he was trying hard to find way to talk. Iwas smiling inside never ever sum1 put so much effort for me just to talk once.
He started to talk on stupid topics like ur favt subject and to his shock I said computers. We started to talk abt webpage designing n working on flash player. Soon he found two middle person to much interfering in our private talks'he took out a paper n started paper chat . we talk abt stupid random thnks actually he was asking and I was just answering. To my luck class got over next was physiology and he planned to bunk. we wished each other good bye.
I went home alone that day as hs best friend ask us to join them for a walk twds the bus. I excused them n left from there
Next day
Madz: so how was yesterday
Diya: hmm hmm'.ask her ..in ka tu buhat acha tha
Madz: kyun did I missed sumthing
Diya: sumthing ..evrything'kal is se kisi ny baat ki..phir '.CJ ny mjhy bus tak sath jany k lyan kaha
Fiza: jo inhony hasty hasty kombol ki'
madz: oohoooooo
Diya: aur baad mein hamien pata chal unhony'hum ko nhi in ko offer ke thi
Fiza: kya..je nhi asa kuch nhi tha
Diya; beta ji us ny sab se pehly yeah hi poch ..Fiza kaha hai..akhely chali gai kyun
Madz: ohoho
Fiza; shutup
Diya; aur phir rastey bhar. Fiza ko yeah pasand hai us ny yeah kaha'woh yeah woh woh
Fiza: baat k bhraah maat
Diya: mein kaha brha rhi hoon. Asay hi ho. Tum ab us k wait kero mein ja rahin ho
Madz: so kasa hai woh
Fiza: jitna rude or attitude wal dkhta hai utna hai nhi'.acha hai..asa hi generally baat hoi..bs.
Madz: tmhain nhi lagta who tum kuch zayada intrest lay raha hai
Fiza: mjh mein nhi diya mein
Madz: shutup nups..tm janti ho diya us k type k nhi
Fiza: tu pagal hogai hai kya mjh mein asa kya hai jo who mjhy per itn flat hojay ga. Aur tu kis ke diya ke baato per itna atebar kerti hai..
Madz: as you wish but I sure koi aur baat hai
Adi; so u all are going on picini na
Diya; yup..hey nups kaha hai
Fiza: yaha hon'kya hua
Adi; chalo ticket lo
Fiza: tmhain kya commission mila raha hai..itni chaldi kya hai..acha do'
I fwd him money and he started to put in details..n to my surprise he know as everything ..
Adi: name: Fiza Khan, class, group no, roll no, address, email id?/
Fiza: kya
And I smiled n he too'why I m smiling he is asking my email id, wht for nt required here....but I smile..how cutely he did tht'but I shoul'nt have'n than as usual all of friends started agin teasing n pulling my leg
We use to talk always very general, not to personal not to formal. At times in morning as bth of us use to cum early, at times between lecture..
at canteen whn he fooled diya in a bet an it was her treat. Diya asked me also to join them, I wasn't feeling well so didn't wish to eat ice cream'tu chao who kahty hai jo tumhain pasand ho..were his words'nhi u guys enjoy is waqt mjhy kuch acha nhi lag rah..were mine..oookk in disappointment cam from him ..sorry in guilt was from my side..
i scold him silently once when he get injured in car rally'car rally just imagine. He qualified for the next round but didn't go for it 'wise decision hai na'
Madz: aj tu library mein aagg lag jati
Fiza: uff he is impossible yaar
Madz: tjhy us ke shakal dkhni chaiy thi'I was hiting u continuously n you dkha hi nhi
Fiza; oops I missed it'but I know his expression do din pehly bhi yeahi ho tha'but aj tu janab ko khusa agay.
he ask diya to help him in pharmacology'n diya said meri tu khud week hai'n today he saw me with chirojee. N was studying with him..by god he was all mad. He hates chiroje.. actually me too he was so chipko. But iwas loving the effect he made on him when I talk to him.
Madz: sum1 was jelous.
Fiza: pagal hai..us ko pata hai im nt going to land up with him in relation phr bhi.koi itna pagal kasay hosakt hai
Madz: strange but its true
Fiza: shayad hum baaat zayad barah rahy hain
Madz: ek baat pocho ..is ths because he'isnt of ur religion
Fiza: chor na
Yes another reality of life. He was nt of my religion, this reality struck me one day when diya came up with this news, all surprised and all disappointed. I said so wht, but God knows sumthing get hurts inside me. But neither his behavior nor mine changed after this.
Vacations where about to start. He came upto me to say bye n I wished him happy holidays. Before leaving hesitatingly he ask my email id and ths time I gave him. He mail me 4- 5 times in vaction at times fwded mails, jokes, and asking my whereabouts. me always use to just rply him.
Things started to change after the vacations where over.
woh meray yaar ke ankhon mein rah kerti thi
pochiay kuch na khati,dosti usay mein kasay khati
Vacations were over and so was everything. People, there behavior completely changed. He was being accused of misbehaving CJ and she was still all around him. He was ignoring her and samrat bhenji were misbehaving with him. Suddenly all his friend where against him even his bst friend CJ.
Fiza: I m nt getting all this Madz
Madz: me too..woh asa nhi hai..CJ tu khud pagal hai us k lyan
CJ has a huge crash on him, she proposed him n he said no. CJ was the only girl who knows abt his interest in me and she used his trust against him. She planned everything with sami n bhenji, accused him, bashed him,h e being stupid bared it all in silence.
Adi: you know na wht they are saying about me
Fiza: I know..just ignore concentrate on your studies
The glitz the surprise, the peace, the relief after so long I saw in his eyes was beyond what I can explain. You trust me he silently but surprisingly asked, I do just relax I convey.
Fiza: y u dnt gave ur point in front of evry1
Adi: CJ ke already buhat badnami hoi hai'Fiza mein larka hoo, mera kuch nhi jata, per us ko tu sab point out ker rahy hai, aur agar mein ny bhi kuch bola tu phr se yeah baaat shoro hogi n it'll b difficult for her. She was my friend even if she didn't considered it
Ya true he said, CJ didn't get anything, a whole semester dropped due to so called publicity she got. Soon every1 gets to know she did it because she likes him. But we lost everything.
Samrat started to pull me in all this and that was threshold of his tolerances.
Diya: tm aur Adi net chat kertay ho
Fiza: what'who say so..no
Diya: us ny yeah baat mashor ke hai'smrat ny bataya mjhy'.woh sahi kah raha tha k ab who tumhary bechay hai'samrat was saying tht he should b beaten by all for all this
Fiza: diya smrat se kahna meray mamlay mein interfere na keray..i can takecare of all this.
This was the being, even my friend..ahh..ya. He has no choice, I have no choice. Both of us silently where parted from each other. Form a slight chit chat, to hey hello, to a nod in hey, to ignoring each other, v where now no more even classmates. Everything got on his head, CJ, samrats betrayal and my selfishness, he a topper failed in exams n was demoted. n that too he faced all alone.
Ya I act selfish, I just protect my self-respect, I only cared about my integrity so got aside from being linked at any level with him. He being always a silent tolerate, reciprocated that.
It was just not that, the fact tht he is a non-muslim was banging in my head, I was afraid, afraid of losing myself n than getting broken but little I know I have lost already.
But one thing that didn't changed was the silence that was speaking volumes between us.
Uff n that chirojee. Ya suhani introduce him to us but woh tu meray pechay he parh gaya. I was getting annoyed n irritated. He was too much. But my bodyguard was watching all this. One day v found him taking to chirojee n gang. Aww he so hates him always n talking to him was a hell shock to me. God knows wht he said to him, from next day chating with me was too far he even nt use to look at me evn if v bypass.
Fiza: yeah kya tha..aj kal tu yeah salam bhi nhi kerta
Madz: jeju ny itna dara jo diya is ko
Fiza: shutup Madz..us ny kaha kya ..us ko yeah nhi kerna chaiy tha'sab kya sochy gay
Madz: tum us ko nhi janti kiya. Woh as kuch nhi keray gay jis mein tmhara nam aay.
Days passed final year arrived and I was all use to to my friends teasing, he was cuming from opposite direction n my friends where singing 'samny yeah kaun aaya dil mein hoi halchal' just imagine, and he was shamelessly grinning n was looking straight in my eyes. No way dnt even think v had n eyelock, I didn't have evn coursge to look at him..n than my friends where beaten by me hell.
I went to library to pick suhani
Fiza: chal na jaldi..
He was there n his eyes followed me. But today I was in masti mood so I did. 3 2 1 turn my head suddenly towards him, he in flick of second digged his head in book, all embarrassed. I grap suhani n rashed out side n burst in to laughter..
Suhani: kya hua
I told her n we both where laughing. But today it was sumthing difrent in his eyes, too much of affection, craving, passion and sum tears also , seems like he was absorbing me inside. But than y? oh crap
Mjuhy ek book dkhni hai..i said tht n rashed inside libray, n found him no where. That was our last day of classes. Exams where about to started and he being junior will not be seen again. For the first time I was disappointed.
Exams got over, so as the college,
Madz: kal college chalty hai clearance kerani hai
Fiza: mjhy kal nhi jana kal Friday hai.woh nhi aty
Madz: tum tension na lay mein us k call kerdo gi
N v bth start laughing. But I was not joking he really don't cum on Fridays, God knows why. Bu my luck he was there on Friday. He looked at me excited at happy..i was dying to look but sumhow control myself n move upstairs, from the balcony I sneak down but as always my bad luck he was'nt there.
Two and a half years have passed I haven't seen him. Not even in my life I ever thought I'll miss that gaze, that eyes, that security, that passiveness. I took him for granted, I denied everything, I was scared some how right, I just cant fall for a non-muslim. But they say it isn't in our control
Humaray beech jo hayal thi
Darasal woh haqeeqat thi
The thing that was between us , was reality, reality tht v weren't made for each other. I played with him forgetting its not forever. He praised me, I felt proud, he watch me , I enjoyed, he act possessive, I made him more n more jealous, he liked me in certain attire I wore it on evry special occasion, he did sumthing wrong I scold him, im sorry he sweetly conveyed
We were so content with playing with silence that never ever thought how empty our life; my life will be without this silence.
Regretting each moment when I didn't look at him. Never I was able to absorb him the way he use to, sumtime my shyness, sumtime his passion, sometime fear he'll get to know I know everything n he'll get embarrassed, maybe possible remove his eyes from me, and above all I was afraid, afaird of losing myself ,my principles, losing myself to a non-Muslim.
We both not at fault, the fault was of destiny.
Two years back I felt his presence around me, at my dad's funeral.
Fiza: woh aay tha
Madz: kaun..hmmm..ann'mjhy kasay pata hoga'tu job kab switch ker rahi hai
The hesitation, the fear in her voice, not meeting my gaze, changing topic everything told me he was there. So whats so surprising he has always been there whenevr I neeed him. Not a single time I need to ask him.
Not much a dream not much I asked from my Lord, I am not asking a miracle to happen, I m nt asking a relationship with him, im not asking him to hold me tight when now I am getting weaker, im not asking to gave me shoulder when I cry whole night, im not asking to wave me back when today I sneak in every car of his model, "shayad woh kahin ho", im not askin to scold me the way he use to when now I always wear white, I am not asking to protect me form people dirty gaze when now I need to face them at evry level all alone
I don't know how long I'll be able to protect myself, being urs only, I have everything around myself friends, gr8 job aims and ambitions.
Jo nhi hai woh hai bus woh khamoshi, woh khamoshi jis ke awaz meri roh ko k sookun thu, woh khamsohi jo her shoor mein meri awaz hai, woh khamshi jo mera her lafz(word), mera her ishara, meri her baat, meri her aahat, meray bina kahay samjhti thi.
Just once I want to hear that silence, just once I want to look through tht eyes. Everyday I pray so and every day I regret praying so. I have lost courage to face him and hold myself. . I left him alone when he needs me, I m alone when I need him. So its pretty fair deal that destiny has decided.
What will be if I found him near me, to my pitty I cant confess. Just cant ruined his life, cause I know I cant be his. Who cares if im, was n will always be
Kafi arsa beet gaya
Jane ab woh kasa hoga
Waqt ke sari karwi baatein
Chup chap khud hi sehta hoga
Ab bhi bheeg barish mein woh
Bin chahty chalta hoga
Acha tha jo sath hi rahty
Bad mein usne socha hoga
Apna dil ke sari baatein
Khud se khud he kerta hoga
Kafi arsa beet gaya
Jane ab woh kasa hoga
Waqt ke sari karwi baatein
Chup chap khud hi sehta hoga
At times we thought that falling in love is in our control. The person you love will stay there always, lovestories are meant to b complete. At times it happen that love is there, sincerity is there, faith is there but destiny has its own ways. If you are in love, cherish each and every moment, feel it, absorb it, love for the sake of love.
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