OS: Truly...Madly...Deeply

"Mera koi haq nahin hai…mujhe koi faraq nahind padta…mujhe kuch mehsoos nahin hota………………door rahiyeh mujhse…mere paas maat aaiyeh…main bardasht nahin kaar paungi…jaane dijiyeh mujhe"

He woke up in a cold sweat, panting – the heart breaking, gut wrenching words echoing in his head over and over again. Looking at the clock he saw it was 6 am. When he got home, how he got home – he had no idea. All he knew was that his heart was shattered into a million pieces. All he knew is that he had stood there as the woman he loved, the woman he'd opened his heart to, ran away from him. Ran away…from HIM!

He got out of bed, stumbling slightly as he walked. He stood by the window over looking the wide spread garden as the sun had just began to come up. The scene from the night before played in front of his eyes like an unwanted movie. He'd been intoxicated when he approached her. Repeatedly he asked why she'd come to the club. Repeatedly he'd tried to say that she'd been the woman to make his once cold heart beat again, to say that she'd made a place in his heart that he'd sworn never to let any one have – to say that he loved her. He all but forced it on her when she had pushed him away.

That one push, that one forced action had created a million miles of distance between them. The closeness they'd slowly built over the past few months, the intimacy, all of it gone in a split second. That push had been like ice cold water being thrown in his face – instantly his intoxication was gone. It was then that he'd registered the tears in her eyes, the shakiness of her voice, the fear in her body language. It was then he'd realized, things were about to change for the worse.

She told him she didn't want to now. She told him she couldn't handle it. She told him to stay away from her. She told him he didn't matter. She told him she had no right. Her tears spilled over and pierced his heart like thousands of flaming arrows. She begged him to let her go and to not follow. She'd asked one thing from him, how could he not give it to her?

How was he going to tell her that he wanted her to know? That he hoped against hope she could handle it. That he would die if he had to stay away from her. That she was the only thing that mattered to him. That she was the ONLY one with EVERY right. How? He had been the one to cause her pain, he'd been the one to make her cry, and he'd been the one to put fear in her eyes. He'd have to live the rest of his life knowing that the one person he'd wanted to protect, is the one person he'd hurt. He'd have to live the rest of his life knowing that the woman he had loved couldn't get away from him fast enough. He'd live the rest of his life knowing that the tears he'd wanted to wipe were the ones he caused to spill. He'd live the rest of his God forsaken life knowing that he'd broken the heart of the woman he loved mind, body and soul.

Why is that when he was around her he did everything wrong? Everything?

He knew what he had to do. A new day, a new beginning…a new opportunity to make things right.

As arrogant, ruthless and cold hearted as Maan Singh Khurana was, there was no way he would survive being around her now. Not after what he'd done to her. Sure, one part of him was mad at how she could just walk away like that, but the other part knew better. He'd loved her, he could not make her love him. There were no conditions when it came to love, and if there were – it was not love. If he hadn't been so busy fighting his heart and his feelings for her for so long, maybe he'd have seen the truth a long time ago. But now it was too late, what was done was done.

He had to leave, he had to go far away. Being in the same room as her, knowing that she feared him, that she loathed him, that she wanted nothing to do with him – it would kill him. He'd die a thousand deaths every time she looked at him or away from him. He'd burn desire and guilt if she even accidently brushed her skin against his. As strong as Maan Singh Khurana thought he was, he wouldn't be able to handle her being uncomfortable because of him. She needed this job, the money, so he would go – it was the only way.

But first, before doing anything else or making any plans, there was one thing he had to do. He'd go to her and apologize. He'd apologize for misreading her, for tormenting her, for hurting her, for making her cry. He'd apologize for loving her, because clearly…he had no right. After he was done apologizing, he'd say good bye. He'd say good bye to Geet – his Miss. Hoshiyaarpur Express – he'd say good bye and never look back.

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He took a deep breath as he entered the out house. He prayed that God give him the strength to face her. It was unusually quiet, but of course, what else could he expect. He figured she was probably in her room, he hadn't wanted to bother but he wanted to get it over. He took the stairs one at a time, rehearsing his speech the entire way up. Coming to her door he almost knocked when he hear a voice from behind the door, a voice that wasn't hers. He hadn't wanted to eavesdrop, but when he heard his name he couldn't help it.

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"Geet tumhe Maan Sir ko saab saach saach bata dena chahiyeh tha," Pinky said as she laid a hand on Geet's shoulder.  

"N…nahin," Geet stuttered.

"Kya haal bana rakhi hai tumne aapni. Kaal raath se roh rahi ho," Pinky said.

"Toh main aur kya karoon?!" Geet asked suddenly in a roar. "Main kya karoon?" She voice shook as sobs took over once again. "Maine unka bohot dil dukhaya Pinky…bohot dil dukhaya."

"Geet…" Pinky began but was cut off.

"Main hi jaanti hoon ke mere dil pe kya beeti thi jaab main woh saab kuch keh rahi thi," Geet said.

"Uff Geet!" Pinky yelled, frustrated from going in circles all night and into the morning. "Aagar itna pachtava hai toh saach kyun nahin bata deti!?"

"Kaise bataun Pinky, kaise?" Geet asked as she grabbed Pinky by the shoulder. "Main kaise bataun ke mere saath kya hua hai? Kaise bataun ke mere shaadi hui thi, lekin saab ke natak tha? Ke woh shaadi nakli thi? Kaise bataun ke shaadi ke dusri din, mere zameen harapne ke baad woh mujhe chodke chale gaye? Kaise bataun ke aab…aab main uss insaan ke baache ki Maa banne wali hoon? Kaise Pinky, kaise?" She fell to the floor as another wave of sobs took over making her lose control.

"Geet, shhh" Pinky said as she knelt to the floor and took Geet into her arms.

"Main kaise bataun ke woh saab hone ke bavajood main unnse jee jaan se pyaar karti hoon? Kaise bataun ke jaab bhi aapni akheen band karti hoon toh unka chehra samne aajata hai? Ke jaab bhi unke bare mein sochti hoon toh aapne aap muskurane lag jati hoon? Kaise bataun ke woh mere dil mein baste hai?" Geet asked.

Suddenly, she found strength and stood up, wiping her tears. "Nahin Pinky, nahin. Main unhe nahin bata sakti ke mere dil mein kya hai. Meri zindagi toh pehle hi barbad hochuki thi, unki zindagi main barbad nahin kaar sakti. Joh muskilein meri zindagi mein hai, main unke uppar nahin dal sakti. Pyaar karti hoon, issi liyeh…issi liyeh unse door jaa rahi hoon."

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He stood rooted in his spot, unable to believe what his ears had just heard. When he'd heard that she'd cried all night, he wanted to grab a knife and stick it in his heart to end his misery right then and there. However, as she started to talk his blood went from ice cold to boiling. How dare…how dare anyone even think of hurting his Geet. How could she have been going through so much and him not know about it? How? To protect him, she pushed him away. She hurt him now so that later the pain wouldn't be greater. What was this woman made of, he thought? Every day, every minute, every second she amazed him.

He walked into the room quietly just as she said, "…issi liyeh unse door jaa rahi hoon."

He stood silently for a second as he watched her. She now sat on the bed, her back to him, shoulders slumped, head low. Pinky was standing in front of her.

"Kya tum mujhe itna hi jan payi ho Geet?" he finally asked.

Instantly she shot to her feet and turned to face him. The shock and surprise was clearly evident in her face, as well as Pinky's. The only difference was that Geet still seemed scared while Pinky seemed relieved. Without saying anything, Pinky slipped away leaving him with Geet.

"Jawab doh Geet? Kya tum mujhe itna hi jan payi ho?" he repeated.

"Main…main nahin jaanti ke aap kya keh rahe hai," she said as she wiped her tears.

"Phir mujhse naazrein kyun chura rahi ho Geet?" He took a step closer towards her. "Tumne mujhse itni badi baath chupayi…"

"Kaunsi baath…main nahin jaanti ki aap kya keh rahe hai," she said again.

"Aanjan maat bano Geet, maine saab kuch sun liya hai," he said.

She looked up at him, eyes wide with shock.

"Tumhe mujh par itna bharosa nahin tha, ke tum mujhe aake saachai bata doh?" He asked. "Tumhe kya laga, ke tumhari saachai janne ke baad, main tumse muh mor lunga?"

She stood silent as he continued to advance towards her.

"Itna kuch hogaya, aur tumne mujhe bataya nahin?" he asked.

She stumbled over chair and would have fallen had he not grabbed her hand. It was like electricity shooting through their veins.

She pulled her hand back and said, "Jaane dijiyeh sir, yeh aapka problem nahin hai."

His eyebrows drew together in a frown. "Maine tumse pehle bhi kaha hai, aur aaj phirse keh raha hoon…koi tumhare saath batamizi se pesh aaye, ya tumhe kissi bhi tarha ki taqleef deh…toh usse main bardasht nahin karunga. Tumhare saath, joh bhi yeh saab kiya hai, usse main nahin chodunga."

"Please sir," she pleaded as her back came into contact with the wall, "…mujhe jaane dijiyeh."

A small smirk spread across his face, "Pyaar kiya hai tumse Geet, aur yeh koi khel nahin hai. Tum meri jaan se bhi zyada pyaari ho…kaise jaane deh doon tumhe?"

It was the first time he'd said it out loud, his first confession. The shock on her face was subtle, because he knew that she'd always known how he truly felt.

"Piche hatiyeh Sir, mujhe jaana hai," she whispered.

"Maan Singh Khurana ne piche hatne ke liyeh, khabi kadam aage nahin badaya," he said in the same hushed tone.

"Sir……" She began.

"Haar muskil mein maine tumhara saath diya hai, iss muskil mein bhi tumhara saath dunga. Rokhne ki kosish karke toh dekh ko," he said as he pinned her wrists with his hands against the wall.

"S…Sir……" she said nearly breathless.

As he leaned in he saw her close her eyes as if to brace herself from the unknown possibilities of his actions. He leaned in, within mere millimeters of ear. Then, in one ragged breath he said, "I love you Geet…always have, always will."

When he pulled back he could she her quivering. When she opened her eyes, the fear was gone. It was replaced by uncertainty – but the fear and the pain, they were gone.

He turned to walk away, wanting to give her some breathing space. He had just one more thing to say as he turned his face to the left. "Ek aur baath Miss. Geet Handa…Maan Singh Khurana ne humesha tumhara saath diya hai, aaj bhi dega…aur humesha deta rahega. Chaho ya naa chaho, main tumhe khabi akela nahin chodunga."

Then he turned to leave…………

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

She watched as he turned away and before she had time to think, her hand shot out and grabbed his arm. Instantly he stopped, he didn't turn, he didn't move – he simply stood there.

The previous night, she just about died telling him all of those horrible lies. She had to do it for him, so that he could have a good life in the future, or that's what she told herself. She'd never been so scared in her life, not even when Brij had almost killed her, because even then she'd known that Maan would come to save her. But last night, the life of the man she loved depended on her ability to lie. When she'd pushed him away, the look on his face, it cut through her heart like a jagged knife, it took all her strength to not fall apart in front of him at the entrance of the club.

She'd called Pinky and Pinky only had one thing to say. Tell Maan the truth. But Geet couldn't do it, she just couldn't. She didn't want to put him through hell knowing that it would only lead to heart ache. She'd never do that to him. Sure hit hurt him now, but it would have hurt so much more later. She had made up her mind that she'd leave, it was the only way. She needed to get away from him, she needed to face the world alone. How she'd survive in a world without him, she didn't know. All she knew is that it had to be done.

But it was like destiny had other plans for them; why else would he have heard the gory details of her ruined life? He'd heard them all, yet he still stepped up. He confessed his love, his faith, his belief and his trust in her. She knew, without a doubt he'd protect her, and her baby with all he had. She knew that he'd stand right by her side as she fought the world. She knew that he'd love her no matter what. She knew – she finally knew – that she could never live without him.

"Saab ki tarha, aap toh mujhe chodke nahin jaaoge naa?" she asked, eyes still down cast.

"Khabi nahin," he answered instantly.

She closed her eyes and the tears fell onto his arm.

Slowly, she lifted her eyes to him. They were still red hot and brimming with tears. As their eyes met, nothing else needed to be said. Without a word, he took her into the warmth of his arms. She suddenly felt safe, like everything was going to be ok. She felt that, maybe – just maybe – she too could have happiness in her life.

Her arms snaked around his body and she pulled him closer to her, almost crushing him if she'd had the strength.

"I love you too," she whispered, unsure if he'd even heard it.

But then, then she felt him tenderly kiss the top of her head, and she knew he did. And just like that, nothing else mattered. Nothing else was important. Nothing else but her baby and the man she come to admire and respect – the man she'd inevitably come to love…truly…madly…deeply.