MOTW - The Tenth Apprentice - Page 5

@Joe

Originally posted by: return_to_hades

Alright, time for my signature dozen tasks.

1) Cook us something OBJ. However, a twist this time. No IFers. You have to cook a dish with singers and composers as ingredients. Lets see who you chop, and crush. Who gets on top of who and who gets soaked in the music world.

Okay, rth, I'm gonna do your 12 tasks one by one. Lets start with this one:

Hello, and welcome to another exciting episode of Kooking with obj!

Today, since I've killed off all the dmons under krystal watz's orders, I'll make a traditional indian dish, using the kings and dogs of HFM!!

(APPLAUSE)

*smiles*

*teeth shine*

The dish will be called, HFM fry!

So anyway, let's start out with aatif aslam! Everybody loves atif aslam!

EXCEPT ME!!!! 😡 HE SUCKS!

Anyway, take a bit- no, take all of atif aslam and moisten him by spitting on him. Human urine will work just as well. Heck, dog urine works even better. Then add a bit of kerosene, a lit match, oh, and dont forget to chop him up. 😃

Then you take this carca- I mean this "mixture" and toss it - into the bin.

So anyway, our ingredients are :
Mohd rafi (main ingredient)

special dressing:
SD Burman
RD Burman

Masala ingredients:
kishore kumar
asha
lata mangeshkar
manna dey
op nayyar
pritam
Shankar ehsaan loy
shreya ghoshal
udit narayan


and AR Rahman (for show- I mean for taste)

METHOD:

Well, you don't need to make any alterations with mohd rafi, he's perfect already 😃  Although you should add some sugar to asha to make her less bitc- I mean, bitter!  Also you should mash the head part and repeatedly say "op nayyar made you, not rd burman", and play deewana hua badal repatedly until her skull has been penetrated. 😆  Also if you don't want to use pritam, you can use, rajesh roshan, nau malik, bappi lahiri.. the main thing is to have the copy cat herb, which is found in the extract of these fellows.
Also if you have financial problems, buy amit kumar or kumar sanu in place of kishore kumar. Or if your in the poorhouse,and I mean enron batteries poor,  use vinod rathod or harshit saxena.
Shreya will be easy to find. She's bengali, so wont be very uncommon 😃 The AR Rahman is just for decoration, no real substance, so you can avoid that if you want to.

Mix the two burmans around, add water and boil for 10 minutes, to make the famous burman dressing! 

Now for the masala:
Take the op nayyar and asha, and crush them together , moisten with shreya ghoshal to make the kashmir mix. take lata mangeshkar , stretch her, it should be as stretchy as her voice in tasveer teri dil mein, and make a trampoline like thingamajig. toss in the kashmir mix, and throw in some pritam to multiply the mix(the wonder of the copy herb is that it replicates the particles, making it bigger.. aah, If only john wayne bobbit knew!) Start scraping kishore kumar to add spice to the mix, and dont forget to mash up shankar ehsaan loy with udit naraayan, water with manna dey and wrap up the trampoline.

Boil the trampoline in hot water for a few minutes, then you will notice a blob. Scrape it to make a masala powder. Add lime and water to the powder and rub it all over rafi. Then fry Rafi in a pressure cooker (much to the chagrin of aamir khan) and dress with the burman dressing.

Place an ar rahman on top.It might win awards for o reason whatsoever! 👏 ⭐️ Heck maybe an oscar! Aww throw in a tony as well!

Well I hope you enjoyed this edition of Kooking with everybody's favourite Kook, OBJ!!!

And remember, safe cooking is also making salad 😃

*clapclapclapclapclapclapclap 👏 *



THE END

Originally posted by: SlumGOD

@Joe

Task corrected.

too late !  😈

Originally posted by: old-black-joe

So anyway, let's start out with aatif aslam! Everybody loves atif aslam!

EXCEPT ME!!!! 😡 HE SUCKS!

Anyway, take a bit- no, take all of atif aslam and moisten him by spitting on him. Human urine will work just as well. Heck, dog urine works even better. Then add a bit of kerosene, a lit match, oh, and dont forget to chop him up. 😃

Then you take this carca- I mean this "mixture" and toss it - into the bin.

ROFLMAO 🤣

You're not the only one who thinks he sucks, but I'll admit, he has a very distinct voice, but can't sing lol

Originally posted by: Emptiness

You're not the only one who thinks he sucks, but I'll admit, he has a very distinct voice, but can't sing lol

yep, unique and crappy voices are in these days 😆

Joe, tell me what kind of tasks you would really enjoy attempting and I will try to think of one that meets your demand.

In the mean time, solve for X in the following. Don't ask the neighbors for help.

X = (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (60 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10)

Originally posted by: krystal_watz

hello joe and welcome!

 

You are a dreaded Psychopathic Killer...you are on the run after being noted down in the "Top 10 Wanted list" of the Interpol, when your eyes caught the heavenly abode of DM in IF.

 

List out different ways and manners in detail as to how you'd love to murder DM members. Atleast 10 Names must.

 

 

It was a dark stormy night.I was in my hideout, far away from those damn interpol people.



 I was lying in bed, with katrina kaif on one side, and deepika padukone on he other. They were both sound asleep.



"pssssssssssssssssssssssssss........."

Arrgh dammit! The katrina kaif blow up doll deflated again! Anyway, it was only me and deepika the- aaah crud! the deepika doll started deflating too.

It was a lonely night. I decided to take a stroll down the beach.

*stroll*

Oh no! Two evil members of the interpol(yeah, from a villains point of view the good guys are evil, got it?!) sarina and angie! They looked at me viciously, their mouths foaming, bellies bulging, and legs wobbling. They were returning from a buffet when they spotted me.



"KILL HIM!!!", shouted sarina, in a perverted but saditic fashion.

"OKAY!" shouted angie, in a sadistic but perverted way.

"YEAAARGH!!" they shouted in sadistically perverted fashionable ways.

They ran after me, but they were useless runners. I jumped into the sea and swam deep inside. The water was so calm,and relaxing. Then I noticed something was lurking beyond my line of vision. It drew nearer, and the lurker revealed itself to be... A SHARK!!!!!!



"Hi, I'm bob!", said the shark.

"Hey sharky boy! could you do me a favour?"

"Sure thing, pal!", said the amiable shark.

"Could you carry two interpol agents for me in your belly? You'd have to chew them a bit, but I'm sure they'll get in!"

"Aww ok!"

As the interpolice went into the sea to meet their amicably gruesome deaths, I reached an island.




I could hear some bad music being sung by an untalented, voiceless man known as amit paul. He was singing in front of a gang of eight people. The people all seemed unusally happy that he was singing. After he left in his teeny tiny boat, the octo friends started eating.

They were old friends of mine. A friendship with aged like wine and aged more to a bitter vinegar. I hated those fools for what they did to me. They mass reported me and I was banned. Foreeverrrrrrrrrrr....................................................  😡



The hostess was woh ajnabee, who was hosting a chocolate party. She was getting high on chocolate, woo hooing and screaming wildly. She was reeking of chocolate, even her hair was gooey. eww!🤢 I decided to let her die of diabetes in a few seconds, and she did.



Now 7 more people to kill.  😈

After Wa's funeral everyone went to their tents, except for gauri, who was crying.

I went behind a tree and whispered in a gay voice "haaiee gauriii"

Gauri's eyes lit up with lust, love, romance etcetera etcetera.

"TERRENCE?! IS THAT YOU?!!"☺️

"Yeaah baby its meeee, wanna meet me up in the tree?"😉

Gauri ran towards the tree, and thats when I dropped a giant coconut on her head. Her skull cracked open, and yolk started spewing out.

"yaay, omlette!" I said, without any personality. 😳

I ate my omlette and went to the tents. Luckily, the fire was burning. So I took a fiery stick and slowly lit the tent #1. I was betting it would be mister K and karan, but I was wrong. Instead, koeli and middy came running out, screaming their lungs out.

"shh, you'll wake em!", I said angrily.  😡

Thy died slowly and quietly.  🥱

4 more buttholes to go. I went inside mister k and karan's tent. There I didnt have a coconut, or a fire stick, but I did have the omlette.. in my belly. So I let out a silent but deadly fart and they died of suffocation.

two more people were remaining. Slumgod and P1nk. 😃

P1nk was scraming.. "LEAVE ME ALONE, YOU PERVERT!"  😡

"Hee hee hee!! hoo hoo hoo!" Slumdog laughed evilly.  🐷

Suddenly, I felt rage all over me. 


"LEAVE MY GAL ALONE, YOU PERVERT!" 😡 I shouted, and lunged for him.we fought like wild animals, while p1nk ate chicken and watched.  😳 She looked cute when she ate chicken. 😳

after a few ones and two's , a few left anf right hooks, the bloodied slumgod, breathed his last. 🤢

"OOOH my hero!" pink cooed. Marry me!  ☺️

And we did.  ❤️

She died of the flu 60 years later, so that kind of counts right? she got it from me 😃 


                                                                           THE END

Originally posted by: Mister.K.

Joe, tell me what kind of tasks you would really enjoy attempting and I will try to think of one that meets your demand.

In the mean time, solve for X in the following. Don't ask the neighbors for help.

X = (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (60 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10) * (100-90+24-34+10) * (90-80+24-34+10) * (80-70+24-34+10) * (70 -60+24-34+10) * (50 -40+24-34+10) * (40 -30+24-34+10) * (30 -20+24-34+10)

0.


Oh I like any questions apart from ones on science, god, etc.. ask me to write a spoof(not 4 or five, and please no 10 member questions it reduces the effectiveness ) or funny questions or questions on daily life.. questions you've always wondered about me, etc..

or also first impression questions, caption to pics, favourite member questions etc