Doctor's helper.

A doctor in St John's Newfoundland wanted
to get off work and go hunting, so he
approached his janitor. "I am goin' huntin' tomorrow Buddy and don't want to close
the clinic. I want you to take care of the
clinic and take care of all my patients and
I'll give you fifty bucks."

"Yes, sir!" answers Buddy

The doctor goes hunting and returns
the following day and asks: "So, Buddy,
How was your day?"

Buddy told him that he took care of
three patients. "The first one had a
Headache so I gave him TYLENOL."

"Bravo Buddy! The second one?" asks
the doctor.

"The second one had a bad stomach and
I gave him MAALOX, sir." says Buddy

"Bravo, bravo! You're good at this and
what about the third one?" asks the Doctor

"Well Sir, I was sitting here having a
smoke and suddenly the door flies opens
and a woman enters. Like a flame, she
undresses herself, taking off everything
including her bra and her panties and lies
down on the table and shouts:
HELP ME - I haven't seen a man in
over two years!

"Lard Tunderin' Yeezus, Buddy!!!
What did you do?"

I put drops in her eyes!!

A man goes to the doctor with a long history of migraine headaches. When the doctor does his history and physical, he discovers that his poor patient has had practically every therapy known to man for his migraines and STILL no improvement.

"Listen," says the Doc, "I have migraines too, and the advice I'm going to give you isn't really anything I learned in medical school, but it's advice that I've gotten from my own experience."

"When I have a migraine, I go home, get in a nice hot bathtub, and soak for a while. Then I have my wife sponge me off with the hottest water I can stand, especially around the forehead. This helps a little. Then I get out of the tub, take her into the bedroom, and even if my head is killing me, I force myself to have intercourse with her. Almost always, the headache is immediately gone. Now, give it a try, and come back and see me in six weeks."

Six weeks later, the patient returns with a big grin. "Doc! I took your advice and it works! It REALLY WORKS! I've had migraines for 17 years, and this is the FIRST time anyone has ever helped me!"

"Well," says the physician, "I'm glad I could help."

"By the way, Doc," the patient adds, "You have a REALLY nice house."