Part 85
Around 2 months later……..
It was nighttime. Dev and Radhika were on the bed.
"Radhika why don't you understand? Why are you being so
stubborn?" Dev asked, feeling annoyed.
"I am not stubborn. You are" she countered.
"Radhika tum ache se jaanti ho…….as to why am I being
stubborn! There Dhruv was jumping up and down, asking me to take him to
Vrindavan…….You should be making Dhruv understand, but here you yourself are
behaving like a kid! If I am saying you will not be going……….you wont be
going!" he said in a firm tone.
"Kyun nahi jaa sakti main Vrindavan?" Radhika asked.
"Main thak gaya hoon tumhe samjhate samjhate! You're 4 months
pregnant……and you want to travel so long!? Why?"
"Kyunki mera man hai wahan jaane ka! Aur Dhruv ko isiliye
nahi samjha rahi hoon kyunki main bhi wahan jaan chahti hoon. Bahut man kar
raha hai mera Vrindavan jaane ko! Har saal jaate hai na hum? Aur Dhruv ko wahan
jaana kitna acha lagta hai" she reasoned
Dev ran hand through his hairs, feeling frustrated now.
"Har saal ki baat alag hai Radhika. This time I won't be
able to join you……I have urgent meetings lines up all through the month…...and
plus you're pregnant" he said, gazing in to her eyes with concern.
She calmed down and framed his cheek. "Main jaanti hoon ke
aapko meri bahut fikr hai. Lekin main apna khayal rakhungi na…….aur main aapse
aane ke liye nahi keh rahi hoon. Jaanti hoon ke aapko bahut kaam hai…….aur phir
1 hafte ki to baat hai………Please"
He sighed. "I can't. I can't leave you alone during this
time. I know you won't take care of yourself. Tum kaam karti rahogi…….aur apna
dhyaan bilkul nahi rakhogi! Yahan tumhara khayal rakhne ke liye itne saare log
hain…….wahan kaun hai?"
"Ma Babuji hai na" she replied.
"Hai……..lekin tum unhe mana logi…..aur kaam karne lagogi" he
retorted.
"Acha baba…….main nahi karungi na kaam…….please" she
pleaded.
This left him helpless. He couldn't see her so sad,
beseeching to him.
"Nannnuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!" Little Dhruv jumped out of the
car and ran towards Shatrijee who was standing near the door, with outstretched
arms to greet the kid.
Dev and Radhika stepped down, smiling at Dhruv's excitement,
and began sauntering towards the home.
As soon as Dhhruv reached him, Shastrijee pulled up the kid
in to his arms "Aree wah!!" and kissed his forehead. "Kaisa hai mera bacha!!"
"Ekdum fine nanu!" Dhruv replied excitedly and kissed his
cheek. "Aur aap?"
"Main bhi ekdum fine" Shastrijee replied with a kid-like
excitement. He adored Dhruv a lot and would wait every year for Dev-Radhika and
Dhruv to show up. His house would be suddenly bursting with energy whenever
Dhruv came over.
"Naani ke paas nahi aaoge Dhruv?" Devki asked lovingly.
Smiling, he stretched his body out, wanting to jump directly
from Shastrijee's arm to her's.
"Are sambhal ke beta……." Shastrijee handed the kid carefully
to his wife.
Devki cuddled him and stroked his hairs. "Areeh waah mera
raja beta…….to aur bada ho gaya. Nani ka haath dukta hai aapko uthate huwe" she
joked.
Dhruv giggled.
Dev and Radhika came up and took their blessings.
Shastrijee then hugged both of them together.
"Kaisi hai meri bachi?" he asked to Radhika, circling his
arms around her.
"Main bilkul theek hoon Babuji" she replied joyously.
"Who to dikh raha hai……aur ab to ek aur naya mehmaam
aayega……mujhe nanu kehne ke liye" Shastrijee said cheerfully.
Radhika blushed sweetly and shared a small glance with Dev.
"Nanu……..mujhe behen chahiye" Dhruv inserted quickly.
"Ohohoo! Theek hai…….mujhe Nanu kehne waali aayegi……bas"
Radhika just smiled.
Shastrijee framed Dev's cheek. "Aur beta aap kaise hain?"
"Jaisa dikh raha hoon…….Bilkul theek……aur phir jabse aapki
beti ne……..yaani meri patni ne ……..khushkabhri di hai…….tab se kuch jyaada hi
khush hoon" he grinned.
"Saari baatein yahi karne waale hain? Andar chalne ko nahi
kahenge?" Devki asked.
"are haan haan chaliye" Shastrijee asked them to come
inside.
"main jara saaman lekar aata hoon" Dev said and turned to
the car.
"are par beta……ek din to ruk jaate" Devki insisted after
learning that Dev would be leaving in sometime.
"Nahi Ma……bahut important meeting hai. Actually maine jo
naya project liya hai……..uski wajah se main iss baar garmi ki chutiyon (summer
holidays) main Vrindavan nahi aane waala tha……..lekin Radhika aur Dhruv zidd
karne lage…….isiliye mujhe inhe chodne aana pada. Radhika ma ban ne waali
hai……..aur aisi halat main uska itni dur akele travel karna…….. mujhe kuch
theek nahi laga……"
Shastrijee nodded, agreeing. "Radhika tujhe is saal nahi
aana chahiye tha. Dev beta bilkul sahi keh rahe hain. Areeh agle saal aajati
humse milne"
"Babuji yahi baat ise samjhakar thak gaya……par yeh mane tab
na! Upar se Dhruv bhi zidd karne laga" Dev sighed.
"Babuji main kya bachi hoon? Mujhe apna khayal rakhna aata
hai!" she said.
"Correction needed please. Tumhe sirf doosron ka khayal
rakhna aata hai!" Dev snapped.
Radhika looked down, sulking.
"aabhi kya udaas ho rahi ho? Le to aaya tumhare Babuji ke
ghar" Dev said.
"Waise Dev beta aap bilkul chinta na karen…….main ise koi
kaam nahi karne doonga…..aap bhi samaj leejye Devkijee" Shastrijee assured Dev.
Radhika sighed. "Aap bhi ab Babuji"
"Haan kyunki hum sabko aapki fikr hai" Dev inserted quickly.
"Haan beta….." Devki agreed.
"Acha Babuji, Radhika aur Dhruv ko lene main aajaunga 1
hafte baad…….."
"Yahi acha rahega beta" Shastrijee approved.
"Dev beta…….aap kuch naashta to lenge na?" Devki asked.
"Nahi Ma…….bahut der ho jaayegi……..Thodi der main flight
hai"
"Beta naashta ban chukka hai…….kuch to kha ke jaaiye…….jamaai
ko aise hi bhej doon?" she asked.
Dev gave in. "Theek hai……par thoda jaldi Ma"
"Ma main bhi aati hoon" Radhika quickly decided to help her.
But Dev's stern glare made her sit down again.
"Na baba na…….beta tu baithi hi reh. Warna Dev beta mujhse
naaraz ho jaayega" Devki said.
"Haan Ma" Dev said firmly, gazing at Radhika.
"Tum dono yahi baitho main naashta laati hoon……." Saying, Devki
went inside.
Dhruv who'd been playing around the house, quickly followed
her. "Nanniii mujhe pakode chahiye" his requests started.
"Dhruv!! Nani ko jyaada pareshan mat karo" Dev called out
but Dhruv anyways went inside the kitchen.
After the snacks, Dev was ready to leave. "Acha Babuji……main
chalta hoon"
"Theek hai beta…….sambhal ke jaaiyega"
Dev smiled and glanced around but didn't find Radhika
anywhere. He found Dhruv coming out of the work area.
"Dhruv mummy kahan hai?" he asked.
"apne kamre main" Dhruv answered
"Radhika" Dev called out.
However there was no reply.
"Babuji main jara dekh kar aata hoon" Dev said and sauntered
towards her room.
Meanwhile Dhruv started playing with Shastrijee.
Dev went inside her room and found Radhika standing behind
the door. He closed the door a bit and came to face her.
"Maine awaaz lagayi bahar kyun nahi aayi? Main nikal raha
hoon" he said softly.
She just moved to hug him tight.
He hugged her back lovingly. "Radhika? Kya huwa?"
"Mujhe bhi apne saath le jaaiye na" she mumbled.
Astound, he inched her back. "Kya? Tumhare insistence pe
tumhe yahan leke aaya hoon…… aur ab?"
"Hmm. Par aapse dur rehne ka man nahi kar raha" she answered
like a cute kid.
He couldn't help a smile. "To phir itni zidd karke……yahan
aayi hi kyun?"
"Babuji se milne ka bahut man kar raha tha……par ab aapse dur
rehna padega yeh sochkar bahhut takleef ho rahi hai……."
"Now this is a sticky situation. I can't stay back here……you
want to stay back here. Karun to karun kya main?"
"Mujhe bhi apne saath le jaaiye" she answered somberly.
"Kya?? Aur Babuji kya sochenge? Ke unki beti shaadi ke itne
saalon baad bhi apne pati se 1 hafte dur nahi reh sakti?"
"Nahi" she mumbled and hugged him back. "Mujhse nahi hota
hai…..aap business trips pe jaate hain……to main hi jaanti hoon ke……kaise mere
din beet the hain"
"Yeh to tumhe pehle sochna chahiye tha na? yahan aane se
pehle?" he chided sweetly, stroking her hairs.
"Ab kya karun?"
Loosening his arms, he made her face him "Meri baat
maano……stay here for 1 week. Main aa jaunga tumhe 1 hafte baad……okay" and
kissed her forehead.
"1 week"
"Haan baba……us se jyaada to main bhi tumse dur nahi reh
sakta" he smiled.
She managed a smile as well.
"Yeh huwi na baat. Tum jab muskurati nahi…..main jaa hi nahi
paata. Acha suno……main roz raat ko phone karunga okay……thoda jaldi
karunga…..hmm" he mumbled lovingly.
"Hmm……..lekin aap jyaada stress mat lena…….aur samay pe
khana kha lena" she said
"Main? Tum samay pe khana kha lena samjhi!" he ordered
lovingly.
She chuckled and shook her head, assertively.
"Samay pe khana khana……..and have ample rest, don't take any
stress and sleep properly" he instructed her lovingly. "Apna bhi khayal rakhna
aur…….iska bhi" he touched her tummy lovingly.
All these orders that used to irritate her until a few hours
ago, because he fussed a lot, now seemed so loving. She suddenly wanted him to
keep ordering her like this. Her throat choked and she hugged him tightly
again.
"Aapse kuch kahoon……."
"Kaho na" he said caressing her back.
"Mujhe aapke yeh orders na……..bahut ache lagte hain" she
mumbled, trying to gulp the lump in her throat.
He sensed it anyways. "Acha? Par tum to kehti ho……….i fuss a
lot"
"You do. But I like you fussing around me for such simple things"
she mumbled like a kid.
"Radhika……nahi…….dekho agar tum rovogi to main jaa nahi
paunga" he said.
She blinked, letting her welled up eyes clear wondering how
he knew her eyes had already got filled up. Some tear drops trickled down her
cheeks.
"Radhika mat ro please…….i cant go then" he requested.
Sniffling once, she brushed away her tears.
"Promise me, you won't cry"
She didn't say anything.
"Radhika! Mere do bachon ki amma hokar khud roti ho! Shee shee! Dekho agar tum iss rovogi, to
tumhare pet main jo humari beti hai na……who bhi bilkul tumhare jaise cry-baby
banegi"
This brought a smile on her face and she inched back to
glance at him.
"Yeh huwi na baat!" he brushed away the tear traces from her
face.
"Pata nahi kya ho gaya mujhe…….bahut ajeeb sa lag raha hai.
Shayad pregnancy main kabhi aapse dur nahi rahi na isiliye" she mumbled,
gulping.
"Main jaldi aajaunga hmm…….." he smiled.
"Hmm"
"Ab chaloon?"
"Itne din mujhse dur rehne waale hain……mujhe tofha bhi nahi
denge?" she asked cutely with a mischevious glint in her eyes.
He grinned "Isiliye to aaya hoon……" and began inching closer
to her lips.
However she stopped him. "Koi bhi aajayega"
He quickly slid behind the nearest cupboard, pulling her
along and found her smooth lips for a quick, passionate kiss.
"Acha Babuji main chalta hoon" Dev took Shastrijee and
Devki's blessings.
"Papa…..jaldi aana okay" Dhruv said in his cute voice.
Dev pulled him up and stroked his hairs. "Okay. But promise
me, you will behave nicely aur mummy ko jyaada pareshan mat karna okay! Unka
khayal rakhna hai tumhe. Abhi Papa yahan nahi hai………to mummy ka care kaun
rakhega?"
"Dhruv" Dhruv answered.
"Good Boy" he kissed the boy and placed him down. "And
haan……nanu aur nani ko jyaada pareshan mat karna!" he warned.
"Okay Papa"
Dev smiled at him once and looked at Radhika. "Apna khayal
rakhna……" he said, framing her cheek lovingly.
She smiled sweetly. "Jee. Wahan pahunchte hi phone kar
deejyega"
"Kar dunga……..ab nikloon"
"Jee"
Dev smiled and turned towards the car.
"Bye Papa!" Dhruv jumped waving as Dev waved to him after
sitting in the car.
As the car moved, Shastrijee asked Radhika to come inside.
"Mummy main thoda bahar jaaun" Dhruv asked.
"Dhruv! Papa bhi nahi hai yahan pe……..kahi bahar nahi
jaaoge! Iske pair kahi rukte hi nahi! Vrindavan aate hi masti shuru! Kahi bhi
jaakar ghum ho jaate ho!" she scolded and holding his arm, pulled him inside.
"Jab dekho daanti rehti hai mummy" he complained to
Shastrijee.
"babuji jab tak ise daant na do na…..samaj nahi aata hai ise"
"beta tu pareshan mat ho…….main hoon na" Shasttrijee calmed
her down. "Aur Dhruv main tujhe shaam ko dikhaoonga na Vrindavan"
"Sachi!!" Dhruv jumped in joy.
"Bilkul"
Radhika just smiled.
Amidst this excited environment, Amma lay in her room
unmoving, listening to the sudden burst of energy in the house. Usually the
house would be drowned in silence with the usual clatter of vessels when Devki
would make food, or usual sounds of her washing clothes or cleaning the house…….when
someone rang the bell or the telephone rings. But other than the simple humdrum
sounds, the house would be painfully quiet. It pinched her ears, because she
hated this quietness.
It has been 7 years since she'd been lying on this bed, unmoving
like a vegetable……and over all these years, her health hasn't improved a wee
bit, it has only worsened drastically.
She still remembered that fateful day when she met with this
accident – it was Radhika's wedding day when she'd tried to pour hot milk on
Radhika so as to stop her wedding, but the milk accidentially spilled over her.
It was meant to be a serious burn injury, however over the months she realized
that it wasn't just burn injuries. There was something else, which couldn't be
deciphered by doctors or the village vaids. How else could one explain her
limbs going non-functional after a serious burn injury……and how come such
advanced medical technologies couldn't find the reason for her limbs getting
numb suddenly.
What was she suffering from? She couldn't move her limbs,
her torso……..and even if she was lying still, her limbs ached, hurt her…….her
skin across entire body felt a regular burning sensation and itched her. Her
throat felt dry most of the times, as if someone was pushing acid down her
throat. With all these pains, her inability to speak out made things only
worse.
It was frustrating……exasperatingly painful for her to bear
all this and she couldn't even cry out or speak out aloud!!! She wanted to
scream so many times in pain…….she wanted to yell out to vent her
frustration……but she couldn't, because she cannot speak!
If all this wasn't enough, Shastrijee and Devki had stopped
talking to her a few months later this accident, especially after Vishaka's
wedding. She couldn't comprehend as to why her darling son suddenly stopped
talking to her. He hardly came to her room or asked about her whereabouts. The
only time he would come to her room would be when the village vaid(doctor) used
to come and check her; it seemed like her son was doing this just for the sake
of formality or out of duty. On the other hand, although Devki would regularly,
every day come in for giving her food, medicines and for cleaning her……but her
approach didn't have any warmth, rather it was cold, just like Shastrijee. She
never spoke anything, would just do her work and leave the room.
Amma felt like she was some furniture whom her son and
daughter in law were taking care of……but didn't feel the necessity to speak or
show concern. Was it because of her illness? Was it because she'd become a
burden on her son? The thought stabbed her badly and she would cry for nights
and days together, but there was no one who would come to brush away her tears.
Why? Why was she being punished so badly? This was a mental question
she used to ask the Lord every moment during the initial years of this
suffering, unable to bear this! She wanted to walk like others, wanted to be
independent while doing things, wanted to speak, shout, wanted to cry out loud……..wanted
to share her happiness and sadness with her son…….but she couldn't! It was
better if she died, than breathing in such a manner. However, the Lord seemed
to be merciless on her as the death didn't call her, not yet.
And she was still here, lying on the same bed beside the
window with only the chirping birds to her company. Those were only living
beings who talked to her uninhibitedly. She would keep staring at the birds,
who were nesting on the tree adjacent to her room, continuously for the entire
day; it didn't soothe her bruised heart, but did calm her down to a certain
extent because these sounds somewhat drowned the frustrating silence of the
house with their excited chirping.
However, it seemed different today. There were sounds,
voices all over the house……..and these human voices were drowning the chirping
sounds of the birds as well.
"Naannnuuu!!!!!!" a cute far away voice reached
her ears and some steel tumbler was dropped lazily.
"Dhruv…….mera bacha…….lagi to nahi? Aaja tujhe chocolate dilaun?"
Shastrijee's voice asked.
"Nahi babuji……koi jaroorat hai. Abhi aate samay hi iske papa
ne ise 2 bade chocolate ka bar laake diya tha"
Amma knew whose voices these were. Every year, during the
mid-summer when the sun would be shining brightly above on the sky while the
birds chirped joyously and the flowers swayed in the balmy breeze of
spring……….the Shastri house would be bursting with infectious energy as
well.……….for this was the time when Radhika used to come down with her Son,
Dhruv and Husband, Dev.
Radhika – the name and the person didn't quite irritate her
quite now, as it used to do before. During the initial months after her
accident, she used to detest the sight of Radhika….…used to feel even more
annoyed on seeing Radhika……...held her responsible for such state of her's and
cursed her every moment. However, after all these years of suffering and
loneliness, she didn't feel the same hatred for Radhika anymore; probably
because the pain that she was feeling was much worse than the hatred she used to have for Radhika or maybe because
her grief, distress had made her so
weak that she didn't have the energy inside to hate anyone anymore. Now, she
was fine when Radhika came here because the house would be filled with so much
excitement and energy. People would talk in louder tones and that kid of her's
would be jumping day in and day out with his toys.
She never thought she would ever think like this……but she
actually liked the kid a lot. Dhruv was too innocent and playful; he had
inherited his eyes and naughtiness from his father while his smile somewhat
resembled Radhika. He would come in to greet her every morning and then would
run off to play…… as if it didn't matter to him that she was an ill person. She
loved that fact very much that the child didn't discriminate her like everyone
else did – perhaps even her son and daughter in law.
Around 2 years after her accident she'd come to know how
people of Vrindavan were talking about her – that probably she is a human
punished by the Lord……is probably a black shadow or an ill-fated woman and
hence is suffering from such deadly, unknown disease. This pinched her a lot;
these kinds of talks hurt her more than her physical pain. But what broke her
completely was the mishap that happened with Vishaka……and the villagers had
heartlessly accused her for this!
Painful tears rolled down Amma's eyes as she reminisced that
day when Vishaka had come over to see them.
After her marriage, Vishaka had got really busy and would
barely get time to come down……but that visit of her's had been real special
because she was pregnant with her first child. The whole house was filled with
joy and exuberance. Amma, herself had been the most happiest for her
grandchild, Vishaka; and although she'd been against Keshav and Vishaka's
marriage but now that her child was happy and in comfort, she too was content.
She wanted to congratulate her, bless her with all the happiness in this world
and hug her tight. Unfortunately she couldn't do any of these and felt
completely miserable!
Nonetheless, Vishaka came to meet her and launched on her
chatter-patter as usual. It was the happiest day in her life because it was
after a long time that someone – especially Vishaka, was talking to her
again…………..and it was the worst day of her life because it was the same day
when Vishaka lost her baby!
Amma clearly remembered that evening when after chatting
with her, Vishaka had gone out to prepare some tea. No one was at home since Shastrijee and Devki
had gone to a nearby house for a small function; Vishaka had insisted that she
can take care of herself because it was just a matter of an hour and thus
Shastrijee let her be. However that decision proved completely wrong!
It had been only a few
minutes that Vishaka had gone out of the room, when Amma heard a loud thudding
noise and instinctively she turned and craned her neck as much as she can to
see what happened outside the room……..only to find Vishaka to have tripped down
from the long stool on her stomache, on the ground!!!!!
"Maaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Vishaka had screamed in pain holding her tummy.
Amma's eyes grew wide
with horror. Her child was pregnant and she fell on her stomache!!!! She tried
moving her limbs in reflex so as to reach to her child quick
But, she couldn't!
She glanced down at
her limbs, trying hard to move them with whatever energy she had…….but her
limbs didn't move an inch…….she couldn't move even a bit. Helplessly, she
turned her neck back to Vishaka and found her curled on the ground, shouting
for help.
"Ammma!!!!!!!" Vishaka
screamed!
However, Amma couldn't
move at all! Howmuchever she tried to, wanted to…….she couldn't move her
vegetable kind of body even a little bit; she felt angry, frustrated at herself
– felt miserable that she couldn't help her child at this moment!!!!! She felt
so enraged for being so handicapped.
Turning her teary gaze
to the picture of Lord Krishna in her room, she pleaded mentally to cure her
for atleast for that moment.
"Thakurjee moko bas
kuch der ke liye theek keejyo………phir puri jindagi moko apahij bane rehne
do……par abhi moko jaane do…….mor bachi wahan dard se tadap rahi hai…….Oo pet se
hai thakurjee!!!!" she screamed mentally as tears of agony streamed down her
cheeks while Vishaka's painful screams filled her ears.
However, nothing
happened and she gritted her teeth in anger. Jerking her neck, she looked at
Vishaka who was still curled on the ground……..
"Hum kachu……hum ka
kare!!!!" she beseeched to Lord for some solution
It was at that moment
when she noted blood oozing out of Vishaka's body! Amma's face went pale with
horror.
"Mor…..Vishaka…..ka…….bacha…….."she
thought'
In the next instant,
she heard faint voices of Shastrijee and Devki coming in to help Vishaka. Her
eyes went hazy realizing that Vishaka had lost her baby……..all because of her?
Because she couldn't help her darling child in time? She could have surely done
something to prevent this had she been alright……….but??
The guilt swamped her
entirely and she detested herself for being like this!!!!
However this was not
all; her agonies didn't seem to cease.
A day or two after,
Keshav, his parents and some close relatives had come in to fetch Vishaka back.
Vishaka's in-laws and relatives had pointedly told Shastrijee that Vishaka
won't come here from now, atleast not until she had another baby…….and if
possible never, ever!
"Aap aisa kyun keh
rahi hain sambhdanjee?" Shastrijee asked, standing in the main hall. Amma could
listen their voices faintly.
"Kyun keh rahe hain?"
the woman who was a relative of Keshav's parents asked in astonishment. "aap
nahi jaante? Aap ke ghar main ek kaala saaya hai! Aur usi ke wajah se aaj
humari bahu ki yeh dasha hai" she replied acidicly.
Amma's heart tore in
to thousand pieces and she closed her eyes in pain, letting tears of anguish
roll down. Was she responsible? Yes, she was in a way because she couldn't help
her screaming child.
"Dekhiye
Shastijee…….hume aapse ya aapki beti se koi shikayat nahi. Yeh ek haadsa ho
sakta hai……par agar saare Vrindavan vaasi keh rahe hain ke……Amma ko khud
Thakurjee ki saza mili hai to usmain koi to baat hogi na?" Keshav's mother
countered
Their relatives
agreed. "Bilkul. Warna achanak se yeh hadsa kaise ho gaya?"
"Ma hadsa hi to tha
na" Keshav intervened. "Ismain Amma ki kya galti ho sakti hai? Yeh sab
sirf andhvishwas hai"
"Dekh beta…….hum yeh
to nahi jaante ke Amma ki galti thi ya nahi. Shayad teri baat sahi hai. Sirf
andhvishwas ho sakta hai…….lekin jo bhi hai…..hum nahi chahte ke Vishaka yahan
wapas aaye……tu yeh samaj le ke tere mata pita andhvishwasi hai…….ya phir yeh
samaj le…….ke hum savdhaani barat rahe hain……." Saying to Keshav, his mother
then spoke to Shastrijee. "Dekhiye humne Vishaka ko apni bachi ke jaise maana
hai…..uska bhala bura hum bhi sochte hain aapke jaise……..meri bas ek hi vinti
hai…….ke jab tak Vishaka ki god phirse na bhar jaaye…….woh yahan waapas na
aaye…….aur uske baad bhi……main yahi chahungi ke mere pote ya poti…….par Amma ka
saaya na pade……mujhe maaf keejye Shastrijee agar meri baat aapko buri lagi ho to………..par
hum vivash hai……..hume bhi samajne ki koshish keejye!"
"Haan Shastrijee….aap
chahe to apni beti ko aakar kabhi bhi mil sakte hain……chahe to wahan humare
saath aakar reh len……..par Vishaka ko yahan bhejna ab hum uchit nahi samjhenge!
Hum sab iss bache ko lekar bahut khush the…….par……." Keshav's father trailed
his words somberly. "Aap krupa karke humari vyatha samjhen…….hum sirf apne
bhale ke liye nahi…….balki humari bachi Vishaka ke bhale ke liye keh rahe hain"
Shastrijee couldn't
say anything more. "Jaise aap theek samjhe…….." he replied in a thick, grim
voice.
Amma shattered that
night wondering if she was really that ill-fated……..so unfortunate that she
didn't even spare her own grandchild? The same grandchild who is the apple of
her eye? Probably yes! She was ill-fated!!
"BOOOM!!!!!!" a loud sound from a toy, snapped Amma back to
reality with a small shudder.
"Dhruv beta tujhe pakode chahiye na? To shaanti se baith
jaa……." Devki requested the kid..
"Nahi! Mujhe khelna hai………." Saying, he kid again started
firing his toy gun on everything possible.
"Ma……" Suddenly Radhika's voice came in.
"Haan Beta?"
"Ma who Amma se abhi mil sakte hain kya? Kya who ab bhi so
rahi hongi?" Radhika asked warmly.
"Beta tune to dekh liya na Amma ko…….subah aate aate hi tune
dekha to tha……." Devki answered; her voice seemed wary.
"Haan Ma……….par tab to Amma jaagi nahi thi…….to isiliye"
"Nahi beta…….woh ab bhi so rahi hongi. Tu jaa main tere
liye…….doodh laati hoon" Devki replied, distracting the topic sweetly.
"Jee……." Radhika said.
Amma sighed and closed her eyes, letting tears flow down
unrestrainedly.
Later that night, Radhika rolled on the right side and tried
sleeping – this was the umpteenth time she was rolling over on the bed.
However, sleep decided to remain away and she lay straight, gazing at the
ceiling sadly. A few minutes back she had talked with Dev on the phone and
hoped that she would be able to sleep. However she was wrong. The bed was too
rough and hard. She hated to admit it, but the truth was…….that over the years
she was so accustomed to the soft, cushiony bed in her bedroom……..her old bed
in Shastri house seemed very much uncomfortable for her to sleep. Yet, she
didn't accept it and rather tried making herself understand that how could it
be possible? She'd spent so many years of her life in this house, sleeping in
this very bed!
Perhaps she was right. The problem was not the bed's
hardness…….but the absence of her Dev's loving, warm and comfortable arms. Had
he been here to wrap his arms around her, she would have happily slept on the
floor as well! But he wasn't here and she was missing him very badly!
Why did she ever insist on staying back here without him!?
She wondered solemnly and closed her eyes, trying to imagine his presence. It
hardly worked though!
Two days later……..
It was a hot summer noon. Radhika was sitting in her room,
reading some book as Devki didn't let her do any chore in the house. Shastrijee
had gone out for performing a puja and wasn't expected until night.
Devki was in the backyard, hanging the wet clothes on the
rope.
"Bas abhi jaakar Radhika aur Dhruv ke liye khana laga deti
hoon…….." she mumbled, as she put across the last piece of cloth in the bucket.
Picking the bucket in one hand, while her other hand pulled
the saree helm a little above her ankle……she turned back to the door……..when
her feet slipped on the wet ground and she fell down.
"Aaah!!!"
Radhika felt startled on hearing Devki's noise and putting
aside the book, she rushed to backyard. On reaching there she found Devki on
the ground and her eyes grew in shock "Maa…….!"
"Sambhal ke beta……..bahut paani hai" Devki warned
automatically while her face was contorted in pain.
Radhika walked across gingerly to help Devki. Dhruv too came
in to help her. They both took her inside and made her sit on the couch.
"Aaah!" Devki moaned in pain, as Radhika touched her feet.
"Ma. Lagta hai pair main moch aagayi hai……….main davayi leke
aati hoon" Radhika got up quickly to find some medicine in the drawer.
Devki couldn't move her leg at all, as it pained her
immensely.
Radhika came back quick and started applying the medicine.
"Maa……is se aapko jaldi hi aaram milega"
"Mummy main bhi lagaun?" Dhruv asked.
"Nahi beta rehne de……." Devki said.
"Haan Dhruv tum mat karo……" Radhika agreed while applying
the ointment.
After applying the medicine, Radhika washed her hand and
came back. "Ma aap baithye main aapke liye khana le aati hoon"
Hearing this, "Nahi beta……." Devki tried getting up but Radhika
stopped her.
"Ma? Aapko lagi hai"
"Beta main le aati hoon" she said, frowning in pain.
"Aapko bahut dard ho raha hai Ma……aur rasoi se sirf khana hi
to laana hai……" she smiled. "Dhruv beta tere liye khana le aati hoon" saying,
Radhika sauntered towards the kitchen.
Dhruv came closer to Devki. "Nanni aap tension mat
lo………jaldi theek ho jaaoge"
Devki smiled at the kid's innocence and cupped his cheeks
lovingly.
Radhika brought food for both of them.
"Ma……waise Amma ne khana kha liya nahi na?" Radhika asked,
feeding Dhruv a morsel.
Devki's face turned wary. "Nahi. Main unhe khila doongi"
"Aap kyun main hoo na……..main khila doongi…….unke liye to
alag khana banta hai na……bina jyaada mirchi ka?" Radhika asked.
However Devki wasn't too happy with this. "Beta main keh
rahi hoon na main khila doongi"
"Ma aapki tabiyat itni kharab hai……pair main moch aayi
hai…….aapko aaram karna chahiye naaki kaam……." Radhika argued softly.
"par beta……..tujhe bhi itna kaam nahi karna chahiye. Tu
jaanti hai na Dev ne kya kaha hai?"
"Oho Ma! Ab main Dhruv ko bhi to khana khilati hoon……..to
kya yeh koi kaam hai? To Amma ko kyun nahi? Usmain kaunsa mujhe stress hoga.
Aap fikr mat keejye…….main khana khila doongi"
"Beta tu zidd kyun kar rahi hai. Main khila doongi na" Devki
insisted.
"Khila dena lekin kal. Aaj main khilaungi…….aur ismain koi
behas nahi…….please Ma……. Aap apna khayal bilkul nahi rakhti…….Ab aap sirf
aaram karengi……" Radhika fake-ordered cutely.
Devki sighed, giving in. However her face was easily showing
her fear and wariness. "Theek hai…..par pehle tu khana kha lena……."
"Jee…….."
Radhika helped Devki to lie down on the bed and then went to
have her own lunch. Following which, she took food for Amma.
Slowly pushing the door, she stepped inside Amma's
room……..and found Amma staring lazily at the tree.
Hearing the door being opened, Amma turned her head to find
Radhika coming inside and she blinked once.
Radhika tried bringing a smile. "A…..Amma……..woh aapke liye
khana layi hoon. Who kya hai na……Ma abhi thodi der pehle gir gayi aur pairon
main moch aagayi…….isiliye main khana laayi hoon……." She said softly in a wary
tone, wondering if Amma would even have food from her hand.
Amma didn't say anything, just glanced down.
Gulping, Radhika came closer, sat beside her and kept the
bowl on the nearby stool before taking a spoonful and bringing near Amma's
mouth.
"Amma…….leejye na……" she said warily.
Amma looked up and looked at Radhika for a small moment,
before parting her lips.
Radhika sighed in relief inwardly as she saw Amma parting
her lips, which meant Amma was ready to have food from her hand. A small smile
came in her lips and she slowly fed her the liquid morsel.
Amma gulped in down with much difficulty.
Radhika noticed a small drop coming out from her mouth and
quickly brushed it away with a soft towel gingerly.
Amma glanced up and
Radhika tried bringing a smile on her lips again, but Amma just looked away.
Radhika didn't fail to notice the somberness in Amma's face
and wondered how can she help in reducing her sadness? What should she say so
that Amma can feel slightly happier?
Blinking once, she was about to take another spoonful when
she noticed Amma's gaze stuck on the sparrows and birds, chirping outside on
the tree. A quick smile flashed on Radhika's face.
"Amma……"
Amma turned to take another morsel from the spoon.
"Waise yeh bahar jo chidiya hai kitni pyaari hai na? Dekhiye
na……man karta hai ise bas niharte hi jaayen……." Radhika began speaking sweetly.
Amma just kept staring at her as she kept speaking gently
about the birds, the climate, about the temples. She was so lost in hearing
these stories, that she didn't know when the food was done with.
"Leejye Amma paani peejye" Radhika came closer to lift
Amma's head and made her drink the water.
Amma gulped it down with much difficulty.
"Amma…….Main bas aapki davayi lekar aati hoon" smiling,
Radhika sauntered out with the bowl and glass.
Amma couldn't deny but admit that she indeed liked the way
Radhika took care of her. After so many years, almost ages it seemed, someone
had talked to her at this length... someone had talked so sweetly, warmly
to her……..had shown concern for her making her feel human all over again.
"Leejye Amma davayi……." Radhika fed the medicines and gave
water to her.
"Abhi aap aaram keejye…….main bahar waale kamre main hoon……"
saying, Radhika ambled out. She wanted to sit beside Amma and take care of her,
but she was wary wondering if Amma would like it; she didn't want to irk Amma
anymore.
On the other hand Amma wanted Radhika to stay back; she
wanted to hear more of her voice. It seemed very strange for her because
Radhika was the same girl whom she used to hate a few years ago to such a level
that her mere presence would make Amma's blood boil. However, things seemed to
have turned completely now……and she didn't comprehend the reason. Perhaps
because Radhika was the only human who treated her so nicely…….even though
Radhika never got treated nicely from her hand.
Guilt punched her badly in the gut!
Later that evening, Radhika came in with a paste in her hand
to Amma's room.
"Amma……main aapko na yeh lep laga deti hoon. Ayurvedic
hai…….aapko aaram milega" Radhika said sweetly, seating beside Amma. After the
afternoon's peaceful lunch, Radhika felt confident that Amma won't mind Radhika
applying this paste to her.
Strangely Amma again felt happy on seeing Radhika and wanted
the girl to stay for sometime.
Radhika slowly pulled the quilt away from Amma's body……..and
to her horror found, Amma's skin peeling away in some place, while in other
places boils had covered the body entirely. She had to try very hard to keep
away any wrong expression coming on her face.
However, Amma did notice the expression of sympathy and
disgust – at the kind of wounds, flickering for a small second on Radhika's
face.
Gulping, she looked up at Amma. "Amma mujhe lagta hai……iss
lep se aapko thandak milegi aur yeh aapke badan main jo ghaanv hain who…….bhar
jaayenge" she forced a smile because underneath her heart was paining to see
Amma's such serious wounds.
She strengthened her heart and began applying the paste
slowly on the wounds.
Amma found it very strange when her throat choked at
Radhika's soft, caring touch – she was never the woman to melt at this girl's tricks……but
today it didn't seem like the girl was doing any trick, it seemed like a
genuine effort. Atleast someone considered her a human and not a lifeless
furniture.
"Amma main iss lep ka mishran, Ma ko de doongi…….to who
aapko yeh zoz lagayegi……aur muhje poora bharosa hai ke aap jald hi theek ho
jaayengi. Ismain kayi saare ayurvedic jadibootiyon (herbs) ke gun hain" she
continued, smilingly as her hands applied the paste. She saw how Amma was
feeling relaxed.
"Acha hai ke Amma ko
thoda sukoon mil raha hai"
On the other hand, Amma was feeling very nice and peaceful.
The medicine that Radhika was applying seemed very effective for it was cooling
her skin and reducing the itchy, dry feeling. Blinking, Amma turned her head
again towards the birds outside and let her lips curve in to a small smile –
she loved this moment a lot.
Some moments passed when the doorbell rang asking Radhika's
attention; she turned her head once and then back to Amma. "Main……" she let the
words be on finding Amma's eyes to be closed. "Lagta hai Amma so gayi……" she
muttered to herself with a content smile.
The doorbell rang again and Radhika rushed to open the door.
"Are Shanti Maasi aap?" Radhika greeted inside Devki's cousin
sister with a smile. "Radhe Radhe……" saying, she bent down to take blessings.
Her aunt stopped her from bending and hugged her instead.
"Jeeti reh…….kaisi hai Radhika?"
"Main bilkul theek hoon maasi" Radhika said sweetly.
"Who to tere iss khilte huwe chehre se pata chal raha hai
moko. Devki ne bataya…..ke tu phir khushkhabri sunane waali hai" she said
cheerfully in a loving tone.
Radhika just blushed, and looked down smilingly.
"Bas tere chehre pe yeh muskurahat aise hi bani rahe…….."
she blessed, stroking her hairs.
Just then Devki's voice reached them. "Jeeji? Aap?"
Shanti and Radhika turned their heads and found Devki
standing outside her room, holding the door frame for support.
Radhika quickly went to her, so did Shanti.
"Ma……aap bahar kyun aayi?"
"Aree Devki ka huwa hai toko? Kahe aisen khadi hai?" Shanti
asked with concern.
"Maasi who aaj subah kaam karte karte Ma ka pair phisal gaya
aur moch aagayi………" Radhika informed.
"Tsk Tsk Tsk……." Shanti's face crumpled in to a concerned
frown. "Jyaada to na lagi?"
"Nahi Jeeji……bas jara si moch thi……ab to itna dard bhi nahi
ho raha hai" Devki replied; she wasn't feeling much pain indeed.
"Ma main aapki ek nahi sun ne waali…….chaliye jaake aaram
keejye" Radhika was about to take her inside, when Devki protested.
"Beta……main yahan sofe pe baith jaati hoon na……kitna aaram
karungi……." She said softly and then noticed the paste in Radhika's hand. "Yeh
kya laga hai tere haath main?"
Radhika glanced down at her hand and remembered. "Oh! Main
to bhul hi gayi. Who darasal main Amma ko lep laga rahi thi……..tabhi darwaze ki
ghanti bhaji to chali aayi kholne……main haath dhoke aati hoon……..maasi tab tak
aap Ma ko sofe pe bitha deejye na" Radhika requested to Shanti.
Shanti, who's expressions had turned half-surprised and half
annoyed on hearing that Radhika had been treating Amma, hid those expressions
and smiled at her. "Haan beta……"
Radhika turned towards the washarea and Shanti helped Devki
to seat down; Shanti's wary expressions were back.
"Eei sab ka ho raha hai Devki" she asked.
"Kya jeeji?" Devki asked.
"Devki tu ka andhi hai? Toko kachu dikh na raha hai ka??
Aree tori Radhika tori uss…..saasuma ke
saath thi!" Shanti said with a tinge of disgust in her tone.
Devki too wasn't much happy with Radhika's decision of
helping Amma, but she was helpless.
"Umm…….haan who meri tabiyat theek nahi thi to…….shayad who
Amma ki dekhbhaal main lag gayi" Devki replied.
Shanti's big eyes grew bigger in surprise. "Toko samaj main
aa raho hai ke tu ka keh rahi hai? Moko to lag raho tho ke tune bhale hi
Radhika ko apne kok se janam na diya……par humesha use apni beti maanti
rahi…….par ab kahe……kis waste us se dushmani nikal rahi ho?" she asked in a
sharp tone, but her volume was deliberately kept low so that Radhika doesn't
hear it.
"Aap aise kyun keh rahi hain Jeeji?" Devki asked in
confusion.
"To aur kaa kahun? Dekh Devki tori sabse badi behen hoon
main…….aur tore parivaar ka bhala hi socho hai maine humesha…….par iss samay
Radhika jo kar rahi hai na…….usmain koi bhala na hai……..aur yeh tu ache se
jaanat hai na!" Shanti stressed her point.
Devki looked away, unable to answer her. She too was wary
about Radhika going to Amma's room for helping her……but
"Ka soch rahi hai? Toko pata hai na…….ke Radhika garbvati
hai…….aur aise halat main…… manhoos
logon ke saamne nahi jaate hain! Itna bhi samjha na sakti bachi ko?" she asked
in a low volume.
"Maine samjhaya use jeeji ke aisi halat main use jyaada kaam
nahi karna chahiye……par aap to jaanti hai na Radhika ko……." Devki said
"Radhika to bachi hai. Use ka pata? Tu to Ma hai na uski?
Tora farz banta hai na use samjhana?" Shanti tried making her understand.
Just then Radhika came back, drying her hands. "Maasi aapke
liye ek kadak masale waali chai le aaun?"
Shanit brought a quick smile on her face. "Are na na betiya…….chai
ki kaunu jaroorat na hai…. Tu bas eiihan aake baith jaa more paas……."
"Maasi waise bhi chai ka samay ho chukka hai…….main sabke
liye bana deti hoon" Radhika insisted.
Shanti got up from her seat to reach Radhika.
"Betiya……..tori Maasi itne saalon baad mil rahi hai tose……kuch der baithke
baatein to karle! Chai to hoti rahegi……."
"Acha main aapke liye paani le aati hoon……baatein karenge
aur phir chai bana laungi" Radhika smiled.
"Theek hai betiya" Shanti smiled and let Radhika get water.
She came back to her seat and murmured to Devki. "Ab tu ruk……….moko samjhane de
use…….Radhika ko samjhana bahut jaroori ho gayo hai"
"Rehne do na Jeeji" Devki said, knowing that probably
Radhika won't appreciate Shanti's words.
"Kaahe? Tu chup hi reh!" Shanti chided.
"Kya baatein ho rahi hai dono behenon ke beech?" Radhika
asked coming out with a glass of water.
Shanti grinned. "Wahi jo tori aur Vishaka ke beech hovat
rehti hai humesha" saying, she burst in to a small, loud giggle.
Radhika sat down in the adjacent couch and Shanti turned her
gaze to adore her niece.
"Kitni sundar lag rahi hai na Radhika? Are waah…..eei kaan
ki baali to bahut hi sundar dikh rahi hai" Shanti said, appraising Radhika's
jewellery.
A small smile came on Radhika's face.
"Dev babu ne dilwaya hoga na? Tori chehre ki muskurahat bata
rahi hai moko" Shanti asked teasingly.
Radhika just nodded, blushing slightly.
"Are eei bata……..Dhruv beta kahan hai? Aur Dev Babu kab laut
rahe hain?"
"Maasi…….Dhruv to andar so raha hai…….aur uske Papa to agle
ravivar (Sunday) ko aayenge" Radhika replied.
"Acha……"
"Maasi main utha doon Dhruv ko?"
"Are na na……rehne do……..jab uth jaayega to mil loongi……bacha
hai…….khel khud ke thak gaya hoga na" Shanti said; she didn't want Dhruv to be
present at this point when she wanted to discuss something serious.
"Theek hai………."
Shanti sipped her water, sharing a wary glance with Devki.
"Radhika…….tose kuch kehna hai moko"
"Kya?"
Turning, Shanti kept the glass on table. The clinking sound
when the glass touched the table, awoke Amma from her short nap. Blinking a few
times, Amma turned her head wondering who was outside, when she heard some
sounds coming from the main room…...
Back in hall, Shanti smiled hesitantly "Dekh beta…..moko
galat na samaj…….maine humesha took apni beti ki tarah maano hai aur tora bhala
hi chahoongi…….hai na" she started building up.
"Haan Maasi……main jaanti hoon"
Shanti smiled. "Maasi matlab Ma jaisi hove hain…….to mori
baatein shanti se sun……aur jo hum keh rahi hai na……who kar samjhi"
"Jee Maasi bilkul………."
"Betiya tu eiihan kuch din apne maayke main…..aaram karne ke
liye aayi hai……to kahe eei sab kaamon main apne aap ko takleef de rahi hai?"
Hearing this, Radhika sighed. "Aap bhi shuru ho gayi? Maine
aisa kya kaam kar diya aaj waise bhi?"
Shanti pursed her
lips. "Beta yeh…….Amma ko lep lagana……khana khilana……eei sab to tu rehne
de……hmm……toko to iss halat main aaram karna chahiye"
Radhika smiled. "Acha……..bas itni si baat. Leejye……..Amma ko
lep lagane main aur khana khilane main……..kaunsi thakawat hoti haio mujhe? Hmm"
she chuckled, shaking her head seeing so much concern from Shanti.
However, Shanti exhaled in worry wondering how to make this
girl understand. "Na betiya tu mori baat samaj na rahi hai……"
Radhika's expressions turned serious as well, wondering what
Shanti was trying to say.
"Dekh beta…….tora…..iss tarah Amma ka khayal rakhna…..unke
paas jaakar unhe choona…… acha na hai" Shanti said, coming straight to her
point.
"Kyun?" Radhika asked, frowning slightly in puzzle.
"Kyunki beta…….erm……dekh……tu chahe mane ya na maane……par
Vrindavan main sab eeihai kehte hain ke Amma…….par manhoosiyat ka saaya pad
chukka hai!" Shanti said, showing her palm out.
Hearing this, Radhika's scowled in part-astonishment and part-disgust.
"Maasi yeh aap kya keh rahi hain? Amma ke baare main
aise…….kaise keh sakti hain aap?"
"Areeh! Eei hum na keh rahi hain! Sagra Vrindavan……aur aaju
baaju ke gaanv main log kehte hain!" her voice got a bit louder. "Tu hi soch na
betiya……kahe itne saal Amma leti hai? Ka huwa hai unka? Are kahe ilaaj na ho
paa raha hai unka? Kahe sagre dactor or Vaidjee kah rahe hain ke……..Amma ka
kachu na hovega? Kahe? Soch na Betiya? Isiliye kyunki unhe ishwar ka shrap
(curse) milo hai……..aur aisen log paapi hovat hai…….paapi……manhoos kehlaate
hain!" Shanti's words were sharp and tone was cold.
Radhika was taken aback by these sharp words. How could
anyone think like this? What was Amma fault in all this? She was just sick, but
these villagers were making a mountain out a molehill and were presuming
illogical things just to satisfy their own curiousness.
"Maasi! Yeh aap kaisi baatein kar rahi hain? Amma bas beemar
hai. Koi shrap nahi mila hai unhe" Radhika replied.
Shanti sighed and shared a glance with Devki. "Kaahe itne
saalon se beemar hai? Pooch apni Ma se…….ka nahi kiya tore Babuji ne unhe theek
karne ke liye…….are aise ajeeb zakhm (wounds) bina kisi ke wajah ke aagaye?
Kahe? Aur ka poora Vrindavan sathiya (mad) gaya hai? Na betiya…….."
Radhika looked away in disgust, feeling bad that even
relatives were thinking like this. "Maasi yeh sab sirf andhvishwas hai……..aur
kuch nahi"
Coming closer, Shanti held her hand. "Dekh beta……toko shayad
mori baaton par…….gaanv waalon ki baat pe yakeen na ho……kya hai na…….tu to ab
shehar main rehti hai……..aur wahan ke logon ko eei sab baatein nahi samaj main
aati……..unhe lagta hai ke hum gaanvwaale andhvishwasi hain…….par aisa nahi hota
hai beta…….hum bhale hi aap shehari logon ke jaise padhe-likhe na ho…….par
humne bhi duniya dekhi hai…….jise tu andhvishwas kehkar taal rahi hai
na………Thakurjee na kare…….wahi buri bala toko mudkar kaatne aajaye!"
"Maasi! Bas keejye aap………..mujhe yeh sab nahi sun na hai!
Aap badi hain. Aap ko to sabko samjhane chahiye………..par aap khud hi?"
"Betiya moko ka hai? Tu kuch bhi kar? Mora to kachu na
bigdega? Par toko bahut pyaar diyo hai bachpan se……..eeihai ke waaste keh rahi
hoon" saying, she cupped Radhika's cheek. "Bachpan se jaana hai toko
betiya….bahut ache man ki hai tu…….par sagre log ache na hovat hai. Tore man
main koi paap na hai…….par sab ka man shud na hota hai tore jaise……aur khaaskar
Amma ka to bilkul nahi!"
Radhika just stared wondering why was Shanti suddenly
against her going to Amma's room.
She continued after a second's pause. "Aur tu kaahe……mor
baaton andhvishwas keh rahi hai? Eei agar sirf mora bhram……mora andhvishwas
hota…….to Vishaka ke saath Oo sab na hota jo huwa…….."
"Vishaka ke saath?" Radhika asked.
"Haan Vishaka ke saath! Tu bhul gayi………ke tori behen ka
pehla bacha…….eeihai wajah se iss duniya main na aa paaya! Are mar gaya uska
bacha!" Shanti said, heartlessly.
"Jeeji!!" Devki's stern voice followed.
Shanti turned to her.
Coming near Radhika, Devki spoke "Jeeji aap kaisi baatein
kar rahi hain is samay? Radhika garb se hai…….aur aap unn purani baaton ko
dohra rahi hai? Aisi halat main meri bachi ko yeh sab baatein nahi sun ni
chahiye"
Shanti sighed, feeling bad for having spoken so harshly.
"Moko maaf karde beta…..mora iraada toko chot pahunchane ka……ya darane ka nahi
tha. Lekin savdhaan karne ka tha"
Turning her gaze to Devki, she continued. "Aur hum jo keh
rahi hain…..usmain ka galat hai? Are Vishaka ke saath jab Oo hadsa huwa tab to
hum sab kachu na kar sake…….par who sab wapas na ho……..iss baat ki to savdhani
rak sake hain na hum sab"
Radhika, who was astound by the level of myth Shanti was
living in, glanced at her "Sahi kaha aapne Maasi……who ek haadsa tha……usmain
Amma ki kya galti?"
"Are betiya……who haadsa kahe huwa? Jab tak oo apne sasural
ma thi……tab tak to kachu na huwa! Jab eiihan Vrindavan aayi…….tabhi yeh haadsa
huwa? Kahe?"
"Kyunki yeh haadsa tha……..bas……wahan kyun nahi huwa…….aur
yahan kyun huwa…… iska koi jawab nahi hai" Radhika argued.
"More paas hai jawaab………aur wajah hai Amma ki manhoosiyat!
Amma ka kaala saaya pad gaya mor Vishaka betiya par……..aur uska bacha…….." she
trailed her voice, sadly.
Radhika shook her head helplessly wondering how to make
Shanti understand.
Amdist all this, Amma who'd been hearing all these
conversations closed her eyes letting the tear drops roll down her wounded
cheeks; the salty tears hurt her wounds, but it nothing in comparison to the
pain that Shanti's words were giving her – however was the lady wrong, her mind
questioned? Perhaps not!
"Dekh Radhika…….tore liye eeihai acha hoga agar tu Amma se
jitna ho sake utna dur rahegi…… abhi to eeihan Dev babu bhi na hai…..kachu
galat ho gaya to hum ka jawaab denge Purohit parivaar waalon ko?" Pausing, she
came to frame Radhika's jaw "Iss samay toko sabse jyaada khayal apne aane waale
bache ka hona chahiye……naaki Amma ka. Tu bhale hi mori baaton ko andhviwshas
kahe…….Lekin ek Ma hone ke naate……apne bache ki fikr to hogi na toko…….to bas
uss khatir hi sahi mor baaton ko maanle…..aur dur reh Amma se…….savdhani
baratne main kachu burai na hai…..hum sabka man bhi halka rahego…….aur tore man
main bhi sab acha acha rahego. Eei Beemar Amma ke paas rahegi……..to Thakurjee
na kare tore bache ko bhi kachu ho jaaye" she said, touching on either side of
her chin; wishing that her words should never come true – that Radhika's baby
should be fine.
She continued in a sweet voice. "Kehte hain……ke garbvati
sthree ko sab acha acha sochna chahiye….. acha acha dekhna chahiye…….tabhi uska
bacha bhi khush rahega andar. Lekin agar tu Amma ke aas paas rahegi……to kaise
acha soch paavegi…….unka Oo beemar chehra tore aankhon ke saamne rahega to tore
andar jo nanhi jaan pal rahi hai…….uspar bhi asar hovego"
Radhika understood Shanti's concern and was happy for that.
"Main samajti hoon Maasi…….ke aapko meri bahut fikr hai……"
Shanti smiled. "Are Betiya…..tu bhi to mor apni bachi jaisi
hai……aur ek Ma apne bache ko na samjhavegi to kaun samjhavega? Tu to abhi eei
sab baaton ko na samjhegi……to ka hum toko nadaani karne devenge? Nahi betiya.
Aur phir Amma ka khayal rakhne ke liye ghar main aur log hai na………tu bas…….Amma
ke saamne na ja…..aur Dhruv ko bhi na jaane dena……bechara bacha dar jaavego!"
she mumbled, adjusting the pallu on her head.
A smile came on Radhika's face as well. "Maasi……..mujhe apne
bache ki bahut fikr hai……jaise aap meri fikr karti hai waise hi mujhe bhi
hai…….lekin……..lekin Amma ke paas rehne se mere bache ko kuch nahi hoga yeh
mera vishwas hai. Kyunki mere Kanha mere bache ko kuch nahi hone denge" she
added confidently, touching her tummy.
Hearing this, Shanti exhaled in disappointment and anger.
"Kaahe mahaan ban na chahti hai tu chori? Kaahe? Eei jaan le betiya……tore iss
mahanta se kisiko kachu na milego! Jab Kanha ne khud Amma ko saza diyo
hai……….jise Thakurjee ka shrap milo hai………ooke paas agar tu jaavegi to ka tore
Kanha naaraz na hovenge? Areeeh! Jab Thakurjee hi uss insaan ko pasand na karte
hain…….to agar tu unke paas jaayegi to kanha tose bhi naaraz ho jaavenge!
Haanhh!" she said.
"Maasi…….Kanha sabse prem karte hain……kisi se naaraz nahi
hote. Apne hi banaye huwe insaanon se kaise nafrat kar sakte hain Kanha? Jaise
Mata-Pita apne bachon se naaraz nahi hote….unhe kabhi shrap nahi dete……waise hi
hum sab jo Kanha ke banaye huwe insaan hain…….unse Kanha nafrat kaise kar sakte
hain?" Radhika countered politely.
Shanti sighed and turned to Devki. "Aree kaise samjhaun tori
chori ko? Kaahe mori baat na maan rahi hai? Uske bhale ke liye keh rahi hoon
na?"
"Maasi……aap mere bhale ke liye keh rahi hain…….yeh main
jaanti hoon……lekin main itni swaarthi nahi hoon ke apne bache ke kushalta ke
liye…….apni beemar Dadima ka khayal na rakhun" Radhika replied firmly.
Amma's teary eyes widened slightly, feeling amazed……touched.
lekin main itni
swaarthi nahi hoon ke apne bache ke kushalta ke liye…….apni beemar Dadima ka
khayal na rakhun
Radhika's words cirled around her mind repeatedly
Shanti touched her own cheek in amazement. "Dadima?? Kaun
Dadima? Oo Amma? OO kabse tori Dadima ho gayi? Areeh……bachpan se lekar aajtak
unhone sirf Vishaka ko apni poti maana hai……..aur tujhe to humesha ek parayi
ladki samjha hai……aur eeihai nahi…….zindagi bhar toko manhoos aur abshaguni
hone ka taana diya hai!! Aaj aisi aurat ke liye, jisne tose kabhi prem na
kiya…….jisne toko taano ke alawa aur kachu na diya use apni Dadima maan rahi
ho??
She paused to look towards Amma's room. "Areeh shayad isi
baat ka paap chada hoga Amma ko……..ke jeevan bhar ek nanhi si bachi ko manhoos
aur abshaguni kehti rahi…….aur isilye aaj sab unhi ko iss naam se bula rahe
hain! Jaisi karni……waisi bharni! Hmph"
Radhika felt sad as those old memories flashed across her
mind. "Amma ne jo bhi kiya……..woh beeti baatein hain……..aaj ka sach yeh hai……ke
who beemar hai aur unhe humari jaroraat hai. Itne saalon se main unke paas
jaane se hichkichati (hesitate) thi……kyunki mujhe laga ke unhe mera paas aana
acha na lage…….aur unki iss halat main……mera unhe aur takleef dene ka man nahi
karta. Par aaj…..jab maine unhe khana khilaya…….to yeh mehsoos huwa jaise……ab
Amma mujhse nafrat nahi karti hain…….jaise ab unke man main who kadvahat nahi
hai. Who ab badal chuki hain. To jab who badal chuki hain…….to hum purani
baaton ko yaad rakh ke kyun unhe kisi baat ki saza de?" she asked.
"Hmm! Dekh Betiya toko samjhana mora faraz tha……lekin sun na
ya na sunna tore hi haath main hai. Mose aur na hovego…….toko mahaan banna
hai……banti rahiyo! Mora ka hai! Bas hum to Thakurjee eihai prathna karenge ke
toko sadbudhhi de……..aur tore aane waale bache pe koi asar na ho………." Saying
she turned to Devki.
"Main Chalti hoon Devki……." Saying, Shanti began sauntering
back towards the main door.
Radhika inched closer to Shanti. "Maasi meri baaton ka bura
mat maaniye……..main aapko……."
Shanti interrupted. "Bura to moko laga hai beta…..ke tune
aaj apni Maasi ki jagah uss Amma ko jyaada mahatva diya! Areeh…….tu Devki ki
jani na hai…..phir bhi maine kabhi toko parayi na samjha! Jis din Devki toko
apni bachi maana……maine bhi toko apni bachi maan liya! Tu yeh ache se jaanti
hai na? Lekin aaj uss Amma ke liye……tune mori baat kaat di!"
Radhika shook her head. "Na…"
"Rehne de……more man main tore liye koi khataas na hai. Tore
liye agar more man se kachu niklega……to who sirf ashish (blessings)
hovego……..bas yahi vinti hai Kanha se…….ke tora khayal rakhe……..chalti
hoon…….Dhruv ko mora asish dena……….Radhe Radhe!" saying, she turned and moved
out of the door.
Turning to Devki, "Ma…….aapne Maasi se kuch kaha kyun nahi?
Who itna sab kuch keh rahi thi?" Radhika asked.
Devki looked away warily. "Kya kehti beta unse? Main bhi
unki baaton se sehmat hoon"
Radhika scolwed in shock. "Ma??"
Coming closer, Devki held her hand lovingly. "Haan
beta…….dekh Jeeji ne jo kaha who puri tarah se galat to nahi ho sakta na? Sab
log kehte hain…..ke Amma par manhoosiyat……" she couldn't utter anything more.
"Ma……jo kehte huwe bhi aapko itni takleef ho rahi
hai……use……."
Devki interrupted her. "Par beta…….main nahi chahti ke tere
hone waale bache ko kuch ho…… main nahi chahti ke Vishaka ke saath jo
huwa…….woh tere saath ho…….." tears streamed down her cheeks.
"Ma……Vishaka ke saath ek haadsa huwa tha……..par ab
dekhiye……uski god main do nanhe bache khel rahe hain" Radhika tried bringing
some optimism
"Who isiliye kyunki uss hadse ke baad Vishaka yahan kabhi
nahi aayi!" Devki answered firmly.
"Ma…….aap kyun nahi samaj rahi hain…….woh sirf haadsa
tha……."
"Jo bhi hai……….Mera andhvishwas……..darr……..ya phir
haadsa…….par savdaani baratne main to koi harz nahi hai na?" Devki said and
cupped her cheek. "Dekh beta……..agar tere hone waale bache ko ya tujhe kuch ho
gaya na…….to hum Dev Babu aur Purohit parivaar waalon ko munh nahi dikha
paayenge…….sharminda ho jaayenge unke saamne" she said somberly
Radhika shook her head wishing Devki didn't think all this.
Brushing her tears, Devki cupped Radhika's face lovingly. "Radhika
beta meri baat maan le…… ab thode dino main Dev bte tujhe lene aajayenge……aur
tu apne sansar main laut jaayegi……. Sirf thode dino ki to baat hai na
beta……..tu yahan se chali jaa"
A frown filled Radhika's face in puzzle. "Jee"
"Haan……Purohit parivaar ka itna bada ghar hai Vrindavan
main………tu wahi jaakr rehna…… wahan itne naukar hai……….tujhe bahut aaram
milega…….aur main aur tere Babuji aayenge na tujhse milne………..Jab tak tu yahan
hai hum tujhse milne aaya karenge. Par
tu yahan mat aa betiya…….chali jaa yahan se……." Devki pleaded with joined
palms.
Radhika was stunned to hear this and she held her hands. "Ma
aisa mat kaho………mujhe kuch nahi hoga…….log to bas yunhi……"
However, Devki pulled her hands away sharply interrupting
Radhika. "Par kuch to sach hoga na logon ke baaton main!!!!" her voice rose by
an octave in frustration – because Radhika did not understand the point!
Radhika fell silent and looked at her mother's suddenly
angry form.
Turning back, Devki held her arms and shook her. "Kuch to
sahi hoga na!! Meri Vishaka ke saath jo huwa…….woh main nahi rok paayi! Par
main tere saath aisa nahi hone de sakti!! Ek Ma ki vyatha bhi to samaj na
betiya tu!! Kyun itni mahaan ban rahi hai!! Aaj tak maine tujhe kabhi Amma se
jyaada milne nahi diya……..par aaj iss halat main tu unke saamne chali
gayi……tune unhe chua……..are agar…….." her words trailed off, as she felt too
scared to let the consequent words out. "Tu kyun nahi samaj rahi hai…….Amma ko
Thakurjee ka shrap mila hai! Shrapit hain who!! Paapin (sinner) hain!!" she
shook Radhika again.
Radhika looked at her in bewilderment. "M…..Ma……yeh aap keh
rahi hain?" she asked in astonishment.
Devki left her arms and turned her face away. "Haan ek Ma
keh rahi hai! Tujhe agar mujhe bura samajna hai……to samaj le…….par meri baat
maan le!"
Gulping her lump, Radhika came to face her slowly.
"Ma…….nahi……aap Ma hain meri. Aap buri kaise ho sakti hain? Lekin tajub ho raha
hai Ma……ke aap aise soch rahi hain? Aap? Jisne humesha mujhse kaha
ke……….Bhagwan ne har insaan ko ek jaisa banaya hai…….woh to samaaj hai…….jo
logon ko manhoos, abshaguni jaise naam deta hai……aap hi ne mujhe samjhaya tha
Ma bachpan main. Aur aaj aap hi yeh sab keh rahi hain?" she asked, still in
shock.
Devki glanced down. "Tab baat alag thi beta"
"Alag kaise thi Ma? Kaise? Nahi…..aaj bhi kisi insaan ke
saath wahi ho raha hai…….jo kabhi mere saath huwa tha" Radhika turned her gaze
to nothing. "Kabhi log mujhe bhi manhoos kaha karte the…….kyunki mere paida
hote hi meri sagi Ma chal basi thi…….log kehte the ke maine apni ko Ma kha
liya……uss umar main mujhe koste the……..jab mujhe yeh tak nahi pata tha ke
manhoos shabd ka matlab kya hai. Mujhe apna bachpaan jyaada to yaad nahi……lekin
uss choti si umar main…….mujhe log manhoos kehte the…….yeh baat main kabhi bhul
nahi paayi…… yeh baat samay ki dhul chupa nahi paayi……..woh dard samay ka ghanv
nahi bhar saka hai……" she mumbled through her thick throat while tears trickled
down her eyes.
Devki looked at her.
"Ma agar us samay aapne aur Babuji ne mujhe nahi sambhala
hota……to shayad main ghut ghutkar mar jaati……iss ghutan main……ke main ek
abshaguni hoon…….jisne apni Ma ko maar diya" she couldn't speak anymore.
Quickly coming closer, Devki brushed away her tears.
Radhika held her hand. "Ma main jaanti hoon……ke kitna chubta
hai…….jab aapko koi manhoos kehta hai…….kitna dard hota hai…….jab aapki koi
galti na hote huwe bhi…… har cheez ke liye aapko zimmedar samjha jaata
hai……kyunki aap ke upar manhoos hone ka naam hota hai!" she sobbed. "Who
dard……asahniya (unbearable) hota hai……jab baar baar har galat cheez ke liye aap
par ungli uth thi hai…….."
Devki shook her head and brushed away Radhika's tears but
fresh tears came down nonetheless.
Sniffling, "Ma uss samay aapka pyaar…….Babuji ki himmat na
hoti…….to shayad main uss dard se kabhi ubhar na paati……..main bikhar jaati
Ma……tooth jaati" she mumbled, crying.
"Nahi beta……."
"Ma……aur aaj aap hi mujhse keh rahi hain…….ke main kisi aur
insaan ke saath aisa bartav karun jaise un logon ne mere saath kiya? Agar maine
aisa kiya……to mujhmain aur un logon main kya fark reh jaayega? Main to ek pal
chain se bhi jee nahi paungi agar maine aisa socha bhi ke Amma…….ke wajah se
mujhe ya mere bache ko kuch ho sakta hai…..kyunki Amma man…." She froze the
word and gulped the lump.
"Ma…..main to aapke, Babuji, Dev aur unke Parivaar ke wajah
se iss dard se upar uth gayi…….lekin Amma? Agar hum gharwale hi unhe iss tarah
dhutkarenge……to unhe kaisa lagega? Who tooth jaayengi. Pehle hi who iss dard se
guzar rahi hain……..aur ab inn baaton ko maankar……agar hum apne aapko unse dur
kar denge……to unpar kya beetegi…….woh nahi seh paayengi……..nahi sahi paayengi
Ma"
Devki closed her eyes, wondering why was Radhika so good in
nature – why did she want to help the same woman who had caused her so much
pain in life.
"Ma unhone bhale hi mujhe kabhi apni poti na maana
ho…….mujhe apshabd kahe ho…..mujhe kosa ho……..lekin who hain to meri
Dadima……aur logon ki baaton se unpar jo asar hoga……uss dard ka abhaas hai
mujhe……..to kaise main unhe iss halat main uss dard se guzarne doon? Waise hi
unke poore sharer main unhe dard hota hai………ab ab man ka dard bhi who sahe?
Kyun? Nahi Ma…….main nahi dekh sakti unhe iss halat main!"
Devki didn't know what to say…….how to put sense in to
Radhika.
"Ma aap hi kehti thin a bachpan main mujhse ke……..yeh
manhoos, abshaguni yeh sab to ashishikta
(illiteracy) ka prabhav hai……..ke yeh sab to sirf andhvishwas
hai…….Kanha sabko ek jaisa banate hain? Bola na tha Ma…….to phir aaj aap apni
batayi huwi seekh mat bhulo na Ma……mujhe mat roko. Aaj kayi dino baad maine
Amma ke ankhon main apne liye who nafrat nahi dekhi…….main unke liye kuch karna
chahti hoon Ma…….unki seva karna chahti hoon……..unhe theek hote huwe dekhna
chahti hoon……mujhe mat roko Ma" Radhika pleaded.
Closing her eyes, Devki shook her head wondering what she
was supposed to say.
"Ma meri bache ki chinta mat karo……….Kanha hai na……who meri
aur mere bache ki raksha karenge…….mujhe kuch nahi hoga Ma……"
Devki just hugged her daughter lovingly and Radhika smiled,
thinking that Devki had agreed.
"Thakurjee…….main
kaise samjhaun meri bachi ko ke……yeh mera andhvishwas nahi hai. Amma ne iske
liye kabhi acha nahi socha……humesha bura sochti aayi hai….Vishaka ke saath to
haadsa huwa……..par kahi Radhika ke upar Amma ka gussa……..aur use kuch……nahi
Thakurjee…….meri Bachi ki raksha karna…….woh bahut achi hai…….nadaan hai….usko
sambhal lena…….."Devki prayed to Lord sincerely.
In Amma's room………
Tears streamed down Amma's wounded cheeks as guilt stabbed
hard in her gut repeatedly when Radhika's words circled through her brain.
"Sahi kaha aapne
Maasi……who ek haadsa tha……usmain Amma ki kya galti?"
She couldn't believe Radhika defended her so fiercely. When
everyone, including her own son and daughter –in law had given her the tag of
being an ill-fated person…….this girl whom she'd always considered as an
outsider……stood up for her!!
Blinking once, Amma let more tears wash through her face as
she rewinded the entire conversation in her brain, still in disbelief.
"Kyunki
beta…….erm……dekh……tu chahe mane ya na maane……par Vrindavan main sab eeihai
kehte hain ke Amma…….par manhoosiyat ka saaya pad chukka hai!"
Shanti had indeed kept valid points in front Radhika – that
Amma was an ill-fated woman for she was facing the wrath of the Lord and hence
people were staying away from her, fearing that the Lord would punish them as
well. People had labeled her as an unfortunate, wretched person and were wary
in coming close to her, lest bad fortune befalls them!
But Radhika didn't believe her and had repeatedly vouched
that all this was just superstitions
"Maasi yeh sab sirf
andhvishwas hai……..aur kuch nahi"
Radhika's words however hadn't
quite amazed – was she trying to be a great soul as always, Amma wondered………but
why would she? Nevertheless, Shanti's following words splintered Amma's already
wounded heart and she was sure, if Radhika was just faking concern then she
would surely step back and become wary of being with an ill-fated person like
her!
Aur tu kaahe……mor
baaton andhvishwas keh rahi hai? Eei agar sirf mora bhram……mora andhvishwas
hota…….to Vishaka ke saath Oo sab na hota jo huwa……..
Tu bhul gayi………ke tori
behen ka pehla bacha…….eeihai wajah se iss duniya main na aa paaya! Are mar
gaya uska bacha!
"More paas hai
jawaab………aur wajah hai Amma ki manhoosiyat! Amma ka kaala saaya pad gaya mor
Vishaka betiya par……..aur uska bacha…….." Shanti's voice trailed sadly.
Had Radhika accepted Shanti's theory and stayed away, would
she be wrong? Amma wondered. No, she won't be. Afterall Radhika was pregnant
and any mother wouldn't want her unborn child to be harmed. Amma was half,
almost expecting Radhika to accept this logic. That would be so natural. She
had never loved Radhika ever in her life…….has always taunted her, abused
her……and now if Radhika had to choose between Amma and her own children,
Radihka would obviously choose the safety of her kids first!
Shanti's truthful words that should have surely changed
Radhika's mind, floated across her brain
"Iss samay toko sabse jyaada khayal apne aane waale bache ka hona
chahiye……naaki Amma ka. Tu bhale hi mori baaton ko andhviwshas kahe…….Lekin ek
Ma hone ke naate……apne bache ki fikr to hogi na toko…….to bas uss khatir hi
sahi mor baaton ko maanle…..aur dur reh Amma se…….savdhani baratne main kachu
burai na hai…..hum sabka man bhi halka rahego…….aur tore man main bhi sab acha
acha rahego. Eei Beemar Amma ke paas rahegi……..to Thakurjee na kare tore bache
ko bhi kachu ho jaaye"
After all this, Radhika had no reason to stand
strong for Amma and against Shanti, who was perhaps correct. Why would that
girl stand for her? Amma wondered. Radhika or anyone else for the matter would
never try to become a 'mahaan' by risking her own child's life.
But Radhika didn't move from her stand, defended Amma
fiercely and her words touched Amma for the first time in her life……..!
lekin main itni
swaarthi nahi hoon ke apne bache ke kushalta ke liye…….apni beemar Dadima ka
khayal na rakhun
Amma's throat choked up in wonder. Did this girl actually
consider her, her Dadima? Did Radhika really love her to such an extent that
she was ready to risk her baby? Was her love towards Amma so strong that, she
was brushing away all superstitions without once thinking that if can affect
her baby?? It can affect her life? How can she? How can Radhika love her so
much? Amma wondered to herself. She clearly remembered Shanti's words
"Dadima?? Kaun Dadima?
Oo Amma? OO kabse tori Dadima ho gayi? Areeh……bachpan se lekar aajtak unhone
sirf Vishaka ko apni poti maana hai……..aur tujhe to humesha ek parayi ladki
samjha hai……aur eeihai nahi…….zindagi bhar toko manhoos aur abshaguni hone ka
taana diya hai!! Aaj aisi aurat ke liye, jisne tose kabhi prem na kiya…….jisne
toko taano ke alawa aur kachu na diya use apni Dadima maan rahi ho??
"Areeh shayad isi baat
ka paap chada hoga Amma ko……..ke jeevan bhar ek nanhi si bachi ko
manhoos aur abshaguni
kehti rahi…….aur isilye aaj sab unhi ko iss naam se bula rahe hain! Jaisi
karni……waisi bharni! Hmph"
And Radhika's following answer to it…………
"Amma ne jo bhi kiya……..woh beeti baatein hain……..aaj ka sach yeh
hai……ke who beemar hai aur unhe humari jaroraat hai. Itne saalon se main unke
paas jaane se hichkichati (hesitate) thi……kyunki mujhe laga ke unhe mera paas
aana acha na lage…….aur unki iss halat main……mera unhe aur takleef dene ka man
nahi karta. Par aaj…..jab maine unhe khana khilaya…….to yeh mehsoos huwa
jaise……ab Amma mujhse nafrat nahi karti hain…….jaise ab unke man main who
kadvahat nahi hai. Who ab badal chuki hain. To jab who badal chuki hain…….to
hum purani baaton ko yaad rakh ke kyun unhe kisi baat ki saza de?"
Was Radhika really so large hearted? Was Radhika really a
good soul as her Son, Devki and Vishaka believed her to be? Amma wondered in
amazement.
She slowly shifted
her teary gaze to the picture of Lord Krishna hanging in her room and kept
staring at the blurry image in front of her eyes……..
"Areeh shayad isi baat
ka paap chada hoga Amma ko……..ke jeevan bhar ek nanhi si bachi ko
manhoos aur abshaguni kehti
rahi…….aur isilye aaj sab unhi ko iss naam se bula rahe hain! Jaisi
karni……waisi bharni! Hmph"
Shanti's words flashed in her brain again…….and then kept
repeatedly ringing in her brain
"Areeh shayad isi baat
ka paap chada hoga Amma ko……..ke jeevan bhar ek nanhi si bachi ko
manhoos aur abshaguni
kehti rahi…….aur isilye aaj sab unhi ko iss naam se bula rahe hain……
Amma's heart wrenched……..and more tears gushed down her
eyes…….Shanti's words rang in her ears continuously pinching every cell of her's.
"Areeh shayad isi baat
ka paap chada hoga Amma ko……..ke jeevan bhar ek nanhi si bachi ko
manhoos aur abshaguni
kehti rahi…….aur isilye aaj sab unhi ko iss naam se bula rahe hain!
She heard Radhika's following words clearly again………..
"Kabhi log mujhe bhi
manhoos kaha karte the…….kyunki mere paida hote hi meri sagi Ma chal basi
thi…….log kehte the ke maine apni ko Ma kha liya……uss umar main mujhe kost the……..jab
mujhe yeh tak nahi pata tha ke manhoos shabd ka matlab kya hai. Mujhe apna
bachpaan jyaada to yaad nahi……lekin uss choti si umar main…….mujhe log manhoos
kehte the…….yeh baat main kabhi bhul nahi paayi…… yeh baat samay ki dhul chupa
nahi paayi……..woh dard samay ka ghanv nahi bhar saka hai……" she mumbled through
her thick throat while tears trickled down her eyes.
"Ma main jaanti
hoon……ke kitna chubta hai…….jab aapko koi manhoos kehta hai…….kitna dard hota
hai…….jab aapki koi galti na hote huwe bhi…… har cheez ke liye aapko zimmedar
samjha jaata hai……kyunki aap ke upar manhoos hone ka naam hota hai!" "Who
dard……asahniya (unbearable) hota hai……jab baar baar har galat cheez ke liye aap
par ungli uth thi hai…….."
"Ma unhone bhale hi
mujhe kabhi apni poti na maana ho…….mujhe apshabd kahe ho…..mujhe kosa
ho……..lekin who hain to meri Dadima……aur logon ki baaton se unpar jo asar
hoga……uss dard ka abhaas hai mujhe……..to kaise main unhe iss halat main uss
dard se guzarne doon? Waise hi unke poore sharer main unhe dard hota hai………ab woh
man ka dard bhi who sahe? Kyun? Nahi Ma…….main nahi dekh sakti unhe iss halat
main!"
Amma closed her eyes unable to bear this pain – the huge
remorse that was suddenly stabbing her gut from inside was excruciating! As the
words kept ringing around her brain, the guilt was filling her, drowning her
and she didn't know how to free herself from this feeling that was punching her
deep, although she desperately wanted to get out.
Had she always misunderstood Radhika and treated her badly?
She mentally questioned herself
Yes! Her conscience now answered.
Was she wrong in judging Radhika for all these years? She
questioned herself again. As an answer, Radhika's words automatically began
ringing in her ears.
"Ma unhone bhale hi
mujhe kabhi apni poti na maana ho…….mujhe apshabd kahe ho…..mujhe kosa
ho……..lekin who hain to meri Dadima……aur logon ki baaton se unpar jo asar
hoga……uss dard ka abhaas hai mujhe……..to kaise main unhe iss halat main uss
dard se guzarne doon? Waise hi unke poore sharer main unhe dard hota hai………ab woh
man ka dard bhi who sahe? Kyun? Nahi Ma…….main nahi dekh sakti unhe iss halat
main!"
Amma's face crumpled in to a painful frown as a chaos spread
inside her. Years of suffering hadn't pained her so much……. but this moment of
guilt was excruciatingly agonizing!!
"Ma main jaanti
hoon……ke kitna chubta hai…….jab aapko koi manhoos kehta hai…….kitna dard hota
hai…….jab aapki koi galti na hote huwe bhi…… har cheez ke liye aapko zimmedar
samjha jaata hai……kyunki aap ke upar manhoos hone ka naam hota hai!" "Who
dard……asahniya (unbearable) hota hai……jab baar baar har galat cheez ke liye aap
par ungli uth thi hai…….."
Radhika's words repeatedly rang
in her ears, making her writhe in pain…….she wanted to scream aloud……..she
wanted to close her ears to the voices that were ringing aloud and making her
aware of the huge sin, she'd been commiting for so many years!!!!
She turned her face from one side to another, squirming in
pain – not physical but the pain inside her which she couldn't define! But the
pain didn't subside…..it only twinged increasingly. Her breathing went hard as
she struggled, wriggled under the anguish after realization dawned upon her.
How wrong she'd been for all these years to consider Radhika
an outsider! Had Radhika really been an
outsider, would she have done all this for Amma today? In all these bid ridden
years of hers, Radhika had always behaved nicely with her……….when she could
have easily thought that Amma was getting a bitter taste of her own medicine!
But she didn't!!!!
Radhika goodness was pricking, twinging her now, because it
made her feel so bad…….it made her look so cruel and selfish in her own eyes!!
"Ma main jaanti
hoon……ke kitna chubta hai…….jab aapko koi manhoos kehta hai…….kitna dard hota
hai…….jab aapki koi galti na hote huwe bhi…… har cheez ke liye aapko zimmedar
samjha jaata hai……kyunki aap ke upar manhoos hone ka naam hota hai!" "Who
dard…… asahniya (unbearable) hota hai……jab baar baar har galat cheez ke liye
aap par ungli uth thi hai…….."
Amma cried in pain mutely,
reminiscing these words…….and then all those moments when she'd abused Radhika
came in front of her. How heartlessly she had hit the small girl whom her son
had brought in……..how she had behaved coldly when the girl came in thinking
that she would love her as a grandmother…….how unkindly she had abused the
little girl with words like 'manhoos' 'abshaguni' 'kalankini' and drove the
little girl to tears. How she had locked the small innocent girl inside rooms
for simple mistakes……how mercilessly she had slapped and smacked the young girl
for every single wrong thing that happened in the house………how ruthelessly she
had wanted to snatch the biggest happiness from the girl's life…….how she had
used every trick in the book to stop the girl's wedding……..how she'd tried to
spoil her entire life!!!!!!!
Her conscience berated her, despised her…….scorned her for
being such a bad human! Yes, indeed she
had been very cruel to a small girl……she was indeed very bad.
Clenching her jaws, Amma sobbed for having committed such a
sin……only because of her arrogance!
Just then………Little Radhika's
smiling face floated in front of her teary eyes. She was beautiful, had a sweet
smile and a cute nose, her eyes were sparkling blue and skin was rose. Little
Radhika ran around in the house like a butterfly spreading happiness and joy
everywhere……..chirping and singing.
Why didn't she ever notice that the girl had such innocent
eyes? Amma wondered. Why didn't she ever see that the girl was so nave and
lovely? Why??
As she kept questioning herself repeatedly, tears streamed
down her cheeks.
At that moment, an instance from the past came flashed in
her brain…….
"Amma……main aapke pair
daba doon……aapko aaram milega" little Radhika said in her sweet, childish
voice.
Amma looked at her in
despise. "Kahe!! Tu kahe mora pair dabavegi!!? Tori to icha hogi na ke tu mora
gala daba de! Taake main mar jaaun!" she shouted
Little Radhika was
reduced to tears. "A….a….ap aisa k…k…yun kehti hain Amma………"
Holding her little
arms, "Areeh! Manhoos……toko kisne kaha eeihan aane ko!! Sagri museebat ki jad
tu hi to hai na abshaguni……..jab se iss ghar main aayi hai……..sagra kaam bigad
diyo hai janamjali ne…….." Amma pushed little Radhika out of the room.
"Ab jaa eeihan
se……..aur dobara mor kamre main aayi na……..to taange tod doongi tori!!" Amma
warned coldly.
Little Radhika sobbed
with tears flowing from eyes uncontrollably.
Amma's heart wrenched in pain as she reminisced the moment.
How brutal she'd been then to the little girl!
"More paas hai
jawaab………aur wajah hai Amma ki manhoosiyat! Amma ka kaala saaya pad gaya mor
Vishaka betiya par……..aur uska bacha…….." Shanti's voice trailed sadly.
Tu bhul gayi………ke tori
behen ka pehla bacha…….eeihai wajah se iss duniya main na aa paaya! Are mar
gaya uska bacha!
Shanti's scornful words again flashed across her mind and
stung her heart badly. How painful it was for her to hear that she was assumed
the reason behind Vishaka's miscarriage? Would she ever want that her Vishaka
should suffer? Never, ever!
But then if it is so hurting for her to hear everyone calling
her such names, and pointing her to be a reason for every bad thing……..how
would have the little Radhika felt when she'd called her such names? Amma
wondered solemnly. How much the little girl would have felt bad, how much it
would have hurt her? If it was so unbearable for her…….how the little girl
would have suffered and coped up with all those years of abuses???
Amma's heart ripped in to several pieces as she now
understood the agony that Radhika must have gone throughout her life…….only
because of Amma! How the little girl must have cried, and struggled to come to
terms with Amma calling her such names and pushing her to corner!
"Areeh shayad isi baat
ka paap chada hoga Amma ko……..ke jeevan bhar ek nanhi si bachi ko
manhoos aur abshaguni
kehti rahi…….aur isilye aaj sab unhi ko iss naam se bula rahe hain! Jaisi
karni……waisi bharni! Hmph"
Shanti's disdainful remark was true, Amma realized. Probably
she was suffering all these years as a punishment…….for behaving so cruelly
with an innocent small girl……for abusing a girl and trying to snatch her
happiness in the name of being wise when all she had was arrogance and
selfishness!
Turning her gaze to Kanha's picture, she pleaded forgiveness
through her gaze. "Moko Maaf kardeejyo
Thakurjee…….moko apni galati ka ehsaas ho gayo hai…….mose bahut badi bhul ho
gayi Thakurjee……..uss bachi ko samajne main…….bahut badi galti ho gayi
Thakurjee!!!!!" she cried mutely.
"Humne apne ahankar
(false pride) main use itna kuch kaha zindagi bhar……apne ahankar main dubkar…….uss
bachi ko bina kisi wajah kosti rahi……..par aaj…….aaj Oohi bachi……sagre jag ke
saamne…….more liye khadi huwi Thakurjee. Aaj sab sab log moko manhoos samaj
rahe hain………to wahi bachi…….mora saath de rahi hai Thakurjee……..wahi bachi mora
saath de rahi hai"
Sniffling, she shook her head in distress feeling miserable
that it took her so long to understand Radhika.
"Hum humesha sochti
rahi ke Oo chori……iss ghar ka bura chahti rahi…..humesha sochat rahi ke OO
chori more parivaar ki khushiyan cheena chahti thi……par us bachi ne to humesha
more parivaar ka…….mor apno ka bhala socha tha…….eei sab moko na dikha
Thakurjee!! Na dikha moko!! Aaj jab mujh jaise log……aakar taana kas rahe……to
wahi chori more waste khadi ho gayi……..kaise Thakurjee…….kaisen galat samaj
liyo humne uss chori ko…….itni bhali bachi ko kaisen hum na samaj paaye??
Kaisen?" she sobbed.
"Moko samaj main aa
gaya Thakurjee ke kaahe hum itne saalon se iss bistar pe pade reh rahe hain!!
Oo aapki sachi bhakt thi Thakurjee…….par humne uski bhakti poar humesha shak
kiyo……lekin aaj aapne moko dikha diyo……..ke Oo chori aapki sachi bhakt
hai…….aur hum……..hum to sirf ek paapin (sinner) hain! Moko samaj main aa gayo
ke kaahe aapne moko itni badi saza di……..kyunki humne uss bachi par jeevan bhar
zulm kiye……Ooka vivah rukwayeke khatir uski zindagi barbad karni
chaahi…….eeihai ke waste na Thakurjee moko aapne saza di?? Eeihai ke waste
na……….hum samaj gaye…….moko maaf kar deejyo……mujh paapin ko maaf kardeejyo
Thakurjee…….!!!!!" Amma cried, pleading forgiveness for misunderstanding Kaha's
devotee
"Moko maaf kardeejyo Thakurjee!!" repeating mentally, she
closed her eyes and kept mumbling the words in her mind again and again and
again!
A moment or so later………
"Sirf Thakurjee se maafi maange se kya hoga?" a voice that
closely resembled her's, asked.
Amma opened her eyes and to her amazement saw her own
reflection in front of her. The reflection had normal skin and face, and it
looked exactly like she'd been years before.
"Sirf Thakurjee se maangi maangna hai ka toko?" the
reflection asked, smiling.
Amma blinked in confusion.
"Radhika se na maangno hai maafi?" the reflection asked.
Amma pondered at this.
"Ka soch rahi ho? Jiske saath tune itne baras anyay
kiya…….us se maafi nahi maangni toko? Areeh jab tak oo bachi toko maaf na kar
deti…….bhagwan bhi toko maaf na karenge…….." saying, the reflection
disappeared……..leaving Amma stumped.
Where did she go, Amma wondered in haze.
But then the reflection's words circled in her mind.
"Ka soch rahi ho? Jiske
saath tune itne baras anyay kiya…….us se maafi nahi maangni toko?
Yes, she had to beg forgiveness from Radhika……..she had to.
She cannot live with the burden of this guilt! She had to……..somehow she had
to!
But how can she ask for forgiveness when her entire body was
inactive and she cant speak. How was she supposed to ask forgiveness?
Turning her face to Kanha's picture, she beseeched the Lord
to cure her for some moments, so that she can ask for forgiveness from
Radhika…..so that she can get rid of this guilt from her mind.
"Moko bas thodi der ke
liye theek kar deejyo………ooke baad…….agar maut bhi aa gayi….. tum hum kachu na
kahenge Thakurjee….." She begged, crying………….
Time began flying quick. Radhika's visits to Amma increased
– she would come in to feed her, apply the ayurvedic medicines, to give her
usual medicine…….and all this would only make Amma feel more remorseful.
Amma would feel pathetic on seeing Radhika taking so much
care of her……despite her having treated the girl so badly. It was as if,
Radhika had no qualms of the past and was happy in serving her. Everytime Amma
thought of Radhika's goodness, guilt stabbed badly in her gut and the pain
spread through her veins making her want to scream out aloud. But she couldn't!
Amma's eyes unknowingly began adoring Radhika whenever she
would come in……and would talk so uninhibitedly while feeding or tending to her
wounds. Amma would rarely feel the pain, as all her eyes noticed was……the
beautiful, innocent girl in Radhika.
However with every passing moment, she became desperate to
ask forgiveness from her. She tried hard……….harder but nothing happened. She
couldn't even move a limb or utter a single word……..and she would end up
imploring the Lord to cure her just for some moments!
Radhika did notice Amma's struggle to speak or move when she
was close by and felt happy that Amma was trying. But at the same time, she
couldn't understand what Amma was trying to say so desperately……
"Amma……aap chinta mat keejye…….thode dino main bilkul theek
ho jaayengi" Radhika would mumble to infuse confidence in Amma.
But Amma would still keep struggling hard, much to Radhika's
puzzlement.
Sometimes Dhruv also joined Radhika and would launch in to
his cute, childish stories for entertaining Amma. Although Radhika disapproved
this at first, fearing that Amma might not like it and would feel stressed……….but
when Dhruv gleefully pointed that Amma was smiling to his talks……this changed
Radhika's mind and she let Dhruv amuse Amma with his childish innocence;
anything for a small smile from Amma.
Shastrijee and Devki were wary of this closeness and they
kept an eye on them always for caution. Radhika, meanwhile, told Dev everything
about how Amma was happy and didn't have the scornful look in her eyes anymore.
Dev was happy because his Radhika was happy there and he wished that Amma would
soon realize how nice a person Radhika was!
4 days passed swiftly and soon Sunday came up. Radhika got
freshened up quickly for going to the temple…….but before leaving, she decided
to call Dev and ask him as to when is he coming?
"Haan main bas abhi Mumbai airport ke liye jaa raha
hoon……..I will reach there in 4 hours" he informed.
Radhika smiled. "Jee……main aapka intezaar karungi……."
Dev too smiled. "Hmm……..lekin mujhse to intezaar bhi nahi ho
raha hai…….apni patni ko itne dino se dekha jo nahi!"
"Ab to milenge na……chaliye…….aap phone rakhiye……aur jaldi
aajaiyie……."
"Uddke aajaun tumhare paas……..2 minute main?" he asked sweetly..
Radhika giggled, letting her hands brush the small flowers
in the backyard. "Hmm…..theek hai udd ke aajaiye mere paas…….sirf 2 minute
main……."
Dev laughed. "Chalo…….main rakhta hoon……."
"Jee dhyaan se aaiyega…….." mumbling, she hung the phone and
smiled, unable to control herself. It had been an entire week……and she was
aching to meet him now.
"2 minute main aayenge…….." she chuckled to herself, shaking
her head. However, deep inside she wished he could come in 2 minutes because
waiting for 4 hours seemed too long! Yet, she knew it can't happen!
Suddenly a pair of strong arms came around her, caging her
tightly.
Radhika gasped in shock, her heart jumped in to throat……and
she was about to shout when she realized that the touch wasn't new…….rather
familiar the touch was of someone whom she loved the most!
She glanced down at the hands wrapping her tummy and a huge
smile flashed on her face, as her doubts were confirmed entirely. Quickly
spinning, she found Dev's loving, handsome face in front of her eyes……..and her
eyes gleamed in joy.
"Aap!!!?" she asked in surprise.
"Hmm. Good Morning Surprise……." He said lovingly.
She giggled sweetly and then hugged him tight. "Aap itni
jaldi?"
"Tumne kaha na……2 minute main aajao…….to main aagaya" he
said.
Inching back, she twitched her lips. "Sach boliye na…..aap
itne subah subah yahan kaise?"
He grinned. "Areeh main to kal hi late night flight se Delhi
aagaya tha……..lekin jab tak Vrindavan pahuncha
bahut raat ho gayi thi…….isiliye tum sabko disturb nahi karna chahta
tha……aur phir socha ke subah subah apni pyaari patni ko jaakar surprise de
doon"
Radhika smiled and hugged him again.
He wrapped his hands around her waist lovingly. "Mujhse to
ek pal bhi nahi raha jaa raha tha. Kal Office ke baad sabse pehli flight
pakadke aagaya……."
"To iska matlab aap puri raat soye nahi?" she asked
somberly, feeling bad that he didn't sleep.
"Are neend kise aa rahi thi. Aur waise bhi…….pichle ek hafte
se aapke bina wahan mujhe neend hi nahi aa rahi thi……." He said solemnly.
She looked at him with the same glum expression. "Mujhe
bhi…….ab main aapse kabhi nahi kahungi ke mujhe yahan akela chod aap chale
jaayen……aap yahan rukenge to hi main bhi rukoongi"
Grinning, he framed her cheek "Hmm….." and kissed her
forehead.
She smiled as the blush colored her cheek again after a long
time.
"Waise……maine ek aur cheez bahut jyaada miss kiya"
"Kya?"
"Good Morning kiss" he replied naughtily.
She blushed harder and looked away.
"Chalo na…….yahan koi nahi hai……mujhe kiss do……."
Her eyes grew wide in shock. "yahan? Koi bhi aa sakta hai!"
"Are 1 minute ko to baat hai" he began inching closer
But she moved back. "no way! Abhi nahi"
"Radhika its been 1 week! Please….."
Radhika remained firm. "No means No!"
"Ek chota sa? Please?" he pleaded cutely.
"Erm…….par….." she didn't know how to make him understand
He placed his index finger on her lips "Shh…….." and then
his lips covered her's.
Momentarily they forgot everything and let themselves be
absorbed in the sweet kiss.
Dev released her in few seconds and she looked down
blushing.
"Baaki ka……..Mumbai jaake……" he mumbled
She hit his arm lightly.
"Radhika!!!!" Shastrijee's voice floated to them, stumping
them……and they quickly stepped back from each other's arms.
"Radh……" Shastrijee's voice froze on finding Dev standing in
the backyard along with a visibly blushing Radhika. "are…….Dev beta aap? Aap
kab aaye?" he asked, surprised
Dev smiled and went to touch his feet. "Bas abhi abhi aaya
Babuji……"
Shastrijee smiled and looked at Radhika, who was still trying
to hide her blush. He smiled inwardly…….for his daughter was being so happy in
her world.
"Lekin beta itni subah subah?"
"Batata hoon Babuji…..aap mandir jaa rahe honge na…….main
bhi chalta hoon…..chalte chalet batata hoon" Dev suggested.
Shastrijee smiled. "Theek hai……..Chal Radhika……"
They all sauntered towards the gate…………
The day passed quickly with fun, chatter and enjoyment……and
soon it was time for Dev, Radhika and Dhruv to leave.
"Acha Amma main chalti hoon" Radhika came in to take Amma's
blessings.
Hearing this Amma was stunned – she didn't know Radhika
would leave so soon! Her apology was still remaining.
Dhruv and Dev too took her blessings.
"Acha Amma main chalta hoon………agle saal aaunga aur aapse
phir dher saari baatein karunga" Dhruv said cutely.
This brought a smile on Amma's face automatically…….and she
inwardly wished they could stay back some more time.
"Apna dhyaan rakhiyega Amma" Dev said and turned to Radhika.
"Chale?"
"Jee?" Radhika smiled and looked at Amma with the same sweet
smile.
Amma's heart wrenched. No, she had to stop Radhika and
apologize. But how can she do so because he body was chained up! How?
She knew Radhika comes here every year……..but with the pain
in her body becoming unbearable with every passing second, she wasn't sure if
she would survive until the next year!
And she didn't want to die before apologizing for her sins
to Radhika…….if she didn't her soul would never rest in peace. She had to beg
for forgiveness.
Radhika and others sauntered out of the room and paused near
the door, discussing something.
Amma tried moving her vegetable like body but she couldn't.
She struggled hard…….harder to move her limbs or to utter something…….yet she
couldn't.
Radhika smiled and moved a step away…….and Amma's eyes
beseeched her to stop. But since none of them were facing her, they couldn't
see her struggling hard.
Amma shook her head, pleading Radhika to stop. "Ruk jaa Radhika……..Ruk jaa!!!"
Her face crumpled in a frown as her struggle for movements was
making her wounded body, hurt a lot – yet she didn't mind because the burden of
remaining with guilt would be too painful to her. If she couldn't apologize to
her today, she won't be able to breathe in peace as the remorse would keep
stabbing her hard every moment!! She had to apologize to Radhika today…..at
this moment!!!! Strenghtening her mind, she kept trying to call out Radhika's
name……but everything was going in vain.
She saw Dev, Radhika and others were laughing at some joke
of Dhruv. Shastrijee was gifting Dhruv some chocolate and Devki was smiling at
this.
Tears of excruciating pain rolled down Amma's cheek…….as she
tried hard to get some voice out of her throat – her throat was hurting bad. With
open mouth, she kept trying to utter something……however nothing happened……no
one even looked at her.
Breathing hard, she turned her teary gaze to the picture of
Lord. "Kanha…….moko aaj usse maafi
maangni hai Thakurjee…….use rok lo…….Uss chori ne moko itna prem diyo hai
Thakurjee……uss prem par mora koi adhikar na hai…...hum uske layak na hai…… phir
bhi uss bachi ne moko prem diyo, mora khayal rakha Thakurjee……moko us se maafi
maangni hai…… apne apradhon ka prayschit karna hai bhagwan…….warna hum jeete
jee mar jaavengi uss apradhbod (guilt) ke neeche…….moko us se maafi maangni hai
bhagwan……..moko bas thodi der ke liye theek kar do…….woh chali na jaaye……..uske
baad moko apne paas bhi bula loge to moko koi dukh na hovego…….par moko bas
kuch kshan ke liye theek kar do bhagwan…….."
Radhika and others started walking towards the main door.
"Hmm…..agle saal Dhruv ko jyaada din rukna hoga" Shastrijee
said.
Dhruv agreed instantly. "Okay Nanuu!!"
Amma jerked her head on hearing their voices and found them
walking away. She began trying harder to move, to speak something. Her irises
began dilating and the images of everyone started blurring, her dry throat
choked up……while her breaths seemed to have stuck, making her feel suffocated.
Yet she didn't give up trying.
Others almost reached the main door.
"Acha Babuji hum chalte hain……" Dev said.
Hearing this Amma began trying harder……the body didn't have
any energy but still she kept trying……fighting with every ounce of strength she
had in herself……….
But none of her efforts seemed to be working.
She didn't give up because she had to apologize to Radhika,
or else she won't be able to forgive her own self. Reminding this herself
repeatedly, Amma fought harder, struggled desperately. She felt choked up…..as
if she was almost dying……but she didn't give up……kept trying…….. trying
harder…….
"R…..RADHHH…….." a sound came out and Amma's body thudded
on the floor.
Hearing this sudden noise from Amma's room, everyone shared
a worried glance and they all rushed inside to her room.
On reaching her room, they found Amma lying on the ground
mumbling something.
"Amma!!!" Radhika rushed in first, followed by Dev and
others. Devki kept the kid outside.
Amma heard Radhika's voice and tried craning her neck up.
She saw Radhika rushing closer and paused near her head.
Radhika was about to kneel down, but before she could Amma's
hand held her feet…..leaving Radhika stumped!
"M……..mo……mo……..moko……..mm……maaa…………maaf……..ka…….kar…….de……Rad…….hi…ka"
Amma said with much effort and pressed her head to Radhika's feet.
Hearing this, Radhika came out of her temporary shock and
her hands flew to her mouth. "Amma……? Yeh?" She was shocked to see Amma
pressing her head on her feet, holding them.
"Ma…..maf" Amma mumbled, pressing her head over
Radhika shook her head gesturing that Amma should not touch
her feet and bent down to release her feet. "nahi……..Amma……yeh kya aap kya kar
rahi hain?" she asked, unable to make sense of her words.
Amma craned her neck up, crying.
"Mo…..ko……maaf……..k….kar…..de……"
Kneeling down, Radhika shook her head. "N….nahi Amma……aap
mere pair mat chuiye…….."
Dev shared a glance with Shastrijee and they both helped
Amma to get back on the bed again.
As she was laid back on the bed, Amma's gaze searched for
Radhika again. "Maa…..f…… kar….de"
Radhika sat beside, distressed. "Amma yeh sab aap kya keh
rahi hain……kyun tak……" suddenly her voice paused as she realized Amma was
actually talking! Her eyes grew in joy. "Amma! Aap bol salti hain! Aapne haath
bhi hilaya………." She quickly turned to others. "Babuji Amma bol sakti hain……."
Shastrijee couldn't help a smile coming on his face –
howmuchever he despised her actions, yet he couldn't ignore that Amma was his
mother!
Radhika turned and repeated the words joyously to Dev, who
inturn nodded and grinned along with her.
"Amma……mujhe poora bharosa tha ke kanha aapko jaldi theek
kardenge…….." Radhika said, happily joining her palms in reverence.
Amma was feeling little suffocated and on noticing this
Radhika quickly gave her some water. "Aaram se Amma……lekin aap yeh sab keh rahi
thi……aur aap neeche kaise gir gayi?"
Taking some deep breaths, Amma tried speaking again but her
throat was burning like anything.
"M….mo…..moko…….ma……maafi……." Amma managed somehow.
Comprehending her words finally, "Amma kya ho gaya hai
aapko……..aap kyun maafi mang rahi hain?" Radhika said, caressing her forehead
softly.
"M…..moko……maaf……karde…….."
Radhika shook her head. "Bas Amma aapko jyaada baat nahi
karna chahiye. Aapko takleef hogi"
"Maa…..fi…." Amma said with much difficulty.
"Kis ke liye maafi maang rahi hai aap Amma?" Radhika asked.
Amma's tears kept trickling down her bruised cheeks.
"T….to….re……saath……jo…… jeevan …..b…..bhar…….kasht diyo…….ooke……liye" she
mumbled.
Radhika's brows puckered wondering why was Amma apologizing
suddenly? "Amma lekin……"
"Mo……ko……pata hai…..ke hum……humari galtiyan……maa……fi
ke…..laayk nahi…… hai……..phir bhi…….jab tak…..hum……..tose……maa…..fi nahi
maangte….. moko…..chain ……na…….avego……."
Shastrijee and Devki shared a glance.
Radhika felt sad seeing Amma trying so hard; she didn't need
any apology from Amma for past events….."Amma aap beeti baaton ko rehne
deejye……aaj aap theek ho rahi hain……mere liye itna hi kaafi hai……..mujhe aapse
koi shikayat nahi hai"
Dev kept looking at Radhika as she said those words; indeed
his Radhika had a very big heart to have pardoned a person like Amma, who'd
tortured her throughout her life, so easily.
"Na…..moko……bhagwan…..se……eeihai waste……..saza mili…….eei
beemari…..kyunki….. humne toko……..zindagi……..bhr……..kosa…….toko samaj nahi
paaye…….toko……bura….. bhala…….kehte rahe……."
Radhika smiled. "Nahi Amma…..mere Kanha itne nirday
(heartless) nahi hai ke who aapko iss kism ki saza denge…….aap to ab theek ho
rahi hain……..yeh bhi to Kanha ki hi kripa hai. Main nahi samajti Amma ke aapki
galatiyan……aisi saza ke layak hain……."
Amma's throat choked on hearing this; even after all the
atrocities done by her, this girl was ready to forgive her in a minute.
"Na…..na……moko……to……ise…..bhi badi saza…….milweka chahiye.
Mose bahut…… bade……apradha huwo hai……maine toko……bachpan ke uss…….choti
umar….main kosa…. Toko maara……tori khus……khushi cheen….na chahti thi……"
Radhika just shook her head, gesturing that no apologies
were needed.
"Yahan tak ke……..to……tora vivah rokne ke liye……toko maarne
ki…….koshish ki……."
This left Radhika stumped and Dev aghast!
"Oo ubalta……huwa dhood…….tope……phek……tori
shaadi…….rukwana…….chahti thi…. Toko…..jalana chahti……..rahi…….." Amma managed.
Radhika was horrified to hear this, so was Dev. His teeth
gritted while fists clenched in anger! Amma had tried to burn Radhika!?? She
had tried to kill Radhika…….merely to stop their wedding!!!!
Aghast, he glanced up at Shastrijee and Devki. But to his
astonishment found them, hanging their heads low, as if in shame. His eyes grew
wide wondering if they already knew it. Probably they did!!
"moo……ko………maafi………" Amma gulped, but it scratched her
throat.
Radhika didn't know how to react after learning that Amma
had tried to kill her…..had tried to burn her. She was shocked, too horrified.
"Maaf…..na…..kar…..paavegi………tu……moko…..pata
hai…...hum…..maafi……layak nahi…..moko…….maaf
mat……..karna……..moko…….bas…….tose…….maafi maangni thi…….ab……..tu
chali……jaa……..more paas…….mat aana
kabhi……..hum……..ko…… bhagwan……..ka shrap milo hai……….topar……atchyachar…….karne
ke liye…….tujh…… jaise……paavan……..ladki…….ka…….more……paas……..rehn…….theek……na
hai" she mumbled, crying.
Seeing Amma's condition, Radhika heart melted and she took a
deep breath. "Amma……uss samay jo huwa so huwa……..tab Kanha ne meri raksha kar
li. Main yeh samajti hoon ke….. Kahna ne aapke haathon ek bahut bada apradh
hone se rok diya……."
Dev just looked on.
Radhika brushed away her tears and looked at Amma. "aur
Amma……jab insaan sache man se prayschit karta hai……..jab sache prayschit main
insaan ke aankhon se aansu aate hain…..tab to Bhagwan ka man bhi pigal jaata
hai……bhagwan bhi sache man se prayshit karne waale ko maaf dete hain……..main to
keval ek insaan hoon……."
Amma stared at Radhika in wonderment……thinking how big her
heart was to forgive Amma even after knowing all the truths.
"Jo baatein beet gayi…….woh beet gayi. Aapko apni galatiyon
ka ehsaas ho gaya mere liye wahi kaafi hai. Itne saal Kanha ne aapko iss
tarah……lekin abhi ab bol paa rahi hain…….aapke sharer main harkat ho rahi
hai……..aur iska matlab yahi hai……ke shayad ab Kanha bhi aapko maaf karna chahte
hain…….to jab Kanha ne aapko maaf kardiya…….main kyun aapse naaraz rahungi?"
Radhika said tenderly.
Amma couldn't help a smile on hearing all this.
"Radhia…….abhagan tu na……hum thi…….jo……..itne…….saal……toko
samaj…..naa paayi……….tore dard……ko samaj
na…….paayi…….par…….ab……..jab……mopar……oo sab…….beeti……….to moko……..samaj
main……..aayo……..lekin……..mopar………jab ……ungli……..uthi………tune mora saath……..diya………abhagan
tu na……hum hai……. Jo tore jaise………..heere…….ko pathar samajt rahi………." Mumbling
she glanced at Shastrijee "tu sahi……..kehta hai…….lallan…….mose…….glati
huwi…….eei bachi…..to heera hai…… eeika dil………bahut……..bada hai……..abhagan hum
hai……..jo eeiko…….poti ka……prem …….na de……..paave…….."
Shastrijee closed his eyes and sighed, letting tears roll
down his eyes – finally Amma realized her mistake.
"Haan Amma……..Radhika to humesha heera thi…….aapne hi ise
samajne main bhul ki. Aur shayad isiliye aapko saza bhi mili…….." he said.
Amma nodded. "Moko pata hai………ab……lekin……hum……..sukoon……..se
mar…… pavengi……"
"Aap aisa kyun keh rahi hain? Aap kuch nahi hoga" Radhika
said hurriedly.
"Bas……mori ek…….aur icha…….hai……..Radhik" Amma mumbled with
much effort.
"Kya?" Radhika asked warmly.
"Ek…….ek……baar……..moko…….tere
muh…….se………moko…….Dadima……kehte huwe…….sun na hai…………bas ek baar" Amma pleaded.
Radhika's eyes filled with tears of joy while her throat
felt choked. She had never thought that someday Amma would finally accept her
as granddaughter. But today she did!
"Ek…..baar…….betiya……."
Dev's anger melted on seeing Radhika's tears of joy and he
didn't wish to interrupt this moment.
"D…….Da…..Dadima……." Radhika mumbled, as tears gushed down
her cheeks. "Dadima……."
"ek aur baar……." Amma requested.
A teary smile came on Radhika's face as she finally got a
grandmother in Amma. "Dadima……. Dadima"
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