Premeer One Shot: Masterplan

It was a very unusual day.  The winds direction have changed, Heer thought as she looked outside her window.  It feels differerent, as if the winds were trying to tell her something.  She knew what they were telling her.  They wanted her to go stop Prem's wedding to Geet which was tonight itself.  Because even the winds knew that Prem and Heer are one.  Or well, after tonight, they WERE one.   Maybe after tonight, when Prem is near by, the winds would stop blowing her hair and mess it up, she thought to herself before the buzzing from her phone intruppted her. 

"Hello?" Heer answered.  A frantic voice on the other hand answered. 
"Hello? Heer?? Where are you, Heer?  I am going crazy here.  Tonight is my wedding and you are nowhere to be seen!   Heer please come fast before I get a panic attack, please Heer, please!" It was her best friend Geet who was getting married to her husband, the love of her life, and her daughter's father, Prem.
"Geet, calm down.  I just came home to get ready, I'll be right there."

Heer got to Geet's house only to find every single piece of clothing that Geet ever owned was on the floor.  Heer helped Geet get ready and both of them along with Jasmeet Aunty and some random people that neither Geet or Heer knew or ever seen in their lives (or in that case, neither did Jasmeet Aunty) and who were only there for the free food went to the wedding hall. 

As soon as Heer stepped inside the hall, the wind started to blow again.  Damn this wind, Heer thought, I know Prem is here, I am not blind!  Stop messing up my hair...It took me an hour to fix it!   She helped Geet sit in the mandap and watched the ceremonies start.   Geet being all shy and giddy kept on looking at Prem who in turn kept on looking at Heer.  Prem must really like Heer, even I like Heer....Hamari pasand kitni milti hai. We are such soulmates, Geet thought.  And than the pehras started.  Prem who was hoping that any moment Heer would stop the wedding watched as Heer munched on jilabis and talked to Maya about some bollywood movie.   Since when are Maya and Heer best of friends, thought Prem. Meanwhile Bauji, Harman, Preet, Meher, Kulraj, and 50 other extras just for a more dramatic effect looked at eachother with worry and paced up and down hoping Heer would stop the wedding.

But than........Geet got up.  "Main yeh shaadi nahi kar sakthi."  Gayatri who was doing a happy dance in her head suddenly stopped in her tracks. 
"Kyu beta?  Why?? You have to get married to Prem!  You have to!!  You just have to!"  she said as she threw a mini tantrum.
  "Relax auntyji...I can only get married if Heer does the pehras with me and Prem."  Everyone looked at her in shock. 
"Geet, what are you saying?  Have you lost your mind?  I can't walk the pehras with you!!  First of all, our outfits would so clash and second of all three people can't get married at the same time to EACHOTHER!"  Heer screamed at her.
"Heer please!  Or else I won't get married...you have to walk the pehras, please Heer please please!  You can't say no!  Pleaaaaaaaaaaaase Heer!" Geet cried.
"Fine, only because it's your wedding day and I won't make you cry." Heer said as she walked up to the mandap and stood between Geet and Prem who was smiling away like he won a million bucks.

With the first pehra, Gayatri did bhangra in her head and said to Veera that her "badla" is almost done who in turn turned in her grave.

With the second pehra, the two doves ran into a tree and crashed to the ground

With the third pehra, the cardboard moon got slashed in half by a pair of flying scissors.

With the fourth pehra, Jugni had a fit and started throwing cow poop at passerby somewhere in Timabaktu.

With the fifth pehra, the payal and the kangan, Prem and Heer ki pyar ki nishanis, broke in half just sitting in Prem's dresser.

With the sixth pehra, Jugni pulled all her hair out and now she was bald.

With the seventh pehra, the earth opened up in two because Jasmeet Aunty ate too much ladoos and fell down. 


As the wedding concluded, the party, who had no idea who actually got married to who and if the wedding actually counted but didn't really care since they got free food, all procceded to the Juneja House.   There all the rasams started.  Geet insisted that Heer must do all the rasams with her.   When it was time to leave, Geet wouldn't let Heer go even after Gayatri threw another tantrum.  "Nahi....Heer came in my dowry! She's going to live with me here!"
"What???? Are you crazy, Geet beta?  How can Heer live with you?  How can you pick Heer over me, your mother??  This is so unfair!  That's it!  I am going to go and plot something evil now!" Jasmeet Aunty cried.
"Oh Mama, tum bhi na.  This is Juneja's house.  It's an open house.  Anyone can move in here anytime and there still would be room for another fifty people.  But if you move in here, than there would be no place for the 50 other people.  So please!!"
"Geet you must have lost your mind!  I can't move in here!  You are crazy, I am not going to do this!"  Heer said storming off.
"HEEEEEER!!  Nahiiin, if you don't live here, neither would I!  You have to move here Heer.  I can't live without you!  You have to stay here, Heer!  Please!" cried Geet once again.
"But Geet what about Phudka?  I mean Chahat....what about Chahat?   She must be home alone, I have to go Geet!"
"That's not even an excuse, Heer!  Chahat is a superkid.  She can so live by herself and everything.  But I can't!  Please Heer, please!"
Heer looked at her and than looked at Prem who did look rather cute.  "Fine, stop crying now!"

Than it was time for Geet and Prem's to umm left alone.   Heer made Geet sit on the bed and started to leave but Geet grabbed her hand.   "Heer, I really miss Mama so I am gonna go and stuff myself with Ladoos now.  Please stay here and entertain Prem."
"Geet, have you LOST your mind?? What you mean entertain Prem?  It's your suhaag raat and you want me to ENTERTAIN Prem while you eat ladoos??  Are you crazzzy?"
"But Heer, please!!  I know Prem won't mind if you entertain him.  He's so nice you see.  And you are my best friend..tum oh yah main, same thing.  You know me so well so you can tell Prem all about my likes and dislikes and my favorite actor, Shah Rukh Khan too!"
By than, Prem entered the room.  Seeing both Heer and Geet there, he got confused for a second but than got excited.  "Is this a buy one get one free deal?  SCORE!" said Prem.
Heer gave Prem an evil look but than realized he looked very nice.  Oh look, he ever grew his hair and he's not even wearing his undershirt! "Fine Geet, I guess since your my best friend, I can do that for you.  Go eat your ladoos."  Geet hugged her and left happily to the kitchen.

Meanwhile, Prem who was even more excited now hugged Heer and they both played phingoli while all of a sudden, Veera's picture shook and Gayatri screamed a big "NAAAHHHHIINN!"  The two doves came back to life and started to fly away happily.  The cardboard moon got taped back by Balaji creatives.   The cow poop that Jugni threw turned into roses.  The payal and the kangan got fixed by themselves.  Jugni's hair grew back and was back to its crazy state.  The earth was still shattered in two since now along wtih Jasmeet Aunty, Gayatri fell too.

Geet was in the kitchen eating her ladoos.  She opened her purse and took out a picture of Heer that she kept with her at all time and started to talk to it while lovingly stroking it.  "You are such a good friend, Heer.  Such a great friend.  You are entertaining Prem so I won't miss Mama.  Sach, only lucky people get such good friends."   Heer on the other hand, thought, I really don't mind.

Ok that's it.  I know its stupid....but remember its a joke.