Twinj SS : Life is Beautiful ,Prologue and Chpt 1 in Pg 1.

First Previous

Page

Next Last

Frequent Posters

asmaanixx

@asmaanixx

Achiever

+ 5

Posted: 9 years ago

#21

First of all, welcome to the forum Jenni! 🤗

Now, since you have asked me to record my feedback, that's exactly what I'm going to do. Please don't mind the honesty and if you feel offended by anything that I have said, I deeply apologize in advance.

Onto your work:

Prologue:

- Inner dialogues are best presented italicized.

- Example, >> Blooming love is so eccentric, was the thought process of Kunj... <<

- Try to avoid long run-on sentences. Your very first paragraph is quite long and will do best by being split up into two separate sentences.

Chapter One:

- Once again, avoid long run-on sentences. A lot of what you said could be made more powerful with short sentences.

- When you use dialogues, make it separate from the actions. Complete the speech, present all the other extra actions in a different paragraph and then continue with the dialogues in a new paragraph.

- Make sure you edit your piece and look for any spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Trust me, it will make a huge difference!

Overall, it was a nice start. 👍🏼

Quote

Duumps

@Duumps

Dazzler

Posted: 9 years ago

#22

Welcome to the forum Jenni.

Loved the beginning of your SS.

Waiting for what happens next.

Edited by Duumps - 9 years ago

Quote

Looks like you are new here. Register for free, learn and contribute.

CarpediemRose

@CarpediemRose

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 9 years ago

#23

Originally posted by: Nikkk
Jenny it was lovely...continue soon
met u after so long.
Remember me ???

Nikki🤗

I m fine and I hope u too sound great.

THanks a lot dear

Will update soon dear😊😊

Quote

CarpediemRose

@CarpediemRose

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 9 years ago

#24

Originally posted by: Phycho
Sorry for commenting late di!!! i'm Anisha 😳
Coming to the story it's superb di!!! loved Aradhya a lot such a cutie pie she is!!!👏😃😊
Plz PM me when u update the nxt part wud love to read it!!! 😳😆
update soon di...will be waiting!!!😃
Sorry for using a lot of exclamation marks...actually i'm used to it!!! 😉

Hi dear Anisha😃😃

Omg ,I really feel so happy to read ur comments

And pls don't be sorry , I really don't like it dear

U are used to it and it is ur habit ,I won't feel bad at all

Will update soon and will pm u too dear😃😃

Quote

Ragini

@.Ragini.

Sparkler

+ 2

Posted: 9 years ago

#25

Again, so sorry for being late

Had a busy week

Loved the start

Looking forward to reading this

Also welcome to the family jenni🤗

Quote

zaara610

@zaara610

Sparkler

+ 5

Posted: 9 years ago

#26

Hi..welcome to the forum..😊

Excellent start..well written...Loved it

Waiting for your next update

Quote

CarpediemRose

@CarpediemRose

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 9 years ago

#27

Originally posted by: Abhia2Twinj4eva
Aah dear Jenny 😃 m so so glad😳 finally you 've posted on this forum 😳
Waise to you are in this forum from a long time 😆but phir bhi welcome to this lovely wonderful forum 🤗😆
Ok now coming to this story 😛what a brilliant fresh amazing lovely concept👏 I wished it's rather be an ff instead of an SS 😃
Par chalo koi ni 😳 I would like and enjoy it anyways 😳😉
Ff iske baad likhdena😛😉
And haa whenever done plz do p.m. me😳
Wud be w8ng .. do continue soon plz 😃😳

Hi my dear Anjum🤗

Omg ,so much of praise for me ,I am melting like ice 😆😆chalo

I am so glad u liked it dear

And ,I m too lazy really ,that's why I don't make FF's but ,I have opened the daily episodic thread ,I hope that will be fine

ANd ,for sure I will continue soon and also will pm ,whenever I update dear

Have an amazing weekend😃😃

Quote

CarpediemRose

@CarpediemRose

Stunner

+ 6

Posted: 9 years ago

#28

Originally posted by: asmaanixx
First of all, welcome to the forum Jenni! 🤗

Now, since you have asked me to record my feedback, that's exactly what I'm going to do. Please don't mind the honesty and if you feel offended by anything that I have said, I deeply apologize in advance.

Onto your work:

Prologue:

- Inner dialogues are best presented italicized.
- Example, >> Blooming love is so eccentric, was the thought process of Kunj... <<

- Try to avoid long run-on sentences. Your very first paragraph is quite long and will do best by being split up into two separate sentences.

Chapter One:

- Once again, avoid long run-on sentences. A lot of what you said could be made more powerful with short sentences.

- When you use dialogues, make it separate from the actions. Complete the speech, present all the other extra actions in a different paragraph and then continue with the dialogues in a new paragraph.

- Make sure you edit your piece and look for any spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Trust me, it will make a huge difference!

Overall, it was a nice start. 👍🏼

Hi Guru😳

Thanks a lot for ur comments

I am so happy to receive feedbacks and it doesn't really seem offensive at all 😃😃

Hi, dear being a literature student , I m used to describe one particular aspect so elaborately , I am quite good at descriptive writing ,that's why , I had made use of long sentences and , I am really used to it ,it is quite difficult for me to adapt but , I will try my best dear.

And , ur absolutely right , I really don't have time to edit and do things becz , as , I write here i prepare scripts ,poems and stories for my study and I really make it a rush ,it lacks planning , I will try avoiding them and will do my best next time.

Thanks a lot for ur valuable comments😃