Yuvani OS- Yuvraj's POV: A Dream
I stared at the ceiling. The dim light of the lamp on my left managed to brighten the room even in the 2 AM darkness. Unfortunately, it couldn't brighten my mood. In most battles between the heart and mind, it's the mind that urges caution and the heart preaches recklessness. I was in a battle where my mind was begging me to let go and live, and my heart was dealing with unknown fears. I closed my eyes and wished the stabbing pain there in my chest, which wasn't real, but was becoming more of a factor with every second, would just vanish. I wanted the rapidly increasing sinking feeling within me to ease off. I felt trapped and suffocated.
I turned to my right and lay on my side. Like always, she was lying there beside me, facing the opposite direction. Like every night for the past few months, there were cushions perfectly positioned between us so we wouldn't touch each other, even by accident. Tonight, something changed. I changed. My thoughts changed, my mind encouraged my heart to give in, and the next thing I knew, I'd given in. I grabbed the pillows that acted like a barrier between us and threw them across the room. They crashed on the floor and so did the walls that I had built up around my heart, keeping my wife from getting in. She had been banging and banging her head against those walls for months, and tonight I tore them down myself. I moved my pillow closer to hers. I touched her arm lightly, afraid to awaken her. She didn't move. I caressed her arm with the back of my hand very lightly and she shivered. An electric current passed through my body and shook me from head to toe. A craving which I had tried to keep suppressed now appeared with a vengeance. She was fast asleep. I could hear breathing slowly. Her shoulders rose ever so slightly as she inhaled and exhaled.
I was immediately overtaken by an untamed desire to seize her and enclose her in my arms, but I couldn't. I inched closer and closer till I felt the warmth of her body against me. Her warmth penetrated my body. I smiled. My heart beat faster and an unexplainable joy enveloped me from every angle. I put my arms around her and pressed my body against hers. I felt her breathing changing. Maybe she had woken up. I grew nervous with anticipation but also fear. I'd kept her away from so long that I almost feared that now when I was ready, she might push me away. She turned and shifted to her other side and faced me. She was still sleeping peacefully, with a slight smile on her lips, coupled with her innocence. I removed a strand of hair from her forehead and kissed it. I realized that I could stare at her all night. I already missed the feeling of her warmth against me. I needed it. It had momentarily lessened my growing misery.
Once again I lay on my back and stared at the ceiling. Suddenly, the loud sound of an alarm shocked me and I blinked. My room was brightly lit by the morning sun. It turned out that I had dreamt the whole thing. When I looked to my right, she was no longer beside me. Reality took over and so did bitter disappointment. None of it was real. She wasn't there anymore, nor did I deserve to have her there. The vacant feeling in my chest returned. Her warmth was gone along with her presence. The only thing left was the endless emptiness and regret of having not loved her when I still had the chance.
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