*From & To Sathish* - Thread 4 - Page 107

Vaanathai Pola 125

In darkness, you lie, lost, trapped and then a window opens, letting love shine through and dispel all that shadowed your thoughts and heart and that is how you feel when you are in love.

Just as your last breath is streaming to the surface as bubbles and you watch at as you are sinking to the bottom, a hand reaches out and pulls you back to the land of life. That hand is love.

Sometimes, you struggle to breathe and fear overcomes your very core and essence and another's mouth covers yours and breathes into it and breather their spirit into yours. That kiss of spirit is love.

Just like you had no choice to who you were born to and just like you die not knowing when the moment is going to come and are unprepared for it, love too invades your soul and then proceeds to pervade into your essence and all you can do is let it flow like a river and let it flow and meet its source as the river meets the sea.

Commissioner Viswanathan held the door open and Kavita thanking him entered the Chief minister's room and greeted him with folded hands. The Chief Minister did not have too but did and stood up to welcome her and enquired about her and how her dad, Minister Durai Pandi Arumugam was doing and then asked her to sit down in the chair that was placed to the side of the table.

Both, DGP Tripathy and Commissioner Viswanathan were familiar and well versed with the Lakshman Rekha that always existed between those in power and those that served them. But, the Commissioner's thoughts were all about Kavita and if she would be present when they spoke about Radha Krishnan and worse how she was going to react to the news of him being dead.

All his fears and thoughts came to nought the moment Chief Minister Edappadi K. Palaniswami informed Kavita that he would talk to her once he was done with the DGP and the Commissioner and turning first to DGP Tripathy asked him what he had to report from the meeting he had with Jagatratchagan in Madurai a few days ago.'

' Sir, I think we have to be prepared for eventually the man is going to make a move and is not going to take it lying down. It is now not only about his dead son Selvam but more a matter of prestige, pride and importantly, Ego. He is going to strike out, that I am sure of.'

Chief Minister Edappadi Palaniswami smiled, ' I, have known the man for many decades now and from my personal interactions with him I can tell with absolute certainty that Jagatratchagan will lash out and hard and will not rest until he has drawn enough blood and his thirst for vengeance is quenched.'

DGP Tripathy, a veteran who had faced such disastrous situations throughout his career and all over India was startled, to say the least, and he looked at the Chief Minister, ' Sir, if this man stokes the fires of caste-based wars, then the state will face a civil war and the situation will become uncontrollable.'

Chief Minister Edappadi's normally pleasant face now seemed to turn to stone and then he looked at Commissioner Viswanathan, ' do you have any better news than what Tripathy sir has brought to me for we need good news and a lot of good luck if we are going to stop this state from going up in flames.'

Commissioner Viswanathan looked at him and then glanced at Kavita whose eyes were boring into him, questioning him and asking him why he looked so out of sorts and uncomfortable and yet, the head of the state had asked him a question and he was forced to answer and there was no easy way out.

Duty called and for him, it was duty that came first and he answered the Chief Minister, ' Sir, we think the burnt body that was found in Velachery was that of Radha Krishnan, for all the evidence gathered points to that.'

Kavita heard the words through her ears but she felt the pain in her heart and in her womb and she yet she sat still and all the while fighting a tremendous battle with her emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her physically and her consciousness.

Chief Minister Edappadi sighed wearily ' what about the message that was left behind by the killers? what do you make out of it?'

Commissioner Viswanathan answered, ' if the body is of the man Radha Krishnan who was responsible for the death of Selvam then it is clear that he was kidnapped and murdered by people who wanted revenge.'

Chief Minister Edappadi looked at both the senior officers and said, ' Starting from the supreme court judgement against amma and Sasikala, and the infighting in our party that was eventually settled and then the jallikattu problem, Sterlite problem, Gaja cyclone problem, famine and water scarcity problem and in the end we barely scraped through in the 2019 elections and we are still in power and 2021 elections are around the corner and now this caste problem which I fear might turn out to be the worst and the scariest of all and I doubt if I and my party will be able to outlive it.'

Pointing to the large Photo of "Amma", Chief Minister Edappadi continued, ' if there is one thing that I learnt from her, my late leader, it was to face head-on the challenges that come our way for most of them vanish the moment we put up a fight.'

He looked at both the officers, ' we will do the same here and we will take on this caste issue and fight fire with fire and see that the law and order situation and the public are protected at all times for we are here to serve them and I aim to do that until the last day I remain in office.'

' sir' Kavita whispered and all three of them looked at her.

' Sir, can I say something?'

Chief Minister Edappadi looked at her and nodded, ' Please, Kavita, you are a cabinet minister and so are not only entitled to speak but also dutybound to do so and to share your thoughts with all of us. For, in my opinion, you, and youngsters like you are the future on whose shoulders this party has its hopes pinned to take forward the message of our leaders. So, speak freely and without any inhibitions.'

She thanked him humbly and said, ' Sir, I was there when Selvam tried to attack Anbu and the others and I was there when this person Radha Krishnan stepped forward and intervened to defend us.'

She looked at the Chief minister, unsure as to how he was going to react to what she was going to say next and then Edappadi Palaniswami cajoled her to finish saying what was in her mind and Kavita said it.

' I will go to Madurai and personally meet Jagatratchagan and try to calm him and make him see sense by explaining to him what exactly happened there at the Crowne Plaza hotel.'

Chief Minister Edappadi and the others stared at her and totally taken aback and flabbergasted by her suggestion and he asked her, ' Kavita, that man is a brute. surely, you know who you are dealing with here and the nature of his hatred.'

' yes sir. I know it very well sir for me and my family were exposed to such unreasonable hatred when we faced the late Vaidyanathan and in the process lost my brother to the violence that was unleashed against us by him and which in the end killed him too.'

Chief Minister Edappadi shook his head and refused, ' No, Kavita. You are putting yourself in grave danger and lest you forget, Madurai is his lair, and you are asking me permission to go there and meet the lion in his own den.'

' Correct sir and he will not be expecting me of all the persons to go and meet him to broker peace. Sir, please don't forget that I too belong to the Thevar community and that me and my father too have a lot powerful friends in and around Madurai.'

Chief Minister Edappadi smiled gratefully and said, ' If only there were more like you around me.'

Looking at her curiously, he asked, ' But, Why, Kavita? why are you putting yourself in harm's way, child?'

' To honour a brave man who was kidnapped and brutally murdered, sir. He is dead today because of me and the others and if I don't try to make an attempt to bring peace in this situation, then he would have died for nothing at all.'

Commissioner Viswanathan who had remained quiet until then, spoke, ' Ma'am, please, I request you to reconsider this idea for I fear that your very life may be in danger.'

Kavita smiled, ' Maybe, Commissioner sir, but do you have a better idea other than mine. Do, you think that curfews and armed police battalions will be able to stop a caste war once it erupts and can you tell me with absolute faith that your department can guarantee the safety of every citizen of this state of Tamil Nadu.'

Chief Minister Edappadi K. Palaniswami tapped the table just once and all of them looked at him for they knew his mind had been made up, ' No, he cannot promise the safety and security of the citizens nor can he prevent the destruction of public property and he cannot do that even if he has the entire Indian army at his disposal.'

He looked at Kavita, ' Go and meet Jagatratchagan and see if you can calm him down and make him see reason. If that fails then we will think of preventive arrests and other strict measures which I am sure will backfire on us. But, we have to try, and can't be seen sitting around, doing nothing.'

Kavita looked at Commissioner Viswanathan and her eyes seemed to tell him, ' You let him die. You let him be kidnapped and then burnt to death and you did not tell me this and remained quiet about the whole thing. I trusted you.'

Good morning. I wish you a peaceful day.

The saddest thing that can happen in life is not when bad and painful things happen to you but when they happen to someone you care for very dearly and who makes up the building blocks of your life and soul. Remove, even one piece, and, a void is revealed, and an emptiness which can never be hoped to be filled.

In these troubled and desperate times of this global pandemic, none of us have been safe from its claws of death and despair and even if the virus has not reached me and my house as yet it has touched my life with the lockdown that it has brought about.

March brought about the death of my Father-in-law, a sweet, gentle and kind soul who had not been keeping good health for a year now and passed away just as the lockdown began. My wife could not make it to Trichur to be there for the rites and to whisper one last goodbye to his face and body that now lay in the possession of Death. Her, younger sister lives in Malaysia and so she too could not fly down and so it was left to their mother to take care of everything. Mr.Vijayan was 82.

Then last month, a dear friend whispered in a tone filled with dis-belief ' Did you hear that Raja passed away, yesterday evening in Poland?'

Raja and Meera. I have known them for over thirty years now. Raja is, sorry, was a quiet, sober soul and a person of very few words but with a slight smile always lighting his face.

Well, he had been based in Poland for over seven years now and then he died far from home and far away from loved ones, family and friends. His body was cremated by a few of his colleagues according to Hindu rites and in Poland, thousands of miles away from Chennai.

I ask myself, what is the bigger tragedy, dying or dying all alone and far away from your loved ones.

But, hey, the dead are dead and peace be upon them and it is the rest of us, the living ones who have to go on existing as Undead, neither living nor dead but grieving and pining for the dead.

I pray to god for the safety of their souls and for all the souls that anyone of you might have lost and for all those who have left us due to this pandemic, apocalypse or should we call it, pralayam.

Prime Minister Must Tell Nation The Truth: Covid-19 Will Be With Us For a While But Things Ain’t So Bad

When the government announced the third phase of the Covid-19 lockdown last weekend, the Prime Minister did not make any speech to hold spirits up. Barely a day or two later, many states opened up liquor shops and imposed high taxes on these liquids.

Yesterday (5 May), the Centre and states increased oil taxes by hefty amounts, especially on diesel and petrol. The Centre alone raised petrol prices by Rs 10 a litre and diesel by Rs 13. This scale of rise has never happened before in one go. Pump prices, though, may not be much impacted immediately as the taxes merely compensate for the sharp fall in crude prices. The Centre and some states have also cut back on staff pay, especially dearness allowance increases.

The invisible thread linking these separate actions, and the PM’s non-appearance on national TV last week, point to one reality: Covid-19 is not going anytime soon, and we have to learn to live with it. No lockdown -- however extended -- is going to cure it without damaging the economy beyond repair.

Equally, the economy too is not going to recover anytime soon. Which is what explains the rush to squeeze revenues out of liquor and petro-goods, and some costs out of the government’s wage bill.

India’s Covid-19 infections curve shows no signs of flattening. As at the end of 5 May, the total was edging towards the 50,000 mark, with Maharashtra accounting for nearly a third of it.

At current rates of growth, given increasing testing, the gradual opening up of economic activity and the return of a large number of migrants to their home states, it is more than likely that the numbers will continue to swell. By the end of May we could hit 150,000-200,000 cases, which may more than double again by June-end to nearly half a million cases.

Some time in June, India could have the second largest number of infections in the world after the US (current tally: just under 1.2 million). The current No 2 is Spain with 2.18 lakh cases.

But this should not lead to any kind of official or unofficial panic. The media, for example, is prone to delivering daily scare stories on the number of new cases, and how the curve is not being flattened. Transparency on the numbers is good, but not ill-informed scare-mongering.

The Prime Minister should speak again, this time not to tell citizens that Covid-19 will go away, but to emphasise that we have to learn to live with it and fight it for a long time. While there have been many news reports talking of an early delivery of vaccines, many other experts are not optimistic of any vaccine being widely available until early or mid-2021. Which means we have nearly a year of battles ahead. We have to live with the virus.

It is, therefore, time to view Covid-19 with new lenses. The main lens to use is comparisons with other diseases we have learnt to live with already. This should not weaken our fight against the coronavirus but should give us some perspective.

India had 2.7 million tuberculosis (TB) cases in 2018, and this disease too is contagious. Many of those suffering from TB have found that the bacteria have grown resistant to conventional treatments. If we can live with so much TB, surely we can live with half a million cases of far less lethal Covid-19?

In the 2014-2015 swine flu (H1N1) outbreak, we had over 33,000 cases and more than 2,000 people died, yielding a mortality rate of over 6 per cent — higher than the Covid-19 mortality rate of 3-4 per cent. With improved healthcare, and the possibility of the use of new drugs like remdesivir, we can cut mortality rates further. Remdesivir has recently been given fast-track approval by the US Food and Drug Administration to curtail the recovery time for Covid-19 patients.

But here is the larger reality: while swine flu and Covid-19 may scare the daylights out of us due to sheer media reportage of the numbers involved, the truth is that the larger life risks relate to non-communicable diseases like diabetes and coronary heart disease (CHD)

A government survey estimated that 11.8 per cent of adult Indians were suffering from diabetes, and a 2017 estimate of people affected puts the number of diabetics in India at nearly 73 million.

In 2016, a research study estimated that Indians lost 62.5 million years of life prematurely due to CHD. (Note: these are years lost through premature deaths due to CHD, and not actual deaths. If someone is normally expected to live until 75 but dies at 70 due to heart disease, it is calculated as five years lost in this case.)

Covid-19, for all its infectiousness, has killed 1,694 Indians so far. In the foreseeable future (which means till August-end), it may not kill more than 25,000 people. That would be far less than the numbers already killed in each one of the following countries — US, UK, Spain, Italy and France — as of today.

The idea here is not to be casual about the human tragedy involved in every single death, but when it comes to making policies, it is this larger perspective that needs to be kept in mind.

The best thing the Prime Minister can do by the time Lockdown 3.0 ends on 17 May is to tell the nation the truth: that Covid-19 will be with us for quite a while, and the best antidote to it is an individual responsibility — masks, physical distancing, hand washing, etc — when they move about in workplaces and public areas.

Modi must tell his people that the government will do its best for the poor and to enable job creation by opening up economic activity, but they must do their bit.

Jagannathan is Editorial Director, Swarajya. He tweets at @TheJaggi.

Vaanathai Pola 126

Kavita exited the Chief Minister's room and began to walk towards the entrance where her vehicle would be waiting and it took all of her strength to even walk and at the same time maintain her composure and the smile that she flashed at people she knew and then she heard the steps and stopped and turned to face the Commissioner whose concern for her was clearly written on his face.

She looked at him and asked angrily, ' Why didn't you inform me about his body being found last night?'

Commissioner Viswanathan calmly replied with a question, ' why should I inform you, Minister?'

She glared at him and said, ' Enough of the semantics.'

' All right.let's just do that and before I answer your question, answer mine and then I will tell you everything.'

' Okay. Ask your question, commissioner sir?'

' Minister Kavita, who do I work for and who do I report to?'

Kavita feeling trapped snarled angrily, ' I thought we were done with the semantics and yet here you are with all these formal questions.'

Viswanathan stood calmly waiting for an answer and Kavita finally gave in and said, ' you report to the Chief minister and your senior officer, DGP Tripathy.'

' So, I did exactly that, Kavita, and that too late in the night. Now, imagine my situation, and please tell me how in the world it would have been possible for me to call you last night and inform you that this person, this friend of yours was found, burnt to death when the deputy commissioner himself who is handling this case, submitted his preliminary report only today morning. I along with DGP Tripathy immediately rushed to meet the Chief minister and inform him personally about the new developments and to find out how we should proceed further in this matter.'

His face softened a bit as he said, ' I had no clue that you were going to be here and worse, present there while we discussed this case.'

Kavita looked at him, her face reflecting the pain of being torn apart by anger and sorrow and she raised her finger and said, ' you could have protected him better. You failed in your duty, commissioner sir.'

Commissioner Viswanathan looked at her and for the very first time in her life, Kavita saw and heard the policeman who was feared and respected all over India as he spoke to her with a harsh tone, ' Grow up, child. Neither I nor does my department revolve around Minister Kavita and what her heart wants and craves but we are her for the greater good of the citizens of this state.'

He spoke in a whisper, ' You accuse me of not doing my duty but you forget the most important fact of this case and that this man escaped from the window that was on the fourth floor and he did it for his own reasons and did not take our permission to leave the hospital. We don't have wings to fly around and keep watch over all the windows of all the houses and hospitals that are in this city. If he had stayed put he would have been alive and safe but he decided to run and that is the most important fact, Minister kavita. Why did he run? what prompted him to run? who is he? what do we know about him? Nothing. Just a big Zero.'

He stepped back and said sarcastically, ' you have known me for more than twenty years and yet have the audacity to question me and my integrity and over what, for someone you just met a few days ago. Who are you and what does this tell about you and your very own integrity that is leading you to hurt all those who care about you?

Kavita looked at him and shook her head sadly, ' I am sorry but you won't understand even if I tried explaining it to you.'

Wiping her eyes, she looked at him, 'you are right, sir. But, I will go to Madurai and try to make peace and maybe make amends for my harsh and childish behaviour. Bye, sir.'

Saying this, she got into her vehicle and after telling SI Kanagaraj to go back home, bent her head and burying it in her hands began to cry her heart out.

Sometimes, all we can do is but cry and it helps. For crying reduces the pain, eases the constriction on your chest and releases the flood of sorrow that has dammed up in the soul.

So, it is okay to cry, and it is okay to wax and wane like the moon and ebb and flow like the tides for happiness and sorrow are part of life and the highs and lows of our journey.

Vaanathai Pola 127

If,Deputy Commissioner Ilavarasan had learnt one infallible thing in his career as a police officer, then that was when to be in uniform and when not to be in it and especially during an investigation and when it came to talking to a witness or interrogating a suspect. The mere sight of a cop in uniform was enough for a person to close up tighter than a clam shell, and worse, then proceed to nod and agree to everything that he or she was being asked or questioned about, which then invariably meant, that the leads or clues they provided would lead to nowhere, but to Timbuktu.

But, Dr.Girija Padmanabhan who he had come to meet in Global hospitals belonged to a certain elite class of people who were not only educated,rich and well connected but also highly intelligent and people who needed to be handled and approached with great respect and spoken to with tact for they were honest and righteous people.

He had learnt one valuable lesson very early in his career and that was to treat people with dignity and respect and consider them as innocent until proven guilty. He had many a time broken that covenant with his own hands when he had beaten many criminals to the point of death to get a confession out of them but that lethal approach was reserved for only extreme cases and which usually meant murder or a security threat to the nation.

For example, the baby faced, sweet-talking serial killer who had gone around picking up high school girls and killing them after getting them pregnant. It had taken Ilavarasan twenty minutes from the time they had picked him up as a suspect and after a few slaps and kicks, the killer had confessed to his crimes. A murderer who was scared of physical violence against himself but had the capacity to murder five teens whose only crime had been falling in love with him.

Most of the criminals he had dealt with invariably broke down at some point during the investigation for all of them had a mental trap door through which he or she could be gotten to and eventually be trapped by their own words.

Then again, there were the truly insane ones that were beyond reasoning, the psychos and then again there were that elite class of criminals who were educated, rich, powerful and had an appetite for dark deeds. Those were the scary ones and those were the most difficult ones to nab and it took hard work and always a miracle to get to them.

Deputy Commissioner Ilavarasan got out of his vehicle and looked sadly at the entrance of Global hospitals for more than the fear of meeting and facing Girija Padmanabhan, he feared looking at the comatose Brigadier for it would remind him of his failure to have arrested the people who had so brutally attacked a national war hero and left him to die by the road-side.

He had called Girija Padmanabhan ahead of coming here to requested a meeting with her and she had asked just one question, ' what is this about?' and to which he had replied, ' Radha Krishnan'.

' Okay. You know where I will be in the morning. So, be there by 10.00 am or you can meet me later at The Flock.'

' No, ma'am. I will be there at 10.00 am sharp' he had told her and here he was at 9.55 am and he entered Global hospitals to face both brother and sister and their silent accusations and his thought were about the dead Radha Krishnan and how he was connected to them.

Vaanathai Pola 128

The fact that a separate room had been set aside for Brigadier Rajashekar in the eye-popping expensive super speciality ward of Global Hospitals where he had been lying in a coma for three months only served to attest the fact as to how highly Dr.Girija was respected and the decades of service she had put in the very same hospital and in most of the private hospitals in and around Chennai. That, notwithstanding, she had travelled around the world, mostly to Africa and to the mid-east to do free surgeries in their government hospitals for the poor who could not afford private care.

He walked up to the room in which Brigadier Rajashekar was in and requested a passing nurse to inform Dr.Girija that he was here and waiting outside for her.

The nurse, a Kerala import asked in a familiar Malayali accent, ' Your name please' and he answered, ' Deputy Commissioner Ilavarasan, Crime branch.'

The young nurse's eyes nearly popped out and taking a step backwards, stared at him as she added the words Deputy commissioner and crime branch and came up with the result= Police and said timidly, ' Please wait, sir' and rushed into the room and came rushing back and announced, ' Madam wants you to go in, sir.'

Ilavarasan cursed for he had been dreading this very moment for he knew now that there was no other go but to enter the room and would then have to look at Brigadier Rajashekars face and then look at the accusing face of his sister Dr.Girija and stare at the floor with no words to say or nowhere to look to but the floor with his head hanging in shame as he had been doing the past few occasions when he had come to meet her.

The room was dimly lit and quiet but for the hum of machines that went about doing their job of monitoring Rajashekar's vital signs in silence as if they were in competition with the patient to see who could be quieter than the other.

She sat in the same chair, in the same position on his right side and with the same " Bharathiyar Kavithaigal" book in her hands and she looked at him and he knew that she had aged since the last time he had seen her.

She pointed to the chair next to her and spoke in a voice that was still majestic and had lost none of its authority as she said, ' Good morning, Mr.Ilavarasan. Please, sit down, for I think you are going to be here, for more than a few minutes, and my dear brother would frown on me for making a visitor stand for more than a moment. So, sit down, and tell me what is on your mind for I am sure that if you are here right now, then it must be very important.'

Turning her gaze back on to her brother, she said, ' not to forget the fact that it has been a long time, since you have been here, to visit him or me, even if it was just out of sheer courtesy.'

Ilavarasan looked at her helplessly and chose to speak from his heart rather than dance around her comment that was absolutely true and even though it hurt him with its barely unveiled sarcasm.

' Ma'am, I have been wanting to come and see you both and spend time with you but I confess I have not done so because I feel guilty and ashamed to face you for not having solved the case and arresting those responsible for the crime and make them pay for their actions.'

Girija smiled, ' you disarm me with your honesty, Mr.Ilavarasan but we cannot go about bringing justice to my brother with that alone, can we?'

' I did all that was possible ma'am and even risked my career by arresting Rangaswamy, your pesky neighbour thinking that land was the motive but found no evidence and he was not even in town at that time. I tried following other leads but got nowhere for your brother was not only a high ranking army man but was involved in a lot of projects involving national security. But, I did not let that stop me and flew to Delhi and tried my best to talk to his former colleagues and army people who are still in service and they all said the same thing and that was since it was more than ten years since your brother had voluntarily retired there was very little possibility of his work being the cause of the attack on him.'

Leaning closer,' Ma'am, some of his juniors broke protocol and spoke to me in detail about the Brigadier and the secret projects that he had been handling when he has still been in service and all of them were redundant and so posed no threat that could have prompted this attack on him. But, I swear that I will not give up and will keep working on it and I am sure that sooner than later, some clue or lead will come my way and that is all I need to go on to solve this case.'

Girija Padmanabhan smiled and said, ' I believe you, Mr Ilavarasan and I have always believed in your integrity and that is why I am sure that you will crack this case and make those B..t..s who did this to my brother pay and pay dearly.'

She looked at her brother and gently squeezed his arm and then asked Ilavarasan, ' How is Radhu doing? Did you go and meet him at Apollo?

Deputy Commissioner Ilavarasan's face must have given him away for she looked at him with a face now full of panic, ' what is wrong with Radhu? Has, his condition turned critical because of that poisoned stab wound?

' No, ma'am. I, fear, something worse has happened to him.'

Gone was the authority and gone were the world-famous doctor and her command and instead in her place, a worried old lady slowly reached out and clutched his hands and asked in a child-like voice, ' Is he dead? Is my Radhu, really dead? Answer my question, Ilavarasan, and please don't bullshit me with your bloody department policies and for god sake, tell me the goddamn truth for once. What has happened to that poor child?

Deputy Commissioner Ilavarasan with no other way our slowly began to narrate what had happened and just when he came to the part of finding the burnt corpse, she closed her ears and yelled out, ' Stop, I beg you, please stop and leave us this instant and don't even bother to come back to see us again.'

Ilavarasan looked at her sadly, ' ma'am, I need to know more about Mr.Radha Krishnan so that it will help us to go after those who murdered him. Please, help me.'

Wiping her tears, she looked at him as if someone had seen some creepy cockroach, ' How dare you say those words? Three months, it has been three f..k..g months since my kid brother was attacked nearly killed and you have yet to find out who did that and here you have the gall to tell me that you will go after those who killed poor Radhu?

Practically leaping out of the chair, she walked to the door and opening it said, ' Get out right now and don't return for I will be talking to the hospital authorities and also to my friend in the High court, Justice Prema and I will that you and your kind are never again allowed near me and my brother and The Flock.'

Deputy Commissioner Ilavarasan slowly walked out, angry more at himself than at the poor doctor for he had no expected her to react to the news about Radha Krishnan so badly.

' God, she must have really cared for the guy and maybe they were indeed related.'

Feeling mentally and physically drained, he opted and waited for the elevator and it came up slowly and opened its doors and out stepped a beautiful goddess of a woman who looked at him and walked away.

Their eyes met but for a fleeting moment and Ilavarasan's only thought was ' Those eyes, greener than the most beautiful green I have ever seen' and instead of getting in turned and stared at the tall woman who walked like a lioness and everything paled next to her.

He got in and shaking his head thought aloud ' what a woman, da, Ila? one in a million, billion. No, God must have made her and thrown away the mould for he must have himself fallen in love with her. Was she some famous film actress from Bollywood or maybe even from Hollywood. The B..t..d who has her must be one lucky dog and a great man to have her in his life.'

The green-eyed lady stopped at the nurse station and saying her name, requested her to inform Dr.Girija that she was here and would like to meet her.

The nurse nodded and then shamelessly asked, ' Ma'am, before you leave can you please allow me to take a selfie with you?'

She nodded and with a smile and watched as the nurse entered the room and was taken aback to see the Girija crying and stood there wondered what to do or how to speak to the senior doctor.

Girija looked at the nurse, ' what is it, Jency?

' Ma'am, you have a visitor waiting for you outside?'

' Ask them to go away and come back after a few months.'

' No, ma'am. It is a woman who is waiting outside to see you.'

' I bloody don't care if it is god himself or Shakti herself who is waiting outside. Just ask them to get lost.'

' Okay, ma'am. But, she requested me to tell her name.'

Girija Padmanabhan cursed and spitting venom, glared at Jency and asked, ' why, what is so special about her name?

' I don't know ma'am for I have never heard that kind of name before.'

Girija looked at Jency with slight curiosity and asked, ' what was the name?

' shi... Shinogai, ma'am.'

It took a moment for Girija's mind to grasp the name and what it meant and she slowly rose to her feet and asked Jency ' Did you just say, Shinogai?

Pointing to the door, ' you mean there is a woman outside that door who says she is Shinogai?

Jency nodded and Girija slowly began to walk towards the door when the monitors began to beep loudly, alerting them that something was wrong and she turned and ran to her brother and looked at him and slowly she saw his eyes flicker open and his right-hand twitched a couple of times.

She bent towards her brother's face and looking into his eyes, saw a brief flicker of recognition in them before he drifted away once again into darkness but then feeling a pain in her right arm that she was using to support herself on the bed, turned and saw that it was being held by Rajashekar's fingers and Girija knew that her brother who had been lost would return back to the land of light and the living.

Vaanathai Pola 129

“You are the knife I turn inside myself; that is love. That, my dear, is love.” ― Franz Kafka, Letters to Milena

The traffic light at the war memorial that is just a km away from the secretariat went Red and was just the reprieve that Sub-Inspector Kanagaraj needed to turn around and look at Kavita and ask with concern if she was okay.

Kavita looked up at him, ' I am not okay and I will never again be okay for it feels like a part of me has been torn away from my body.'

' Amma, what happened in the Chief Minister's room that has reduced you to this state?

The tinted glasses gave her safety from the outside world and staring at it she told him what had been reported by the Commissioner about Radhu's burnt corpse being found near the Velachery marshes and that the identity had been confirmed by the forensic team.

The traffic lights turned green and Kanagaraj turned back to driving the vehicle and in a total state of shock and a loss of words with which to comfort his boss.

Just, as her vehicle passed MRC Nagar, Kavita told SI Kanagaraj to head to The Flock which was near Navalur instead of going back home and leaning her head back on the seat, closed her eyes and went to him.

' I am coming to the place where you worked and lived and I am coming to see you one last time to say a final goodbye before I turn my back on you forever. I am sorry, but this is all the pain, and ache that my body can take anymore before I go completely insane. I am coming to see where you spent so much time with those adorable children and to spend some time in the room where you sat and slept and maybe also because I want to smell your body one last time before it is too late and your scent is lost to time and nature.'

She smiled to herself and said, ' Maybe, if there is a photo of you, then I might just steal it, just to keep it close to my heart, and in my room so that we can see each other every day before I close my eyes.'

It would take nearly 40 to 45 minutes to reach Navalur and she drifted away into a deep sleep with Radha Krishnan's arms around her and with his lips breathing into her soul.

“I cannot make you understand. I cannot make anyone understand what is happening inside me. I cannot even explain it to myself.” ― Franz Kafka, The Metamorphosis

At 40, Franz Kafka (1883-1924), who never married and had no children, walked through the park in Berlin when he met a girl who was crying because she had lost her favourite doll. She and Kafka searched for the doll unsuccessfully.

Kafka told her to meet him there the next day and they would come back to look for her.

The next day, when they had not yet found the doll, Kafka gave the girl a letter "written" by the doll saying "please don't cry. I took a trip to see the world. I will write to you about my adventures."

Thus began a story which continued until the end of Kafka's life.

During their meetings, Kafka read the letters of the doll carefully written with adventures and conversations that the girl found adorable.

Finally, Kafka brought back the doll (he bought one) that had returned to Berlin.

"It doesn't look like my doll at all," said the girl.

Kafka handed her another letter in which the doll wrote: "my travels have changed me." the little girl hugged the new doll and brought her happy home.

A year later Kafka died.

Many years later, the now-adult girl found a letter inside the doll. In the tiny letter signed by Kafka it was written:

"Everything you love will probably be lost, but in the end, love will return in another way."

It is a beautiful tree. I see it every day and it appears even more beautiful in the dark for it whispers to my soul ' My many branches are arms to wrap you in them.'

I never fail to stop, stare, and greet the tree with a smile and then one day, I threw my arms around it and hugged it and said, ' You are all I have to talk to, share my thoughts with, and not having to worry about being judged or labelled as " O..a, avan oru loosu."

Sometimes, I sit under the tree and removing my shoes and socks, rest my sweaty, blistered feet on the cool earth and sigh in ecstasy and look up at the tree and say thanks.

Many a day, I have sat next to the tree and have carried on a conversation about all things that are good and ugly in our world and the tree on rare occasions has shivered its thoughts by showering a few dry leaves on my head.

Brushing them away, I tease the tree, ' Unakku dandruff. Clinic shampoo, use, pannu.'

My moments with the tree were one day interrupted by a portly man who told me that he had seen me many a time talking to myself and also hugging the tree and asked me if I was okay and all was well with me.

I told him that there was nothing wrong with me and that the tree was my solace, my only friend who comforted me and then I made the mistake of confiding in him that I felt a divine connection with the tree.

The man stepped away and walked away very quickly.

I shrugged and went back to talking with the tree and left and then it so happened that work took me away from the city for a week.

It was nearly three weeks by the time I went back to meet the tree and what I found was not only shocking but creepy.

The tree trunk once brown and beautiful in its own way had been painted yellow and red and a great red eye stared at me from the centre of the trunk.

A small platform had been built around it and many small statues of Goddess Shakti in her various Avatars had been erected near the base of the tree and as I stood watching, a few women dressed in red and yellow went around the tree praying to it.

I got barely a few moments of privacy with the tree and the moment I was alone with it, I looked up and asked it, ' Hey, friend. are you okay? all well?

The tree shivered and showered many leaves and I heard, more like felt it in my soul, the tree say, ' I, am now getting a regular supply of water and it is all because of you and your friendship.'

It took me a few days to get over it and then I did find myself a tree to talk to and wiser now, began to talk with all the trees that caught my sight and sometimes hugged them tightly.

The tree, I, and you are one, you know.

Good morning. I, wish you a beautiful day.

To read one's words, thoughts, hopes and dreams translated into common language is to know what that soul is feeling and going through. Like neighbours with just a wall between our bedrooms, our thoughts put into poems, quotes, stories and articles are those walls being made accessible through tiny windows, doors or portholes that allow us entry into another's mind.

We, share with each other for through that simple act of sharing, we see what the other sees, hears and feels and how the other reacts.

We talk to each other so that the half-empty soul is filled with hope and love and that the brimming and nearly full burdened soul may empty some of its pain and confusion without being labelled as a " Gone case."

One thing defines us and that is the simple gesture of caring without being judgmental. A moment, spent listening to the others lament, be as it may, goes, a long way in helping that troubled soul to get up, rise, and make it through a difficult day.

Simple, cliched words such as " Hey, I am here" does indeed go a long way in curing and comforting someone who needs just to hear those words. Nothing lost but a lot gained.

As an animal, a mammal, I as always got up and getting out of bed, did the things that need to be done for my body and then I sat down and began to write and talk to you and that took care of my soul.

Easily said and easily done. Just do it.