-happilyunknown thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 5
Posted: 12 years ago
#1


... The Visitor ...


Hey SC forum <3 This is my first ever try at an SC OS. I hope you guys like it :) Its kinda short to so dont say i didnt warn ya.

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He sat down at the corner and surveyed the room with tired, weary eyes. He had expected punishment but as the sun was already going down they decided to start tomorrow morning. He was to stay in this hut for the night, completely detached from other villagers. What if he hurt them too? As far as they were concerned anyone vile enough to slay an innocent cow wouldn't thing twice about hurting fellow Humans.



He wished that he had gotten the punishment over with. He would have, if not for her. She had'nt let them take him away without a fight. Even amidst the rough pushes and pulls by the people he had heard her struggle through the crowd to get to him. He had heard the Chan Chan of her Payal. She had defended him, not daring to look him in the eyes while she did. What had she tried to hide? He had seen through her in a second. It was a fierce protectiveness and trust, which he didn't deserve. He had not even apologized to her.. But yet she trusted him. She cared about him enough to try and bail him out.



Speak of the Angel and hear she was.



It was the ample amount of moonlight that had lit the lonley hut but a figure had blocked the light. Not just any figure. Even with the fringe of hair that covered her face oh-so-annoyingly at times, he could make out her beautiful face.



It was Kumud. And right now he could tell that she was looking over at his pitiable figure slouching at the corner of a room.He tried to get up but before that a weight fell over him. After a brief inspection he could make out that it was a blanket and a Pillow. He looked up at Kumud in surprise, to find that she had moved over to another corner of the room and hid her face from him. Quite pointless really considering that it was almost pitch dark inside.



"Kumud..What are you doing here? Ithi raat ko..Tum yahaan.."



"I couldn't sleep" Her voice trembled as she said the words making him feel that he wasn't the only one undergoing punishment. He drove the thought away. Why would Kumud ever feel that much for him? Only one person in the world has truly ever loved him enough for his pain to ever be hers. And that was his mother. However he waited patiently for her to continue once she had gotten over whatever factor that was making her emotional.



"And may I ask you what you are doing?" She continued in a completely different tone. He could sense anger there but again an underlying hurt too.



"What am I doing Kumud? I am suffering for my Sin. I have committed Gauhatya"



"Yash has commited Gauhatya. He should be here. Why are you taking the blame for something that you didn't do?" The volume had risen a bit and he knew that if not handled well this could turn into a disaster.



"Did Yash tell you that?"



"No"



"Then how can you be so sure..?"



"Well when Yash came inside today morning..he was worried. He was asking to be hidden..to be saved..If he was just a mere witness then why would he be so scared?"



He laughed. He couldn't help it. The lack of confidence in her answer was hilarious. He also knew that this was not the reason and his laughter might just make her say the truth. And it did.



"Tumhara Zubaan jhoot bhol sakta hai par tumhari ankhen nahi"



He stopped his laughter in an instant. She could read him? They hadn't even talked properly without arguing. But then he couldn't forget his half done portrait that she had made, before she had even seen him. Maybe she could read him. And so he moved closer to her, somehow trying to console her as he knew that she was aggravated and upset.



She had noticed him getting closer and hence she turned slightly towards him. Then in a tone that nearly broke his heart she whispered "Why are you doing this?"



Honest replies would hurt more. He did not want to tell her that he had witnessed the incident and promised himself that he would help Yash. That he couldn't see a son swearing upon the life of his own mother to escape punishment. So he took the next root.The easiest one.



"Didn't my eyes tell you that too Kumud?" He kept his tone light so that she wouldn't take it as a taunt.



"You find all this funny don't you" She said, her tone a little more relaxed, yet not leaving the no nonsense touch to it. She sounded so much like a school teacher that he laughed again, the sound echoing along the walls of the hut.



"Hasna bandh Karo. I am not leaving here till you admit, atleast to me that you did not commit the crime"



Kumud sat down on the corner opposite to him and covered herself up with another blanket. Apparently she had not expected him to tell the truth so fast and had come with the necessary supplies.He did not know who was more stubborn in this situation. Him or her.



He sat down opposite to her and even though he couldn't really see her he knew that those eyes would be measuring his every action for signs of weakness, both physical and mental. He wouldn't be surprised if the girl had brought along with her, a first aid kit just in case he was injured.



"What happens when the villagers come tomorrow at dawn and find you here with me?"



For the first time since she came she laughed causing the tension he felt regarding events to dissolve into a puddle.



"I camped outside the Sarpanch's house for 3 days just to get internet connection for the village people. I don't think this will come as a surprise to them Mr. Saraswathichandra "



He didn't reply but leaned his head against the mud wall and closed his eyes. Even he wasn't unaware of the peaceful smile that had found its place on his lips. This visitor wasn't going away so soon.

------


Asdhgsgr so tell me if it sucked!!😆


Gayathri :)

Edited by -happilyunknown - 12 years ago

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Hazza.oneD thumbnail
12th Anniversary Thumbnail Voyager Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 12 years ago
#2
Wow Rainbow Its truly amazing!
I mean come on tell the truth did you just see the leaked video of today's episode?

Just look at it man!
Its Awesome!

You Have well portrayed Saras Feelings and his thoughts about how kumud defended him!
Ah Stubborn Kumud as always!


"Tumhara Zubaan jhoot bhol sakta hai par tumhari ankhen nahi"

Super Dialogue👏

Please try and give a second part for this OS!
Its a treat to read it!
Do pm me for your works too!😉




Edited by Hazza.oneD - 12 years ago
ChaiBiskoot thumbnail
14th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 12 years ago
#3
heyya gayu!

watched yest epi.. and here u have given a sequence that is written the way it should be !

The great writer is spreading her wings with beautiful stories !
-bornalee- thumbnail
15th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 12 years ago
#4
oh god its so beautiful..u portrayed their emotions really well..
i jst wnna read more plzzz continue plzzz:)

my fav para:

Kumud sat down on the corner opposite to him and covered herself up with another blanket. Apparently she had not expected him to tell the truth so fast and had come with the necessary supplies.He did not know who was more stubborn in this situation. Him or her.🤣





-B.N.K- thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Stunner Thumbnail + 4
Posted: 12 years ago
#5

awesome buddy...
hoping u will write more 😳
Edited by -B.N.K- - 12 years ago
chasinghope thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail Networker 2 Thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#6
Wonderful OS, Gags! It was totally worth the wait! :D

Completely LOVE the way you penned it down. 😳 Just beautiful. <3
With a little comedy, naughtiness, romance & concern, this OS just made my day. 😳

Aish.
P.S -- OhEmGee. Your sig dabba looks gorgeous. (I know, wrong timing. 😆)






Edited by Aishu_VirMan - 12 years ago
FeistyQueen thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Sparkler Thumbnail + 2
Posted: 12 years ago
#7
nice one... i loved ua style of writing...
i'll take this one as a b'day gift which made my day... 😉

Jammy- thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Rocker Thumbnail + 3
Posted: 12 years ago
#8
Such an amazing OS! They can actually feel what the other is thinking or doing. The fun part was that she came in with supplies because she knew he won't cave in easily, that was hilarious!!

My favorite line is " He could sense anger there but again and underlying hurt too." They know each other too well to be called strangers which they practically are.

It's brilliant!! I loved the way you've written it <3
Maddy1270 thumbnail
13th Anniversary Thumbnail Dazzler Thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#9

thank you for the pm, Gayathri... loved the byplay of emotions so clearly delineated here and the latent understanding present between kumud and saras. very well written, with your usual touch of maturity!

shree99 thumbnail
17th Anniversary Thumbnail Navigator Thumbnail
Posted: 12 years ago
#10
Well Written. Keep them coming.Nice insight into saras mind.

This is not something we get to see.

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