Naina lagiyaan baarishaan, te sukke sukke sapne vi pij gaye,
Naina lagiyaan baarishaan, rove palkaan de kone vich neend meri,
Naina lagiyaan baarishaan, hanju digde de chhotein lage, dil te,
Naina lagiyaan baarishaan rut birhaa de badlaan di chha gayi
Randhir Singh Shekhawat sat outside Rahim Chacha's garage for the second night in a row, transmitter in hand, hoping to hear Sanyukta Aggarwal's voice for more than 10 seconds at a stretch. As he held the little device that had just decided to screw up the signals, making a screeching sound, Randhir heard the beginning of a song from the radio that he had gifted Chhotu. His throat clogging up at having no success, he let out a silent strangled cry of helplessness. His back gave way and he lay down on the cot, he was seated on, hand under his head, his face staring the vast skies that had twinkling stars returning his steady gaze.
Kaali kaali khaali raaton se hone lagi, hai dosti,
Khoya khoya inn raahon mein, ab mera, kuch bhi nahin
His mind refused to shut down and let him sleep in peace, as it had been the case for quite a few nights in the past months. He had been having quite a few sleepless nights, and he knew it was all thanks to that one person he never thought would be the cause. There had been intense hatred from both parties towards one another - when had that changed, he had no idea. What it had changed to, he had no clue. As he kept his gaze steadily upwards, he searched for answers. Answers to what? He didn't know. Why was it, that he was desperate to hear her voice? Why was it that he needed to know what she was up to?
Harr pal, har lamha, main kaise sehta hoon?
Har pal, har lamha, main khud se, yeh kehta rehta hoon.
Every single moment when she was near him, felt as if he were whole; complete. Until he found her, he didn't know what he had been looking for - or whether he had been looking for anything at all, in the first place. He had a major dislike towards all women who were independent, and career-oriented, owing to his mother's personality and behaviour that had left him shattered as a child. Naturally, she was all that he mocked in a woman, and that's where their tiff began. It was a never-ending saga, which had led to something so powerful that it was beyond his intellect. He refused to acknowledge everything that had transpired between them that made them more than enemies.
Tujhe bhula diya, woah
Phir kyun teri yaadon ne, mujhe rula diya?
He recalled his behaviour with her in the past weeks. He was kind to her, and yet, indirectly. He defended her, and yet, pretended like he would have done so for anyone else. As the inter-college tech fest came to a close, he couldn't stop the tears the blinded his vision each time he thought of her on that plank several feet above ground; his heart thudding, his face turning away, as he couldn't see her jumping onto the trampoline. It was then that he knew that he would live if something happened to her, but he wouldn't be alive. He couldn't help but think of the time when he followed her and that idiotic to-be-fiance of hers to that restaurant. How he had lost it when that idiot had tried to get close to her. How he couldn't stop the memories that flashed before his eyes as he put his fist through the glass window. And most of all, how the tears of helplessness and anguish rolled down his cheeks when he thought of the fact he may lose her to someone else, forever. He didn't know why that thought bothered him so much. He refused to acknowledge it. All he knew was that he had a 'haq' on her that nobody else did.
Teri yaadon mein likhe jo lafz dete hain sunayi
Beete lamhe poochte hai kyun hue aise judaa ,khuda,
khuda mila jo yeh faasla hai
Khuda tera hi yeh faisla hai
Khuda hona tha woh ho gaya
Jo tune tha likha
Randhir didn't know why she had to go and get engaged. He knew her of her helplessness - wanting to be an engineer and yet, not wanting to let her family down - especially not after everything her parents had done for her. His eyes drifted to the transmitter once again, willing the shrill noise to turn into her voice - he would consider himself lucky if he got to hear her voice before her engagement, telling the world that she wasn't ready, that she didn't want to get married to that dolt - or anyone else, for that matter. He knew it wasn't that easy. He was aware that she would rather crush her hopes and dreams than defy her parents. According to her, she had already punished them enough by opposing them and pursuing engineering. When he met her first, she infuriated him to no end - she was one person who wasn't willing to back down from any challenge. She was a fighter, and her spirit of never giving up got to him. She would play fair, wasn't afraid to stand up to him, and yet, was tender hearted. She was there for him when no one else was, and despite being hurtful towards her, her assertiveness and care had stumped him. He couldn't pin-point the exact minute when his feelings started to change, and what he felt for her went way beyond the normal 'hatred' and friendship alike. His vision began to blur slightly as he continued to listen to the song, the moments shared with her on the forefront of his mind.
Do pal tujhse juda tha
Aise phir rasta muda tha
Tujhse main khone laga
Juda jaise hone laga
Mujhse kuch mera
During the first few months of knowing her, all he wished for, was her expulsion or her failure so that she would quit the college and leave. And now, even though it had just been a day that he hadn't seen her, he couldn't help the longing, the ache in his chest he felt every time he thought of her. Why was life so unfair? As he saw her standing next to the blackboard on which Professor Vardhan had scribbled the problem for the day, he couldn't help but cast his mind back to the first time that he met her. It seemed as though no time had passed at all, and it was just yesterday that she had challenged him openly and he'd made her first jibe at her. When she told him that she had made a place for herself - he couldn't think about the university, to which she was referring, but his heart and mind. When she wasn't in class, he would look for her, when she was hurt his heart went out to her, hoping to console her, protect her; when she was angry, he wished he could fight with her forever and when she smiled, he hoped he could be the one to bring that out in her. And two days ago, when she sat in that car and drove away from him, he felt that she was taking a part of him with her. He felt broken, and that felt like an understatement. His eyes began to water as he thought of her being away from him, and he let out a wrangled cry into the night.
Tu hi mere liye ab kar dua
Tu hi iss dard se kar de juda
Tera hoke tera jo main na raha
Main yeh khud se kehta hoon
Randhir knew fully that she didn't reciprocate his feelings, not even a little. He knew that to her, he would always be the MCP that fought with her. And he hadn't given her an explicit reason to think otherwise either. He thought about what Chhotu had told him in the morning - about stopping Sanyukta from 'going away', so to speak, and telling her how important she was to him. He could picture her face in his mind's eye as he told her that she meant the world to him. She would slap him, curse and throw him out of her house and think of it all as a huge joke. He recalled how he had said those words in jest, and she had scoffed then too - and it wasn't as if anything had changed from her side. She still saw him as her egotistical competitor, someone who loved to get her into trouble and someone who wanted nothing to do with her. He had told her that it was simply his 'haq' to fight with her, to make her miserable, and yet, she thought of those words as sadistic. Well, he couldn't blame her. He didn't want her to reciprocate her feelings for now - hell, he didn't even know what his feelings were! Well, he did, but he didn't want to. He just wanted her back. He wanted her back in college, so that he could annoy her, compete with her, argue with her and just have her close to him. That would suffice for now.
Tujhe bhula diya, ho,
Phir kyun teri yaadon ne,
Mujhe rula diya?
He throat felt a little clogged as tears poured incessantly from his eyes. The last lines of the song stuck to him and he knew that he couldn't bring himself to think that he couldn't care less about what happened to her. His feelings for her went deeper than anything he'd felt for anyone, and he knew what they were. He knew he was in love. And that one thought curved his lips into a sad smile as the salty tears flowed freely, as if drenching his very being.
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...and that's a wrap! Please do read and review! Comments are like cookies, I love them! 😳
-Raina
Anupamaa
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
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