Originally posted by: CRAZIE
After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water? No
After they make Styrofoam, what do they ship it in? --Steven Wright Boxes
Can a stupid person be a smart-ass? Yes
Can fat people go skinny-dipping? Yes
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime? Yes
Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans? Yes
Do blind Eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs? Yes
Do boxer shorts box? No
Do cemetery workers prefer the graveyard shift? No
Do clowns wear really big socks? Yes
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims? No
Do files get embarrassed when they get unzipped? No
Do fish get thirsty? Yes
Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words? Yes
Do hungry crows have ravenous appetites? Yes
Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? Yes
Do mass murderers kill only in church? No
Do Roman paramedics refer to IV's as "4's"? No
Do Scottish Terriers get Scotch Tape worms? No
Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers? Yes
Do steam rollers really roll steam? No
Do television evangelists do more than lay people? --Stanley Ralph Moss No
Do vampires get AIDS? No
Do vegetarians eat animal crackers? Yes
Do witches run spell checkers? Yes
Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mime? Yes
Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them? Yes
Does a man-eating shark eat women, too? Yes
Does that screwdriver belong to Phillip? No
Does the Little Mermaid wear an algebra? Yes
Ever notice how irons have a setting for "permanent" press? I don't get it. --Steven Wright Yes
Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations? No
Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool? Yes
Have you ever talked into an acoustic modem? No
Have you ever wondered? Yes (dat you are really a patient from a mental assylum)
How can someone "draw a blank"? " ; " there i just did
How can there be self-help "groups"? Cuz they are run by confused people
How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes? Ask a bagpipe player
How come chocolate milk doesn't come from brown cows? ask Cadbury
How come I can pick my ears but not my nose? Both are rude
How come wrong numbers are never busy? Because the people with the right number dont like to talk to you.
How dead is the Dead Sea? Very
How do they get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass? With a crane
How do you get off a nonstop flight? Wait till the fuel runs out
How do you know if honesty is the best policy unless you've tried some of the others? you dont you have to try all policies.
How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink? No
How do you throw away a garbage can? In a new garbage clan DUH
How do you write zero in Roman numerals? O
How does a person with a lisp pronounce that word? Lisssspssss
How does a thermos know whether a drink should be hot or cold? it doesnt
How does it work out that these people always die in alphabetical order? Magic
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings? Santa Claus
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven? everything
How much milk is there in the Milky Way? none
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Sorry you mean a woodpecker?
How old would you be if you didn't know how old you was? --Satchel Paige Check your Birth certificate
If 7-11 is open 24 hours a day, 365 days a year, why are there locks on the doors? Too keep us Bhai log out.
If a fly has no wings would you call him a walk? Yes
If a food processor slices and dices food, what does a word processor do?
Slices and dices words DUH
If a hen and a half can lay an egg and a half in a day and a half, how long would it take a monkey with a wooden leg to kick the seeds out of a dill pickle? --Tom Robbins Go ask the monkey
If a mime commits suicide, does he use a silencer? --Steven Wright No
If a mirror reverses right and left, why doesn't it reverse up and down?Cuz its a mirror not a invertor
If a pronoun is a word used in place of a noun, is a proverb a word used in place of a verb? Sowry me no anglaize
If a tree falls in the forest, does the earth scream out in pain? yes
If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? He is Dead
If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Humans
If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know? Ask me
If absolute power corrupts absolutely, does absolute powerlessness make you pure? --Harry Shearer No it makes you desperate
If all the nations in the world are in debt, where did all the money go? Ask Gaji it is in his pocket.
If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow? English people are dumb
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs? --Steven Wright ask the deaf
If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them? EEWWWW
If corn can't hear, why does it have an ear? To show off
If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from? baby Corn
If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? Tyrants and Dictators
If everything is part of a whole, what is the whole part of? --Ashleigh Brilliant A Bigger whole
If flowers don't talk back to you, are they mums? No
If Fred Flintstone knew that the large order of ribs would tip his car over, why did he order them at the end of every show? --Steven Wright To watch his car tip over
If God can do anything, can he make a rock so big he can't lift it? --George Carlin Go ask god i can arrange to send you to him if you keep askin these silly questions 😆😆
If God dropped acid, would he see people? I hope he only drops it on you.
If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get? humans
If humans have nightmares, what do horses have? Humanimares
If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet? --Steven Wright Go ask Steven
If I save time, when do I get it back? You dont cuz you use it
If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him? Cuz the person who wrote the song cared
If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Because Love is blind ..Lust is NOT. 😉
If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? --Dennis Miller Cuz those ones forgot to evolve
If nothing ever sticks to TEFLON, how do they make TEFLON stick to the pan? FEVICOL 7 hatthi ka power kuch bhi chipka de
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest have to drown too? No they just cry for him / her.
If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like? You need Therapy
If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of? same thing just under Girl scout brand
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit? He wasnt so lucky 😉
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? Yes but no one cares
If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags? It is the brand new bagless kind
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers? Who said he was smart???. He is Strong.
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do? Cuz you have to swim not just move your tail
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? Cuz it has no self esteem
If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?When you see a funeral procession at night ask them.
If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it? Common sense
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex? --Art Hoppe Ask Art hoppe
If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in? Just be glad your guts are spillin out of it
If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of? Horns
If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi? Sushi?? EEWWW
If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it? To make it seem it is terrific
If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry? No you would be extra FULL DUH
If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
Yes check out the SAMEER FAN CLUB
If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots? So you can drive home drunk. after you finished drinkin.
If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn? Blue'er
If you didn't get caught, did you really do it? Nope
If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money? try it and let me know
If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey? no the one shakespeare will do just fine.
If you jog backwards, will you gain weight? No
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back? Yes
If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented? Yes
If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke? Yes
If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter? Yes
If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen? It will land on it's feet DUH
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? Neither
If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons? No
If your car says Dodge on the front of it, do you really need a horn? YES Dodge Sucks
If you're a kleptomaniac, is there something you can take for it? No
If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights? Nuthin
In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you're planning on lying, do they really think you'll tell them so? No
Instead of wasting time hunting and cooking, why don't hunters just use flame-throwers? exactly i like my meat well done
Is "tired old clich" one? No
Is a castrated pig disgruntled? No
Is a halfback more valuable than a quarterback? No
Is a sleeping bull a bull-dozer? Yes
Is a small pig called a hamlet? Yes
Is an oxymoron a really dumb bovine?No
Is drilling for oil boring? Yes
Is duck tape made out of ducks? No
Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon? Yes
Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Yes
Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky? A Pie
Is the nose the scenter of the face? yes
Is this bullshit or fertilizer? both
Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft? no
Sexual harassment at work-is it a problem for the self-employed? --Victoria Wood YES
Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers? no they throw the americans
Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell? Yes, when i fart next to you.. you will know.
The Scarecrow got a brain, Tin Man got a heart, Lion got courage, Dorothy got home, what did Toto get? Kibbles and Bits
Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower? No
What are imitation rhinestones? imitation rhinestones
What do batteries run on? energy
What do chickens think we taste like? Chickens
What do penguins wear for play clothes? nuthin
What do people in China call their good plates? American ware
What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep? Lamb chops
What do they call a French kiss in France? "Our" kiss
What do they call coffee breaks at the Lipton Tea Company? Tea break
What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it? Floor room
What do you call a male ladybug? A PANSY 😉
What do you call male ballerinas? A BIGGER PANSY 😆
What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes? Rain rain go away little tommy wants to play.
What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane? Pocahontas
What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man? Invisible
What happened to the first 6 UP's? Fiddo Diddo ate it
What happens if you get scared half to death, ...twice? --Steven Wright Ask steven
What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass? You stay at home
What happens if you take No-Doze and wash it down with Nyquil? You stay half asleep
What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours? It comes off
What happens when none of your bees wax? Squish em
What happens when you swallow your pride? Stomach pains
What if hell really did freeze over? What would we be using instead? 7th Hell
What if someone died in the living room? send them to the morgue DUH
What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about? oh well
What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go? to your house
What is "Soft Liquor"? Soft
What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free? Nuthin is free
What is a refried bean? Why do they have to fry it twice? it is refried to make it fresh again
What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved? It is shaved
What is the diameter of a square? ask SDK
What is the speed of dark? ask SDK
What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum? fake fruits
What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders? PIZZA
What was the best thing before sliced bread? the whole loaf
Whatever happened to preparations A through G? Lost
What's the sound a name makes when it's dropped? " ; "
What's the synonym for thesaurus? Synnn what??
When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say? Eat me
When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses? no only snot
When day breaks who fixes it? GOD
When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Scientists
When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go? Garbage
When night falls who picks it up? God
When people lose weight, where does it go? the Toilet
When something fades in the sunlight, where did the colors go? dissapears
When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to? go ask them
When we say our mind wanders - where does it go? to different thoughts
When you put a sheet over your head for Halloween, are you a ghost or a mattress? neither your a moron
Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket? who knows
Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary? He asked me
Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons? They store it in spring
Where does the fire go when the fire goes out? Agni dev
Where does the white go when the snow melts? Snowwhite
Where does your lap go when you stand up? in my thighs
Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg? it doesnt
Where is Old Zealand? Mars
Which is the other side of the street? this side
Who killed the Dead Sea? Urine
Who opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!" your ancestors
Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?" your ancestors
Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat? Your ancestors
Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it? a morons
Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green? sum people are color blind
Why are America's parks administered by the Department of the Interior? ask bush
Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11? cuz its chapter 11 not 13
Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there? morons pay for anythign anywhere.
Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"? the word "Hemorr"
Why are highways build so close to the ground? common sense
Why are raisins called raisins if they are only dried grapes? Why not just call them dried grapes? who knows
Why are some gay people so unhappy? AIDS
Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes? who wants you to live"?
Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii? ask hawaii
Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting? to fool you
Why are violets blue and not violet? a case of color blindness
Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone? bah americans
Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free? USE POO and let us know.
Why can't we tickle ourselves? psychology
Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? he couldnt see them
Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers? --Fred Allen cuz Faeries dance on toes too.
Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing? they sound better than NO CHANCE
Why do flamingos stand on only one leg? cuz ther other one gets tired
Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? ask SDK
Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?so you buy 1.5 bag of buns
Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren't made for jumping on? Says who?
Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed? Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi? maybe
Why do people go to the unemployment office to find a job? timepass
Why do people park in driveways and drive on parkways? --Larry Anderson ask larry
Why do people tell you when they are speechless? so he / she doesnt have to talk anymore
Why do pigs have curly tails? sumone ran a curller on their tails
Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child? dumb sign maker
Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot? ask the mexicans
Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one? To make you feel better
Why do they call it 'getting your dog fixed' if afterwards it doesn't work anymore? dats the point
Why do they call it life insurance? I hope you have one cuz after all this you gonna need it
Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly? Americans are backthinkers
Why do they call the piece of wood a two-by-four if it's only 1 3/4" x 3 1/2"? ask SDK
Why do they call Wednesday hump day, when most people get laid on the weekends? HUH?? really?
Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it? since when?
Why do they make cars go so fast its illegal? says who?
Why do they make scented toilet paper? HUH?
Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM? incase the passenger is blind DUH
Why do they report power outages on TV? to make you jealous
Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? huh?
Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat? who says everyone is a decent human being and dat includes you.
Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up? too much money?
Why do we call something sent by car a shipment and something sent by ship a cargo? americans nuff said
Why do we call them restrooms when no one goes there to rest? ask SDK
Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways? already asked loser.
Why do we have hot water heaters when hot water doesn't need to be heated? DUH
Why do we kill people for killing people to show that killing is wrong? we dont but we should!
Why do we need training bras? What can we teach them? in your case nuthin.... 😉
Why do we put shirts in a suitcase, and put suits in a garment bag? ask SDK
Why do we say "a pair of pants" when there is only one article of clothing involved? ask SDK
Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack? come here i will show you
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there? morons
Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them? not in your case
Why do wise guy and wise man mean entirely different things? age.
Why do you feet smell and your nose runs? americans nuff said
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive? to verify your age DUH
Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic? cuz they are cheats
Why does a dishtowel get wet when it dries? who knows
Why does a grapefruit look nothing like a grape? The person who named it had bad eyes.
OK DATS ALL OF IT I AM DONE!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH left 43 as agreed NOW I DONT WANNA GET TO KNOW YOU ATALL CRAZIE aka RIPIKA!!!!!
Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?
Why does the sun lighten our hair, but darken our skin?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Why don't they call mustaches "mouthbrows?"
Why don't they just make food stamps edible?
Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why get even, when you can get odd?
Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
Why is a boxing ring square?
Why is a carrot more orange than an orange? --Amboy Dukes
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is a women's prison called a penal colony?
Why is brassiere singular and panties plural?
Why is clear considered a color?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman's chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
Why is it that famous people are always born on holidays?
Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
Why is it that only adults have difficulty with childproof bottles?
Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
Why is it that to stop Windows 95, you have to click on "Start"?
Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
Why is it you must wait until night to call it a day?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemonsWhy is the alphabet in that order? Is it because of that song?
Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
Why is your index finger the same size as your nostrils?
Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
You can't have everything. Where would you put it?
You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
Fan Fictions
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
