The sun ray entered her room, tickling her eyelids softly. She stirred timidly from her sleep and rubbed her eyes. She blinked many time to adjust to the light when she closed them abruptly, a sharp pain crossed her head.
-ouch, she massaged her temple groaning in pain, it hurts, ahh.
She tried another time to open her eyes and this time, she was careful not provoke her headache. The room was fully decorated and many flower garlands covered her bed. She remembered now, it was her wedding night but the last thing she was remembered was Shaad giving her some medicine and after all went black for her.
-I knew it I shouldn't have taken this medicine, she posed her hand to the other side of bed, but it was empty and cold. She sat up and noticed that she was still fully dressed and that on her side, the pillow and the sheet were intact. What happened yesterday? Did she slept quickly? It seemed that Shaad didn't share the bed yesterday, but why?
-Shaad, Shaaad, she called him, looking here and there, but no answer came, where did he go again? This man is like a shadow, he can disappeared as quick as he can appeared from nowhere.
She posed her feet on the floor and looked all around her, she didn't know why she felt happy that nothing happened yesterday between them, but she brushed this idea by thinking that her wedding night, she should remember of it and Shaad didn't take any advantage of her. She went to prepare herself and to refresh, it was a new page in her life now.
She was finally out of the bathroom and fully dressed, but Shaad didn't come back. She decided to look after him. She opened the door and gasped suddenly at the person standing in front of her.
-Aaa-hil? She felt a strange pain in her heart seeing him and didn't know why she felt ashame. He was standing here, fully dress in black and with his arms crossed on his chest like he was waiting for her.
She looked up shyly and what she saw sent a shiver through her spine, the color of his dress merged with the darkness of his eyes, his face was tensed and the small vein was knocking dangerously again his temple, his eyes were full of pain and anger, and he was like a volcano closed to the explosion, but he was strangely quiet but his eyes spoke volume.
-Aahi, before she could finish, he grabbed her elbow and pulled her inside the room. He closed the door behind them, she tried to protest, but he spine her around and pull her hardly against the door.
-what are you doing? Leave me, she tried to push him but he didn't move from inch, instead he closed his grip around her waist. When her hand brushed his expose torso, she could feel his skin burning, he was clearly closed to blast and she gulped.
-tell me, how it was yesterday? How it was your wedding night with...Your hus-band, he asked sarcastically
-How dare you asking me this? How dare you? Don't you have any manners? Leave me!!!
-I let my manners outside, so tell me how it was? Did you make it here? On the bed? He pointed to the bed, or here in the sofa? TELL ME, he yelled on her face.
-This is my private life, Aahil Raza Ibrahim, don't you feel ashame to ask this question?
-and you , did you feel ashame when he touched you? His voice was bitter and his words stabbed her pride.
-How dare you? She raised her hand to slap him but he caught it on time.
-Well, well, well, what I am seeing here? My name written on your hand, he let a soft chuckle of victory, she looked away and cursed herself that he saw this. I thought that YOU were married to Shaad, but why my name was on your hand, Jan-nat, he stretched ironically her name.
-It..It was just a mistake, she couldn't look into his eyes, he might see her lies
-a mistake? Mmh, but as I see your hena was really dark, your husband must be really really loving you
-YES, he loves me a lot, a lot that yesterday he showed me his love and it was the best night ever, she jerked her hand from his grip but this was too much for him, he pressed her body more against the wall and him.
-Really? The best night ever, she glared at him and he returned with the same intensity. Did he make you feel weak like you are feeling now? She frowned, did he make your lips tremble like they are trembling now? He pointed to her lips and she clasped between each other to stop their shake. How did he see this? She thought. Did he make your heart beat as fast it was knocking against my chest, Jan-nat?
-Leave me, she slide her hand between them to push him but he tightened more his grip and she was suffocated now. You are hurting me. This closeness was playing havoc to her and made her shiver like a leaf, how can a stranger make her feel so vulnerable and so addicted to his touch? She was losing her mind and his breath, his intense eyes and his lips were not helping her to think straight.
-I won't before I want an answer
-what answer you want, Aahil?
-Did you think about me, yesterday? Did you wish to be with me instead of Shaad? Did you imagine my lips on yours? He blew the last sentence on her lips and she parted them unconsciously. Did you feel my touch on your skin? He kissed her temple tenderly.
-Aahil, her call sounded like a moan, don't...
But her voice just encouraged him, he kissed her cheek and the corner of her lips, and before she could reacted he trapped her lips between his and he kissed her possessively marking her with his love and pain. First she was too shock to push him, once she felt his lips teasing her, she fought with herself hardly to resist. She tried to push him again and again but his lips kept asking for more from her, and slowly his move broke the last wall of pride that she was holding and she answered back with equal fervor. She lost the track of time and space and she dive into this first kiss. Wait, why did she feel his lips familiar to her?
Who knows maybe the moment you will leave, I will forget everything about you?
I will always find a way to make you remembered me, Sanam, he said and he kissed her
The image of him was clear now, she already kissed him long time ago. In the instant of panic, she jerked from this lips and stared into his eyes, trying to know, if what she saw was real or was just an illusion? Her sense was back slowly and she realized that she shared a kiss with a stranger, that she gave her lips to another man than her husband. Tears started to come into her eyes, it was all because of him, why he didn't want to let her alone? Why did he always shake her to the core?
-How dare you kissing me? How...Her throat constricted with shame.
-I wasn't alone in this kiss, you kiss me back
-you forced me, she sobbed
-I didn't force you, I know that you want to be with me, I know that you wished to share this night with me, to share your love with me, to have babies with me. In our dream house, our room would have been next of the kid's room.
His words triggered something in her mind all of sudden.
-I decide for the room
-Really, she saw him smiling
-yes, we will have the hall in the entry, ok? And on the left, we will have the bedroom, painted in blue, he made non approval face, but she continued, and next to the bedroom, we can find the kid's room.
-which room is it? She froze, kid's room? He teased
-No, no, it's just Faiz and Haya children
-sorry, Faiz and Haya's children, right?
-Haya? She uttered, it was the first time she heard that name but strangely she felt a deep love hearing this name.
-You can hide behind your anger but I can see through and you are just hurt because you let your heart speak in this kiss.
-my heart belongs to SHAAD, to my husband, she shouted more to convince herself
-no, it belongs to me, you can deny as much as you want, but there is a small voice inside of you, who keep calling me, wanting me, and loving me. This voice never asked for Shaad but only asked about me. The sooner you will let this voice coming out, sooner your turnoil will be over.
-leave me, alone, Aahil, you got what you want, then leave me
-I didn't got what I want and I want you back to me,
-I-am-not-yours
-I suggest you to read your Nikah-naman, you will see to who you belong, and he smirked
-you are just a disgusting man, you betrayed your wife. You pretend to love YOUR Sanam but you are here trying to possess me.
-If you want it or not, if you accept it or not, you can lie to me, to Shaad and even to yourself, but this voice you will never be able to shut her down, because she was saying truth that you don't want to face because of pride and lies. You got me on your hand, you got me under your skin, in your soul and in your heart. I am like a venom, the more you will resisted, the more you will be possess. Listen to your heart and you will see the truth. You already saw but you prefer to be blind to what God show you. You pretend to leave everything to God but when he told you the answer that you were looking for, you continue in this fake wedding and decided to put veil on your heart and eyes. You are spoiling everything because of pride, but you are just denying everything while you should ask yourself the right questions. Why are you so attach to me? Why do you know many thing about me? Why am I so familiar to you? And why you felt something about this house? Tell me, how can someone know precisely where the salt was in my kitchen? Ask yourself the good questions, but you have to be prepared to face the truth.
-please, leave me alone, she looked down, she can't fight him anymore, she just wanted to be alone.
Aahil didn't want to hurt her but he was forced to make her realize her hidden truth. He can't stand anymore playing the stranger in her life, he can bare staying away from his wife. She was so closed but yet so far, as much as he can love her, it hurts him to see her closed to another man. He didn't get the chance to speak to Shaad about what he heard yesterday, but he only care about her, he was scared that he might lost her yesterday forever, but no, she was still his and he knew that nothing happened between them and he felt relieved. He barged in her room, wanting to punish her, to force her to remember but he can't do this to her. He loved her more than anything and she loved him too, Sanam was close and he felt her in this kiss. This Jannat was closed to go away, it was just the wall that separated him from his Sanam. He only needed to make Jannat accepted her feeling to him to force Sanam to reveal herself finally. He loosened his grip, he had all the answer and he gave her the question that she should ask now. It was her time to travel to truth, he just hope, she will not let her pride standing between them. He finally left her and she fell on the floor, crying her heart out.
-I betrayed Shaad, I kiss him back... I responded to this kiss, but why I feel it right. It can't be, I am going to be crazy, she grabbed her head with her both hands, it's impossible, I must be possess by Sanam's spirit or devil, what's wrong with me? Why I can't stop myself from loving him, why Allah miya? Why did you put this forbidden love in my heart? Why? Why I can't be with him? She wiped her tears and stoop up firm in her step.
-I am going back to Pakistan, I need to be far, really far from him, she took her luggage and started to put her dress.
-Jannat? Shaad entered to see her packing her clothes, what are you doing?
-we are going back to Pakistan, right now Shaad
-but why, Jannat? What happened?
-nothing happened, we stayed a long time here and we are abusing of their kindness, I just want to leave and to stay in my house, I am packing your stuff too, Shaad, she can't face, she felt disgusted with what happened earlier.
-Jannat, calm down, he tried to catch her shoulders but she jerked him
-SHAAD, I AM GOING TO PAKISTAN, she threw the clothes carelessly on the floor
-but you are not allowed to go to Pakistan, Jannat, he said with shaky voice
-what do you mean I am not allowed? I am married to you, then I am Pakistani citizen.-we are not married, Jannat
-what this nonsense, Shaad, I am not in the mood for stupid joke
-it's not a joke, you have to read this, he gave a paper
-what is this? She took it from him
-your nikahnaman, he closed his eyes, once you will read it, I will give all the answer that you will ask.
She opened it and fell heavily on the bed.
-It's impossible, it's impossible, and the paper fell on the floor.
-Jannat, he bent down but she slapped him on his face with anger.
-I can expect this from anyone, but not you, I trust you with my life and you are playing with me, like him. I am going alone to Pakistan. You decided what you want to do.
She took her baggage and left everything behind her, they were all lying to her, they were all manipulating her, she needed to find peace, she needed to find herself, to find her lost part. She can stay here anymore no matter what her heart was saying. She can't stand anymore this battle, she gave up. She walked dragging her baggage, lost in her though while Shaad and Aahil stared at her going away without being able to stop her.
She wiped her tears and looked up, but she froze. In front of her was standing a woman, the perfect copy of her but still something was different about her, maybe her modern clothes. Suddenly, a lot of image came to her mind, she heard her mother's voice, her badi ammi, Tanveer Begum, she saw Aahil burning her dabba,, she was then married to him, she saw her dream house, she saw her fight with him. All her past came running through her mind recalling every inch of her memory until this moment.
-Sanam, her twin called her
-Se-her, she whispered and lone tears fell on her cheek, she was finally home.
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
CID
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