Posted:
Boo! Did you hear that? I can talk!!!
What's that you say? Introduce myself? Oh, very well...
My name is Siddharth dot slash dot- no, don't ask me what that means- and it seems as though you, kind madam, have contacted me here. By the way, how did you know I was here? Oh, okay. I'll just keep talking.
Well, apparently, hell isn't all that bad right now. It was awful at first though. I mean, all I remember is this stake through me, and then-whoosh, I'm in some kind of land which is infested with weirdo sparkly fairy princesses. They actually consider themselves vampires, you know? Ugh, just because you drink blood doesn't make you a vampire, idiot! Anyway, these sparkling fairies, they didn't believe I was a vampire because I didn't sparkle 😲 So, anyway, I lost it, because I knew this was hell, and technically, I'm allowed to sin- and I bit one and finished it off. They still didn't believe me, and they actually wanted me to stand in the sun with my shirt off so I could sparkle. Anyway, that's when I decided enough was enough, so I dialled the Hell-line and booked them for sexual harassment. And then they took pity on me and shifted me over here. Lots of ol' friends out here. NOT!! There's a stinking werewolf, who keeps hitting on me-he won't listen that I don't swing that way-I think his name is some letter of the alphabat. J or K or some such. Then there's my not-so-darling Maithali. Seriously, she's plain irritating. Yeah, I kind of got over her when she wanted my brother right over my dead body. Then that chicken is here- you know, that Panchi- and she keeps trying to play the damsel in distress card. She caught me yesterday, and started ranting about a colour that was irritating her. Blue, I think she meant.Blue means Neel, right? She's gotten more mental after death.
Sorry? ALS, what's that you say? Oh, it's baby brother's anniversary?Oh, how sweet. Not!
You do realise I've sort of got access to your world. I can see things the Yamaraj is particularly interested to let me see. Well, he made me see all sorts of coochie coo moments between my li'l brother and bhabhijaan- nice ring to it, don't you think? Well, I didn't know it was a year already. Time flies, huh? Anyway, my congratulations to you, little brother, in case you're hearing this, though I sincerely hope you aren't. You and bhabhijaan deserve each other, because I can't think of anyone who'd put up with either of you. By the way, do you mind being less affectionate with her? I really don't want to watch the two of you at it 24*7. I mean, come on, watching your brother make out with his wife is not nice at all. Gross in fact.
They took away my voice, you know. I haven't been able to speak to anyone in all this while. Who did you say made the arrangements for my temporary gaining of voice? Alina? A girl? Oh...she's too young for me then. Would you mind asking her to extend the deadline a bit? I know this is hell, but a guy can hope, right.
Thanks for talking to me, ALS. It's been a nice chat. By the way, is your voice always that sweet? Oh, sorry- I keep forgetting I can't hit on girls anymore. Sigh.
Oh and by the way, why haven't my brother and my bhabhijaan given me a niece or a nephew? Oi, little brother! A year is a long enough time, you know. Just telling you, I'd prefer if you named your first born after me. I know YOU probably wouldn't prefer it, but since you're human and everything, you do respect the dead, right? Your first born must be called Siddharth. If it's a girl , don't worry- you can name her Siddhi. In case you have twins, then you can use both names. But if it's twins of the same sex, then they must be called Siddhart I and II or Siddhi I and II. Bottomline is, they have to have my name!!
Oh, and since I probably won't be speaking to you guys for long now- I think I'm sort of missing you, Abhay. Hope to see you soon here!
What? Time's running out? Farewell, ALS. It has been a pleasure listening to your sweet voice and I-
(As told to ALS via special communication satellites launched by the werewolf queen.)
*Regrettably , our reception was cut off at the end of Siddharth's last sentence. Here's hoping you enjoyed the interview. Thanks for hearing.*
-ALS. :P
What's that you say? Introduce myself? Oh, very well...
My name is Siddharth dot slash dot- no, don't ask me what that means- and it seems as though you, kind madam, have contacted me here. By the way, how did you know I was here? Oh, okay. I'll just keep talking.
Well, apparently, hell isn't all that bad right now. It was awful at first though. I mean, all I remember is this stake through me, and then-whoosh, I'm in some kind of land which is infested with weirdo sparkly fairy princesses. They actually consider themselves vampires, you know? Ugh, just because you drink blood doesn't make you a vampire, idiot! Anyway, these sparkling fairies, they didn't believe I was a vampire because I didn't sparkle 😲 So, anyway, I lost it, because I knew this was hell, and technically, I'm allowed to sin- and I bit one and finished it off. They still didn't believe me, and they actually wanted me to stand in the sun with my shirt off so I could sparkle. Anyway, that's when I decided enough was enough, so I dialled the Hell-line and booked them for sexual harassment. And then they took pity on me and shifted me over here. Lots of ol' friends out here. NOT!! There's a stinking werewolf, who keeps hitting on me-he won't listen that I don't swing that way-I think his name is some letter of the alphabat. J or K or some such. Then there's my not-so-darling Maithali. Seriously, she's plain irritating. Yeah, I kind of got over her when she wanted my brother right over my dead body. Then that chicken is here- you know, that Panchi- and she keeps trying to play the damsel in distress card. She caught me yesterday, and started ranting about a colour that was irritating her. Blue, I think she meant.Blue means Neel, right? She's gotten more mental after death.
Sorry? ALS, what's that you say? Oh, it's baby brother's anniversary?Oh, how sweet. Not!
You do realise I've sort of got access to your world. I can see things the Yamaraj is particularly interested to let me see. Well, he made me see all sorts of coochie coo moments between my li'l brother and bhabhijaan- nice ring to it, don't you think? Well, I didn't know it was a year already. Time flies, huh? Anyway, my congratulations to you, little brother, in case you're hearing this, though I sincerely hope you aren't. You and bhabhijaan deserve each other, because I can't think of anyone who'd put up with either of you. By the way, do you mind being less affectionate with her? I really don't want to watch the two of you at it 24*7. I mean, come on, watching your brother make out with his wife is not nice at all. Gross in fact.
They took away my voice, you know. I haven't been able to speak to anyone in all this while. Who did you say made the arrangements for my temporary gaining of voice? Alina? A girl? Oh...she's too young for me then. Would you mind asking her to extend the deadline a bit? I know this is hell, but a guy can hope, right.
Thanks for talking to me, ALS. It's been a nice chat. By the way, is your voice always that sweet? Oh, sorry- I keep forgetting I can't hit on girls anymore. Sigh.
Oh and by the way, why haven't my brother and my bhabhijaan given me a niece or a nephew? Oi, little brother! A year is a long enough time, you know. Just telling you, I'd prefer if you named your first born after me. I know YOU probably wouldn't prefer it, but since you're human and everything, you do respect the dead, right? Your first born must be called Siddharth. If it's a girl , don't worry- you can name her Siddhi. In case you have twins, then you can use both names. But if it's twins of the same sex, then they must be called Siddhart I and II or Siddhi I and II. Bottomline is, they have to have my name!!
Oh, and since I probably won't be speaking to you guys for long now- I think I'm sort of missing you, Abhay. Hope to see you soon here!
What? Time's running out? Farewell, ALS. It has been a pleasure listening to your sweet voice and I-
(As told to ALS via special communication satellites launched by the werewolf queen.)
*Regrettably , our reception was cut off at the end of Siddharth's last sentence. Here's hoping you enjoyed the interview. Thanks for hearing.*
-ALS. :P
Anupamaa
