Part 26: Joy and Pain
The night of Ishan's birth, Aman dropped Khushi at home and drove back to the hospital again because he'd forgotten his phone. Khushi opened the door to her house and walked in. She heard the whirring of a blender followed by squeals and yelps coming from the kitchen and heard. Her brows knit together in confusion; she walked to the kitchen when a strong smell of chocolate, cake batter, and Jalebi batter hit her like a wall.
She'd just appeared in the doorway and no sooner had a blob of batter hit her shoulder. The blob splattered all over her face, neck and arm. She heard three sets of gasps and a couple more clatters before silence echoed in the kitchen.
Khushi looked around her once upon a time neat kitchen which was now a complete mess. She was horrified as she took in the scene: Chocolate chips scattered everywhere, splatters of batter all over the counters and anything on the counter. There was batter dripping from the ceiling! Dry flour was settled all over the floor, mingling with puddles of chocolate syrup. Then she took in the three individuals who were looking at her guiltily, clearly responsible for this mess. All three of them were covered in batter, flour, and chocolate syrup. Arnav's entire face fact covered in batter. Aditya looked like he'd been rolling around in chocolate syrup whereas Amber looked like a ghost because of all the flour on her head and face.
Khushi glared at them and put her hands on her hips. "Time out! All three of you."
Aditya and Amber lowered their heads and started walking out of the kitchen.
"Wait!" Khushi stopped them and tip-toed her way to the counter. She grabbed a roll of paper towel, walked to the exit of the kitchen and motioned Aditya to come forward... She wiped whatever chocolate syrup she would wipe off of him and gestured him to go. Amber was next. She ruffled Amber's hair, and a heap of flour scattered to the floor. She wiped her arms and face with a paper towel and gestured for her to leave too. She looked at the last remaining culprit who was looking at the ceiling from where the batter was still dripping.
"Should I print an invitation card for you?" Khushi said with her hands on her hips.
Arnav jumped slightly, looked at her, then at his own feet. Biting his lower lip, he walked up to her. With a scowl on her face, she wiped the batter off of him too. And imitating what the kids had done, he walked out too. He saw them sitting in the yard, on the wooden bench in front of the rose bush. He joined them and sat in the gap in between them. He looked to his right and saw Aditya sitting with his arms crossed, with a finger on his lips. He looked to his left and found Amber sitting in the same pose.
"What's going on?" Arnav whispered to Aditya. He knew that if this was one of the rules, Aditya would be easier to speak to because Amber would never break a rule.
"Shh. You're not supposed to talk during Time Out." Aditya whispered.
Arnav's eyebrows shot upwards in amusement when he saw Khushi walking out into the yard. He averted his gaze, and started twiddling his thumbs.
"What in the world were you guys doing? Adi...I told you I'd make Jalebis for you once I got home. Amber...we were going to bake that cake too! Look at the kitchen now. It's such a mess in there! There is batter dripping from my ceiling! How did it even get there? You three are in so much trouble! You're all going to help me clean it. Amber you'll give me the iPad and Aditya will give me the game-boy. You won't get it back for another week."
The kids looked crestfallen at Khushi's statement. Arnav looked at them from the corner of his eyes before turning to Khushi who glared at the three like a tigress.
Arnav opened his mouth to speak. "Khu""
Khushi pointed a finger at him dangerously, her eyes saying Shut up'. He closed his mouth, sat back, crossed his arms and slapped a finger over his lips just like the two kids on his side. He looked at the two of them from the corners of his eyes before looking at Khushi from under his eyelashes, looking sheepish. Khushi pursed her lips together to keep from laughing.
There sat the three devils, sheepish, arms crossed, finger over their lips, with smudges of chocolate syrup, and batters on their faces and bodies. Khushi saw Aditya and Amber glance at Arnav and tremble with the attempt at holding back their giggles. Even Arnav pressed his lips together to keep from laughing. That did it for her. She burst into laughter making the kids look at her with wide eyes for a few seconds and then all four of them laughed out loud. The tinkling sounds of their mingled laughter echoed through the house.
And then began the kitchen cleaning. The four worked, sweeping, wiping, and dusting. Arnav was up on the counter, wiping the batter on the ceiling.
"How did it get there in the first place?" Khushi asked him as she cleaned the counter.
"Uh...the recipe book said blend' the ingredients together...so I was going to use the blender...but before I put the lid on the jug, I accidentally pressed the button and...Yeah." Arnav explained in an innocent tone.
"And what is this?" Khushi said holding up a browned twisted fried piece of something.
Aditya laughed. "We messed up the batters."
"That would be a burnt funnel cake, technically." Arnav explained further. "We accidentally fried the cake batter..."
Khushi giggled. "The next thing you'll tell me is that the Jalebi batter was baked."
She stopped giggling when the three paused, looked at each other and then at her. Khushi's jaw dropped.
"You guys put the Jalebi batter in the oven??!!??" She said rushing to the oven. She saw the flat slab of Jalebi cake' sitting on top of the counter next to the oven.
She slapped her hand to her forehead exasperatedly and swayed. "Hey Devi Maiyaa!"
Just then the doorbell rang and she stomped out of the kitchen to answer the door. Aman walked in looking happy.
"Smells like a bakery in here." He said sniffing.
"Courtesy of your boss and his kids!" Khushi muttered walking back into the kitchen. She stopped in the doorway and Aman stopped next to her, his jaw hanging at his knees.
"ASR?" He said sounding shocked.
Arnav looked at him for a second, moved his eyes from one corner of the kitchen to the other and went back to cleaning. Aman snorted loudly trying to stop laughing. Khushi covered her lips with her knuckled and turned to look at Aman. Arnav turned around to glare at him. Aman snorted again, trying to contain his laughter but gave up and doubled over, laughing his head off while Khushi laughed with him.
- - - - -
"And then, I was going to lean on the counter but ended up pushing the buttons on the blender. I guess the sudden sound and splatters scared them and they dropped things, slipped on them, spreading things out even more...then it just got out of hands." Arnav recited the incident to a laughing Khushi and Aman.
Arnav had gone to his children's rescue and had convinced Khushi to give them their gadgets back. After he'd made a puppy face at her, blinked innocently, and suggested that she punish him instead, she couldn't help but give in. So now, Amber and Aditya were happy to have their games back, and their love for Arnav had increased more.
"My god...I should make a new rule...only two of you three in the kitchen at once...the three of you together will surely turn my kitchen into some kind of warzone!" Khushi teased, taking a sip from her coffee.
Aman kept glancing at his phone, hoping that someone, anyone, would call and he could slip away to give Arnav and Khushi some privacy. The kids were asleep and this was the perfect time for the couple to have some private moments. As if reading his mind, Arnav quickly dialled his number, the phone hidden from Khushi's sight. Aman picked up the phone and frowned. Why was ASR calling when he was sitting right in front of him?
The question had almost rolled off of his tongue when he looked up at Arnav and saw one of his eyebrows raised. Understanding dawned upon him and he excused himself, saying that he needed to take the call. Arnav looked at Khushi once they were left alone. She looked at him and smiled before glancing at the coffee mug in her hand.
"What a day, eh?" She said with a hint of smile in her voice.
Arnav chuckled. "Yeah. It was a very good day...despite the kitchen's mess."
"Even that gave everyone a good laugh. Never in my life did I think that I would laugh at a messy kitchen."
"Why did you ask me to watch the kids?" He blurted the question that had been on his mind all day.
The suddenness of the question took Khushi by surprise. She looked at him for a couple of seconds.
"I probably wouldn't have if you hadn't saved Amber the other day and if Kripa was here, to be honest with you." She held his gaze as she answered his question. "I'm possessive about them and I don't like leaving them with others. When Anjali woke up me, telling me she was in pain, the first person I thought of contacting was you because you're one of the four people in the world that I can trust when it comes to Amber and Aditya. Because I know that no matter what our equation is, despite our past, you won't hurt them."
He looked into the depths of her eyes and saw the honesty that was reflected in her words. A soothing wave of peace engulfed his heart then.
"Thank you for putting that much trust in me...despite our past. I mean, if things were the other way around...Knowing me, I probably would never have been able to trust you again..." Arnav said sadly.
Khushi squirmed in her seat. She wasn't used to this Arnav who spoke about his feelings with ease. He'd been doing it a lot lately and it kept catching her off guard. She sighed, placed her cup on the coffee table, and twisted her fingers together.
"I feel like we hit rock bottom five years ago...how much worse can it get?" Khushi winced, regretting her choice of words when she saw him flinch. She went on quickly. "No...I don't mean it like that. It's just that..."
"It's fine." Arnav interrupted and dismissed the topic with finality echoing in his voice. Khushi kicked herself mentally. She knew that he'd retreated back into his shell and speaking of thoughts and feelings was done for today.
They sat in silence for a few moments and Khushi could tell that he was contemplating something. She gave him his time to gather his thoughts and words. When he didn't say anything for a couple of minutes, she turned to look at him and found him staring at the bracelet on her wrist that she was playing with but his gaze was unfocused, somewhere distant. She noticed a small drop of batter behind his ear and chuckled, making him snap out of his thoughts.
"S-sorry. What did you say?" Arnav asked her, embarrassed.
"I didn't say anything...you just have some batter behind your ear." She chuckled again.
Arnav shrugged and stifled a yawn.
Before she had a chance to say anything on the topic, Arnav had volunteered to stay with the kids tomorrow. She had been grateful for his offer. He was trying to spend time with her and the kids as much as possible, as long as she was comfortable with it. She was well aware that tomorrow night, her house would have two additional individuals: Anjali and Ishan. And if she was being honest with herself, she would need him here tomorrow. So she had gladly agreed just as Arnav had stifled another yawn.
"ASR, if you're sleepy, we should head home." Aman suggested in a friendly tone walking back into the living room.
Khushi looked on as Arnav nodded and stood up.
You can stay the night, if you want. Khushi's eyes widened as the thought crossed her mind. What the hell, Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada? What the hell are you thinking?
Why not? He'll be back in the morning. Save the guy going home to sleep and then coming back here. It makes more sense for him to spend the night here. Khushi cursed her brain for being irrational and shut it up immediately.
She followed Arnav quietly to the door. Just like the previous night, Aman gave her a friendly hug and started walking towards the car. Arnav rocked back and forth on his heels once. He had taken leave, once again, not reacting quick enough to return her hug which was less awkward than the previous day. He cursed himself mentally as he got into the car and Aman drove away.
- - - - -
The next morning, Arnav had arrived sharp at 9 am. The kids were already having breakfast when he joined them. Khushi served him and Aman breakfast before she left. The day had passed with similar activities and games as the day before, minus the kitchen mess. Aman had taken lunch for Khushi and Anjali and hadn't returned for a good couple of hours much to Arnav's amusement. When Arnav questioned him, he smartly dodged the situation by saying that Khushi wanted him to stick around while she completed some formalities when in reality; he had spent the time with Anjali, Ishan, and Khushi.
In the evening, Khushi, Anjali and Ishan had returned home. Glad to find that the kitchen wasn't a mess, Khushi and Arnav cooked up a delicious dinner while Anjali and Aman looked after the three kids. A couple hours after dinner, Arnav and Khushi found themselves in a similar setting where it was just the two of them in the living room. Amber and Aditya had been put to bed by Arnav while Khushi helped Anjali put Ishan to sleep. Aman had escaped into the yard saying that he wanted to call and catch up with Akash on some business related details.
Arnav and Khushi had just taken their seats when Ishan let out a high pitched wail. Khushi chuckled.
"Here we go...let the sleepless nights begin!" She said as she stood up and walked into the guestroom. In a couple of minutes, she returned, cradling Ishan, shushing him and rocking her arms gently.
Arnav's breath got lodged in his throat, taking the form of a painful lump. She looked no less than an angel, holding the baby ever so lovingly. Her face was settled into a calm and affectionate expression which showered love on the little one s he was holding. She took a seat next to Arnav again and crossed her legs. She rested Ishan on her lap and her left leg automatically started rocking the baby back and forth. Ishan's wails flowed into quiet whimpers and then finally into deep breaths. Arnav watched her quietly as she smiled at the child. His heart twisted painfully. He realized with a pang that this is what she must've been like with Aditya and Amber.
He had already missed out on enough days of their lives. Initially his plan was to take things really slow but at the pace he was going, they would both grow old by the time he managed to ask her to come back. No. He had to buckle up, gather his act together and get on this. He didn't want to miss any more of the joys of having a wife and kids. He didn't want to miss out on a big happy family which was at this moment torn into three parts: Arnav. Khushi and the kids. And the rest of the Raizadas. He had to bring the three together and re-form the Raizada Family.
He hadn't realized that she was looking at him questioningly. He knew he'd been staring and now she knew too.
"Are you okay?" She asked him, curiously concerned.
He nodded and silence took over again but Khushi could see the new glint in his eyes. He was definitely thinking about something. She got up to take Ishan back to the room. She returned and with ease sat next to him again.
"I know that you'll be busy taking care of Anjali and Ishan for the next few days...but once Angad and Kripa come back...what do you think about a dinner plan?" He spoke at last.
Khushi played with the bracelet on her wrist absent-mindedly. He hadn't said anything but she knew he was leaving it up to her, whether or not it would be just the two of them. He hadn't mentioned anything about it and she knew him enough to know that he wanted her to make the decision based on what she felt ready for. She started counting in her head. Their first outing was at the amusement park with everyone; Angad, Kripa, Sur, Prateek, Amber, and Aditya. They were all there. They were all present at his place for dinner too, including Anjali. At the dinner they'd had at her place, there were others around too, just like yesterday and today.
In all these days when they were having dinners and outings and what not, with the exception of their conversation in his kitchen, He'd maintained a decent distance, and even as she had stood in his kitchen, inches from him, she knew that through some silent gesture, she had granted him the permission to get that close. After that, even though she would try to sit next to him whenever she could, he never made an attempt to touch her. Any physical contact that had happened between them was either accidental, or initiated by Khushi.
Come on Khushi. You've seen the pain in his eyes. You've seen the regret. You heard what he said to Aman...he won't force you to do anything. He hasn't tried anything in all these days. He's been here two months and he has been respecting all your wishes. He knows you're not making any promises and all he wants is this chance. In the last couple of weeks, he's been smiling and laughing like you have never seen...not before your wedding, not in the five months you lived with him as his wife. Hell, you haven't felt this content and happy in all these years yourself!
She couldn't argue with her inner voice. She hadn't felt this content...not even when Aditya and Amber were born, and that was saying something since they meant the world to her!
She lifted her cup to take a sip of the coffee when she realized that there was none left. Khushi stood up, taking their cups and walking into the kitchen. She knew he'd realized that she hadn't answered his question and if he was disappointed about it, he didn't let it show. Khushi took her sweet time drinking water in the kitchen, buying herself more time.
When she returned to the living room, she noticed that Arnav had dozed off, his head rested against the couch, his legs spread out in front of him, crossed at the ankles, his arms crossed stubbornly. She stood there for a couple of minutes, staring at him shamelessly, noticing the changes of the last five years. He looked thinner, some of the chubbiness of his cheeks was gone, the slight frown was still there even in his sleep, his haircut hadn't changed, his skin complexion looked slightly ashen, and when she looked closely, she noticed a new scar above his left eye.
She continued watch him sleep like a baby and his breathing became steady and slow. She saw a flash of moments from the past; them cuddled on the bed, her using his arm as a pillow, his arm draped around her waist possessively, her hand drawing circles on his chest, his fingers raking through her hair in the morning, his musky scent tantalizing her senses.
She had no idea that Aman was standing by the French doors, observing her as she looked at her husband, until he sneezed loudly. Arnav jerked out of his slumber and Khushi flinched at the sudden sound. She fumbled for words, suddenly worried as if she was caught stealing Jalebis in the middle of the night. Aman smirked knowingly before walking in.
Just like yesterday, Aman suggested that they head home and she had followed them to the door. Aman bid her goodbye and headed towards the car. Much like the day before, Khushi gave Arnav a hug"the least awkward one yet"and the floral scent of her shampoo filled his nostrils. This time, he had prepared himself. As he felt her arms go around him, he willed one of his arms to lift and rest on her back, as gently as possible. He smiled at her when they pulled away and turned to leave after muttering a goodnight.
"Arnav..." She called out to him, making his heart flutter. He turned around to face her, his expression made it clear that he was puzzled. "Does Friday night work for the dinner?" She asked.
Arnav's jaw dropped very slightly before he found himself fighting back a smirk.
"Kripa and Angad will be back by then...so Amber and Aditya will be able to spend the evening at their house." Khushi was impressed by how calm and casual her voice sounded. On the inside, she was nothing but a bundle of nerves, thumping heartbeats, and butterflies in her stomach.
She saw the unmasked joy in his eyes, and then he nodded in response to her question. He didn't trust his voice at the moment and decided to just nod more firmly in response. He knew she'd gotten the message when she smiled and mumbled a goodnight before closing the door. She leaned her back against the closed door, her heartbeat erratic, her breathing laboured, and the butterflies in her stomach adamant that they won't stop fluttering anytime soon. She rushed to her room and into the washroom. She stood there, clutching the sink, listening to tinkling sound that was her soft gleeful giggles. She looked up to see her cheeks a velvety shade of crimson, her eyes twinkling, and he wide smile that only stretched wider as she stared at her reflection.
The last time she felt like this was when she'd accepted the marriage proposal from the Raizadas.
Five days later, he found himself sitting in his car in front of her house, taking deep breaths to calm his hyper nerves. He felt like he was hyperventilating. As expected, Angad and Kripa had showed up on Monday, and Anjali had gone with them to their house. It was easier to have three adults taking care of three children rather than Khushi and Anjali trying to care for three kids all at once. As planned, Angad and Kripa had taken Amber and Aditya home after work on Friday, and Aman"who had been helping around at the orphanage"volunteered to go with them. Arnav was glad that Aman had integrated himself into the group so efficiently and quickly. His jovial and witty nature brought a hint of humour with it which was welcomed by all.
So now here he was, the mighty Arnav Singh Raizada, reduced to a nervous human being by his lovely wife, who was probably waiting for him to show up behind that door. With a deep breath, he got out of the car and strutted to her door and rapped on it twice. A few moments later, she opened the door and his breath came out in a small gasp as he looked at her.
She stood there in a black knee-length dress, her hair cascading down her back in soft curls. Minimal make up as usual, a delicate chain around her neck with a bow shaped pendant nestled against her sternum. The same kind of chain hung from her ears, ending in the similar bow. She was playing with her bracelet again, a new habit of hers as he'd noticed. As he took a slow breath in, he got the hint of her perfume. He remembered her signature perfume that she'd always used but this wasn't it. This was new and he wasn't sure whether he was happy or upset about it.
Not wanting to make her uncomfortable, he nodded at her with a small smile.
"You look beautiful." He said. His voice was surprisingly husky.
And that did it. A light hue of pink appeared on her cheeks and multiplied her beauty within seconds. She smiled at him and murmured a thank you.
"Uh...did you want to come in for a bit or...?" She trailed off.
It was tempting invitation. He could sit there and talk to her all evening but he knew that despite her invitation, she wouldn't be comfortable alone with him in the house.
"We have a reservation..." he explained calmly.
Nodding, she reached to the side and picked up a matching black clutch and closed the door behind her. When she looked up at him, she saw him contemplating something. Her eyebrows rose upward involuntarily as he extended his hand towards her. She understood without him having to say the words but he spoke them anyway.
"May I?" His voice was still husky and it was setting those butterflies loose in her stomach. Damn him!
Despite the fact that this gesture was genuine, despite the fact that she had promised to give this an honest chance without letting the past shadow her actions or judgement, despite the fact that he was asking for permission to hold her hand when he could have simply reached out and took it, despite all of that, she hesitated for a couple of seconds.
That tiny bit of hesitation was enough to make him pull his hand back. She looked up at him and found him smiling slightly. He made no comment on what just happened. He simply gestured her to walk and she did. He fell in step with her easily. As they approached the car, he went ahead of her and opened the door for her, being a perfect gentleman. After closing the door, he walked around the front of the car, adjusting his tie. She felt herself relax a bit as he got behind the wheel and started driving.
They shared a comfortable silence for a few minutes before, to her surprise, he broke it.
"Amber and Aditya were okay about going to Kripa's?" He asked.
Khushi glanced at him and smiled. "They love going to Kripa's. They get along with Sur and Prateek well so the fact that they get to have more time with them today made them happy."
"I bet Angad and Kripa are going crazy dealing with 5 children and Aman..." Arnav said in a light tone.
"Well, the kids they're used to...Aman's humour is new for them, so maybe..." Khushi chuckled.
And that was the start of their conversation. It revolved mostly around Khushi's new friends in India and Amber-Aditya. He pulled up to the entrance of the restaurant and the valet greeted them cheerfully. Arnav and Khushi walked into the restaurant and Khushi froze for a second. She looked around at the expensive decor of the restaurant, the live band playing soft melodies in the corner, a low murmur of several people as they sat in their booths, the warm colours of the furniture and walls. This place screamed Arnav Singh Raizada.
She was surprised because for some reason, she'd expected to go to a small restaurant. But then she nudged herself mentally.
Who are you kidding Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada? This is Arnav Singh Raizada, after all. You should be surprised that he doesn't have Ferraris lined up in his driveway.
The receptionist summoned a waiter to guide Arnav and Khushi to their seats. Once they had looked over the menus and placed their orders, they'd found them continuing their conversation from earlier. Arnav's curiosity of Amber and Aditya's childhood and Khushi's comfort at discussing this particular issue kept their conversation rolling.
- - - - -
"And then he moved away, exposing his amazing art work all over my wall!" Khushi laughed, as did Arnav, at the story about how Aditya had gone through a crayons phase. The phase in which he picked up crayons and started drawing on the surface nearest to him.
Arnav laughed along easily with her, placing his fork on the plate of his now devoured desert. Arnav motioned the waiter to bring their cheque and after paying, the elegant couple stood to leave.
As he fell in step with her, she noticed a table of women turn to look at him. Much to her irritation, she realized she hated it. Something about their gaze was not right. She quickly glanced at him and was relieved to see that he didn't give a hoot about it. In fact, she was certain that he didn't even know! She smiled to herself before lightly hooking her hand inside the angle of his elbow, making his breath get lodged in his throat. Of course, she blamed it on all the sugar from the chocolate cake desert she had. But to put it simply, for the first time in all these years, Khushi Kumari Gupta Singh Raizada was jealous.
She continued holding onto his arm at his elbow as they waited for the valet, in silence. Arnav didn't trust his voice at this moment and Khushi was busy analyzing her reaction towards those women and so both were silently supporting each other's silence. Khushi let go of his arm as she sat into the car. Arnav breathed out slowly after closing her door. The arm she'd been holding felt like it was on fire.
The silence in the car this time was different. It had started off comfortable but now there was an edge to it. Khushi kept throwing him glances only to find a small frown on his face as he looked at the road. He came to a halt in her driveway but didn't get out of the car. Khushi didn't move either. She gave him time. There was clearly something on his mind that he wanted to speak but he was struggling with it.
After about five minutes of just sitting there, Khushi placed her hand on his shoulder encouragingly.
"Whatever it is, Arnav...you can say it." Khushi's voice was soft, comforting.
"I've been meaning to ask for a long time but...I don't know if I'm ready to hear the answer..." Arnav murmured, looking straight ahead, avoiding her piercing gaze.
"No...I haven't dated anyone in the past five years..." Khushi said quietly, with a hint of teasing to her tone.
Despite his current thoughts, Arnav chuckled and looked at her. "Although that is a very good detail to know...that's not what I was referring to..."
Khushi frowned in confusion. Her hand on his shoulder tightened its grip, as if it had a mind of its own. He took a deep breath and turned to look at her, determination visible in his eyes.
"Did the kids ever ask you about their dad?" His voice shivered a little bit at the end.
Khushi bravely held his gaze, impressing herself. "Yes they did."
His eyes quivered. "W-What did you tell them?"
Guilt clouded her face and she took her hand off of his shoulder. Suddenly he was worried about what she had told them. Had she told them that their father had left? Ditched? Disappeared? Died? A claw clutched his heart painfully at the thought.
Khushi recalled the times they'd asked about their father. She also recalled how Aditya had asked whether or not their dad was like their buddy. She had avoided his question then, avoiding lying to them again and she couldn't tell him then that his 'Buddy' was, in fact, his dad.
Her voice was small and pained when she spoke. "It's the only lie I've ever told them."
I feel like the CVs haha...end the part with the yesterday's teaser/precap hahaha. I didn't want to split the upcoming conversation in two parts and including it all in one part was too much so I decided to end the part here. The next part will be mainly Arnav-Khushi as they find their way through this dating thing and define their comfort zones.
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