Chapter 8 [Unedited chapter]
"I was summoned." Khushi announced loudly. Anjali and Shyam sprang to their feet and threw few petals of rose in her direction. "Desperate times me smells." She trilled happily. Her eyes widened at the pastry spread on coffee table.
"We need help." Shyam said.
"Okay." Khushi's eyes were honed on three layer chocolate cake with strawberry sauce slithered all over it.
"We think only you can help." Shyam added.
"Uh-huh." Khushi's gaze now shifted to a slice of pie - cherry by the looks of it.
"Our faces are up here you know?" Shyam said, annoyed.
"That's food po*n right there." Khushi drank in the sight in front of her and refused to look at the two humans who were three feet away from her. "Like po*n, once you see it, you cannot take your eyes off it." She gushed.
"Should we wait for your food-gasm, to pass before you can grace us with your attention?" Shyam's annoyance was reaching unexplored uncharted low depths.
"If I can have just one..." She trailed. She had managed to work out a strategy to pick the best one of the lot by taste, size, sugar content, smell, color, layers, flavors etc. It was complicated mathematical analysis which had taken all of fifteen seconds for her to arrive at the choice of the high scoring dessert.
"We can offer everything on table if you help us." Shyam's voice was particularly vengeful.
"I sold my soul two days ago to Arnav in exchange for unlimited supply of Golgappa." She said seriously. "So that's out and so is my wit for next two weeks. It's a deal I cannot talk about."
"That's not at all surprising." Shyam deadpanned. Anjali elbowed his side hard reminding him to get to the damn point. He shot her a dirty look but softened immediately at her worried expression. "Khushi, we want you to fix Arnav. He went on a date Friday night and came home broken."
Khushi stopped staring pumpkin pastry and looked at Shyam-Anjali duo."Why do you keep saying 'we' all the time? Are you the official spokesperson of Mr and Mrs. Jha? This bas***dization of personal pronoun is seriously putting me off." She grumbled.
Shyam ignored her. "If you do what we ask, everything on this table plus a gift card to three pastry shops is yours." Khushi's face turned serious.
She went to coffee table and crouched in front of it. Looking at the pastry spread she said, "Don't worry babies, mommy will be back very soon and help you attain nirvana - the route to which starts from my mouth and ends in my stomach."
Shyam made a disgusted noise on the back of his throat while Anjali smiled in amusement.
"So its a deal?" Shyam asked hopefully. Khushi nodded.
"Do you know what happened?" Anjali asked, walking alongside Khushi towards Arnav's room.
Khushi looked at Anjali as if she was crazy. "Of course I know. He went on a date with his stalker who declared before their soup could arrive that she was going to un-stalk him."
"What the f**k is un-stalking?" Shyam piqued.
"It's devolution of stalking." Khushi replied sagely.
"Doesn't the involve stalker to kill their object of obsession or themselves?" Anjali asked remembering psychology 101.
Khushi sighed deeply as if to say - What the f**k am I doing with these two morons? "Un-stalking involves stalker to systematically become indifferent to the subject and while doing so the stalker would become deathly truthful about subject and his or her behavior."
"Huh?" Shyam's eyes were glazed. He turned to look at Anjali who was equally lost.
"Anjali, I think we both woke up in a parallel universe because this cannot happen in real life." Anjali nodded her head vigorously.
"What did the stalker tell Arnav?" Anjali asked anyway.
"Well...the stalker liked Arnav sir cause of his stubble and other superficial nonsense. Sir had this insane idea to impress his stalker with his super good looks, which I guarantee is definitely genetically manipulated because, no offense Anjali di, your looks sorta prove my point." Shyam snickered at that while Anjali growled lowly in her throat. Khushi was too far gone in her rant to notice so she continued. "Anyway, so to impress that stalker your idiot brother decided to groom himself for a change and shaved neatly. Instead of donning his signature three piece suit, he went casual - a graphic t-shirt and jeans. Instead of sporting a stoic and an angry face, which he has trademarked by the way, he smiled charmingly. When he spoke, he never mumbled. He sorta broke that stalker's stereotypical obsession of 'handsome-brooding-emotionally constipated-inablity to use words' by being exact opposite. The stalker burst to tears and then got enraged and told him that she was going to un-stalk him."
The three of them stopped when they reached the destination.
"I think we should go back to bed Anjali. I think we actually live in a world driven by logic and intelligence and we must have committed some serious crime there. Thus the authorities are punishing us by living in this fake world of stupidity using some Inception-type technology." Anjali was torn between believing her husband and laughing out loud.
"What's he doing in there?" Khushi asked turning around, hands on her hips.
"He stays under covers with his laptop and has been watching Grey's anatomy starting with Izzy's exit from the show." Anjali whispered. Khushi nodded somberly and understood how serious the situation was. "I think I saw a tissue box and a bag of sugarless chocolates sneaked inside the covers."
Khushi gasped.
"Is this gasping natural reaction or added for dramatic effects? Cause this is the first time I am seeing someone actually gasp in real life." Shyam said snidely.
"It's for dramatic effects. It's something like special effects you see on screen. I don't see you complaining for all the nonsensical CGI special effects." Khushi replied with equal amount of snark.
"Can you fix this Khushi?" Anjali asked effectively shutting up Shyam's yet to be uttered rebuttal.
"Make it six gift cards and throw in utilizing your flat screen for an entire weekend." Khushi's negotiation skills were legendary.
"That's practically extortion-" Shyam began but was cut off by higher authority. Anjali, who else?
"Deal. Now go fix him Khushi!"
Khushi preened for a moment before walking inside Arnav's room.
A bundle was huddled on the bed which was covered with...well, rubbish. Empty namkeen packets lay orphan on one of the pillows right underneath orange peels. Cans of Red Bull made home on night stand and chocolate wrappers were strewn across the bed. She sighed at the sight. She climbed his bed and lifted the comforter.
"May I come in?" She asked looking at her boss. The stubble was back and so was the sexy toussled hair.
"Go away," he said and bit his lip. "Why did McSteamy had to die?" He wailed.
Khushi rubbed her temple tiredly. "Sir, we have talked about this several times. If Sloane and Lexi did end up together than who would have cared about Owen and Christinal's marital problems? Or Arizona's condition. We would have all simply looked at the two pretty people making pretty picture and doing pretty things."
"I suppose you are right." Arnav said softly and paused the video he was watching. "What the hell are you doing here?" The softness died and made way to his usual caustic tone.
"I heard you were acting like a girl being dumped after super romantic date. Anjali di is worried your manliness is going to drown in your Grey's Anatomy induced tears." She replied and made a grab for his laptop.
"My manliness is quite intact thank you very much." He groused. "Don't touch my laptop with your sugar coated slimy hands!"
Khushi grumbled. "Look, I was doing something extremely important before I was summoned-"
Arnav interjected. "What were you doing before coming here?" He asked, curious.
"I was in an underground black market for milkshakes, in middle of making a deal for the perfect chocolate-banana-caramel milkshake recipe before I was summoned here." Khushi replied.
Arnav raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Was it today?" He asked, not at all surprised. She had been talking about this the whole month and apparently it was much bigger deal than the secret muffin convention she had attended two months ago. She nodded her head solemnly.
"I am sorry you had to leave something important like that and come over here." He didn't sound sorry at all but its the thought that counts, right?
"It's alright. I made quite an awesome deal with your sister. I can share 2% of it with you." Khushi said. She knew if Arnav came to know about the deal, then his percentage of commission would start at a really high number. Instead she pretended to be stupid and brought the terms of deal on her own and start the negotiation with a lower number. This way she could control the negotiation and end up with a fairly decent deal with her boss which would only add to her advantage. Sometimes her awesomeness scared her.
"That's very less. I can throw a tantrum right now and convince Anjali that you are making my condition worse." Khushi sometimes forgets how asshole of a businessman Arnav really is.
"That's not fair sir. The recipe would have made me happy for the rest of my life and the deal with your sister is going to make me happy for only four months." She argued while in parallel searched for something for them to watch online.
"20% of what was promised." Arnav said and crammed firstfull of nimboo-masala-namkeen into his mouth and chomped noisily.
Khushi's hands stilled. "Look, we will go back and forth with numbers each one wants. You will keep decreasing and I will keep increasing. Since the author cannot type too much, let's settle for 9.5% and leave that be?"
Arnav chewed food in his mouth slowly and nodded.
"Sir. don't worry too much about the un-stalking that is going to follow." She blamed warmth of blanket for using that soft tone on him.
"She called me names Khushi!" Arnav yelled.
Khushi splayed her palms on his back and rubbed it in soothing circles. "I know sir, I know. Calling you sweet, adorable and charming was plain wrong."
"Exactly! I am dark, broody and a total jerk. How can she say such awful stuff about me?"
"Sir, she doesn't deserve you. Let's just be glad you are not the stalk-ee anymore, alright?" Khushi placated him. "We will deal with un-stalking when we get there. My Google-fu powers is at your service."
"What's Google-fu?"
"Its like Kung-fu. Only you don't use your body to defend yourself but Google."
"So its martial arts of Google searching?"
"Yes sir. When people search in Google, they generally don't go past first three pages since they get their answers within first two."
Arnav nodded. "Anything past third page is supposed to be dark side."
"I have navigated till forty fifth page." Khushi replied sagely.
Arnav looked at her in sheer reverence. "Are you like...black belt of Google-fu?"
"I have looked at the abyss and the abyss blinked, so being black belt is putting it mildly."
"That's batman reference. But I feel like I am in safe hands now. Thank you Khushi." Arnav said gratefully.
Khushi smiled and shook her head. "Let's watch this freaky Japanese horror movie. The first one to scream, yelp, jump, twitch will buy the other a trinket of choice." Khushi paused for a second. Before Arnav could reply shes aid, "I want a pocket watch."
Arnav huffed. "In your dreams. On the other hand, I am looking for old fashioned hand made paper. I'll even give you the address where it's sold. You can-"
"Shhh..." Khushi shushed him when the movie started to play.
Five minutes later Arnav grumbled she would get her damn pocket watch in next couple of days.
On the other side of...insanity...
"Don't be so loud," Shyam yelped when Anjali stubbed his toes.
"That's my toes, idiot!" He whispered.
"What do you think they are doing huddling under covers?" Anjali asked peeking inside Arnav's bedroom.
"Nothing legal I hope," Shyam sniggered. Anjali elbowed his ribs. Hard.
"Owww...you are a violent woman Anjali," he hissed. She ignored his pain.
"I think we should go and see what are they doing under the sheets." Anjali wondered out aloud.
"Neither is lonely, if you are wondering." Shyam laughed at his own joke but it faltered looking at Anjali's murderous expression. "If you want to look, then by all means go and take a look. I don't think we can ever to unsee what we willto see if the sheets were removed. I guarantee we will be forever scarred for our lives and no amount of therapy will help us forget."
Anjali blushed prettily. "Maybe we should leave them alone." She said and slunk back to hallway.
"Let's go and play some video games," Shyam said excitedly. Seeing Anjali's sinking face, he amended his statement immediately. "Or we can watch reruns of the daily soaps you might have missed during weekdays!"
Anjali's face brightened. Shyam sighed and mentally hi-fied his presence of mind for the neat save.
It was going to be a long afternoon.
Pati Patni Aur Panga
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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