Ashlok FF: Bedaag Dil Updated pg 15 - Page 7

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Serviana thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#61
Read all parts! Liked it 👏
Some more english for this phirangi. Pleaseee Suchi! 😃
NidhaA thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#62
Rajeev , interesting character. Shlok Agnihotri you have to try harder.
Suchi , you have got a good command over language. There are some technical things which if corrected your story will look better. These are just honest suggestions from me , please forgive me if I offend you😳.
Try to frame your dialogues within quotation marks. That will make it more evident . It's good to use bold letters when you are using the plain font or else you could change the font. Starting a sentence or dialogue with capital letter also makes the update more attractive.
Good pace in story and thank you for sharing.
Regards
Nidha
Ziva01 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#63
Awesome update...that Rajeev is 🤬...plzz make Shlok punch him next time😆...love Ridha and Shlok moment
Jealous Shlok hmmm am loving it
Precap is nice
Thxs for the pm
Stay blessed rab rakha
Khushi_Dillse thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#64
Very very nice...
Waiting for your next update...
1 2 3 4 get on the dance floor...jealous Aastha 😉
meera.rajeev thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#65

Its asthas turn to get jealous???? Waiting to see that...
Suchi- thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#66
They thanks everyone for the wonderful comments !! :)

Please do keep telling me how it is so that I can improve :)
@serv yaar :) hey welcomeee

Hope you enjoy this show hahaha and don't worry about your fear of liking a jodi and then poof ehhe

enjoy every moment of it ! I will try and add more english :)
Suchi- thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#67

Originally posted by: CavingIn

Rajeev , interesting character. Shlok Agnihotri you have to try harder.

Suchi , you have got a good command over language. There are some technical things which if corrected your story will look better. These are just honest suggestions from me , please forgive me if I offend you😳.
Try to frame your dialogues within quotation marks. That will make it more evident . It's good to use bold letters when you are using the plain font or else you could change the font. Starting a sentence or dialogue with capital letter also makes the update more attractive.
Good pace in story and thank you for sharing.
Regards
Nidha


Hey Nidha. Thanks :))) 🤗

I usually put quotations but this time they didn't show for some reason. I think the copy past from word messed it up for some reason. And I just got too lazy to correct it in the update here :)

But next time i will do what you suggest. :)
Thanks yaar
Ishq-Dua thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#68

A very beautifully written piece 👏

read the four parts and they are great!
lovely precap
so jealousy is going to start 😳
continue soon
cheers>
Suchi- thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#69
Chapter 2 Scene 1

Aastha was slowy patting the forehead of Ridha. After a while she noticed that Ridha was sound asleep.
She got up slowly and walked towards the dressing mirror.
She look see the slightly formed dark lines under her eyes. It was as if she had aged 10 years in the past 4 years. She moved her hand up and slowly caressed her cheeks. It had been a while since she had put on blush on them and yet they were slightly flushed today.
'Shlokh .. thum keh kya rahe ho'

'you are not joking right? Mazak tho nahi ker rahe? She asked half laughing wishing and hoping beyond hope that he was jesting with her.
'shlok pushed her away- maine thumhay kaha na ki don't touch me. Thum jaise log ... Disgust me'
Aastha could not believe what she was hearing.
'Shlokh please tell me ki kya hua' she pleaded
'Maine kya kiya hai shlokh' her voice was cracking
'I don't even want to see you anymore. Mujhe thumhari shakal sey nafrat ho gayi hai. So get lost from here aur kabhi wapis math aana' he said pushing aastha to the floor
A pain shot through her thighs.
'Aah' she cried
SHlok immediately turned around and saw aastha lying down and holding her upper thigh. His expressions softened for the fraction of a second and again they were covered with disgust.
He pulled her up with force and made her stand up.
Aaastha was in visible pain
'abh ye natak kerna band karo. Aur chali jao. Don't think for a moment that your tears will bring any change in my decision' he barked
'Shlokh, main kahan jaungi aur kiyun jaun. Yeh mera ghar hai' said Aastha still in pain but trying to hold up
'Mera ghar! mocked Shlok
'Tho yahi chahiyetha na thumhay. Aaakhir sach bahar aa hi gaya muh sey'
Aaastha looked at shlok confused. She could not imagine why he was behaving that way.
Shlokh took out an empty box sprung open the armoire, and starting pulling out all of Aastha's clothings.
'Shlokh please stop' pleaded aastha
Shlokh continued to put the clothing into the box and closed it. He then took Aastha by her hand and dragged her out of the room.
'Shlokh raath kay 9:00 baj rahe hain. Main kahan jaungi? She pleaded
The entire family was staring at Shlokh. No one stopped him.
Niranjan was sitting on the sofa while Anjali was standing right besides him, watching, looking, as if it was a movie that was being played in front of them.
Just then Sholkh's brother came in between
'Shlokh pagal math bano. Ye kya ker rahe ho thum'
'aap beech main math aayiye' shouted shlokh
'yeh in dono ka mamla hai. Thum beech main na hi pado tho acha hoga' said Anjali finally
Astha looked flabbergasted. She tried to free herself from Shlok;s grip but it was no use.
Shlokh threw out Aastha's bag and pulled her out of the house.
He glared at her angrily and then left without a word.
Aastha looked at him and tears were pouring down her cheeks. Her breathing became deep and short. She felt suffocated and had to sit down on the steps for a moment to gather herself.
Slowly she gathered strength and picked her briefcase up and started to move slowly, away from Anjali Nivas.
After few minutes she heard a car honk. She wiped her tears, smiling slightly , hoping that it was shlok. Coming to tell her that it was a joke. Everything that happened here was a joke and he had played some cruel prank on her. Even then she was ready to forgive him, but she found that it was Shlokh's brother who had come.

Her heart once again fell dead. She turned around and continued to walk.
'Aastha ruko'
' Please main thumhary ghar le ker jatha hun. Ithni raat gaye how can you go home alone'
Aastha realized that this time home meant her mother's place.
She nodded and followed him into the car.
She looked at the car's rearview mirror and she could see the mansion in it. Tears flowed through her eyes. As she wiped them she turned around to see Ridha sleeping peacefully on the bed.
Aastha slowly got up and covered Ridha with her blanket. She sat on her bed and then there was a knock at the door.
'Aastha beta, ye lo'

kalindari had walked in with a glass of warm milk.

'ma main choti bachi thodi nahun' complained Aastha

Kalindari smiled gently and caressed her hair.
Janthi hun beta. Thodi jaldi hi badi ho gayi' she said sadly
Aastha looked at her mother and realized that , she had come there for another reason. That is to find out what was bothering her
'Voh mila tha mujhe' said aastha taking a sip from her glass.
Kalindari looked at Aastha surprised, but she remained silent as she wanted aastha to continue without any disruption
'Pata nahi aai, voh kya chahtha hai' said Aastha. There was fear in her voice. Something that was hidden deep in her heart, buried was now trying to lurk its way out.
Kalindari remained silent.
'Mujhe dar lag raha hai aai. Kahin voh Ridha ko mujhsey alag tho nahi ker dega?' she asked
Kalindari looked at aastha and shook her head in a no.
'aapko kaise pata aai. Issey pehlay bhi.. maine bharosa kerkay dokha khaya hai na?
'Insaan hi galthi kertha hai. Agar voh galthi na karay tho uskay jeevan ka koi mehatv nahi hotha. Galthiyan kertha hai , phir sambhaltha hai, aur agay badtha hai.' Said Kalindri
'han aai lekin insaan kertha hai aur shlokh...' she paused
'nahi Aastha. Ye Galath baat hai. Jo kuch bhi ho, voh jaisa bhi ho, lekin voh aisa kaam kabhi bhi nahi karega. Ek maa ko apni bachi sey aur ek Bachi ko apni maa sey kabhi juda nahi karega' assured Kalindari
Aastha laughed in a mocking manner.
'aap zaroorat sey zyada usper vishwas kerthi hain aai' she said taking another sip
'Mujhe usper nahi beta, thumper bharosa hai' said Kalindari
'Thum kabhi bhi aisa honay nahi dogi. Insaan tabh tak kamzor hai jab thak voh apni kamzori zahir kertha hai. Jab usey thumhari kamzori ka gyath bhi nahi hoga tho voh thumsey kya cheen saktha hai beta?
She said confidently.
Aastha looked at her and then became engrossed in thoughts.

Scene 2 to continue soon.

Edited by Suchi- - 12 years ago
Hanz91 thumbnail
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Posted: 12 years ago
#70
Great update! Interesting in finding out why she was forced to leave the house

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