FF: D for Desire Thread #4 (26 - 29) - Page 9

26

"I love you, Arnav."

Arnav sat silently in his cabin, his hands clasped, and thumbs pressed against the side of his nasal bridge. Her voice kept ringing in his ears, moments spent with her still alive in his heart.

She loved him. She had said it and she had meant it. How did she know she loved him? How did she realize?

Love confession was nothing new to Arnav. He had come across countless women claiming they had loved him. He had felt either apathetic or annoyed. Some of his girlfriends had religiously and routinely said "I love you" to him but he had never reciprocated. He had never felt the need. He had never felt he had loved them. Moreover, he thought he still did not know how it felt to love someone. How could one tell if they loved somebody?

"I love you, Arnav."

If she loved him, how could she walk away?

"I don't want us to contact each other .."

If she loved him, how could she ask for no contact?

For the first time, these three little words did not let him stay indifferent. He was not annoyed; he was restless. For the first time, these three little words made him feel something was no longer the same in his well-built world. Something had changed. Something had shaken the very foundation of his being.

"I love you, Arnav."

He had thought he was dreaming, half-asleep. But then his sleep had gone far away as she had said more.

"I love you, Arnav Singh Raizada. And I mean it."

And for a long time thereafter, he had kept lying on the bed fully awake, with her sleeping in his arms. He was engulfed with strange emotions, his heart racing, blood rushing through his veins. She loved him. Why? She loved him. What was he supposed to do now? He had wrapped his hands around her tighter, not wanting to let that feeling go away, not wanting to let her slip away. He had been confused but he had enjoyed that moment of confusion. It had felt good to know he was loved .. even though he had not been sure what consequences would follow.

Arnav had hoped she would stay back. Or at least, she would say more. But she totally had caught him off guard by asking for a "no contact" clause. This was ridiculous! If you loved somebody, how could you not want to see or meet him again? If love was indeed so divine and important, why did it matter to her if he believed in commitment and marriage or didn't believe in them? Why everything had to end in marriage? Why was it not enough that they were wonderful together?

"Do you love her?" Arnav asked himself. "Do you want her to love you?"

And honestly, he did not know. He did not believe in love. He believed love and all those emotions were bullshit, meant to only weaken a person. But he knew this much – she meant more to him than anyone else he had ever known. She was different. She was special. And he wanted her more than anything else on earth. And if what love meant to her was running away from him, he did not want her love. He wanted to be with her. Love or not.

Was it love .. that he was bothered so much for a girl for the first time in his life? Was it love that only after an hour that she had gone away, he was yearning for one glimpse of her? Was it love? Could he love someone?

"Dammit." Arnav groaned in frustration. Why did she have to be so stubborn? How could she ignore the wonderful time they had spent together? Did it not matter to her at all? Would she let all this be over, just like that?

The ringing of his phone broke through his train of thoughts.

"Yes, Aman?" He scowled.

He hung up without saying anything further as Aman had reminded him of an important meeting scheduled a few minutes later. He stood up and picked up his jacket, staring at his phone screen.

"It is not over, Khushi Kumari Gupta," he muttered, determined, "You cannot just come into my life and then walk away as you please."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took only around an hour to fly from Delhi to Lucknow. But the flight seemed endless to Khushi as she sat dejectedly in her seat.

She had secretly hoped he would say something to change her mind. She had hoped he would give it a thought at least to change his views about relationships. She did not mean to blackmail him; she meant when she had said she did not want to be in contact with him anymore. But still, somewhere in her heart she had hoped he would take some step to not let this happen.

Khushi slumped into her seat even more as she remembered her last few moments with him. How much it had broken her heart to see him erecting the wall around him again. The man she had slowly discovered hidden behind that hard shell, the man she had come to love – had refused to be with her anymore. Could she blame him? After what she had asked from him?

Khushi sighed. It was indeed better that he had not heard her confession. He probably would have made it worse between them if he had heard. A man not believing in commitment possibly could not have believed in love too. Perhaps he would have run away before she could even ask for it.

She had started it between them – with the hope to get over her silly obsession. And now she again was the one to end it – with the same hope .. of getting over him. Arnav was right. Her ideas were stupid.

As the plane started descending, Khushi felt a suppressing pain in her chest. A little chapter of her life was over. A chapter that she could never forget. Ten days and her life had changed forever. The moment she would land her feet in Lucknow, she would lock that part in a remote corner of her being and throw the key away. Not everything was meant to be.

Khushi switched on her phone as she walked through the arrival lounge. She halted in her track as she glanced at the screen.

"What the ..?" She exclaimed staring at the screen wide eyed. This possibly could not be. Her mouth rounded. How..?

There was a text message from Arnav.

'Call me as soon as you have landed. Urgent.'

Arnav Singh Raizada was a man of his word, Khushi knew. How come he had texted her after agreeing to not contact her ever? What could be so urgent?

Khushi kept staring at the screen as her fingers itched to dial a particular number right now. Should she call? He had said it was urgent. What could make him not keep his word? It had to be something really urgent. Fumbling with the phone for some time, Khushi finally decided to text him back.

'I have landed. What is it?'

After sending the text, Khushi called Payal to inform she had landed and was on her way home. She could hear her phone beep during their 2 minute conversation. Arnav had replied back. Instantly.

'I needed to know if you have landed safe.'

Khushi's eyes widened. She bit the inside of her lips and then she smiled. The pressing pain of her heart eased and a pleasing warmth spread across her body.

"Not a very good excuse, Mr. Raizada." She murmured as fondness spread across her face.

Khushi fidgeted with the phone for some time, trying to decide whether to reply him or not. He had already broken his promise. But she should not encourage him more. Unless, he was willing to compromise his views, there was no point allowing anything more between them. It was already complicated enough. Her heart fluttered knowing he was willing to break his promise but she could not let herself tangled up in it again. No. She had walked away once; she could not do it again. She feared she would not have the heart.

Khushi pursed her lips and typed.

"Bye, Arnav."

That should give him the message.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Arnav stared at the screen of his blackberry and shook his head. A smile crept up his lips. Stubborn woman! He was half-amused, half-disappointed. But his resolve was intact. She had no idea when Arnav Singh Raizada fixed his mind on something what it really meant.

"Mr. Raizada, don't you like these swatches?"

Arnav looked up to meet the perplexed eyes of the vendor.

"No, I am okay with these. We will just have our Head of Design give the final call."

He gestured others to continue and shifted in his chair. He glanced at the screen for one more time and locked it. He sat straight, his body language bold with confidence and determination. If one noticed him closely, they could see the slight smirk adorning his face.

"We will meet again, Khushi Kumari Gupta. Soon."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Khushi repeatedly yawned as she helped Payal fix the bed. It was almost 1 in the morning and they were yet to go to bed. It was the first time Khushi had been away from home and that too for so many days. The whole family was eagerly waiting for her return and she was rewarded with a warm homecoming. There was a kind of festivity in the air; the daughter of the house was back safe and sound. Khushi's favorite meals had been cooked and she had not been allowed to move even a finger. The whole family stayed awake till late, watching TV and talking about her experience in Delhi. It indeed was good to be back home. Khushi sighed in content.

"Khushi, are you saving anything exclusive for me?" Payal enquired curiously as she lied down.

"What exclusive?" Khushi flattened her pillow with her hand and lied down too.

"Anything that could not be told to amma-babuji?" Payal winked, mischief playing across her face. "Like .. how handsome really is Arnav Singh Raizada? Like .. if you have met any good looking boy?"

Khushi's breathing hitched for a second and then she immediately composed herself.

"Arnav Singh Raizada is indeed very handsome." She grinned. "And no I have not met any other good looking boy."

"How lucky you are, Khushi." Payal sighed. "I was telling Nakul that you were working with Arnav Singh Raizada. He got all jealous!"

"Huh?" Khushi's eyes widened. "Why will Jijaji be jealous that I was working with Arnav .. Singh Raizada?"

"Arrey not for that." Payal grinned. "He was jealous that I was sighing over that fact."

"You are impossible, Jiji." Khushi laughed. "You are not even married yet and you are already giving Jijaji so much trouble. Now let's go to sleep. I have office tomorrow."

Some five minutes later Khushi's phone beeped bringing her back from her half-sleep.

'I cannot sleep.'

Khushi stared at the screen not knowing how to feel. She was amused, happy, confused, annoyed, tensed and sad. Why was Arnav doing this?

"What is it, Khushi?" Payal asked drowsily.

"Nothing. You go to sleep, Jiji."

Khushi decided not to reply and turned on her side. She tried hard to sleep but the text from Arnav kept messing with her mind. She tossed and turned, trying hard to sleep closing her eyes but her nerves suddenly had become alert and sleep seemed far, far away from her.

Her phone beeped again some fifteen minutes later.

'Are you sleeping?'

Oh Arnav! What was wrong with him?

Khushi sat up on the bed with the phone in her hand. Unbelievable! She could not understand what Arnav was trying to do. He had agreed to the deal and then had completely ignored her thereafter. He had gone back to his ASR persona and had not even bidden her a proper goodbye. And now he was texting her? She kept staring at the screen not knowing what to do.

Startling her, Payal too sat up.

"Don't tell me it's nothing." Payal warned. "Who is sending you SMS at this time of the night?"

"No one important, Jiji." Khushi tried to avoid. "Really. You go to sleep."

"No one important?" Payal raised her eyebrows. "Then let me see who is bothering my sister this late."

Before Khushi could understand or react, Payal had already snatched the phone from her and was reading the text.

"Laad Governor." Payal frowned. "Are you sleeping??"

Payal got off the bed to not let Khushi snatch the phone back from her.

"Who is this, Khushi?"

"Jiji. I told you no one important."

"And you have named him Laad Governor? Tell me the truth!"

Payal quickly checked the other messages sent from the same number and figured out her sister had been replying too. She frowned again.

"Khushi??"

"Oh Jiji! He is just someone I met in Delhi, ok? I told him not to contact me anymore but he would not listen. Now give my phone back."

Payal stared at her sister's flushed face and her brain started working fast. She could swear something was cooking. She knew her sister very well and a flustered Khushi was enough to give away it was not "no one important". A naughty smile played across her face.

"Let me reply then," she started typing fast as Khushi almost pounced on her, in attempt to take the phone away from her. Payal typed furiously as she kept fighting with her sister and managed to send the message before Khushi could finally got hold of the phone.

"There you go." Payal grinned triumphantly and sat on the bed.

Khushi quickly checked the phone.

'Yes, I am sleeping. Stop bothering me.'

"Jiji!" Khushi exclaimed. "This is too much."

"Haan, haan." Payal nodded her head solemnly, her eyes slightly wide, "I totally agree. Now I am off to sleep. You keep thinking about your 'no one important' and keep blushing."

"Jiji!" Khushi exclaimed again not knowing what else to say. She huffed and puffed and walked out into the verandah with her phone.

"Enough! Arnav Singh Raizada." She muttered as she dialed his number. Her heart was beating faster as the phone started ringing on the other end and someone picked up only after the second ring.

"Hi."

Khushi missed a heartbeat as Arnav drawled. She swallowed. She would not let him affect her. No. She composed herself.

"What is wrong, Arnav?"

"I am fine, thank you. How are you?"

"Stop being funny." Khushi bawled. "Why are you doing this?"

"What am I doing?"

"You tell me?"

"I don't know what you are talking about, Khushi."

"Oh, Arnav!" Khushi groaned in frustration. "We agreed we will not contact each other. Why are you doing this?"

"Our deal is already void, Khushi." Arnav said leisurely. "Besides, I was just texting and you have called."

"Yes." Khushi was flustered but tried to reason. "But that is because you keep texting me."

"So you were sleeping?" Arnav asked completely avoiding the discussion.

"No." Khushi scowled. "And sorry to burst your bubble it was my Jiji who had sent you that text. I had not replied to your message."

"You did better. You called."

Khushi remained silent for a second. She could make out the touch of amusement in his voice. And then she sighed. It seemed as if Arnav was enjoying this little play but she was in no mood for that. She had meant what she had said. She would not change her mind.

"Arnav. Please. We have already talked about it. Why are you doing this?"

"Because I don't understand how you could possibly want to walk away from me if you think you love me."

Arnav's voice was calm and Khushi froze on her spot.

"What? .. Who told you that .. that .. I never said that .."

"I was not sleeping, Khushi."

Oh no! He had heard her confession?

"Yes, I heard you last night, Khushi." Arnav replied as if he could read her mind. "And I want to understand how love means walking away from the person you love. You can explain. I am waiting."

Reviewed By: Dips (bs_deeps) & Ritz (iritz)

and I looked at the beautiful banner that G gave for a very very long time..aargh..I miss someone

26

"I love you, Arnav."

Do you know that you have used the word "love" 35 times in this chapter? oh..yes..I am mad..

Arnav sat silently in his cabin, his hands clasped, and thumbs pressed against the side of his nasal bridge. Her voice kept ringing in his ears, moments spent with her still alive in his heart.

I can see the face again...😃 you say Arnav, you talk about emotional scene, can we ever stop thinking about that face?

She loved him. She had said it and she had meant it. How did she know she loved him? How did she realize?

If he can answer how he knew that she meant it, he will automatically get the answer for his questions...LOL..we just know few things, there are no hows, whys and buts.. ASR will soon realize it

Love confession was nothing new to Arnav. He had come across countless women claiming they had loved him. He had felt either apathetic or annoyed. Some of her girlfriends had religiously & routinely told him "I love you" but he had never reciprocated. He had never felt the need. He had never felt he had loved them. Moreover, he thought he still did not know how it felt to love someone. How could one tell if they loved somebody?

Love confessions or just confessions? 😉 oh..so he knew what is love even though he didnt know how it felt to love someone? to answer his question, should we tell him this is exactly how you feel when you love someone...morethan all other moments they spent together, I am thinking about koi fish pond while writing this...

If she loved him, how could she walk away?

"I don't want us to contact each other .."

If she loved him, how could she ask for no contact?

"if she loved him, "..so why cant he conclude that she walked away bcoz she doesnt love him? just a doubt..😕

For the first time, these three little worlds did not let him stay indifferent. He was not annoyed; he was restless. For the first time, these three little worlds made him feel something was no longer the same in his well-built world. Something had changed. Something had shaken the very foundation of his being.

I like the fact that he is not denying anything here..he is only questioning and reasoning..This Arnav is actually far more matured and realistic..

"I love you, Arnav."

He had thought he was dreaming, half-asleep. But then his sleep had gone far away as she had said more.

cheater..you were not supposed to listen to all that self talk..

"I love you, Arnav Singh Raizada. And I mean it."

Arnav had hoped she would stay back. Or at least, she would say more. But she totally had caught him off guard by asking for a "no contact" clause. This was ridiculous! If you loved somebody, how could you not want to see or meet him again? If love was indeed so divine and important, why did it matter to her if he believed or not in commitment and marriage? Why everything had to end in marriage? Why was not it enough that they were wonderful together?

ohho..so ASR knew (or heard? ) that one should not go away if they are in love..LOL..welcome to the real world ASR..

"Do you love her?" Arnav asked himself. "Do you want her to love you?"

he knew the answer to second question...isn't it?

And honestly, he did not know. He did not believe in love.

aaww...selfish huh? all he wants is her..what about her feelings and beliefs?

Was it love that he was bothered so much for a girl for the first time in his life? Was it love that only after an hour she had gone away, he was yearning for one glimpse of her? Was it love? Could he love someone?

Bingo...tube light..

"Dammit." Aranv groaned in frustration. Why did she have to be so stubborn? How could she ignore the wonderful time they had spent together? Did it not matter to her at all? So she would let all be over just like that?

why did you have to pretend as if you didnt hear..how could you let her go? how could you accept to her conditions even after knowing what you meant to her? we can also ask questions... ok? 😡

The ringing of his phone broke through his train of thoughts.

"Yes, Aman?" He scowled.

I think Aman did a good thing for once, otherwise ASR would continue questioning without any answers..

"It is not over, Khushi Kumari Gupta," he muttered, determined, "You cannot just come into my life and then walk away as you please."

we are waiting... ok..I give up..I am logging off now..rest tomorrow..(that tomorrow came only 2 days after 😳)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took only around an hour to fly from Delhi to Lucknow. But the flight seemed endless to Khushi as she sat dejectedly in her seat.

My single track mind...the moment I read the first line..I thought ASR was on his way... 😳 and after reading second line, I was thinking of any possibility of ASR landing in airport before Khushi..illogical rt?

She had secretly hoped he would say something to change her mind. She had hoped he would give it a thought at least to change his views about relationships. She did not mean to blackmail him; she meant when she had said she did not want to be in contact with him anymore. But still, somewhere in her heart she had hoped he would take some step to not let this happen.

thinking of men are from Mars, women are from Venus.. why she had to say somethign and expect something else? and ofcourse our very own "mera surroundings mein woh hota hain jo kaha jata hain" 😆 now you know why? 😉

Khushi slumped into her seat even more as she remembered her last few moments with him. How much it had broken her heart to see him erecting the wall around him again. The man she had slowly discovered hidden behind that hard shell, the man she had come to love ' had refused to be with her anymore. Could he blame her? After what she had asked from him?

He had refused to be with her?

Khushi sighed. It was indeed better that he had not heard her confession. He probably would have made it worse between them if he had heard. A man not believing in commitment possibly could not have believed in love too. Perhaps he would have run away before she could even ask for it.

only if she knew..ask her not to trust her man..he is capable of doing anything 😉

She had started it between them ' with the hope to get over her silly obsession. And now she again was the one to end it ' with the same hope .. of getting over him. Arnav was right. Her ideas were stupid.

so now..whatever he is going to do (even if its keeping quiet 😉) she should let him do that rt?

nothing is over until its over my dear..

Khushi switched on her phone as she walked through the arrival lounge. She halted on her track as she glanced at the screen.

I know, I know

'Call me as soon as you have landed. Urgent.'

urgent? what? sanse rukh gayi? help needed?

Arnav Singh Raizada was a man of words, Khushi knew. How come he had texted her after agreeing to not contact with her ever? What could be so urgent?

Man of words..lol..he is man of few words..that we know..now what can we tell Khushi..? that everything is fair in love and war? sounds outdated? well..then "mein Arnav Singh Raizada hoon..mein kuch bhee karta hoon, woh sahi haiin".. how does that sound?

Khushi kept staring at the screen as her fingers itched to dial a particular number right now. Should she call?

strong girl..yet she could not stop sending that last message rt?

That should give him the message.

hehe...as if he will leave it if he gets the message..lol..infact as if he didnt get the message till now

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

If one noticed him closely, he could see the slight smirk adorning his face.

I want to see that smirk, now..waaa..

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Like .. how handsome really is Arnav Singh Raizada? Like .. if you have met any good looking boy?"

its difficult to explain my dear..😉

"Huh?" Khushi's eyes widened. "Why will Jijaji be jealous that I was working with Arnav .. Singh Raizada?"

Arnav..Singh Raizada...you had to be so detailed..huh?

Some five minutes later Khushi's phone beeped bringing her back from her half-sleep.

'I cannot sleep.'

bcoz his right side is empty..? another huggie to this kiddo

Khushi stared at the screen not knowing how to feel. She was amused, happy, confused, annoyed, tensed and sad. Why was Arnav doing this?

she should feel proud too..isnt it?

Before Khushi could understand or react, Payal had already snatched the phone from her and was reading the text.

"Laad Governor." Payal frowned. "Are you sleeping??"

bad manners payal..but we love you for that

Payal got off the bed to not let Khushi snatch the phone back from her.

"Jiji. I told you no one important."

so Khushi can tell lies..hmm..

so payal just saw that her sis is replying..didnt check what she replied? bye, Arnav was missed out..or you are saving it ?

'Yes, I am sleeping. Stop bothering me.'

how did she send SMS if she is sleeping..tell us she is trying to..

"Hi."

Khushi missed a heartbeat as Arnav drawled. She swallowed. She would not let him affect her. No. She composed herself.

lol..and she went weak in knees? uff..

"What is wrong Arnav?"

"I am fine, thank you. How are you?"

haha...someone can be funny eh?

"Because I don't understand how you could possibly want to walk away from me if you think you love me."

its impossible to stop this man when he meant business...no hide and seek...

Arnav's voice as calm and Khushi froze on her spot.

"What? .. Who told you that .. that .. I never said that .."

liar..liar..

"I was not sleeping, Khushi."

Oh no! He had heard her confession?