Posted:
Deccan Chronicle
| Friends are an integral part of our lives but sometimes they can get too needy and we're not just referring to financial greed. Some people have a tendency to spend their entire life cribbing about the smallest of issues. It seems like they derive pleasure in waking up each morning and finding innumerable reasons to crib and complain. If the person in question is a dear friend, it does become difficult to tackle them for they simply refuse to feel optimistic about life. The new age psychological term for such people is 'emotional parasites' or individuals who thrive on hounding their friends with all their personal problems. Delhi-based psychiatrist, Dr Sanjay Chugh describes an emotional parasite as one, "Who has a low self-concept, who is unable to trust him/herself, who is low on self-confidence will be more prone to being an emotional parasite. This is because, for the smallest of things he/she will be unable to use his or her own mechanisms and instead resort to taking help from others." Television actress Shveta Salve believes in the saying that 'a friend in need is friend indeed'. So she says she would lend a patient ear to a needy friend no matter how often that person contacts her. "I am a very good listener and I'm willing to lend emotional support to a friend because no one is absolutely secure in life. You never know tomorrow I might be in a similar situation and may need an emotional crutch." However TV actor and producer Anuj Saxena does not like to hang out with cribbers. He says, "I go all out to solve my friends problems only if they are serious enough. I do not have time nor do I allow people who constantly whine to get close to me. While I am just one phone call away to people who matter I don't encourage emotional parasites. I would draw the line when it comes to such friends and their problems because it would hamper my life and that's certainly not acceptable to me." So how does one deal with such people? Says Dr Chugh, "The only way of dealing with such people is by being assertive. This would mean being considerate about the feelings of the other person but at the same time paying due attention to one's own. We need to honestly state our own feelings to the person concerned. The way we frame our sentences makes all the difference. For instance, ' I understand that you are in distress but I think it's taking a toll on me right now and I need to take a break from this else I don't think I will be able to be of much help to you.' The moment we start taking care of and addressing our own feelings, we will be in a much better position to help the other person too." |
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