Political Humor: Political Jokes

"As you know, Time magazine has named President Bush 'Person of the Year' -- quite an honor. Although I'm not sure Bush understands it. Like he said today, he can't decide if he wants the free travel alarm clock or the tote bag." --Jay Leno

"You know who else was being considered -- this is absolutely true -- Michael Moore, guy who did 'Fahrenheit 9/11.' Michael Moore was also being considered Time's 'Person of the Year.' Unfortunately, he couldn't fit on the cover." --Jay Leno

"President Bush got an early Christmas gift. This week, President Bush was chosen as 'Person of the Year' by Time magazine. Not only that, Martha Stewart was chosen as person of the year by Doing Time magazine." --Conan O'Brien

"Things are not looking good for Donald Rumsfeld. First Sen. John McCain said he had no confidence in him. Now Gen. Norman Schwarzkopf said he's angry at Rumsfeld for not providing soldiers in Iraq with the proper armor. In fact, Rumsfeld has screwed up so badly, President Bush might have to give him one of those Medal of Freedom awards." --Jay Leno

"Today's USA Today features an editorial by Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld defending the war in Iraq. You can tell it was written by Rumsfeld because the opening line of the editorial is 'shut your pie hole and listen.'" --Conan O'Brien

"The international space station is running low on food. They asked Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld about this. And Rumsfeld said, you go to space with the food you've got, not the food you want." --David Letterman

"President Bush said that he is standing by Rumsfeld. And you know what that means, he'll be gone in a week." --David Letterman

"The Clintons are getting ready for Christmas up in Chappaqua. It's the same thing every year. Hillary comes down the stairs on Christmas morning to find a surprise under Bill." --Jay Leno

"The University of Arkansas has bought the house that Bill Clinton grew up in and plans to make it into a museum. The university has also bought the doghouse that Bill spent most of the '90s in." --Conan O'Brien

"President Bush began making cuts in the federal budget. And to help out, the Bush twins are switching to Rite Aid vodka." --David Letterman

"A lot of Americans are worried now. They say they can't rely on Social Security anymore. And you know something, they're right. If you want the government to pay for your housing and your food and your medical bills until your 80 or 90 years old you're just going to have to kill somebody and go live on death row because that's the only way it's going to happen." --Jay Leno

"Yesterday, I received a Christmas card from Donald Rumsfeld in the mail. Would have been nice if he had actually signed it." --David Letterman

"Now here is the latest on Social Security. It looks like Donald Rumsfeld is about to start collecting it." --Jay Leno

"Congratulations to President George Bush, named Time magazine's 'Person of the Year.' And, of course, when he heard the news he was stunned. Bush said, 'I don't even subscribe to Time magazine.' ... I still don't think Bush quite gets it. Today he was asking people, 'So where is Ed McMahon with my big check?" --Jay Leno

"President Bush got man of the year and in a related story John Kerry got a free copy of Entertainment Weekly." --Jay Leno

from about.com