Originally posted by: 0-SD-0
BL,
Adding on my thoughts to Minu, I would like to clarify that I have not purported any theory. That meaning of what marriage is based on my life experience, of the various ceremonies (of different kind) people go through, through various participants and all nautanki around a ceremony, be it love marriage or arranged marriage and what works, what doesn't work, the emotional undercurrents, the rational feelings and ultimately the success/failure of the relationship inspite of all the rituals and ceremonies with invocation of God, done throughout the marriage. Basically the spread of pooja, noise (with Dhol), dance celebration is to ward off evil spirits...even then...jo hona hai hoke rahta hai...but not to those who do not succumb to general good-will and blessings of all but add their commitment at every step, becoming dynamic each minute, some wow in their hearts to make it a success and they work on it every day, every moment. The difference happens as one sees failure in one and they take care at the next opportunity.
My first marriage was with full of aplomb,,,,thoroughly ritualistic...over the period I connected with all people as in cousins, people etc...but I was disconnected with the groom himself. It was an arranged marriage and that guy never made any attempt to talk. I am conservative, traditional and simple by nature, but in the same token, I am quite dynamic and flowing and can easily become the opposite of those three if my head and heart sees something as not harmonic and right. So I started feeling ridiculous around the same rituals and was like all this aplomb and celebration when my heart does not feel happy at all. And the man who has to talk, he doesn't talk, because the culture does not allow him to talk to a girl before marriage. Infact this was bothering me, my parents alike and yet we were told, aisa nahin hota, ki ladka ladki baat karenge. So what happened...I was participating like a puppet and disconnected with the Dulha himself. And zombie marriage it was for me.
Not many girls may think like me. But I know a heart is a heart. It needs a feeling. One has to make sure that heart is filled up with some feeling rather than sap out everything out of it through these stupid notions of keeping people separate while they get married or not allowed to talk after marriage is settled. Again not many people may get nervous, but still marriage is a big step...and one just dulls their mind before taking the big step in fear of trying to back-out from marriage. That's why those bachelor parties and extra celebrations.
A simple marriage would do...honestly...quick and done in right manner. The process of registered marriage, its quite quick and yet every moment gives you same fear and may be more than what ritualistic one gives you. So ultimately what matters is what partners do to help each other as they get married, as they commit themselves to taking the big step that may change their lives in many ways. Some men and women remain the same even after they get married. They are truly good and strong people. But many men and women change (psychologically) the moment they get married. The legal binding messes their head and they start taking the other as FOR GRANTED. And that is aided or fanned as people mess their head with their advice. And that is just the beginning of the new contractual relationship.
Hence, my those thoughts on marriage. They are not part of any theory. Having seen and felt it all in real life. I believe that 50% is your effort and rest 50% is truly god's blessing. And in that 50% of your efforts, work as if you are giving your 500% to it. Zindagi, kahin na kahin se woh 500% aap se wasool kar hi leti hai. Pehle nahin to baad mein hi sahi. Aur jab wasooli deni hi hai make sure you did your maths correctly, kitna kamaana hai, kitne ka wasool dena hai.
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