Jaane Doh Naa
-CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT-
With Sorrow Comes Strength
"Chote?" called Devyani. "Can you pay Ramesh? I don't have change."
Arnav nodded and slowly descended the stairs to attend the waiting milkman. It was a calm and quiet morning in Shantivaan. While most of the household was just awakening the servants bustled around in preparation for breakfast. And yet, the normalcy of the house was far from its owner, who was caught in his own puzzling thoughts.
He escaped his room early that morning, long before sunrise, on the excuse of his morning jog. He didn't dare go back, unable to face to the girl, around who his entire world revolved.
It wasn't that Arnav was shocked to hear her questions the previous night; he knew they would rise once her anger subsided. It was his answers that surprised him. And more so her reaction towards them.
No matter how much he wished other wise, he couldn't be with her. Not the way she expected him to. As she fumingly told him that day in the boutique, he couldn't be the husband who could to be woken up with a good morning kiss or a loving hug. He was too damaged and there was no way he was going to let his scarred shadow fall upon her. She deserved better.
And yet, he couldn't forget the look of disappointment that crossed her face last night. As if she expected or even hoped, that he would say something else. It almost disturbed him that she wanted a life with him when she hated him.
Why do you care what's right and what's wrong, when you follow neither to do what pleases you?
She had asked so bluntly, as if she thought he was sadistic enough to be happy over other people's pain. Was that all she really understood of him in these past two years? Didn't she know how dearly he missed her? Or how much he didn't want her to leave?
It was as if the feisty girl who fell into his arms almost three years ago ceased to exist; for if she were still here, he wouldn't have to explain his actions. She would have understood him and his turmoil with just one glance.
Besides, wasn't he giving her what she wanted? Didn't she herself want to be left alone, away from him and his family?
"Sir?" Ramesh said, waving a hand to grab his attention.
"Huh?" Arnav replied, blinking away his questions. "Yeah… how much?"
"Fifty rupees."
Arnav pulled out his wallet and handed the man the bill, before turning around, dreading the return to his room. It seemed, however, his fears were pointless.
"Arnavji?"
He whipped around, to see Khushi emerging from the kitchen.
"You dropped something," she said, walking over and picking up a folded piece of paper, which appeared creased and on the verge of being torn.
Eyes widening slightly, Arnav snatched the paper from Khushi's hands as quickly as he could, but not before the latter glimpsed at few of the words written in curvy handwriting, the ink partly seeping through to the other side.
Khushi stared at Arnav in wonder. It was the letter; the letter she wrote as her goodbye more than two years ago.
"You still have it?" she whispered.
He nodded slowly, his shoulders falling that she recognized the letter – his most prized possession.
"Why?"
Arnav watched her, his face blank. It didn't take him long to realize that she was surprised to know that he hung on to her last words. She expected him to throw it out the second he found it.
How poorly she understood him!
"To remember," he answered.
"To remember what?"
"The Khushi I knew."
And without waiting to hear her reply, he set off towards his room for a hot shower.
* * *
"Good morning," Akash whispered, gently stroking Payal's face.
When she didn't respond, he pressed his lips to her forehead, before getting up to leave for the day. Only, he felt her tighten her hand around his.
"Do you have to go?" she asked, still not opening her eyes.
Akash sighed as he settled back onto the soft bed. "Well… that depends on what you plan on making me do for the day."
Payal's eyes snapped open. "What does that mean?" she asked, outraged. "Do I torture you?"
He laughed. "I was just pulling your leg baby! Relax!"
"Ha ha…" she replied, sarcastically. "I guess I should get used to hearing your jokes now. It's been five months."
Akash sighed. While Payal showed all the typical signs of pregnancy, the most astonishing was her hormonal changes, which resulted in the most extreme mood swings. Only he was capable of enduring her and he did it gladly. After all, she was giving him the biggest joy of his life!
"Hmm…" he said, stroking her face once again. "How does strawberry ice cream sound?"
And it did the trick.
Payal's pouting mouth turned up into an excited smile as she hurriedly sat up. "Really?!" she exclaimed. "You will let me eat ice cream?"
He smiled. "Only if you want…"
"I love you!" she said, throwing her arms around him. Having been deprived of junk food ('it was not good for the baby!' was the excuse she got), Payal's mouth was already watering at the thought of eating her favourite snack.
"I love you too!"
And they settled into silence, both not wanting to leave each other's arms.
"Will Khushi really leave?" Payal whispered after a few minutes.
He didn't answer, knowing that the issue plagued his wife more than anything.
"It was all my fault…" she continued, tears threatening to leak. "She did everything for me and I paid her back with anger and mistrust. What kind of a sister am I?"
She looked up into his comforting eyes. "You know what she told me yesterday?" she said. "That it was hell here… hell, Akash. And I didn't even know about it. My younger sister was suffering and I didn't even bother to comfort her."
"It's not your fault," he said, patting her. "You didn't know."
"I should've!" she said, the tears now streaming down her face. "I knew her since she was eight… When Amma used to be away, I was in charge of taking care of her. She was my responsibility… and I screwed it up."
Akash listened quietly.
"Maybe I am unfit to take care of people," she concluded suddenly. "I couldn't take care of my sister… what if I can't even take care of our child? What if I am a bad mother?!"
"Payal!" he admonished. "Don't say that… Of course you will be a good mother!"
When she was about to object, he said, "We learn from our mistakes… not get disheartened with them. So what if you messed up once? There is no guarantee that you will do it again. Trust me – you will be a wonderful mother!"
She was quiet.
"And as for Khushiji…" he said. "She will come around at some point… She is your sister."
"But-"
"She is hurt Payal," he interrupted. "She was wronged in so many ways… of course she is going to lash out on us. We should be thankful she even agreed to visit… at least we know she is safe and in good hands."
"If you are taking about that Ayesha…"
"I am," he accepted. "She seems nice… and from what Bhai says, she is what Khushiji needs."
Payal refrained from commenting.
"I know you don't like her," Akash said, correctly understanding her silence. "But think from Khushiji's perspective… everyone abandoned her and Ayesha was the one who accepted her and that too at a time when she was very vulnerable. She is not going to forget that… ever."
And though Payal wanted to argue, she couldn't deny that Akash had a point.
"We should just let her be… She left because she didn't want us dictating her life, so if we want her back, we should make sure that doesn't happen. We should let her chose instead of forcing our choice on her."
Payal nodded, despair creeping through her heart. "She forgave Amma and Babuji… if only she understood that we want the best of her too."
"She missed them," he answered. "And she missed us too… she is just too angry to realize it."
When she didn't appear to be convinced, he added, "There is no point thinking about the past… we have all been through a lot Payal. She is a different person than what she used to be and so are you. So, instead of trying to find your sister in her, just try to get to know her now and accept it if you can. It will be a lot easier for both of you."
Having no other choice, Payal accepted his explanation, praying that Khushi really would come around.
* * *
"Bhaiyya," Hari Prakash said. "Karanji is here."
It was late into the morning and Shantivaan was found enjoying an unusually good breakfast, mainly having tasted Khushi's cooking after a long time.
"Tell him to sit in the living room," Arnav said. "I'll just be there."
Hari Prakash nodded and left to address the guest.
"You should have invited him to have breakfast with us Chote," Devyani said disapprovingly.
"No Nani," Arnav said, standing up. "He is here for business… I will tell him to stay for lunch if you want."
Having gotten Devyani's approving nod, Arnav disappeared as the table resumed their chatter. Khushi glanced at Anjali, who was calmly eating her food, completely unaffected.
"I'm done," Ayesha said, also getting up. And without paying heed to Khushi's request to wait, she left the dining table.
Wandering aimlessly through the mansion's numerous halls, Ayesha finally settled on the second floor balcony, where she could see the full expanse of the first floor. While most of the family was still having breakfast, her eyes were trained on one person, seated in the living room, deep in conversation.
Dressed in jeans and a light blue shirt, Karan appeared striking in the bright room. Ayesha let out a sigh, as her mind wandered through dreams that will never come true. She wished she was angry at the turn of events, but she wasn't. She felt only pity, both for herself and Anjali. She was so lost in these thoughts that she didn't notice a quiet figure approach her, his mind quick to make the connection behind her gaze.
"It's not too late you know."
Ayesha jumped upon hearing the soft voice and quickly turned around. "What are you doing here?!"
Aman smiled and held up the files in his hands. "I came to get these from Arnav Sir's room."
Ayesha didn't reply and turned back to two men seated downstairs, hoping that the latter would leave. She was out of luck, however.
"Do you believe in God?" Aman asked, stepping forward, so he was right beside her.
"No."
"Then do you believe in destiny?"
"Why do you care? Besides, destiny and God mean the same thing."
"No, they don't… God created us, and destiny, our path."
"And your point is?"
"That sometimes we are not destined for things we want and we blame it on God. We forget that if we don't get something, then there is something better coming our way."
"Well, I don't blame God for my life or destiny… because they don't exist."
Aman smiled knowingly. "Then why are you sad?"
"I am not," she said, quickly. "Why would I be sad?"
He nodded towards Karan.
"Karan?" Ayesha said, faking nonchalance. "Why would he make me sad?"
"I know you were looking at him…"
Ayesha turned a slight shade of red. "How do you know?" she challenged, not wanting to accept he was right.
"It's the same look Sir has when he looks at Khushiji… and when Karan looks at Anjali Di."
Ayesha gasped. "H-how do you know about them?"
Aman looked down at Karan. "People are not that hard to understand… especially people of this house. He has been in love with Di for quite a while now. It's sad that she doesn't see it."
"Why couldn't he understand that?" she muttered to herself, but Aman heard it all the same.
"Why should he understand that?" he challenged. "She is everything he ever wanted... a family he didn't have when he grew up, a wife he could be proud of, a mother for his children."
"She is not the same as she used to be… and she won't be for a very long time."
"He knows that... but he fell in love with the innocence no one seems to see in her. And I doubt she will ever lose that."
Ayesha didn't answer.
"So, no… he will never give up on her," he murmured, looking towards Ayesha. "But you seem to know that already."
"I-I…Khushi told me."
He nodded. "Funny how she understands him but not Arnav Sir…"
"How do you know all this?" she demanded, psyched that his eye caught what everyone else was blinded towards.
Aman shrugged. "I told you… people of this house are easy to read."
"Or you are just stalking them," she answered.
Aman supressed a laugh. "Don't forget what I told you though," he said, turning to leave. "There is always something better out there… if not him, then someone else."
"You don't know that."
"I do," he said calmly. "You are a strong woman Ms. Kapoor… you will find your match someday."
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