Part 33
Geet had spent her last few years avoiding his thoughts.. but he had eroded a place deep in some corner of her heart just like a sea shell would do by boring against a rock. The making of the place had been her pain. But now shell was safely in the rock. It was lodged & restrain no longer... just as a part of her.
She changed her dress & packed some change of cloths for Daadi. She informed Meera & went to hospital.
There were so many things that didn't make sense in the maze.. she was the person with whom he took vows was hitting deep with in.. with that was million of other confusion. He didn't want to talk to Dev but was forced to .. he knocked at his rooms door.. still uncertain if he wanted to clear it with him. He didn't .. he turned to leave..when his eyes fell on his wedding nap that was kept on Dev's dressing table with other pics. The anxiousness in her eyes.. the smile that adored her lips with a complete blush giving away her shyness.. the beauty herself.. he had never seen any of this before.. not even in those several encounters. He had seen her cheeks losing color .. becoming drawn in pain.
Dev ' bhai
Maan just left from there. He didn't want to speak to anyone right now.
If only he could hold himself together.
*******
It was late in the evening.. visiting hrs was over.. Geet settled Daadi in the bed after the drs night rounds. She washed her face, finished her prayers & sat on the couch next to Daadi.. he slowly came in & silently sat beside her. Her eyes was fixed at Daadi who had all that gadgets attached to her.
It won't be wrong to say the greater your capacity to love, the greater your capacity to feel the pain. But then he knew with love one should go ahead & take the risk of getting hurt.. & she was only his serenity in all means. His heart was beating crazily.. with the heaviness along. He couldn't bear it any more.
I.., he took a deep breath.. I didn't know it was u
I know.. she knew that as a matter of fact. They both had not met. Only she knew the pain of loving some one.. who didn't even know she existed. His restlessness became more .. why did they say all that abt u.. she kept mum
now her silence hit him hard.. he just believed wat he wanted to.. not once did he try to find out the truth.
main aaya tha tumhe lene.. he spoke hiding his guilt
phir se chodne keliyen.. she spoke accusingly still looking at daadi
She was right. He had planned to tell her his stand. His anger on self was building.. his ego was long crushed in front of her.. only the pieces within suffocated.
dammit why did they say all that.. even ur family refused to meet me
because I chose this anguish over ' fear clouded her eyes & the thought that she didn't even know whose body was in her lap.. that body falling apart..numbed her.. like she could still feel that cold thing in her lap right now.
Daadi woke up hearing him questioning her.
Daadi spoke in a weak voice because they wanted to sati her with the body they thought was yours. The fear in her eyes now mirrored in his. They wat..his mind screamed..
agar hum sahi samyen pe wanha nahi aaten tho.. Daadi cried ..
his heart felt would burst right now in the pain.. he looked at her...every time she stood numb seeing fire.. right now with the thought of it probably ... itself was enough for him understood the anguish she would have faced.
Who followed sati in this age he wondered.. & but there she sat a burning reality.. bearing the burden of his ignorance.. arrogance.. him itself..won't be wrong to say. He hit his head back hard on the couch.. clenching his fist.
Geet excused herself not wanting to think about that dark moment. Daadi poured out all Geets suffering of past years only to feed his head with rage & furry. Every pain she suffered called out to his mistake. Every day of her loneliness attributed to his absence. He could kill himself hundred million times still wouldn't justify anything. The blandness of her food to the absence of shades in her life... oh.. he ..he & only he.. was responsible for every little thing..
Daadi felt so choked in guilt bicahri ne tho tume kabhi teehk se dehka bhi nahi
The pain in him bottled to an extent it busted out on her as she walked in the door after couple of hrs. maine ne kaha tha tume aisen jine ke liyen? He screamed at her
meri zindagi main khamiyin kuch kam thi jo tumne.. he sighed yet again pouring his pain
(wasn't my life sinful enough that u added ..)
yeh kya kiya tumne Geet he cried holding her cupping her cheeks
aur kya karti main she asked pushing his hand away in shear hatred & anger
aapne batnaseeba ka rona roti rahti
kosthi rahti apno ko.. his heart skipped a beat hearing her address him among apne
still he knew she was accusing his plight.. he did that!! he was sulking at his loneliness.. he was blaming his relations.. even her.. he grit his teeth & turned his head not able to bear her words & piercing painful gaze.
she turned his face harshly to face her
aur meren armaano ka kya, jo sirf aap se juden the..?
jo kaak ho gaya uss raat ..
unse jude bebasi ka kya.. ?
"ek vidhwa ko tho mehsoos karne ka bhi haaq nahi humren samaaj main"
she got really mad & he could understand it was more of anger right now..
when she just stepped away from him & questioned
"yaa phir koi dost dhund lethi aapne.." "GEET" he threatened.. clearly knowing she meant Sam & him, but then closed his eyes clenching his fist.
God lord.. the sight of seeing ur husband in some one else arm!!! only he knew how he lived last 24hrs assuming she was Dev's wife. It was iniquitous in every possible way still his heart bleed seeing them together.
Thanks for the lovely comments
lots of love
muskan
Edited by muskanp - 12 years ago
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