Chasing Dreams 4 27B Pg119 NewSS & THd5 link Pg139 - Page 41

thank you waiting for it

To those who know tamil fluently, this post is Uppukachappu.

[MEMBERSONLY]

*I accept Buddy requests only from readers who comment on this thread.

**2 part update. Part B on the post below.

***PMS Later

Arnav walked to his garage. He opened the door of the garage where his car had been parked using a remote. It was one of the very few modifications he made to the farmhouse, two years ago. He opened the doors to his car and sat in the drivers seat. He switched on the ignition, and held the steering wheels tightly, to fight the remnants of his frustration, anger, disbelief and overall a sense of being mislead. His thoughts went back to the discussion he had with Kushi a short while ago.

'Sorry Kushi I don't get you.'

'I'm sorry Arnav, I can't do this anymore. I tried, I tried hard, but I can't. We can't see each other anymore.'

Arnav stood rooted to his spot. Did he just hear those words from Kushi? For a moment he had felt that this was Kushi dilly-dallying again, but when he saw the stoic determination and her calm demeanor he realised that their relationship was a lost cause. There was nothing he could do to salvage it. But what had pushed to such a decision. Was it marriage, Avinaash or her parents?

'Why?' He asked her, still not giving away any emotions on his face or his impassive tone.

'I love you Arnav. I have loved you for a while.' Kushi told him as if she were telling him the weather forecast. 'I want to be with you. But I also love my family and the values I hold close to my heart. And no matter how hard I try, I can't walk away from them. You are like the heart that beats inside me, but my parents are the air I breathe. I cannot sacrifice their happiness or my own values to stay with you in a relationship where there are no promises.'

Arnav couldn't believe the words that were coming out of Kushi's mouth. Kushi loved him! He wasn't sure if he had to be elated at her confession or feel dismayed at having broken their relationship and his heart in the same sentence.

'Then why? Why do you want this to end? You knew about me from day one.' He pointed to himself, his movements hurried and nervous. 'I have never hid anything from you. I have always told you what my beliefs are. Why now?'

Kushi's eyes immediately looked down, 'I thought you might change your mind during the course of our relationship. But I realised I was being foolish and naive.' She said, unlocking her fingers, letting her hands fall on either sides.

He had managed to remain composed so far, but when Kushi admitted to use him as some sort of a guinea pig to see if she could change his beliefs, he lost his cool. He walked towards her, looking furious. He towered above her, 'Look at me Kushi. Dammit look at me.' He held her shoulders to make her look at him.

'Do you think, this is some sort of a joke? That I'm sort of a social experiment to see if you can change my beliefs. Answer me dammit.'

Kushi looked up momentarily. Along with anger Kushi could see helplessness and vulnerability in his eyes, one of the very few times she has seen this side to Arnav. She had let him down. She immediately averted her eyes, 'I'm sorry Arnav. I shouldn't have done it. But I love you. I wanted to give myself every chance to see if I can make this work. I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to hurt you.'

Arnav moved his hand away and stepped back, he massaged his neck lightly. 'Love' he laughed sarcastically. 'Kushi you have just reaffirmed why I don't believe in the concept of love. If you had truly loved me, you would have never done this to me. This isn't love Kushi. This is infatuation. I should have know better than to date someone of your age. Its my mistake really.'

Kushi was angered by his words, but given how fragile the situation was she decided not to retort. She simply answered, 'You are right Arnav. I was never the right person for you. You deserve someone more mature and someone who understands and appreciate your beliefs.'

He walked towards Kushi and yanked her hands to make her stand up. He looked at her menacingly, 'I care a flying f**k about who you think I should date. How could you do this to me? Especially after everything we had talked. You have broken my trust Kushi, you have misled me. I may not be a person who believes in marriage but values such as honesty, loyalty are important to me.' Arnav said in a hurting tone.

Kushi removed her hand from the grasp of his. 'You are right Arnav. I have let you down. I wish I could do something to make this hurt less.'

Arnav laughed sarcastically, 'You wish, don't you?' The two of them stood rooted to their spot, taking a few moments to calm down and ponder how things were shaping up.

'Was it the call, that made you arrive at the decision? Was it your parents, or even better Avinaash?'

When Kushi has still not replied Arnav added, 'For f**k sake, don't tell me you are going to give into your parent's pressure and marry that Avinaash.'

Kushi stood calmly taking in every accusation Arnav was throwing at her, 'Its not Avinaash. My father had called, but he had in no way shaped my decision. I had made my decision even before his call.'

'You do have a knack of making hasty decisions. First the decision to date me, now to break things off with me.'

'Arnav I'm sorry again. I wish things could be different. But I can't stay in this relationship without being true to you, or to myself.' Kushi said, for the first time, tears invading her eyes.

When Arnav had seen the tears in her eyes, he softened. No matter how badly hurt he was, he could still not bare to see a broken Kushi. He wanted to hold her, soothe her, but he held himself back.

'Kushi you know how good we are together. Are you never going to change your mind?' It was a desperate request.

Kushi looked down again, this times the tears that were being held back, flowing down her cheeks. 'No Arnav, I'm sorry.'

Arnav took a few moments to calm himself and asked, 'What do you want to do now?'

------------------------------------------------

Kushi changed into a pair of jeans a loose cardigan that she had packed for the trip. She was continuing to cry; cry over her shattered dreams, cry over her broken heart, and cry over causing pain to the one person she loved dearly. After Arnav had left her to take the call, Kushi had realised the error of her methods. Her father had called her at the same time.

'Kushi bitiya.' she had heard her father's voice call out to her lovingly.

As soon as she had heard his voice, something snapped inside her. The hurt, pain all came back and she broke down. 'Babuji!' she sobbed.

'Bitiya, what happened. Why are you crying?'

Kushi had continued to cry.

'Bitiya, shh...' He tried to soothe her over the phone.

'Bitiya is this about Avinaash? I'm sorry Kushi. If I had know you would be this hurt I would have never pushed you to meet him. He is a really good boy and I wanted only the best for my gudiya rani. But I'll tell him, jo bhi hoga, meri bitiya ke marzi se hi hoga. Now cheer up Kushi. I can't bare to see you like this.' Sashi pleaded with his daughter. (Translation-Whatever will happen, it will happen as per my daughter's choice)

At that moment Kushi felt more guilty than ever. Her parents were the reason of her existence. And although their love for her were sometimes suffocating, nonetheless they loved her, more than anything else in their life. She could never do this to them. She could fight them to get their blessings for a wedding with someone they might not approve, but she could never hurt them, embarrass them or their place in the society by staying in a casual relationship as someone's unwed companion. Knowing how much respect and standing the society was dear to the Guptas, she could never bring disgrace or humiliation to her family. She wiped her tears, she had made up her mind. She was going to break things off with Arnav.

She had later convinced her father that she was emotional as she had been missing them and there was nothing more to it. However she had told him that she didn't want to meet Avinaash, not yet.

Kushi hung the emerald green dress on a dress hanger and pulled her suitcase with her to meet Arnav near the garage. After her discussion with Arnav, she had asked to go back home. She had requested him to arrange a cab for her, however given the timing of the night, Arnav had insisted on dropping her home.

She had hurt Arnav beyond any measure, but how could she tell him, that it was herself she had hurt the most. Arnav was her first love and no one else could take that place in her heart.

Kushi and Arnav drove to her flat in total silence, interrupted sometimes by their harsh breathing. They were both lost in their own thoughts, Arnav on the swing song of his life, how it went from total exhilaration one moment to heartbreak and pain, in another. And Kushi was lost in the thoughts of how unlucky she had been in love.

As Arnav stopped his car near Kushi's flat, they both got out of the car. Kushi walked to the boot, to take out her suitcase. Arnav moved away her hand and opened the door to the boot.He took out her luggage and the dress that had been kept inside a dress hanger.

'No Arnav, I can't take this.' Arnav looked at Kushi for a moment and thrust the dress in her hand. 'Take it,' he ordered. Kushi knew better than to push his buttons anymore.

'I'm sorry Arnav, I let you down. But this wasn't an easy decision for me.' Kushi tried to restrain herself, in spite of every fibre in her body screaming at her to hug him and melt into him.

Arnav folded his arms,'Kushi its always about you. Did you for a second comprehend what I'm going through. Just when I thought...' Arnav stopped, he would be damned to say anything more about how much he liked her, especially when she had made a decision on their relationship without even consulting him.

'Anyhow, what I feel or think doesn't matter to you. Good bye Kushi, good luck!'

Kushi walked away not before turning to see Arnav. Arnav had been standing at the same spot. Their eyes met for a fraction of a second and they connected once again. But the reality of their situation came back to them and Arnav turned away to walk to the front of his car. An extremely upset Kushi walked to her flat.

----------------------------------

Akaash was wondering who on earth would ring the bell to Payal's flat at such an untimely hour. A sleepy and groggy Akaash asked Payal to step behind him, lest it was a thug or a burglar. He looked through the peep hole mirror and saw an extremely distressed Kushi ringing the bell again. Kushi had a set of keys, but since the door had been latched and chained from inside, she couldn't get into the flat.

'Its Kushi, she doesn't look alright.' He informed Payal softly. He opened the door to let Kushi in. A sobbing Kushi walked straight into the arms of Payal. 'Its over Payal, its all over.' She told her best friend.

-----------------------------------

'Yes Meera, the heache is quite bad. I'll check my emails every hour or so.' Kushi had just finished speaking to Meera, to call in sick. It was already Monday but Kushi had continued to feel dismayed about everything that had happened over the weekend. She had spent the whole of Saturday night crying in the arms of Payal and Akaash who had both done their best to support her. In between bouts of crying she had explained to them the reason behind her decision. Payal was mildly irritated with Kushi for her inability to make up her mind, but decided not to say anything to upset her further. Surprisingly Akaash assured her that her decision was in fact the right one.

Later when Payal and Akaash went to their room to catch up on their sleep, Payal who had been holding back her opinion told Akaash. 'You know why this happened, don't you Akaash?' Akaash who had been busy sending a message to his brother to make sure he was okay, didn't give her a response.

'This is all due to the handiwork of Anjali Di. If Di hadn't influenced Kushi, Kushi would have never given her relationship with Arnav another chance. Now neither is Kushi happy, nor is Arnav.'

Akaash put his phone away after disabling the silent mode, so that he can be alerted should Arnav reply to his message. 'Payal don't bring Di into this. Kushi isn't a baby for her to get influenced so easily by Di.' He then added after an afterthought, 'I have been noticing recently, that you have been having a few issues with Di.'

Payal who was leaning on her pillow sat straight, 'I have no problem with her Akaash. But I knew her need to interfere in Arnav's personal life was going to create issues. And look what has happened. Kushi might not be a baby, but she is still naive and cen be easily influenced. When she had made a decision not to pursue a relationship with Arnav, what was the need for Di to poke her nose and complicate matters further?'

'Payal watch out, she is my sister.' Akaash said, as he stood up from the bed. 'She is elder to you by nearly fifteen years. She deserves more respect than that.'

'Akaash you know I didn't mean to disrespect Di. I care for Kushi and cant see her hurt. I know its her mistake too, but you can't deny the whole situation is a result of Di's doing.'

'See this is what I told you, I don't want you to bring my family in between us. What happened between my brother, Kushi and Di, is between them. I think its better for you and our relationship for you to keep away.' Saying that Akaash walked away to get some cold water from the refrigerator. As much as he loved Payal her constant need to blame Di for the mess was uncalled for, in his opinion. He was close to his Di who was like a mother to him, since his parents had passed away.

-----------------------------

Kushi felt herself drowning in a sea of hurt and pain. Having experienced love and heartbreak for the first time in her life, Kushi neither had the experience or the maturity to move past it. She spent most of her time in the flat, huddled in her bed, crying over her broken heart. She had refused to eat food until Payal gave her a dressing down. Payal had been forthright with her, 'Kushi you knew what you were doing. Why cry now?' Kushi had flinched at Payal's words, but she knew her friend was correct, Kushi had got into the relationship with full knowledge of the possible repercussions.

'However why did it hurt so much?' Arnav had invaded her body, mind and soul and suddenly she felt a part of her life had been taken away from her. She didn't know if she still had the courage to go back to work and face Arnav, which was one of the reasons why she had called in sick. But she could no longer delay the inevitable, she was off to Lucknow on Thursday and had a lot of work to complete. A part of her felt that working in close proximity of Arnav would be detrimental to her own sanity but another part told her that this job was important to her. But at what cost?

Kushi walked into the premises of her office on Tuesday nervously. She used the stairs, lest she met Arnav in the elevator. She hadn't heard anything from him and when she had asked Payal how Arnav was coping, Payal had told her, 'Kushi if you wish to put this behind you, you will have to stop talking about him outside of work. Don't do this to yourself.'

Was he as heartbroken as she was, or has he recovered already? She wondered. She had walked straight to her desk without stopping by, to speak to anyone and had blamed a nagging headache for her deflated spirits. She sunk herself into work, hoping that work would act as a good distraction, at least until she went to Lucknow.

After a while, she heard Arnav walk into the office, speaking to someone loudly on the phone. She fought against all her instincts which screamed at her to look at him. But eventually her mind won and her eyes stayed glued to the computer screen.

Arnav walked into his room. He had managed to see Kushi from the corner of her eyes, but she had her head bent. He knew she was ignoring him and although that angered him, he knew it was for the best. He ran his fingers through his hair. The last three days had been extremely difficult. After dropping Kushi at her place, he went to his home. He switched of his mobile, disconnected his home phone and decided to get over the happenings of the weekend, in the best way he knew- by alienating himself from the world for a couple of days. For a moment he debated whether he should go off on a road trip to someplace unknown, but there was too much at stake. Plus Akaash was busy with his wedding preparation too.

He had analysed his discussion with Kushi and tried to find out what is that drove her to such a decision. He had an inkling that she wasn't entirely comfortable with his beliefs, even before their trip to farmhouse. But he had assumed that Kushi had made peace with her decision. That her decision shocked him as much as the timing was another issue altogether.

Their relationship had been progressing smoothly, he liked Kushi probably more than any women he had dated, he liked spending time with her. He could picture living with her, under one roof, if she agreed. Kushi had made him look at relationships differently, she made him feel ecstatic, loved, cared for, calm, peaceful and most importantly vulnerable like never before. She had influenced him so deeply that he started to question whether he was becoming a victim of the slow poison himself- an endearment he used for love,

So when she had announced that she was ending things, he was frustrated by the helplessness of the situation, that he was not in a position to affect or change her decision. He was angry with her for having made the decision on her own, but more than that he was angry with her for throwing his newly found feelings back at him. And although he had been in a number of relationships, this was probably the first time when he felt the true gravity of heartbreak. Eventually, he had made up his mind to keep away from Kushi at all costs and give himself time to get over her completely. But would he ever be able to get over the woman who had changed his world upside down with her warmth and love?

--------------------------------------

[MEMBERSONLY]

Nids

Edit:

Thank you so much NB for such a long update. I don't know how you have the time for it!

I loved the way you portrayed their pain of being separated from each other. But I have to be honest with you, Khushi's behavior is very immature. She changes her mind every few seconds. Arnav has been crystal clear about what he can offer why does she think she can change him? Just because she loves him? But isn't love about accepting the person as they are?

I don't blame Anjali in this matter. I realize this is all new for Khishi but she's not some 16 yr old with her first crush. She's old enough to be living & working on her own so she should be old enough enough for a mature relationship.

I just feel bad for Arnav (those who know me, know that I'm totally biased!) 😆

But your story has got me so involved and that's because your just THAT good!!

Take your time with the next update, especially if its going to be another 2 parter!!

Way too many Res's kyu!!!

I found this FF and I haven't been able to stop myself since I started reading it. This is very interesting and addicting... I would love to read more of this please add me to your pm list.

Chapter 26, Part A & B on page 62.

Originally posted by: Naach_Basanti

Chapter 26, Part A & B on page 62.

Yaay updated - great - lemme read