Jaane Doh Naa
-CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE-
Striking the Same Chord
Arnav fiddled with the cufflinks on his grey suit, as his eyes travelled through the crowd assembled for the birthday of his nephew. It was a strange day in the Raizada mansion, and somehow he knew it was only going to get stranger. There was no way that the arrival of the one girl who no one dared to forget even for a second in the past two years, was going to end without a spectacle.
And yet the girl in question was nowhere in sight. He hoped after a long day, he would finally be able to chance upon her innocent eyes, but alas he was out of luck! It appeared that Khushi Kumari Gupta, who was born with the sole purpose of torturing his soul, seemed to be fulfilling her mission without an ounce of hesitation.
"Chote?"
Arnav turned around to see Devyani approach him apprehensively.
"What happened Nani? Why are you worried?"
Devyani didn't know what to say. What could she say after everything she witnessed? "I made a mistake," she said finally.
Arnav waited for an elaboration, for the first time in years not being able to predict his grandmother's thoughts.
"I forced Khushi to stay with you in your room tonight."
Here we go… Arnav thought vaguely. The spectacle he was anticipating.
"Don't worry Nani," he assured gently. "I will sleep in Varun's room tonight."
Devyani nodded and fell quiet once again.
Arnav stared at the elderly lady in front of him, trying to decipher the emotion colouring her face. He was stunned to realize that it was shame. Despite living her entire life in pride and honour, Devyani Singh Raizada's head was bowed down.
"What's wrong Nani?" he asked urgently, wanting to wipe off the tormented look.
And to his utter disbelief, tears began to roll down Devyani's face. "I was so stupid," she began. "I thought that I made a mistake in understanding Khushi, but I committed a crime. She is so hurt… so heartbroken that none of us stood by her. How did I let this happen?!"
Arnav didn't answer almost horrified to see one of his biggest pillars of support crumble down. The lady who took him and his sister in, after the death of her only daughter, was more than he could ask for. And today, if he stood in a mansion taller than his father's, it was because of the principles she taught and courage she instilled. His grandmother was truly the pride he preyed upon everyday.
"Do you know what she was telling Payal?!" Devyani said not noticing Arnav's frozen figure. "She said she would never be able to trust us again… never, because the only thing she sees is those six months we ignored her."
He remained silent, listening to every word with an ache in his heart.
"Devi Maiyya will never forgive me… Hurting an innocent girl like that, even by mistake, is not good. It's not forgivable. I always lived my life with principles, with what is right, but what I did… it's wrong on every account!"
Arnav watched his grandmother, his heart filling with empathy. He knew exactly what it felt to be guilty, guilty of the crimes, which could easily be passed off as mistakes, and yet will never be forgotten.
He lived with that torment for two years now, each day harder than the one before. But he knew it was only going to get worse – so far it was just him, who took the burn of reality. What would happen, when the rest his family realized the burden, was something he wasn't willing to ponder about. It was painful enough to see his sister torn. He couldn't imagine his grandmother joining the club.
"We were so blind," Devyani said, wiping her tears. "So blind on what really happened. It wasn't a misunderstanding Chote… no, it was much, much more than that."
She cupped his face in her hand and said, "I am sorry that you had to be the one to see that man's betrayal. I am sorry that you had to decide what was good for the family. I am so sorry for never teaching you right from wrong. I am so, so sorry."
"Nani-"
"It's true," she interrupted. "I am the elder one. I should have taught you. If my daughter was here, she would never have let this happen. Never!"
"If Maa was here," Arnav said quietly. "Then she wouldn't have let you blame yourself like this. The truth is you brought us up well Nani… Di and me know what is right and wrong because of you. I did what I had to… and it was completely my decision. You or Di has nothing to do with it!"
"But we watched you do it! We sat here and watched that poor soul suffer. What does that make us?"
"It makes us human," he answered, though he himself couldn't believe the words he was uttering. "And humans make mistakes. We have to accept it and move on."
Devyani stared at her grandson, both pride and despair filling her heart. She didn't need to see Arnav to know that he was suffering with incredible guilt. And even though she desperately wished otherwise, she knew his story wasn't going to get a happy ending; that he was never going to be able to settle down and have children of his own.
"We have to let her go," she said finally, heaving a sigh.
A hollow smile worked up Arnav's face, glad that his grandmother finally worked out the equation.
"It's not fair for us to ask her to even stay, forget about forgiveness… she deserves a new life. A better life."
"I know."
And despite his calm, Devyani knew that the simple fact that Khushi wasn't going to stay wreaked havoc in his mind. Her eyes filled with tears, as she understood the agonizing truth.
Arnav gently took her hands, reassuring her with a small squeeze. "It will be okay."
But even Devyani knew that they were just empty words.
* * *
Khushi wandered through the crowd, dodging familiar faces and ignoring the few waves of recognition she recieved. If it was two hours ago, she might have enjoyed talking to some of the guests, but now, when she finally got a glimpse of what really was happening…
It wasn't that she was surprised by the outbreak. It was expected, the very least of the extensive damage caused by Shyam Manohar Jha. No, what she was feeling, as she pushed her feet forward, was something entirely different. It was horror.
She was horrified of what Anjali had become, because of the play fate caught her in or more importantly, because of the decisions she had no control over. Her brother's determination to protect her, her husband's resolve to betray her and…
Khushi couldn't finish her thought.
The last decision, which broke Anjali, was one made by her. It was she, Khushi, who fell into the words of her family and didn't disclose the truth the minute it became evident. It was she who cared more about saving her sister's marriage, than the justice of another woman, a woman she considered her sister. It was she, who wanted to save the pain of a family and particularly of one man, a man she loved, and buried the reality.
And now, it was time for her to face the consequences.
Her feet finally halted as she spotted the one girl she knew would have answers and hoped some solutions as well.
"Finally!" she said. "I have been looking everywhere for you!"
Ayesha looked up to see Khushi sit down across her and said, rather sarcastically, "Oh, is your silent treatment over? Or are you still pissed at me for yelling at your sister?"
Dressed in an olive green gown, Ayesha looked absolutely radiant in the party. There wasn't a single face, that didn't turn when they passed by the table. And yet, despite the attention she seemed to be grabbing, she looked nowhere close to being happy. Instead, a bored expression covered the expanse of her face as her fingers drummed across the tabletop.
"No, you are not forgiven for yelling," Khushi replied. "But I have to tell you something."
Ayesha rolled her eyes. "For god's sake Khushi! I was just looking out for you… and I said sorry a million times already. Let it go!"
"Looking out for me doesn't mean you can go behind my back and yell at people. Besides, I don't care about that right now! You have to listen to this!"
"Talk about being selfish," Ayesha muttered. "You won't talk and still you want my help! Anyway, tell me. What's up?"
Khushi took a deep breath. "So, I was looking for Di-"
"Why?"
"The caters came to deliver the food… but that's not important. I went to her room and the door was closed. So, I-"
"So, you turned around and left," Ayesha interrupted. "And now you can't find her, so you want my help. Is there any exciting thing in this family?"
"No! I was about leave when I heard voices… so I kinda… I kinda stayed and… and…"
"You listened," Ayesha finished. "Big deal… I eavesdrop all the time."
"I am not guilty that I stayed and listened. I-"
"Wow," Ayesha snorted. "Khushi Singh Raizada is finally acting normal. Today is a big day!"
"Can you shut-up and just listen to the whole thing? It's serious!"
"Fine… But make it quick!"
"It was Karan in there… he and Di were talking."
Ayesha sat up immediately, her attention caught. "What were they saying?"
"He, um… kinda professed his love for her..."
Ayesha's face paled as the words hung heavily in the air. She felt the buzz of the crowd fade away as her heart began to sink, a heavy lump choking her throat.
"What happened? Are you okay?"
Ayesha gulped, trying not to let the tears cloud her eyes. She almost felt foolish for overreacting.
And that's when it clicked. Khushi stared at her best friend, knowing the look on her face too well.
"You liked him," she said quietly.
Ayesha didn't object. She looked down at the floor, wishing she could just run from the party.
"I am so sorry," Khushi whispered. "I didn't realize… I'm…I'm such an idiot!"
"It's not your fault… And whatever… I don't even know the guy. What did Anjali say?"
Khushi hesitated to answer.
"I am fine," Ayesha assured. "You don't marry every good looking guy you find! Now go on with the story."
"She said no."
"What?! Is she out of her mind?"
"She is broken Ayesh… completely shattered. I thought I had a bad time these two years, but she is much, much worse. She blames herself for what happened… she told him that she should have seen it coming… that somehow, she should have known that Shyam was a cheater. And she is punishing herself every single second for it!"
Ayesha stared at Khushi, guilt suddenly creeping through her mind. Wasn't it just yesterday that she hated Anjali for being gravely aloof?
What kind of a person doesn't realize her husband is a cheater? I mean, he is her freaking husband… how is it so hard to not see the truth?!
"And it doesn't stop there," Khushi continued. "She is blaming herself for what Arnavji went through too… she thinks it's her fault I left the house, that it's her fault her brother is so protective…"
I agree she has been through a lot, but why is that her younger brother needs to take care of her? Shouldn't it be the other way around? He has been through the same difficult life as her, and yet, why is that he can get by like a normal person and she needs a hundred people doting on her?
"But that's wrong right?" Khushi asked. "None of this is her fault… she was the only person in this entire house who got hurt the most, right?"
Ayesha looked at Khushi, completely at a loss of words. How could she have misjudged Anjali so badly?
"Why are you quiet?!"
"It's not her fault," Ayesha agreed with a sigh. "Her brother being protective… you leaving… and most definitely Shyam cheating, none of it is her fault. But she won't stop feeling guilty… it's like a survivor's guilt."
"But that's my point! She didn't survive… she is worse than dead. She lost so much… her life can never ever be the same!"
"She doesn't think like that… of everyone in this house, she is the one who benefitted the most. She got rid of the man ruining her life and a beautiful son to live for. But look at the rest of the people… the brother, who ruined his life for her, lost his love and there is a good chance he will never get it back. The girl who her husband ruined can never get over the pain, forget about having a normal life. The list goes on!"
Khushi was stunned to hear Ayesha's explanation. "But that's insane," she said finally. "Me and Arnavji are much better than how she is right now!"
"She doesn't know that… she doesn't know what she is turning into everyday by distancing herself from everyone."
"But… but… she-"
"You walked away Khushi," Ayesha said, not needing words to understand her friend's uneasiness. "That takes a lot of courage. Arnav came after you, knowing that what he did was beyond bad. That takes courage too. But Anjali… she doesn't have it. She doesn't have the courage to get up."
"Why can't she?! It's absolutely crazy that she is punishing herself!"
"That's how people are… you were brought up or you grew up fighting and speaking your mind. And so did Arnav – he had to fight all odds to survive. But she didn't grow up like that… she was always sheltered, loved. So you can't just put her in the woods one fine morning and expect her to live. She doesn't know how to!"
"So what should I do?
"Do?" Ayesha snorted. "There is nothing you can do. This is on her… she needs to work it out with herself."
"She needs help… And I mean it. If she goes on like this, then she will burst one day. And that will be very bad."
"Then let her burst… at least you know whatever it is that is eating her inside, will come out."
Khushi glared at Ayesha. "Do you not care that an innocent girl is practically dead?"
"I cared for an innocent girl who was dead for two whole years of my life. And I became so attached to her, that sometimes, I feel jealous of the love of her life. Do you think I want to repeat that all over again?"
Khushi's face softened. "But… I just have to do something. It was my fault too. I should have told her the minute I found out. If not her, at least Arnavji. But I was being selfish…"
"You were looking out for her and for yourself. And there is nothing wrong with that."
"But just imagine Ayesh… if I told Arnavji that day, he wouldn't have married me. He would have worked something out."
"And Anjali would still have to go through the pain of finding out what a scumbag her husband was."
Khushi fell silent.
"See?" Ayesha said gently. "Yeah, you probably would have saved her the guilt of ruining her brother's life, but not from the other things. Anyway you work it out, she still has to go through everything."
"That's unfair!"
"Yupp… fate is a bi*ch sometimes."
When Khushi's face remained guilt-stricken, however, Ayesha said, "If you really want to help her, then go convince her that its not her fault… she might not believe you, but say that you were gonna leave even before the whole Shyam thing happened."
"And you think it will work? Arnavji… Karan… Jeejaji, everyone has tried talking to her. So why on earth will she listen to me, when she didn't listen to them?"
"Because you are a woman…. And no one knows Shyam and his manipulative antics more than you. So she will listen."
Khushi watched Ayesha, not believing it was the same girl who hated even the mention of Anjali. How is it that she understood the torment of a woman she never met in her entire life, so well?
"Now what?" Ayesha asked, catching her stare. "Go and console the drama queen!"
Khushi rolled her eyes. "You don't even try to be nice do you?"
"I am nice to you… and Arnav…"
"Because you like us… but everyone else…"
"Ever since you stepped foot in this house, not even one person came forward and said sorry. In return, they are strutting around the place acting as if they own you. Why should I even try to be nice?"
Khushi didn't have an answer. She merely sighed in response and went to greet her parents who had just arrived at the party.
And despite flaunting her indifference, Ayesha couldn't stop the beads of sorrow building up in her heart as empathy for the 'drama queen' filled her mind.
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