Hello all. No rambling this time.
I just want to thank Fleur_de_Lis for the beautiful banner. Awesome work girl. Loved it.
Here u go with the update. 😊
Chapter 39
Next Day
AR Designs
Khushi came early as she wanted to talk to Arnav. On the other hand, Arnav was earlier as he could not sleep properly and was still stressed thinking of the conversation. He decided that he will talk to Khushi so that he can know as towards which motive he should channelize his energy. He can't keep on guessing and assuming what Khushi wants. It's high time he takes her preferences seriously.
Khushi reached her cabin to find Arnav already present there, his eyes closed, head resting at the back of the chair, frown lines on forehead & a tired posture. She could easily guess that he didn't have a good sleep. She entered the cabin and locked the door. They had many things to talk and she didn't want any intrusions. The sound of the door locking made Arnav aware of Khushi's entry. Nobody else had the guts to enter without knocking. He opened his eyes to find Khushi looking at him with a determined look. Their eyes met and it took a second for her to register that he's tensed & the matter is something which is causing intense pain to him. She so wanted to remove that frown which was there on his irresistibly handsome face but chose to hold herself. There were more pressing matters at hand.
Arnav could study her like an open book since Day 1. He could gather that she had something serious on her mind and he was dreading what is coming his way next. She looked cute in that skinny jeans & single sleeved pink top. She was looking sexy according to him but knew that it was a bad idea to use that word in front of her. She might get scandalized. He had never imagined that his Khushi can look this beautiful. She wore minimum make up. She had let her hair loose and he so wanted to go to her and run his fingers through her soft silky hair but decided against it. There were more pressing matters at hand.
Finally Arnav decided to break the silence. This discussion was unavoidable and there's no use delaying it now.
Arnav: Khushi. M glad u r early. I was actually waiting for u. We need to talk.
Khushi: Even I wanted to talk to u. we have delayed it for a long time now. I guess it's high time we sort this out.
Arnav: What do u want to talk about??
Khushi (taking her seat and in calm composed voice): Where do we stand in this relation Arnav??
Arnav's heart skipped a beat. What does she mean by that?? Is she tired of this relation?? Is she planning to quit?? He stared at her to find answers but her expression gave nothing away.
Arnav: What do u want to ask exactly??
Khushi: What do u want from this relation?? M tired of explaining to one and all that ours was not some love marriage but the way we behave around each other makes them doubt it again and again. N honestly, I don't know what I want anymore, what U want anymore?? We married because of Dii and now that issue is sorted, what is the status of our relation?? R we still married?? R we divorced?? Or is it that our marriage was never real so it doesn't require any sort of termination?? I just don't know anything anymore. What r we??
Arnav was feeling his heart break with every word she spoke. All that she said was true. He had never clarified the status of their relationship to her. He had told her that she's his wife in name only. But he had never confessed that he wanted her to b his forever, to trust him, to give their relation a chance. He was finding it difficult to speak anything. He wanted to say many things but no voice came. He composed himself to speak what he had in mind.
Khushi was watching his expression all this time. She noticed his expression change from confusion to shame to guilt to regret to hurt to hope and finally settle on determination.
Arnav (hesitantly in a small voice): R u implying that u don't want this relationship?? That u don't want our marriage to exist??
Arnav was hoping and mentally praying to Khushi's Devi Maiya that Khushi is able to give him one chance to work out their relationship.
Khushi (calmly): I never said that. It's ur decision to take. Do u want me to stay or to leave ur life forever for good??
The ball was in Arnav's court now. He had to tell her if he want her to stay or leave. If this question had been asked some 3 months ago, he would have asked her to leave. Khushi had brought about a great change in him. The old ASR would not have even bothered to reply to her questions. He would have guarded his heart and feeling behind his stubbornness and anger. But Arnav was soft hearted. And this was the question which would decide the fate of their love story. He may not b very vocal in expressing his emotions but he could not let that weakness take his Khushi away from him.
Arnav: If I b honest with u Khushi, I never wanted u to leave in the first place.
Khushi was concentrating on his words and more on his eyes to know if he actually means it. She found sincerity and sadness in his eyes and her heart went out to him. She had not asked this to make him suffer. She just wanted to know what he feels.
Arnav continued: I kept on saying that I married u because of Dii but the fact was that I couldn't see u with anyone else except me. I wanted u for myself. I was not sure of what I felt for u but I couldn't lose u. I was scared that u will go away from me, that u will marry someone else and then u won't b mine any longer. I couldn't bear that. Seeing Shyam with u just triggered that feeling of insecurity. Yes, I admit that I was insecure. The failure of my parents' marriage made me oppose the very thought of marriage. But marriage was the most important relation for u. and the only way I could decipher to bind u to myself was getting married to u, even when I did not believe in marriage. U believed in it and that was enough for me. I tried to hide my feelings, to kill my feelings and bury them deep inside my heart but ur presence was enough to make my heart race. The only thought that scared me was that I would lose u some day. And look, I actually lost u. I tried to keep u with me by forcing u, by blackmailing u, not because I wanted to secure Dii's marriage but because I was falling for u and the very thought of losing u made me take the decision I regret even today. I wish I had not jumped to conclusions. I wish I had taken this the right way. May b then we would have been married the right way, the way u wanted ur dream wedding. I snatched away ur dream because of my insecurity, my fear of losing u. I could not bring myself to accept the thought that u won't b there in my life one day. I was afraid to lose u as I had already lost my mom to death and even Dii to the hands of that lecher. I took the most irrational decision and I regret it. Saying sorry won't change the things and especially it won't change the pain and hurt I gave u but if ever u can bring urself to believe me and have the heart to forgive me, I will b grateful.
Arnav left his chair and walked towards Khushi. He kneeled down in front of her and softly took her hands in his. All this time, Khushi was just reading his expressions. She could see that he was genuine and sincere while saying all that. He too was suffering and the pain was too much to bear. She was seeing him in tears and he didn't even try to hide them. May b he was not even aware of them rolling down his eyes. She herself was in tears after listening to him.
Arnav: M sorry Khushi. I promise I will never hurt u again. I'll try to b ur ideal husband, ur prince charming as u dreamt. I'll always keep u happy. Please come back. Please don't leave me. I might not die if u leave but I won't b living either. I want a normal life with u, a family, a home. Please give me this one chance. I won't disappoint u, I promise.
He placed his head in her lap and this time he didn't even try to stop the flow of emotions. He cried for the moments they lost, for all the pain and hurt, for the happiness he had thrown away when it had knocked on his door.
Khushi was silently crying all the time. She had wanted to ask so many questions but what Arnav said had answered all her questions without asking. She was happy that they had not delayed this conversation any further. They would have lost even more had he not let it out. She freed her right hand from his grip. This action made Arnav's heart skip a beat. He felt as if he had lost her now. Is she trying to get away from him?? But the very next moment, he felt a calm spread over his heart as he felt her trembling fingers running through his hair. He just closed his eyes trying to treasure that feel and moment.
Khushi (smiling while tears still running down her eyes): How can I leave when I know that living without u is worse than living with u??
Arnav raised his head to look in her eyes. He couldn't understand if she's saying what he's thinking or he's imagining her saying that.
Khushi (sighs) (sniffing and wiping her tears): Leaving u was never an option Arnav. I would have left long ago if I could do that. I know u r being sincere and what u told me today is true but that doesn't justify ur actions. And the worst part is that I still can't hate u inspite of knowing that u have hurt me a lot. But I can't come back too.
Arnav: Why??
Khushi: I want to give us some time (wiping his tears). Let's start from the beginning. We'll take one step at a time. I want to do this the right way. We'll never b able to move on if we'll try to resume our relation from where we left. I want us to spend time together, get to know each other and then move forward. Something like as if our marriage never happened. Like when people meet for the first time, they start dating, they get to know each other, they spend time together, and then decide if they r compatible enough to decide about getting married or not. This time I want us to leave our prejudices aside and think of us in a different way. Is that acceptable??
Arnav was too happy to say anything. He couldn't believe that he was forgiven, that Khushi was giving him another chance to mend their relationship. And this time he won't let anything go wrong. He would do all in that is in his power to win her back.
Arnav: U r not joking, r u?? (seeing Khushi smile at him made him smile too) Yes!! That's totally acceptable. We'll move forward the way u want. U decide the pace of our relation.
Khushi (smiling): Don't give me too much power Mr. Raizada. I may misuse it.
Arnav (returning the smile): I want u to misuse it. U have all the rights over me, my company, my house as well as our relation. U own me as well as everything that is mine. Misuse ur power as much as u want. Just remember one thing always, I Love U Khushi.
Khushi hugged him tightly, a shy smile on her lips: I Love U Too.
Precap:
Mumbai trip preponed.
Edited by archa2810 - 12 years ago
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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