A/N: Journal entry is in blue.
Chapter 11
From the past one year, I have fantasized about this moment millions of times.
I have imagined the various things we might say to each other when we meet again.
But never in my wildest dreams did I think that these would be the first words I would hear from her..
I still have a hard time believing it is her, and so I look down at the paper again.
And this time, what I see leaves no room for doubt.
Khushi Kumari Gupta.
It really is her.
I look back at her, and she is still staring at me, obviously waiting for a response.
And now I have to think of one, so I mentally replay her words..
As part of our duties here, will we be required to take measurements of the male models?
At first, I don't know what to make of that.
I know what she is referring to, of course, but why is she asking me this?
All I know is that what she said was never out of malice, because the Khushi I know is above all that..
And then I see it .
Something I had missed on the first glance, because I was too busy convincing myself that she is just a lovely dream..
The teasing, almost-wicked glint in those hazel eyes.
And my heart leaps with joy.
Because I see a glimpse of the Khushi I used to know, and this is what I have hoped for all along..
But I am still unsure about my response.
Should I simply answer her question, and reassure her that I would never make her do anything like that ever again?
But then I remember one more thing.
The old Khushi challenged me at very turn.
And if she is now strong enough, and confident enough to do just that, then I will respect that.
I will take up the challenge.
And so I take a deep breath , and stare right back as I speak.
"Not unless you really want to, of course."
I watch in satisfaction as her eyes widen in response , and see that she has acknowledged the challenge in the air.
She opens her mouth to speak, but I am not done yet.
"And you don't need to park cars in the rain, either."
She stares at me for a moment, and then a small smile curves her lips.
"That's good to know...Sir."
That 'Sir' is a challenge as well, but I have no time to retort because Aman chooses this moment to interrupt.
"Uh...now that we've cleared that up, does anyone else have any questions?"
His words break into the spell, and I am forced to tear my eyes away from hers.
Only then do I realize the fact that all the other interns are looking at us as if we are crazy.
I suppress a smirk, and look back at Khushi , but this time she isn't looking at me, and a pink hue stains her cheeks.
This further evidence of the shyness that was such an integral part of who she used to be gives me immense joy as well..
Suddenly, I can't wait to get her alone.
And the only way to do that is to wrap this up as soon as I can.
So I stand up, and all eyes are drawn to my sudden movement.
"So, if there are no more questions, we will let you get on with your work. Welcome to A.R, and I hope your time here is well-spent. Good day, everyone!"
I look at her one last time, and I just can't help it now.
A smile breaks out on my face, and I watch in satisfaction as her blush intensifies.
And then I turn around and leave, with Aman right behind me.
I turn to him as soon as I get to my cabin.
"You knew she was one of them, didn't you?"
"I knew it from the moment I saw the application, ASR."
"Then why didn't you tell me, dammit?"
"I thought a surprise would be better.."
"Aman, you are fired!"
"Already? And the day is just beginning.."
"I really mean it this time!"
Aman sighs, and turns away.
"Oh all right. But before I leave, do you want me to send her in?"
Even though he isn't facing me, I can hear the amusement in his voice, and this irritates me to no end.
But before I can do anything about it, he is gone.
I want to go to her, but I am worried about giving the wrong idea to the other interns. She has come here on her own merit, and I want no doubts about that..
Asking her to come here is probably the best idea.
I sit down heavily, my mind whirling.
She is really here.
But how? And why?
There are so many unanswered questions, and I'm eager to know the answers.
Including the biggest one of them all.
Does her return have anything to do with me at all?
My gaze falls on the paper in my hands, and I quickly run my eyes over her CV.
I notice that she is enrolled in a reputed fashion school in London, and her course started six months back.
Her grades have been excellent, and after this two month break in A.R, she still has more than a year's worth of studies left.
My heart sinks a little as I realize this.
I have barely had time to rejoice in her return, and already I am beginning to feel the pangs of another separation..
The next instant, I chide myself for my selfishness.
This is what she has chosen to do, and I should be happy that she has come so far..
My musings are interrupted by a knock on the door, and I look up to see her standing there.
I stand up too, the breath knocked out of my body as I take in her complete appearance.
My gaze wanders from the soft waves that frame her face, to the pink-tinted lips..
And then there is her dress..the white chiffon kurti I had noticed earlier, paired with simple blue jeans..
But there are touches of the old Khushi as well, in the colorful scarf around her neck , and the silver bracelets around her wrist..
I have always thought that she was beyond beautiful.
But this time, there is something else, something different that adds to her stunning looks.
Is it the air of confidence and quiet strength?
Is the subtle sophistication that pervades her bearing?
I don't really know what it is, but I do know one thing.
This version of Khushi Kumari Gupta has just knocked me off my feet.
Again.
"May I come in..Sir?"
Once again I hear that slight hesitation before the word 'Sir'. But I let the deliberate challenge pass by again, and manage to nod once.
She comes in, and I move forward to meet her.
She stops immediately, and I do too.
We stare at each other, and it is as if time is standing still..
A world of emotions, memories and thoughts swirl between us, and neither of us is able to speak..
I am uncertain about how I should respond, unsure about what lies between us now..
She is the first to look away, and I watch as her gaze moves around the room.
I notice that she seems to be staring at something on my desk, and I turn to follow her gaze.
She is looking at one of the pictures on my desk, and a smile transforms her face as she turns back to me.
"Is that Di's little girl?"
I smile back at her, the mention of that little bundle of joy never fails to elicit this response in me..
"Yes. She's six months old now. Ananya Raizada."
"That's a beautiful name..Di must be so happy!"
I realize that her genuine joy on seeing this picture is further proof that she has indeed moved ahead..
Her eyes move back to the photograph beside it, and I wait with bated breath for her response.
That picture is one taken during Akash's sangeet, and it is a full length shot of Khushi in a saree, dancing with a carefree smile to a song that was about me..
I chose to keep this one here because to me, it epitomizes the lively, spirited girl she once was, and one I hope she will be..
She looks at it for a long moment, and then her eyes move back to mine.
I see the questions in that gaze, and I desperately want to answer them.
I want to tell her that I have that picture here because it means the world to me..
I want her to know that I will treasure that smile if I ever see it again..
And I want her to know that I had this picture here as a source of comfort while I was waiting for her to come back..
I can no longer resist the pull towards her, and I move forward until I am within arm's reach.
But then, she immediately takes a step back.
I notice that her breathing is erratic, and her hands are trembling now..
I want to reassure her, and I raise my hand towards her.
But she steps back again, and this time, her eyes move to the wall of glass behind me.
I understand immediately.
This isn't the place , or time for this.
And I don't even know if she would welcome my proximity, because I still don't have the answer to a vital question: Why has she come back here?
I move away immediately, and she seems to calm down again.
I am still worried about her though..
"Khushi, tum theek ho?"
She stares back at me,and there is a solemn quality in her gaze that wasn't there before.
"Not completely. But I'm getting there.."
I realize that she hasn't just answered my immediate question.
Her response is to a larger, overall question about her return from the nightmare of the past year.
"I knew you would do it, Khushi."
She smiles, and then looks behind her.
"I should probably be getting back now. It's my first day, and I really don't want to be late."
I am not ready to let her go, not just yet.
But I realize that she is here for a reason, and I still don't know if that has anything to do with me..
"Will you have lunch with me today?"
I don't even know where that thought came from, and from the looks of it, this has surprised her as well.
"I..I don't think I can do that..all the interns apparently eat together in the cafeteria.."
"Coffee, then. Can we do that?"
As I'm asking her this, I realize how strange this actually is.
We have never even been out on a date before..
She looks like she is about to refuse, but then she takes a deep breath and speaks.
"Sure. But not in A.R.."
I don't know why she changed her mind, but I am glad that she did, and I grab this opportunity with both hands.
"There is a cafe down the street. Will that work?"
"Only if they serve jalebis."
"What? It's not that kind of place..."
I trail off abruptly as I register the teasing glint that has returned to her eyes again.
"I'll be there after I finish work at five."
"I'll be waiting, Khushi."
She stares at me for a moment, and then begins to turn away.
A question bursts from my lips without any forethought, and she turns back suddenly.
"Why did you choose A.R, Khushi?"
Her clear gaze is fixed on mine, and she turns away again .
Just before she leaves the cabin, she faces me one last time.
"Why do you think?"
It is only after she leaves, that I realize the fact that I have a wide smile on my face.
Throughout the day, I keep making excuses to go down to the design floor, and try to ignore the amused glances Aman keeps throwing me.
And as I see her work, I realize two things.
Firstly, this is a very different Khushi from the one I had seen at the airport. She is poised, confident, and assertive, and I know that she has come a long way..
And secondly, I notice that she has a natural talent for this.
As she observes the senior team of designers at work, her questions are practical and her comments are knowledgeable, and her natural curiosity drives her to find out everything she can about what goes on here..
I know that her dream is going to come true soon, if this is any indication..
My own work however, suffers from a lack of concentration, and I cannot wait for the day to end..
And then finally it is five, and I am sitting in the cafe, waiting for her to get here.
At ten minutes past five, I begin to wonder if she has changed her mind.
But five minutes later, I know that I need not have worried.
She is here now, and the first words out of her mouth are an apology.
"I'm sorry I'm late! But they were making this very interesting show-stopper and I didn't want to miss it! Have you seen it? It's beautiful, and it even has gota! Can you imagine.."
She goes on in detail about what she has just seen, and her enthusiasm for this is apparent in every word.
I listen without saying a word, and after five minutes, she realizes that she has been chattering non-stop.
A blush spreads across her cheeks again.
"I..I'm sorry, I.."
"Khushi, it's fine. I enjoyed listening to what you think of that dress. Now, what would you like to drink?"
After our orders have been placed, I look at her, unsure how to even begin..
But she speaks before I do.
"Thank you."
"For what?"
"For visiting my parents while I wasn't here. That was my greatest worry while I was in London, and when they told me what you were doing, it made me a little less anxious.."
"It wasn't a problem, Khushi. There is no need to thank me,it was the least I could do after.."
She looks away immediately, and I stop as I realize just what is off limits here.
I shift to a harmless subject and I hope that she responds.
"So..why did you choose design school?"
"It..it was Lavanya's idea, initially. I didn't know what to do after I completed the English language courses.."
"You took lessons in English?"
"Of course. I couldn't get a job without being fluent in English, could I?"
"You were working as well as studying there?"
"Yes, I had a job in an Indian restaurant during the day, as an assistant to the chef. And I went to evening classes at first. Then Lavanya suggested that I should try designing, and I went to a few free classes first. And then she helped me make a portfolio, and I applied to all the design schools there.. I still don't know how I got into this one though.."
"It's a very prestigious institute. You will have no trouble finding a job when you are done.."
She looks down at her hands, and I wait for a response.
I desperately want to know what she has planned for her future, but she doesn't answer.
Instead, she changes the subject this time.
"How are things at Shantivan? Ananya must be a joy to be around.."
"She is. And everyone is doing well.."
"That's one of the things I missed while I was in London..my family, Jiji.."
The rest of the time passes in easy , lighthearted conversation as she tells me about her experiences in London, and I am amazed at the comfort level between us..
Before I know it, an hour has flown by, and Khushi looks at the clock on the wall.
"Just look at the time! Buaji will have my head if I'm not back soon!"
"I'll drop you home.."
"No, that's fine..I'll take an auto."
"Khushi it's my fault you are late, so I will.."
"I'll get home, don't worry.."
She turns away as she speaks, and I am still not ready to let her go.
"Khushi how many times have I told you, don't turn away when.."
She turns back immediately, and there is a smile on her lips now.
"I was wondering where you were.."
"What?!"
"I almost didn't recognize this man in front of me, you know. I was wondering where he is.."
"Where he is? Whom are you talking about? I'm right here!"
"He wasn't here until now."
"Who, dammit?"
"Laad Governor!"
She gives a little laugh, and turns away, and is out of the door before I am over my shock.
And once again, the mirror on the wall of the cafe shows me the smile on my face.
________________________
It has been two weeks since that first coffee date, which is now a daily occurrence.
It has become the high-point of my day, the reason I go in to work with a smile on my face..
And everyone around me has noted the difference in my behavior, but I couldn't care less.
All I think about is Khushi.
Our conversations over coffee have been lighthearted, just like that first day.
Initially, I was happy with that, I was just thankful that she was spending time with me in the first place.
But now, I want more.
We have consciously stayed away from discussing anything related to our past, or even our future, if there is one.
I still have no clue regarding her innermost feelings, or her choice of returning to A.R..
But all that is going to change today.
I have finally decided to lay it all on the line, and tell her exactly what she means to me.
But as always, I am afraid that words will fail me, and so I have decided to show her what I have done, while I waited for her return.
Today is an important day, and I cannot wait.
I only hope that this turns out well.
___________________________
Later that evening, she is my car for the first time since her return.
I look at her just as she turns to me too.
"Where are we?"
"Why don't you see for yourself?"
"When you asked me to go out with you today, I thought you meant to a restaurant.."
I open the door for her, and she steps out.
She is wearing a blue kurti today, and the ever-present scarf is around her neck as well.
As always, she looks stunning, and I cannot keep my eyes off her.
But her eyes are fixed on the house in front of her.
"Is this someone's house?"
"Yes."
We walk up to the door, and I open it with my key.
"This is my home, Khushi."
"B..But what about Shantivan?"
"We don't live there anymore. Not since the past few months."
This seems to make her speechless, and she remains that way as I take her through the house.
I watch as she takes in the clean, modern lines, and I hope she realizes that this home is the complete opposite of what Shantivan was.
Finally, we end up outside the master-suite, and she hesitates outside the door.
"Where..where is everyone? Di..Nani...and why didn't Jiji tell me about this?"
"I asked Payal not to tell you..and everyone is in a different wing of the house. That is the way this has been designed. There are two wings, private, but connected to each other.."
"Oh..I see.."
"Come in, Khushi. I really want you to see this."
She hesitates again, but finally steps in to the master bedroom, and stops almost immediately.
Her eyes widen in surprise, and I follow her gaze, knowing exactly what she is seeing.
The bedroom is no different from the others in the house, with one exception.
The sliding doors that lead outside do not open to a poolside like they did in Shantivan.
Instead, there is a small greenhouse, and a vine-covered gazebo outside it.
"This is beautiful..but why.."
"Why have I done this?"
I move up to her, and reach for her hands.
She allows me to take it, but I notice that they are trembling, just like before.
"I have done it for you, Khushi. In the hope that one day, you will come back to me.."
She stares at me as if she is mesmerized, and I take one step closer.
Until this moment, I haven't allowed myself to remember this..the sheer passion, the pull that I experience only with her..
It draws me to her, almost against my will.
I move my hands up her arms to grasp her shoulders and pull her closer.
The moment is charged with passion, hazy with desire..
Until suddenly, she pushes me away with a violent jerk.
I stumble back, and look up at her.
She is staring at me with wide, furious eyes, and the words that come out of her mouth send chills through my entire body.
"NO! I don't want you to touch me! Not now, not ever!"
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PS: For unknown reasons, I had great difficulty in writing this update.
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