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From the author's desk: this update was kind of tough- be extra special kind to me- with loads of comments ok? Happy reading
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Part 57
Arnav knew it will take sometime for Kushi to find out that he had been browsing through her secret diary- She would be occupied with putting Arush to sleep- and wont bother him
for atleast sometime now.
Arnav was engrossed in the diary for almost half and hour when he heard Kushi come out in search of him and gasp looking at him reading her diary.
Arnav had enough time to skim through most of the pages- He noticed that the pages had Kushi's chronicles about her life in the past two years- all of which she had written like
letters addressed to his name.
He flipped across the pages and noticed some of the pages had newspaper articles about him or some details of his interviews stuck to it and her opinions about it, just like how she would have conversed with him if she had been with him at that time. She had a chance to follow his moves for the past two years- Only he was left to brood about where she
went, He resented.
He also came across pages where she had been really low and yearned to see him or talk to him- or sometimes when she had been so happy and wanted to share with him- there were entries about how she grew to trust Shyam- her meeting with Dadi and Gayathri- how she thought Gayathri was a very intellectual and a beautiful lady both outside as well as on the
inside- how she thought that Arnav would realy like Gayathri, if he ever met her.
Mar 25th
Dear Arnav ji
I have reached Bangalore- Sidarth Ji told that your Dadiji is here- and I am meeting her this afternoon. I am so sorry that I came without telling you. You would be so angry with me na? Are you breaking things at home? SidarthJi tells me a lot of things- facts that I dont even know about your past- I was confused if I should believe him or not- then Lavanyaji called- She told the same thing too..I dont know how she is involved in all this... they asked me to keep myself safe- so that we will have a chance to spend life together and grow old together as we always dreamt.. what should I do? Sorry- this is only for a month- until we find out what that Shyam is up to.
Take care of yourself Arnavji
Mar 27th
Dear Arnavji
Can you believe it? your Dadiji says that Shyam is actually a good person and had been protecting us and the family for this long- I heard the story from her and he was there too- I though he has done some blackmagic- but no- He is a cop Arnavji. Dadi is a very kind person, she blessed me- spoke to me about the family- She is very fond of you. Arnavji you would be surprised if I tell you that I met another person here. GayathriJi... Do you know her? Papaji's doosra aurat? I know I know- you will be wild reading this- But believe me Arnavji- She is not a chudail like I imagined- She is an Angel- just like Maaji I suppose- very beautiful- elegant- intellectual- I know if you ever met her - you will like her- You wont believe what all she has been doing to protect you and Anjali Di- wait till you hear about it.
Take care Arnavji, I am counting my days here.
She had written about how she had felt when she discovered she was pregnant- her morning sickness - her cravings...how she had troubled Sid during those times when she was pregnant with her weird cravings and adamant demand to see her husband that instant- so much that one day a really pissed off Sid had made Lavanya promise him that she wouldnt
trouble him like Kushi when she would get pregnant- He had also declared vehemently that Kushi's pregnancy blues were enough to last for a life time worth of nuisance for him- A throughly amused Lavanya had also given her consent to her boyfriend's stupid demand-
Apr 14th
Arnavji, today is the happiest day in my life, My womanhood completed a full circle- there are lot of things DM has bestowed upon us- the most precious would be our love- and how will it be if there is a cherry on top of it? a crown jewel? a jem? Yes Arnavji, I am pregnant- I have a feeling its going to be a son- It feels like I have a little of you in my womb. I feel elated and beautiful- there is a life inside me Arnavji can you believe it? But still- I regret not being near you now- What would you have done Arnavji- If I told you about this? would you have hugged me? kissed me? raised me up in the air and go round and round like heroes in the movie? You would have reacted uniquly- you are always unique... I miss seeing your face- your eyes when I tell you this news
Take care Arnavji.. I am taking care of myself too because I have your Baby inside me.
Apr 20th
Today I cried a lot Arnavji- Shyam, Sid and Gayathri Maa told that I cannot go back to you in a week's time- they say I should not risk your life and the baby's life too... What will I do Arnavji? they say if Rana finds about the baby, he will kill me- Did I put my baby in danger Arnavji? I wish I didnt get this ar from you... I know you would protect me
Today I cried a lot Arnavji- Shyam, Sid and Gayathri Maa told that I cannot go back to you in a week's time- they say I should not risk your life and the baby's life too... What will I do Arnavji? they say if Rana finds about the baby, he will kill me- Did I put my baby in danger Arnavji? I wish I didnt get this ar from you... I know you would protect me
and the baby... I wish I was with you now come to me Arnavji- I need you...
Apr 30th
I am much better today- After a week of crying and fretting about my decision to leave you and come this far away- I have decided to fight for my husband's life and my baby's life too. I am not a superwoman Arnavji- But I will try my best. How are you? I heard that Di is getting married in a week's time. So good for her.. But I think Shyam is little upset,
You know he says that he married Di to save her from other rowdies cheating her, I suppose even though he says that he did it only as a duty and Di belongs to Ashok, I think he loved her a little, ever since that news came, he is kind of lost- What can I do? I think whatever Di decides is best for her life- she has to go by it- Are you missing me Arnavji? Its been more than a month since we saw eachother
May 18th
I am feeling pathetic Arnavji- Whatever I eat comes out- I am pretty sure now- this is a junior ASR- he has made up his mind to make my life hell for me- I puke if I see jelebis even- can you believe it? How is Di? I called Di to wish her- I know why you grit your teeth now.. I cut the call when I sensed you were around.. You know what? I would have cried if I had even listened to your voice- I would have cried asking you to come and hug me... and I had to cut the call... Hope you are not very much hurt... I will give you a hundred kisses once I meet you again- Thats usual the punishment you give me na.. if I do a mistake knowingly... But you know what? After the call- in only two hours- Rana's men chased us- it was only me and Sid in his car- Sid finally managed to throw them off our scent after struggling for four hours in bangalore roads. We came to Mumbai that same night. I am at La's Apartment now. La works for Sid now. We are all the times talking about the old times- mostly about you. How are you Arnavji?
Jun 2nd
Arnavji, I am so happy today.. you know what, I found that Sid is madly in love with La.. It looks so funny- this guy tries this and that to impress her- I was reminded of the times before our wedding- How you used to behave like a lion prowling near its prey- Sangeet night- when you came and let out my hair- those goosebumps- Mehendi ceremony - our
first kiss... my right cheek still tingles when I think about it... the day you got me bangles- the very first time I visualised ASR turning into Arnav- I keep remembering you Arnaviji- All the times... and apart from that, I have decided to help Sid also- poor guy- he frets so much for her...
Heard that you have started growing a beard... Why though?
Jun 17th
Arnavji, I called home today- Spoke to Amma Bauji - they told me how you came again and again asking for my whereabouts...How will they know Arnavji... I didnt tell them- they felt bad - for you- Buaji didnt even speak to me- She was asking Amma to ask me to come back to you. And you know what? I think the last time Rana's men chased us- I think it was fluke... This time no one chased us- Shyam reckons- only this is fluke- By the way I think Shyam is giving toomuch credit to that Rana's intelligence... I told him so too... But Sid says it can only be because only RM phone lines are tapped- and our lucknow house is not...
Hari prakaashji was telling you are blasting at everyone at home for small small things- He too told me to come back soon- to handle the great Arnav singh Raizada. I have been smiling all day since his call...
Jul 10th
Arnavji, I am growing big- I am putting on a lot of weight- I will look hideous if you saw me now... How are everyone at home? I heard you have stopped talking much... Why do you do this to yourself Arnavji? you must be very angry with me na? I keep thinking what you will do if I ever came in front of you now? Maybe you will push me near a wall and kiss me senseless- bruising my lips and much more- wont you? Am I growing Shameless Arnavji? I dont know- I started fantazing you - day dreaming about you touching me and doing things that-wait- doc says that the baby can hear mom's voice now... Do you think he will be able to read what I think also? because, I have started thinking such besharam thoughts..
What have you done to me Arnavji? or is it the pregnancy harmones? I met Sid's family 2 weeks back.. they are such sweet family- Now I keep visiting them very often- ofcourse with La- you know my secret mission right? take care Arnavji- Dont shut yourself to our room and work- others need you too
Jul 30th
I have made a mistake again Arnavji- Sorry- I didnt cut the call without any reason- You know? when I heard that Naniji was sick- I wanted to meet her one last time- I didnt care about anything- not even our baby- I started throwing tantrum- that Sid finally had to drive me to Pune... I was so upset that he let me call Naniji in a phone booth- I knew you were there.. I could sense you... I am a coward Arnavji- My heart can never say enough to listen to your voice and still stay away- but I have to na.. if I want you alive? - and like last time we were soon after we were chased- I dont know how they found... I had to forget the trip... Sid Almost lost his life - His first priority throughout was to protect me and our baby. Once of the jeeps hit our car bonnet, we flew out of control- I went hysteric- Sid was muttering - baby- baby- baby needs to be safe Kushi.. all the time... I couldnt run Arnavji...He made me hide under a shop near the market while he was chased in the pune streets- those people carry guns- I was so scared for him- I was sitting there shivering- I dont know for how long, he then came over very late in night after he diverted the men to another area to pick me up. I never felt so scared in life Arnavji- not after Amma Bauji's death... Until I saw him alive, I thought I would die in guilt- I was so scared that I might not live to see you one last time to apologise to you Arnavji and tell you about our Baby. I have decided to stay safe Arnavji- for you sake- for our sake- Am I being selfish Arnavji?
Aug 15th
Arnavji, I cried today-a lot.. Why do you do this? Hari prakashji told me he saw you talking to me in the night... with my dupatta and and he saw you cry... What have I turned you into Arnavji? He also told me you are not even eating properly... Why Arnavji? What will I not give to come to you and feed you? I will give everything- But not your life- I know... you wont forgive me na... I dont deserve you Arnavji- your love is so pure- I feel I am tainted to recieve it... I am so selfish... I just want to be by your side and put you to sleep... do you remember the nights when you felt low and slept on my lap while I spoke to you about sweet nothings that didnt interest you at all- but still you would smile at me and then go to sleep? Will we ever get a chance to do that again Arnavji?
Aug 29th
How are you Arnavji? Are you ok? Are you still crying in the night? I saw your interview Arnavji.. the fashion week at delhi- you look so tired.. are you taking care of yourself? Have you forgotten to take care of yourself? I know Di is not there much after her wedding- I am not there too... What is Jiji doing? I felt like calling her and blasting her- How can she not take proper care of my husband... but then what right have I got to blast at her? I abandoned you in the first place isnt it? I dont deserve to be your wife at all...
sep 7th
Arnavji- I am so excited today- for the first time I felt our son inside my tummy- he kicks me.. How I wish you are here to feel that- you could put your hand on my tummy and then he would kick...But actually not so soon- La says she is not able to sense it yet- But I can sense it- He keeps moving around all the time... and you know what- Everyone here complains that my pregnancy blues are difficult to handle... Sid reckons that I am turning into another ASR- La and Sid are having a tough time - the other day, I cried so badly that Sid and La tried to make jelebis for me... then the moment they brought it to me, I started screaming at them saying that they dont understand my feelings and all that- then after sometime, I ate those jelebis - it tasted horrible by the way and hugged them both thanking them for their sweet gesture- Sid has started calling me jelebi- Before you start to plan how to strangle him, listen fully- he calls me jelebi not because I am sweet - He says I am very difficult to understand just like the twirls of jelebi... It seems only you can understand me
Arnavji- I am so excited today- for the first time I felt our son inside my tummy- he kicks me.. How I wish you are here to feel that- you could put your hand on my tummy and then he would kick...But actually not so soon- La says she is not able to sense it yet- But I can sense it- He keeps moving around all the time... and you know what- Everyone here complains that my pregnancy blues are difficult to handle... Sid reckons that I am turning into another ASR- La and Sid are having a tough time - the other day, I cried so badly that Sid and La tried to make jelebis for me... then the moment they brought it to me, I started screaming at them saying that they dont understand my feelings and all that- then after sometime, I ate those jelebis - it tasted horrible by the way and hugged them both thanking them for their sweet gesture- Sid has started calling me jelebi- Before you start to plan how to strangle him, listen fully- he calls me jelebi not because I am sweet - He says I am very difficult to understand just like the twirls of jelebi... It seems only you can understand me
I want to hug you badly Arnavji...
Then she has written about how Sid's family had taken care of her- how Sid's sister, Nidhi - lolipop would call Arnav on phone pretending to be a customer care agent or for an insurance ad or as a Radio
jockey and get him to speak, shout or murmer that he is busy while she put it on speaker to let Kushi hear his voice- just because Kushi wanted to hear his voice - and how one day Sid had found out about this and had got really wild that these two could have given out their location with their antics- and how finally they managed to make sid make arrangements for a fail proof plan and Lollipop managed to get Arnav's appointment through call for an hour's interview after he was listed as one of the top ten young business Entrepreneurs of India.
Arnav had let out a swear in shock when he read that part- for he vividly remembered that phone interview-and he was sure that it was some star struck teenager who had taken that interview- Because more than the anything related to business, the interview had revolved around his personal interests- his family- his love life - his wife- his children - all
of which was pricking him at that point reminding him painfully about the absence of his wife- He had given that interview literally cursing Rati for including this in his schedule.
He read further and got enlightened that Kushi had recorded that interview and how she felt that most of the times he had only snapped at the poor hapless lollipop but how heroically she had taken it on her stride. - He had no idea that it was for kushi- had he known that he would have been a little nicer he thought with a smile-
Sep 26th
Arnavji- you wont believe what I and Lollipop did today- my eyes was watering with all the fun- and I was so so so happy listening to you after a long long time... Haha... with her questions- I would actually visualise you muttering what the innumerable times... Sorry Arnavji- I couldnt help when she asked you if you want the insurance policy for your grandson... I burst out laughing that she cut the call quickly... we are visiting another telephone booth tomorrow to call you... Only if Sid comes to know what his sister is upto...
Sep 30th
we couldnt escape as planned earlier Arnavji- finally after all these days, we got a chance today- but you are such a kaddoos.. why did you answer her so rudely? She was cursing you all the time for spoiling
her mood- poor girl.. All she did was to lighten up my mood and I ended up lightening her mood.. It will be sometime before I can persuade her to do it again...
Oct 10th
Arnavji- today I am so happy- you know what- Sid and La are together- finally- My plan worked... I am so happy for them... you should actually set up a lovers lifeline for me... I am an expert in this- I have a knack to finalize the lovers deal with ease - dont you think? Jiji and Jijaji then Di and Ashok- now Sid and La- But my most important deal would be
- the moment I realised that I am in love with you... and the moment I realised that you love me too... Fairy tales do exist Arnavji.
Oct 17th
Arnavji, congrats on the award- you are listed in top ten business men in India- Sid got it too... But I felt I like won the award myself- I cant be a proud friend- and a much prouder wife.. hope you got my bouquet of roses...
Arnavji, congrats on the award- you are listed in top ten business men in India- Sid got it too... But I felt I like won the award myself- I cant be a proud friend- and a much prouder wife.. hope you got my bouquet of roses...
oct 23rd
I am so big Arnavji... So so so big.. that if you want to hug me now, you can do it only from my back... you cant even try one of your tricks that you are fond off- pushing me up a wall and arrest me there and... Ok I have to stop I have to stay insane... I am growing so annoying I suppose... Sid was asking La the other day if she would behave like me if she ever gets pregnant- he was all for adoption- if he has to handle another pregnancy like this- Lol- La hit him on the head- nd refused to talk to him- bechara then finally agreed that he will not ask for such stupid promises- I think he is pissed off high time- and ofcourse my pregnancy is kind of training for him so that he can handle it better when La gets pregnant. Poor Sid reckons he has already endured a life time's punishment...
Nov 18th
Today I am sad, this is the first time Sid fought with me- Actually he has never fought with me- Today I realised how much he means to me as a friend.. All I did was to listen to your voice. I and Lollipop did it again- It was your birthday... Arnavji.. what can I do? I was thinking of you so much and then Lollipop and I sneeked out to another local booth- She was having so much fun interviewing, I was on cloud nine, then sid walked in.. he noticed both of us standing inside the booth and came to investigate- he was fuming- he is not talking to lollipop- poor girl she is crying... I had to apologise to him and he is saying me he will only accept if I promise not to try this again... so no more adventures like this- But he promises that he will plan a safe way...
But you are cute Arnavji- your answers gritting your teeth- I can see them as if you were sitting opposite me and answering her.
He then read her accounts on her pregnancy and her cravings for him- her thoughts that centered around him when she was about to deliver- Her first recording about their son... then it abruptly ended- Dec 31st- end of the year- he noted as he sighed with annoyance- But atleast he had got to know what she went through - she would nver tell him all this-. He read that she had screamed for him when in delivery pains- He realised he had sensed her calling out for him- that day... Dec 27th- he couldnt lie in the bed- he felt very disturbed that night- It felt as if he was sure she was going to walk in any moment or call him any moment- but she hadnt come- she had but then, called out for him...
Dec 15th
Arnavji- Dadiji and Gayathri Maa came to see me... Dadi says that I look like I might deliver by another week or two-But my due date is first week of Jan-No complaints here- I want to get the baby out already... I wish you were by my side when I deliver. The delivery classes that I go has all the pregant ladies coming there with their husbands- I can imagine how lovingly you would have taken me- if only I have let you... I do those breathing exercises Arnavji...
Your Son's kicks have grown stronger... if anyone places their hands on my tummy- they can feel it... He moves a lot - I look like Kahaani heroine- Vidya balan ji... I huff and puff when I walk... Sid's mother has told me that I have to stay at sid's parents place now... She is worried about me and the baby- so I am going to his house tomorrow...
Dec 27th
Dadiji was right Arnavji, I got pains today morning... its not so much now but I got admitted... It will take time to go to peeks.. I am sitting at the labour ward- writing letters to you- The nurse here was asking where my husband is- I took out my diary and started writing to you... somehow writing in this diary feels like talking to you... There was another lady who gave birth to a baby few minutes back- she was screaming- its scary... But I know.. It will not be long before I will start screaming your name... But only this time its not out of intimate pleasure- but for your baby- How I wish you were the one to cut the umbilical cord for me and our son... Ouchhh.. ok I think I am heading into it... Wish me luck Arnavji
Dec 28th
Dearmost Arnavji- We are proud parents of a cute little bundle of joy- He has your eyes- didnt I tell you- its a son...I have named him Arush- he is like the first rays from you...the sun-I had normal delivery- I kept screaming your name until my throat grew sore...and still I couldnt stop calling out to you.. My voice is gone now...Dont ask me about the delivery Arnavji- It was painful delievery- after the initial pains- this guy took 8 hours to peep out- He has lot of head weight just like you- haha- no I didnt mean it - you both are sweet!
I am feeling so tired Arnavji.. I and Arush came out of the labour ward only few hours back...I am so tired- even tired than the demanding nights by your side... Sid's mom is here at the hospital- Gayathri Maa and Dadi are here too... they are all so happy... Sid is already saying that he will be the god father- and no one else other than him deserves that chance- I feel so too- afterall that he did to protect the baby and put up with my irksome ways- He and La can be his god parents.. isnt it? and your son feels hungry all the time- I do nothing other than feeding him and sleep- the stitches at the perinium hurts like hell- I will never let you near me again - that is, if you think of making me pregnant again- forget it-I wont get pregnant again-never ever in life- Arush will remain our only son- ok?.
I feel like talking to you Arnavji- I felt as if you knew that I was screaming your name... Did you hear me calling you? Did you feel it?
Dec 31st-
We came home Arnavji- I and Arush.. Arush is very cute Arnavji- I feel blessed, I keep cuddling him all the time...If this is what it feels like to have babies I am ready for more- No dont smile- I am serious- forget what I told you earlier- I was only frustrated with the pain and stuff- Now I am alright- getting better and better and I dont know where my time goes- it runs very fast-this guy is so demanding- he wouldnt let me sleep- just like you- he keeps crying all the time that is when he is not asleep or when he is not drinking his milk- how did you manage to spurn a exact replica of yourself? Look he has started crying again...hmm got to go now... Happy new year Arnavji.. It is indeed a very good new year ahead for us...
I and Arush are waiting to meet you soon Arnavji...
He was pondering for a while, when he heard a gasp and then saw Kushi glaring at him and her dairy together as she stood at the slide door.
To be continued
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