Chapter Two
Two hours later, he finally braked his jeep hard, skidding it to a halt in the middle of nowhere, feeling trapped and suffocated by his past that was attacking his present today. He jerked the door open and bounded down from his seat onto the road. The cool air playing across his face only managed to relieve him for a moment, but then his emotions harassed him again and the fresh air that he had gotten out to gulp in the open air was of no use as his throat began constricting again due to all the conflicting emotions.
Pain. Anger. Guilt. Hurt. Sorrow. Frustration. Contentment. Contemptment. Anxiety. Bewilderment. Nervousness. Fear.
All the result of love. Love for his sister. Love for his wife. Love for his son. Love for all of them had brought him here today, to the middle of the road. With a turmoil of emotions and a life's worth of questions, all to which he didn't have any answers, but knew too well he was the reason behind all those actions. For as he had arrogantly always stated, he was Arnav Singh Raizada, and Arnav Singh Raizada wrote his own destiny, he was his own boss and did only what he pleased. Yes indeed he did do only what he pleased, or had done for a long time until he had met Khushi, and now he had to pay for the consequences of his actions. No, not him, well not him alone, but his Khushi and may be even his son. How had he let this happen, and what was he going to do?
All along the drive he had been trying to remember, trying to decipher who could possibly have been the mother of his child. He hadn't made love to anyone other than Khushi. And then a nearly an hour into his destiny-less drive the memory had hit him like a giant surfing wave in the North Pacific, that threatened to take all those daring to ride it with it and then a tsunami of emotions engulfed him. Yeah he had never made love to anyone but Khushi, but he had had sex with someone and he wasn't proud of that, in fact that is why it had taken him so long to remember for he had blocked that memory out a very long time ago.
When pacing didn't help relieve him, he finally sunk onto the road and let the memory from nine years ago take over him, bringing with it a new wave of emotions.
He was the 19 yr old Arnav again, home for the summer holidays, sitting in his study working on his plans for the office he wished to open when he graduated, when he received a manila envelope that changed his mood completely and made him plot the one plan that he regretted for the rest of his life. The plan which at that point seemed the best thing, a month later bought him great satisfaction. 3 years later bought him immense pleasure, but 4 years later left him with a grotesque feeling. And today, today it sickened him beyond words. He felt disgusted with himself for having done what he had nine years earlier, how would Khushi react when she found out. She would be horrified that her Arnavji had gone to such levels, done such things. How was he supposed to tell her about that part of him, the part of him that he shuddered to think of. The part that he had buried long ago, but it had uprooted today, how could he tell her about that monster he once was. She called him a monster when annoyed with him or when teasing him, but she knew nothing of it; of just how ruthless a monster he had once been. She would run away from him, who wouldn't, he himself had run away from that Arnav when he had realised the wrongs he had done. But he had to tell her, it was her right to know everything about him, even if it meant that it would cause her to despise him.
He wished he had never received that enevolpe, that envelope which gave oxygen to a suffocating fire within him. He had given up hope and was moving on, when that envelope bought with it enlightening information and allowed him to plot a devious revenge on the only man he could punish for the pain that had engulfed Anjali and his life. His father had killed himself, before Arnav could have lain his hands on him, make him suffer for his actions, but there was one other person he could exact his revenge on, take his anger out on and that was Viraj – Anjali's fianc, who had left her on the alter just because he did want to be associated with their family, his excuse had been that he feared Anjali would have the same suicidal tendancy as her mother, but Arnav had known better for everyone had cut ties with them after their parents death, not wanting to associate with them, and so had Viraj and his family. And that is what the brown paper envelope held, information: information on the whereabouts of the family and who was in the family.
After having left India for his studies he had given up hope on avenging his Di and had started focusing on business and what he wanted to be, but receiving that envelop opened up his old wounds and he began plotting his revenge. Viraj had a sister, Sheetal, whom he adored and she had grown up nice. It seemed only fair to ruin her life, when he had ruined his Di's. And so he made the plan to entrap her, seduce her and then leave her...
He shuddered on the lonely road when he thought of that fateful night when he carried out his plan, and he bowed his head, placing it between his knees to quench back the phlegm that had rising in his throat and was threatening to spew out. He couldn't believe he had done that, his only excuse was that he had done it out love for his Di. Out anger against his father, anger against Viraj, in whom he had began seeing the elder brother he never had. It was done out of pain, agonizing pain that pulsated through his veins, ever since his mother had taken her life. It was the actions of a broken, a dark, a misguided Arnav. But no matter what, it was his action, and it was high time he stopped running away from taking the responsibility for it, no matter what 'justified' reason was behind the action it had been wrong, he had known it then and he knew it now. Only then he had refused to let himself believe it was wrong, while today he couldn't help himself see any of the right he had seen than.
He had paid some goons, to 'kidnap' her knowing well that when he showed up as her rescuer she would trust him and see him as her 'hero' thereby falling for him and allowing him to do anything. And that is what happened, he acted as the good hearted stranger who heard the cries of a female and came to rescue her and within a week of the strategic rescue she had fallen for him and was lying to her family to come out and meet him. And so, nine years ago, on a rainy night, when he stopped his car in the middle of the road, claiming the engine to have over heated she believed him and without questioning anything followed him to the farmhouse he pointed in the distance (his own farmhouse, but she didn't know that).
As planned, they found the door ajar and no one inside. When they tried the lights they flickered on, allowing him to lead her upstairs to one of the bedrooms on the pretence to find a towel to dry themselves. But as planned, as soon as they entered to room the lights went out and Sheetal leaped into Arnav's arms, scared. He soothed her by telling her that he was there and nothing would happen. She asked him to stay in the room with her as she didn't want to be alone in a stranger's house and he willingly obliged. He took the sofa while giving her the bed. But of course it wasn't long before he was in bed with her, on her request as it had suddenly become very chilly (due to lowering the temperature in the central cooling, while making her think the house was growing cold due to the rain outside) and she did not want him to freeze on the sofa. Once in bed she couldn't help but snuggle into him, under the blanket they were sharing and that's all the invitation he needed to begin seducing her and make her melt in his arms.
He began with her arms, caressing them, then proceeded to her face, brushing her locks aside, tracing her cheek bones with one finger and placing a kiss on her forehead, then cheeks, then chin and finally her lips, all the time whispering that he wouldn't do anything she wouldn't want. Her whole frame trembled as his lips pressed on to hers, first out of nervousness and then from satisfaction and then out of urgent passion. When the passion took over, he knew he did not need to persuade her anymore, and let her guide and explore him and his body while he lay back and enjoyed in being pleasured as well as from the satisfaction of knowing his revenge was nearly complete. When she was nearing her climax, he rolled onto her and completed his revenge.
The moan that had left her lips that night had brought him immense satisfaction but today it haunted him and he couldn't get it out his mind. He blocked his ears, screamed aloud, shut his eyes but nothing blocked the whimper out. It had been the sound of victory that night, but today it sounded more like the funeral horn.
He leapt to his feet and began pacing again unable to contain the grief, the guilt, the disgust, the sorrow that was eating at him. He felt nauseated with being inside his skin. For being the person who had been Sheetal's one night stand. Who had ruined a sweet, shy, innocent young girl so miserably. And he had not stopped there but had gone on to humiliate her when she had found him three years later at AR.
'I found you Arnav!' she had yelped delightedly when she walked into his office. It had taken him a moment to place her, but then had remembered who she was. He was taken aback at seeing her there, chirpy at finding him. He had long put her out of his mind, and on the rare occasion when he thought of her he rejoiced with the thought that she was miserable and due that so was her brother. But here she was all happy and excited seeing him.
'I saw your picture in the news, I am so happy for you! You got your dream, you are a businessman and that too a brilliant one on the rise.' She was beaming at him now, and Arnav did not know what to say. But he was saved, for at that moment Lavanya walked in all happy and hugged him,
'ASR we got it!!! We got the Malhotra deal. That old fart got off his high horse and realised we are his best deal. And so it's a done deal honey. We got our first major deal, the paper work will be done tonight and ready to be signed tomorrow morning. And after that Mr Raizada I expect a private dinner between us.' She winked at him, and tugged him closer to kiss him, when she noticed his discomfort, she followed his gaze to a woman standing on the other side of the room dumbstruck.
'Who is she?' Lavanya asked Arnav, sounding more possessive of Arnav than she had intended to.
'No one. La....honey, will excuse us for a bit.' He added the 'honey' just for Sheetal to hear. A phrase he had used for her when courting her. But it had greater effect on Lavanya, who was blushing and feeling quite fuzzy on the inside left the room upon hearing Arnav call her 'honey' for the first time. Once she had gone Arnav walked around the table to close the door and the turned to face Sheetal, who had grown quite pale, which made Arnav quite content and paved for him a way to break her heart yet again.
'Oh, please don't look at me like that. Yeah, Lavanya is my girlfriend, has been for the last 3 years.'
'Then what about me?'
'What about you?'
'We were in love, we spent a night together, we...we...' she said desperately.
'All facts, am still not seeing a point or a question here.' Arnav said rather coldly.
'But you loved me.'
'No, I didn't. I never said I did.'
'But that night you said...'
'I said I wouldn't do anything you didn't want me too...and as I recall I did just that. You didn't seem to mind then, so why are you making such a big deal about it now. It was a one night stand, and it was 3 years ago, move on, I have.' Arnav smirked, seeing her face grow even more sullen by every one of his words. When the reality of his words dawned upon her, she stumbled back realising that she had been played miserably.
'You played me. You courted me and then left me. How could you?!! Do you have no decency. Do
you have no sister?!! That you just played with a girl's life in such a sick way!!'
Accusing him of not having a sister, wiped the smirk off Arnav's face and made the anger inside him erupt like a volcano. He was in her face into two fast strides and was glowering when he spoke in a deadly voice, 'Don't you dare mention my sister!! You know nothing about her!! You didn't suffer half as much as she did at your brother's hand. Yeah I played with you, get over it!! You were lucky that it was me who played with your life and not someone like your brother who left my sister worthy of nobody. What I did with you no one will ever know but you, but what he did to my sister will be a stain that will follow her forever!!' His tone terrified her and she stumbled back unable to stand so near him, with such rage emanating from her body.
He turned his back towards her, trying to find his cool again, when he had, he turned around to face her again and said in a wicked voice, 'That night and you mean nothing to me, so do yourself a favour and get lost, because you won't find any sympathy here. I have no interest in you, never did. Now if you don't want to make an even bigger fool of yourself get out, unless you would like my guards to escort you out, and be assured I would receive greater satisfaction in the latter option, so your choice.'
Shattered, Sheetal turned around and left the premises, vowing to herself never to turn to Arnav Singh Raizada for anything in her life, for she would rather die a brutal death than turn to him for help.
As the memory of Sheetal walking away, crushed, faded a fresh bout of guilt gripped Arnav. How could he have been so heartless. He had broken such a lovely girl beyond repair, and never even stopped to wonder what happened to her. He had happily forgotten her, moved on in his life and found love, and never realised that he didn't deserve that love. He didn't deserve to have any love, not after crushing someone's heart so brutally. And how wrong had he been, she had suffered, suffered more than he could have even imagined for he had impregnated her, so of course she never would have gotten married. How society must have shunned her, and yet she had kept quiet not once had she come forth to the media and divulged that the man who had ruined her was the business tycoon Arnav Singh Raizada, she could have easily gotten her revenge by tainting his image but she didn't. Why? Why would she protect him? And how was he to ever face Aarav knowing the reason behind his conception had been pure and unjust revenge. And did Aarav know how he had wronged his mother, would he ever accept him? Why would he, he himself had never forgiven his father for wronging his mother so why should Aarav forgive him for wronging his mother.
Do you even realise the damage you have done, one should always stop and think how their actions will affect the other person, especially a girl....Khushi's advice on their first meeting in Delhi resonated in his ears...no, he never had stopped to think had he. He would only see whether it profited him or not, not caring how the other might suffer. How was he to live with himself now, after knowing the torture, the shame he had put an innocent girl through. And he had let his son. His own son grow up as a bas***d in society's eye. He was sick to his stomach. How could he have done this, why did he do this. Well the answer was plain and simple he went blind, deaf and dumb in his rage and did the horrific things in the name of vengeance for a loved one. What would Di say if she ever found out, she would be appalled that her Chotey hurt a girl in such a brutal way, that her Chotey did the same thing as her ex-fianc. The thought that he did what Viraj had done, no that he had outdone Viraj himself sickened him. He had hated Viraj so much for leaving Anjali's at the altar, and yet he had done the same with Sheetal weaved beautiful dreams of marriage for her and then in one ghastly move had ripped up the tapestry of her dreams.
And what would Khushi say when she found out the truth. Would she ever look at him again? Would she want to be with him, after he had committed such a heinous crime. He looked upto the heavens, as if to find an answer, but what he faced was a blank, dark night sky. No stars were shining, and why would they on such wretch like himself. As he stared up at the dark night's sky, he couldn't help but think about all the secrets that were buried in that sky. How many people took advantage of the night and acted out their misdemeanours under the protection of the night's sky, thinking that its immense fold of darkness will enshroud their secrets forever, but failed to realise that when the sun came out, all hot and blazing and shone its' blinding white light, all the secrets in the night's sky would come out in the open for everyone to see. Just the way the light had shone on his truth, his secret earlier today. No secret was protected in the Night's sky, the darkness was a deceit for criminals like him, lulling them into thinking that their crime was a secret which only the Night knew, but in their conceit they failed to realise that the night shared the sky with the Day and so all that was hidden in the darkness got enlightened in the daylight.
His secret was out in the day light now, and it was time he owned up to it. He had committed a grave crime and he deserved to get punished. He had put Sheetal and his son through dire situations and now it was time to pay for it. With heavy feet he made his way back to his jeep. Once plugged into the seat his confidence wavered and he didn't know if would be able to tell the truth to Khushi and Di, but he pulled himself together. He had to, they were the two most important people in his life and they had a right to know about this, and he would have to face the heat of their reaction for he had wronged them too, not as brutally as Sheetal, but he had wronged their trust in him and the only way to begin redeeming for his actions would be by coming clean, telling them everything and then finding Sheetal and earning her forgiveness. That would never be enough, but it would be at least something.
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
Love Friendship Dating and Relationships
Tum Se Tum Tak
Financial markets and global economy
Kyunki Saas Bhi Kabhi Bahu Thi 2
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