I loved you, for putting your hand into my heart and passing over all the foolish, weak things that you cannot help dimly seeing there, and for drawing out into the light all the beautiful belongings that no one else had looked quite so far enough to find ~Roy Croft
There is no difficulty that enough love will not conquer, no disease that enough love will not heal, no door that enough love will not bridge, no wall that enough love will not throw down, no sin that enough love will not redeem... It makes no difference how deeply seated may be the trouble, how hopeless the outlook, how muddled the tangle, how great the mistake. A sufficient realization of love will dissolve it all. If only you could love enough, you could be the happiest and most powerful being in the world...
EMMET FOX
IF ONLY ...
Their love was enough...
Their trust was enough...
Their almost losing their lives for the other was enough...
Their looking out for each others happiness was enough...
Their intense need for each other was enough...
Their souls meeting through any separation was enough...
Their saying I love you was enough...
Their understanding each others pain was enough...
Their not being able to live without each other was enough...
Him and her becoming THEM was enough...
Is it the bottom line for him?
Yes we feel so..it's all that matters to him..
Her being happy..and belonging to him..body,mind and soul...
That's the only way he can be happy,content and wanting to live a life...
He has entrusted himself to her...as far as he knows how to...Infact,more than he's ever done with anyone else...
He trusts her completely..and feels she does too...
He feels he's done it all to show her he's hers body,mind and soul...
Yet,is it all she needs...if only...
Is it the bottom line for her?
No,I feel not...she has never felt she can ever mean that much to anyone...
Not with her family...
Not with her friends...
Not with Devi Maiyya even...
And definitely not with the Raizadas or with Him...
Her insecurities stem very deep,in my opinion.They are unfathomable to most people.What makes her tick?What pushes her to the edge and yet makes her come back to stable ground?Why is she such a Yo-Yo?Why are her methods unconventional and plain weird to the common souls out there?Why are her perceptions of scenarios so convoluted?
Is it that her emotional I.Q. is low?Or is it out of the range of regular people?
Her heart only knows to love...but her mind and this Bahari Duniya as she says...is Ajeeb!!It confuses her,sends her mixed signals...
I feel she reads everything in rainbow colors which have no Black,Grey or White...hence,these shades of life do not register with her outlook!!My opinion of course,but then this Enigma has a just an Enigmatic soul next to her ,Our ASR!
Khushi has never completely called anything her own...Not home..adopted!
Not family...Adopted!Not sister..Adopted!Now in laws..and Husband...that she finally can say are Truly HERS!She may want to keep it that way!
Even the husband and in laws were forced on her without a choice until she decided to accept them willingly on her terms!
She has always felt her happiness is constantly threatened because life always snatches any chance to take that away!Remember she told ASR...Itni Khushiyaan ek Saath milli toh humme bahut dar lag raha hai!!
She always feels,again IMO that she needs to keep everyone happy,to please them,to help them,to take care of them...just to see people around her happy...just so she is loved in return!
I don't think she feels that people will love her just for being herself..without her having to do anything for anyone...she is constantly trying to prove herself...whether these trials and tests are decided by fate or engineered by her herself!
What is hers now...she has accepted with complete ownership and Haq!!
The most important things to her have been her upbringing,her family,her culture and values and her marriage!!
Now she does not want any speck of trouble or disturbance or interference in HER MARRIED LIFE!So important to her but the insecurity and fear of losing the most precious thing in her life...her marriage...for which they visited hell and back...should anyone/anything try to snatch this away...I believe she is ready to tear their head off...she just doesn't know it yet...this is the part of her she has yet to discover...and she will!!
He has yet to discover how much more he will need to show to quiet her insecure heart!!He will!Eventually...it will hurt him first to know that it was not enough just to love but to teach her to let go and believe...
That it is enough...because they forever,infinitely,unbreakably...Them!!
But till they get there...
If Only it was enough...TO LOVE!!
I love them both dearly...they are my muses...
Again the setting sun...leaves me to say...till we meet again in the new dawn!!