Chapter 36: The Certainty Principle
"Enthiye?" (Where is he?) she heard her sister's voice and glanced back for a moment before turning back around to face the stove.
"Ara? Achano?" (Who? Father?) she purposely misunderstood.
Her sister came to stand by her side and looked at her as Kashi kept her gaze trained on the water on the stove.
"Achaninnu varilla. Achante suhrithinte bharya marichu poyi. Achan Tangappettante kadelu vilichu paranju. Tangapettan Nalan-e vittarunnu sarpam thullal-nte stalathekku. Avan chothichu ningal randuperumevide poyennu." (Father will not come today. The friend and his sick wife that he had gone to see – the woman passed away. He called Tangappan's store to let us know. Tangappan sent Nalan to the Sarpam Thullal. The boy asked where you both were.)
"Enittu ichechy enthu paranju avanodu?" (What did you tell him?) she asked her sister, sending a silent prayer up for the woman who had passed.
"Njanonnum paranjilla. Vere kure karyam paranju avante sraddha matti." (I didn't tell him anything. I brought up other things and distracted him.)
They stayed quiet after that, both of them watching the water slowly coming ot a boil. When the bubbles started to roll in earnest in the pot, she finally turned the knob and shut it off.
"Kattanano?" (You are making it black?)
"Palu theernnu poyi." (We ran out of milk) she answered as she looked up and finally smiled at her sister.
"Ichechikkum oru cup edukkatte?" (Shall I get a cup for you too?)
Pallavi nodded and went to get the cups as Kashi reached for the sugar tin.
"Rando? Atho munno?" (Two? Or three?) She heard her sister ask and paused in the process of removing the lid of the tin in her hand.
"Randu mathi." (Just two).
She had already made tea for him a half hour ago when she had used up the last of the milk. He had nodded off in the time that she had gone to the kitchen to get something. He didn't seem like a man who got much sleep even when he lay down at night and so she had asked him to go on up to his room to sleep on the bed. He hadn't resisted and had looked fatigued, which had made her more alarmed.
"Ayalurangi." (He's asleep). She told her sister as she put a small spoon of sugar in each cup that her sister had retrieved from the cupboard.
Pallavi circled the spoon around several times in each cup and Kashi watched the dark swirling liquid.
"Oru taram talarnayurakkam." (A sort of exhausted sleep). She said before she looked up. "Avide enta sambavichathu ichechi?" (What happened there, di?)
Her sister passed her a cup and took the other for herself.
"Ayal pedichu poyo?" (Was he alarmed?). Pallavi asked and Kashi scoffed.
"Ayalde vicharam ayaletho chiranjeevi anenna." (He thinks he is some sort of immortal).
She saw her sister smiling when she looked up.
"Achan parayunna pole Ellam oru vishwasamanu kutti…" (It's like how father says, Everything is a belief…)
She thought she would like to believe that… she wanted to believe that everything could be dictated by what she believed. That if she did not believe, it simply wasn't true…
"Vishwasamillathathu kondu mathram athu satyamallandakumo?" (Just because you don't believe it, does it make it untrue?)
"Satyamenthanu? Aaranu nischayikuunathu athu satyamanennu? Vishwasam vishwasamayi tanne nilkunnathanu nallathu. Athine satyamakki mattiyal vere satyangal kaanathe poyennu varum." (What is the truth? Who decides what the truth is? Beliefs should remain as beliefs. If one changes it into the truth, then you may turn blind to other truths.)
She absorbed her sister's words as she took a sip of the slightly bitter black tea.
"Kalarikkal illathu aanu vazhillennu aaru paranju? Nee onnu sharikkum alochichal Kalarikkal illathu inakal vazhilla ennathanu kurachu koodi urapulla satyam. Nammude Achan ippozhum jeevichiriukkunnu. 23 varsham munbu Ammayanu achane vittu poyathu. Shankaran Namboothirikku brandayengilum, ippozhum jeevanundu. Valiyammayiyanu visham theendi marichathu. Athu kondu ninte pedi ninte sneham ayalde jeevanedukkumennanengil, athratholam pedi ennikkumundu ayal ninte jeevan edukkumennu." (Who said men won't live long in Kalarikkal House? If you think about it carefully, the truth with more proof is that mates won't live long in this house. Our father is still alive. 23 years ago, our mother was the one who left him. Shankaran Namboothiri may be mad, but he is still alive. Great-aunt Lakshmi is the one who died from being poisoned. So, if you fear is that your love may kill him, then I am just as fearful that his may kill you.)
She raised a shocked gaze to her sister.
It took a moment to recover, but when she did, she took a big gulp of her tea, effectively scalding her tongue, but she didn't pay attention as she bit out, "Arum areyum snehikkunnilla! Evidunno Achan moonnu divasam munbu veettil vilichu kettiya oru Delhi-kkaran. Ee aazhcha kazhiyumbol nammude kidapadavum kondayal pokum. Pinne nammal ayale kanukayumilla. Ee veedayal oru satramaakkum. Ee kadellam ayal vettithelichu kalayum. Paranju manasilakkan patthatha nashtangal nammukku mathram." (No one loves anyone! A Delhi-man who our father dragged home three days ago from somewhere. After this week, he will take our home and go on his merry way. We won't ever see him again after that. He will turn this house into a lodge and he will bulldoze the woods. The losses that he will never understand will be ours only.)
"Paranju manasilakkan patthatha nashtangal ellavarkkamundu kutti." (Everyone has losses that others will never understand.) Her sister said somberly.
"Ichechi, njan Ananthettane patti ormipikkan paranjathalla." (Di, I didn't mean for it to make you remember about (jiju).)
"Ananthane njan orkkatha oru nimisham polumilla Kashi. Pinnegine neeyenne ormipikkum?" (There is not a moment that goes by when he is not in my thoughts. Then how will you make me remember?) Pallavi asked her with a smile.
"Ichechi Anathettane ethra varsham arinjaanu snehichathu. Verum 3 divasam arinja orale snehikkan mathram oru pottiyannano ichechi enne patti karuthiyekkane?" (How many years you knew jiju before you loved him… you think I am stupid enough to fall for a guy that I have only known for 3 days?)
This time her sister laughed. She laughed for a good minute before she said, "Ente Kashi. Ee bhoolokamalayalathil aarum parayilla nee oru pottiyanennu. Pakshe ee premom snehomokke kanakku paranju chennal manasilakkan patthatha sambavangalanu penne. Anathane oru manikkooru mathrame ente jeevithathil njan kandirunnu engil athil 60 nimishavum njan snehichene. Pakshe enthu cheyyam. Eeswaran karunyavanyi poyi. Njangakku 26 varsham tannu. Ninne pole 3 divasam kondu ingane tallukoodi premikkan njangalku vidikkathe poyi." (Oh, Kashi! No one is this world would ever accuse you of stupidity. But you can't understand things like love by appraising it with standard units of measurement, girl. If I only had Ananthan for an hour in my entire life-time, I would have loved him for all 60 of those minutes. But what to do? The good Lord was kind. He gave us 26 years. We didn't have the star-crossed fate to fight and love with the intensity that you have managed to in 3 days.)
"Ichechi kaliyakkuvano?" (Are you making fun of me?) She asked her sister in irritation, stamping her way to the sink to wash her cup.
She didn't hear her sister sneak up on her, but suddenly there she was behind her and just as she turned around startled, her sister pulled back her hair from her neck.
"Ithrayum sugham tarunna vedhana ee lokathil vereyundakilla." (There is likely nothing else in the world that gives as much pleasure as this pain.)
It took her a moment to realize that Arnav's stubble had left a slight but visible abrasion on the side of her neck.
Just as her eyes widened, she felt her sister kiss her cheek.
She turned to face her in wonder and saw that her sister's face was now serious, the previous humor gone.
"Samayam aarkum vendi kattu nilkilla Kashi. Athukondu samayam kalayaruthu. Ethu shapam ethu veettino aarkko aayikkotte, ninakku sneham tonnunengil snehikkanam. Paripoornamayi snehikkanam. Athukondu maranam urappanengil onnorthal mathi. Maranam enthayalum urappanu. Ellavarkum. Shaapamayalum Illengilum." (Time waits for no one, Kashi. So, don't waste it. If there is a curse on the house or whoever, it doesn't matter, if you feel love, love. Love completely. If death is certain because of that, just remember. Death is an absolute certainty. For everyone. Curse or not.)
With that, her sister left, leaving Kashi to ponder on her own in the kitchen.
***
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