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From: Singh Raizada, Khushi
To: Raizada, Manorama
Subject: Help
The advice you gave me? To pretend like I didn't even know what it was in order to avoid it is starting to unravel at the seams Maamiji. I know it helped you out for the first 10 years of your marriage but Arnavji is a little more- how to say this- pro-active than Mamaji (also, Arnavji's business trips seem to be significantly shorter than the eight month absences Mamaji frequents).
What do I do?
Impatiently awaiting your advice,
Khushi
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From: Raizada, Manorama
To: Singh Raizada, Khushi
Subject: Step Two
Sadly, this requires compromise. And by compromise I mean surrender.
You need to give him an Aakash.
Then you're free to hold that card against him for the remainder of your married life. I certainly do.
And I'm not sure. He seems to spend a lot of time in Amsterdam these days...
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From: Singh Raizada, Khushi
To: Raizada, Manorama
Subject: An Aakash?
I need to give him a bespectacled pushover?
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From: Raizada, Manorama
To: Singh Raizada, Khushi
Subject: No
You don't have the genes for that. I'm just lucky.
Just give in. Once. Then that's it forever.
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From: Singh Raizada, Khushi
To: Raizada, Payal
Subject: You
Your nightgowns suck.
Your saas sucks more.
And I got the better brother.
Neener-neener.
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From: Raizada, Payal
To: Singh Raizada, Khushi
Subject: You Got The Better Brother?
I'm waiting for the Bazinga.
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From: Raizada, Anjali
To: Mathur, Aman
Subject: The Rooster
He has escaped from the coop leaving the hens undefended.
The other hens have gone to roam the yonder for two days.
The goat-guards have taken the goat for a walk.
I think it is time for you to come and 'fix Arnav's room' now.
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From: Mathur, Aman
To: Raizada, Anjali
Subject: Message Received
On my way to the farmyard to come and keep the lone hen happy.
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From: Raizada, Anjali
To: Mathur, Aman
Subject: Farmyard
The lone hen will be waiting for you by our tree.
I love that tree.
Remember when people thought I was actually talking to a tree?
Or even worse- that creepy Constipated Cobra?
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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Where Are You?
I'm waiting in your foyer with my meat cleaver.
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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: I Thought You Might Say Something Like That
So I have a little surprise for you.
Might take your mind off things somewhat.
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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Nothing
I repeat. Literally, nothing would take my mind off of this.
Except perhaps selecting my weapon of choice.
Tell me, which hurts more- being hacked to death or pummeled?
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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Serious Question
Hacked to death vs. being pummeled to death? Or just a casual pummeling?
Because you punch like a girl so pummeling me till I was dead would take you about fifty years.
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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: 50 Years
I would enjoy every second.
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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: You Might
But my new wife won't.
Yeah.
That's right.
I got married.
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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: You Getting Married
Not possible.
Nobody could be that stupid.
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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Yes They Could
I simply took a leaf out of your book, dear cousin.
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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: My Book?
You mean you threatened to break her sister's wedding and destroy her life if she refused?
Class act, Dhruv. Class act.
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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Is THAT What You Did?
You disgust me and make me want to be sick on your face.
Then the stomach acid would burn your eyes and you'd have to hack/ pummel me blind. Hopefully you'd trip over one of the inconveniently placed decorative floor vases and end up impaling yourself, you blackmailing bast.
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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: STOP
I WALKED MY PATH TO REDEMPTION, OKAY?
I rebuilt bridges. I redid old memories. I EVEN apologised. It's not MY fault if an external viewer who may or may not be watching my life playing out on a screen thinks my attempts were lackluster or that I was tired. I was spending most of my energy trying NOT to jump my wife and applying copious amounts of oil to my hair- Grease style.
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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Your On-Screen Life
Who in all seriousness would watch that?
You're a massive dick... Every woman alive would absolutely despise you.
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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: You'd Think So...
But you forget.
I look like this:
You'd be surprised what women are willing to forgive when it's done by a man who looks like that.
Back to the point though, who is this woman?
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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Who Is She?
You'll see.
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From: Singh Raizada, Khushi
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Come Upstairs
Yeah.
Like the subject line said.
I guess it's high time we finished our marriage rituals.
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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Singh Raizada, Khushi
Subject: Are You...
Are you talking about our suhaag raat?
You're not going to mistake it for a saag raat like last time and feed me a shit-tonne of spinach again?
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From: Singh Raizada, Khushi
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Saag Raat
You loved it.
But no.
Suhaag raat it is.
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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Maiyya, Devi
Subject: (no subject)
THANK YOU.
Seriously.
Took your sweet time though, didn't you?
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From: Maiyya, Devi
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Taking My Sweet Time
How easily you forget: I'm a woman who does not find you physically attractive.
You hurt Khushi.
I hurt Little Chotte.
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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Maiyya, Devi
Subject: 'Little' Chotte?
I think we both know he is anything but little.
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This is by far is the best update of this whole FF…………the silly grin refuses to leave my face…..will leave it here….awesome is a much abused word to praise your work……….
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