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This OS reflects Ahem's deepest and darkest moment at hospital.
OS: About her
First he had her then disowned her, only to get to like her. What is not to like about her? Next was to teach her, only to fall in love with her. How would you feel when you had put her in harm's way? You will try your best to make sure she recovers completely. It was then that you expressed your love to her and planted the seed of dreams, which he claimed he didn't want it. Would it be too late to take back his words, Gopi's kanaji? He thought beseechingly.
It was late at night. Ahem stood with his right hand outstretched leaning against the wall in this dark clinical room as streaks of illuminating light from the full moon fell through the window.
He was all alone.
Earlier he sent off his family saying that he will remain here. He had to force his mum to leave as she was insisting to remain. He told her that she needed a proper night's sleep ready for the next day. Eventually after much persuasion she succumbed.
Ahem wanted time alone, time to reflect and time to make amends.
Where did he go wrong in all of this? He raised his head up to the ceiling and closed his eyes as tears rolled out its sides. His thoughts dug deep in his mind. At the same time he let out a huge sigh but unable to relieve his tense shoulders which was carrying the weight of the world's troubles on them.
The mere thought of marriage and going through the process of it raised his stake and position within the business world. Not only his employees but his clients had elevated him, making him enjoy the prestige.
He expected his wife to slot into his dynamic life like he had seen with many of his clients, but it wasn't to be so. He found himself wrought in problems and troubles.
His home became a war zone as each and every day brought on a new problem. He found his mother's harsh words and punishments difficult to understand. She wanted this marriage and here she was punishing his new wife.
His own bedroom, once his sanctuary, he had to share. Even this space became a war zone having hurt her so badly. It was that very moment when he despised his wife. Is this what he expected his marriage to be? He resigned in his mind to let time take the lead.
There was nothing at home he could have and feel as his own any more. His world was turned upside down. He found as time moved along his incompatibility with her widened. She did not understand him and he did not allow himself to get to know her.
Something had to give. He drew the line once his sister got married and he got what he wanted finally. Time to restore himself but it was very short lived. His nani arrived home wanting to see his wife. He had no alternative but to bring her back.
This time he had to play a charade. It was in this charade when she said something out of place that did not match anything he had seen, felt or heard from her. She said that she could not live without him and wanted him to smile more. There were streaks of sparkle up to this time but nothing quite like this that you could pin down. He realised that she was beginning to understand him, but what about him?
When nani left and he wanted her to leave his mother thought otherwise. He did not fight his mum as he too quietly liked this new role he was beginning to take on. At the same time work took on a new angle which called for an international visit. He was happy to cope alone but it wasn't to be so.
He felt drawn down with the presence of everyone joining in, especially her. He felt he would not be able to accomplish his work amidst work and sightseeing. His momentary outburst resulted in him losing her then finding her. Heart of hearts he was relieved and glad to have found her and to feel her. However, it was the final business presentation that he loathed immensely but she rendered him speechless. He found himself left thinking that he needed to get to know her better.
And so began his journey to become friends with her and in the process to fall in love with her, only now to destroy her.
What caught his attention? Initially it was her innocent eyes looking on at him. She has the most amazing dark brown pools that magnetically draw him to her.
He never received so much respect from anyone else as much as he had received from her. She did not talk back to him neither did she behave inappropriately towards him nor shown a non committal attitude towards him. He always wondered what he had done to deserve this.
She had learnt to take care of him in every possible way. She never failed to amaze him with her readiness of having his clothes. Her selections were much better than his choices. She was on cue with his tea. Her brew was the best and tastiest. The meals she prepared were delicious, making him look forward to his lunches every day in the privacy of his cabin. Further she was able to read his mind and know what he wanted. She was a magician with all this.
Her shy, reluctant and gentle voice that uttered few words kept him guessing her. He could not tell what her likes and dislikes were. He knew that if he wanted to get to know her he had to make time for her. The more time he spent with her, the greater he found himself wanting to more of her.
There were times when he found himself returning home after a hectic day at the office he appreciated her gentle and tranquil demeanour. Her presence brought on a sense of peace around him. Over time he found himself seeking this more and more. He looked forward to times when she came in to give him his tea. She did this with so much love and warmth. He began growing fond of the attention she was giving him. It is here when his heart began to ache for her, knowing or unknowingly it sought after her like a predator.
Just as he was ready to declare his love to her, her pregnancy was announced. Upon realising the happenings of that fateful day he felt nothing less than romantic desire for her, but that clashed with reality. In turn, he uttered the harshest judgement enough to cast off her for life.
Yes, he was born fortunate and lived a blessed life but he had forgone the opportunity to know about her. When she told him of what was to be an orphan and to live a life as one, her words cut through his very soul. How selfish could he have been not to understand her and willingly share his fortune with her? Did he not realise that she too will have expectations for the future?
This is your judgement time now. He heard his opponent voice in his head say. You have made your bed, you are going to lie on it, it continued.
Anger grew on Ahem's face as he heard this. He stood up straight, took a deep breath and balled up both his fists.
"No, it will NOT be!" yelled out Ahem as the room echoed his words.
He turned around and briskly walked into the next room. Gopi was lying on the bed still with the monitor beeping, keeping her pulse audible. She had an oxygen mask over her mouth, a tube attached on the back of her left palm and a clamp on her left pointer finger. Ahem walked up to her, lifted her right hand and placed it over his heart.
"Gopi, feel my heart beating. It is beating for you and your love. It is waiting for you so that it can love in return. Let our baby hear this pounding sound so that it knows how determined I am to have both of you in my life. I want both of you to see this world with me. I love you more than anything in his world."
The beeping suddenly increased speed and Gopi's hand jolted making her clasp her hand over his heart as though she was grabbing hold of it. Ahem looked on at the action of her hand then followed it on to her face. He watched her open her eyes, focus her vision at him and told him with the mask still on, "Ahemji, I can feel your heart beating too."
A smile grew on Ahem as tears of joy welled up. He felt he was home again.
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