You've Got Mail- 09/01/15- The Co-Written Harry Potter Special- Pg 117 - Page 47

Oh My God! I haven't laughed this hard since so long! My stomach aches, my jaw hurts! Aaah!

I just read the whole thing, and this was HILARIOUS! I've got tears in my eyes!

P.S😆---- I AM STILL LAUGHING
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

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From: Singh Raizada, Khushi
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Salman Khan

I really enjoyed your performance last night. Can you do Shah Rukh Khan next time?

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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Singh Raizada, Khushi
Subject: Sure I'll Do Shah Rukh Khan

If you do Katrina Kaif.

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From: Singh Raizada, Khushi
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Katrina Kaif

But I've only seen her in Wanted and Singh Is Kinng...

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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Singh Raizada, Khushi
Subject: No Honey, Not Those

I mean Tees Maar Khan, Bodyguard and of course, Agneepath.

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From: Singh Raizada, Khushi
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: I Just Asked Dhruvji About Those Films

He laughed for a very long time and then showed me some videos on Youtube.

I mean- I wouldn't usually wear clothes like that but for you... and to thank you for what you did last night- I suppose I could make an exception.

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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Singh Raizada, Khushi
Subject: (no subject)

YOU SERIOUS? OMG HELL YES. WHEN AND WHERE?!

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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Hello Dhruv

Yes Dhruv.

I am aware that you have hacked my e-mails and have been e-mailing my wife using it. And yes Dhruv, I have been reading them before you had a chance to delete them.

Oh also, Dhruv- just in case you were wondering, I am going to get you back for this. You won't know when and you won't know how. But I'll get you.

Watch your back.

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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Watch My Back?

Really? Who do you think you are, some sort of Mafia Boss?

Here I am trying get you some. Doing you a solid. Just trying to help a brother out...

And there you are giving me death threats.

Now you tell me, is that fair?

Is it?

Thought not.

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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Helping A Brother Out?

Really?

You're trying to speak ghetto now?

The Ghetto community would be so ashamed...

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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: Ghetto Community?

What you chatting bruv? Are you insinuating all people from the ghetto speak like this? And call each other "brother"?

I resent that and I find you and your thinking highly discriminatory and offensive.

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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Do You Now?

I find your face highly discriminatory and offensive.

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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: What The...

Seriously? The great Arnav Singh Raizada stooping to "your face" jokes?

How old are you, twelve?

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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: I'm Not Twelve

But the kid I paid to reply to you while I exacted my revenge is.

Enjoy.

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From: Thomas, Jennifer
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: OMG DHRUVVIE

How could you do this to me? We shared that beautiful night and then you just LEAVE? No phone number, no e-mail address. Just some wonderful memories and a love I'll never be able to get over.

Call me.

My number is ***** ******

Jenni

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From: Kansal, Geeta
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Dhruv?

Is this really you? Oh ma gooodnesss!! I was sooo excited when your cousin or whoever e-mailed me saying you wanted to see me again and pick up from where we left off.

I mean, I like, totally wanna see you again. And you know, have some fun.

You know what I mean baby?

So yeah, just let me know where and when and I will be there. I'll even wear that sexy outfit you liked so much. I've kept the underwear from that night wrapped up somewhere special especially for this day. It was lucky then, and maybe it'll be lucky again. ;)

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From: Nath, Purva
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: WHAT THE HELL?

No contact for almost a YEAR and then suddenly your COUSIN e-mails me out of the blue saying you want to see me again?

WHAT THE HELL DHRUV? I thought we had something SPECIAL? How could you DO THIS TO ME?

Go EFF yourself because I NEVER want to see you again!

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From: Nath, Purva
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Sorry

I was really angry in my last e-mail.

I didn't mean it.

Just tell me where and when baby and I'll be there.

Can't wait to see you again.

xoxo

Purva

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From: Nath, Purva
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Re: Sorry

Dhruv, why won't you e-mail me back?

Come on Dhruv. I thought you wanted to see me!

This isn't funny, Dhruv!

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From: Nath, Purva
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Re: Re: Sorry

Dhruv? Did my first e-mail upset you?

I said I was sorry.
Come on Dhruv.

I want to see you again.

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From: Nath, Purva
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Sorry

DHRUV! I'm WARNING YOU!! IF YOU DON'T REPLY I'LL... I'LL...

You don't even want to KNOW what I'll do.

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From: Nath, Purva
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sorry

I'm sorry Dhruv. I didn't mean that. I won't do anything.

I just... I love you so much Dhruv. Why won't you love me too?

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From: Nath, Purva
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Sorry

It's obvious I made a horrible mistake by raising my expectations and thinking that you really wanted to see me again. That you really wanted me back in your life.

I was wrong when I thought you loved me and remembered what we had together. That you missed me and needed to see me as much as I long to see you.

You'll always have a special place in my heart, Dhruv Raizada. And whenever you need me, I'll be here. Even though I know you won't be there for me.

I love you Dhruv.

Farewell.

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From: Aman
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: Err, How To Put This-

I'm not really sure why but Arnav e-mailed me demanding that I send you a "sexy message" propositioning you.

Although I am aware of and by now, rather used to Arnav's weird whims and demands, this is a step too far for me and as such I would really rather not.

But if he asks, could you do me a favour and tell him I did?

Much appreciated,

Aman.

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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Arnav
Subject: (no subject)

So you sent all my crazy exes my e-mail address and told them I want to meet up? I read a few and then just mass deleted the hundred and something others. As you will notice if you check my e-mail address, I have also changed that.

Well played Nanav. Well played.

But you forget- I have yet to make my move.

Look forward to it.

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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: JUST DANCE, STARPLUS
Subject: Confirmation Of Place!

Dear all you beautiful people at Starplus,

What an absolute delight it was to open my Inbox and find there- positively glowing- your offer of a place for me on your fantastic (and if I do say so myself) groundbreaking show! The elegant grace of bodies nimbly and gracefully flying across a stage, the power of the music as it reverberates through your body- that magical moment when everything disappears except for you and your partner and you are able to just fly...

Oooh I get goosebumps just thinking about it.

I cannot wait to dazzle you with my jazz hands. I'm so ready to get footloose and fancy free.

In the past, I was merely a boy with a dream.

And that dream... was to dance.

But thanks to you, I am about to become a man whose every dream will be fulfilled.

I am a man- who will dance.

Thank you so much for this opportunity darlings,

I look forward to hearing from you soon.

Yours forever and always,

Arnav Singh Raizada

xoxoxoxox

hugs and kisses

MWAH

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From: Singh Raizada, Arnav
To: Raizada, Dhruv
Subject: I'm Going To Kill You

... No. The subject line pretty much said it all.

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From: Raizada, Dhruv
To: Singh Raizada, Khushi
Subject: Khushi Bhabz I Need Your Help

If you don't distract Nanav as SOON as he gets home, I will die. He will murder me. And then he will pay one of Kantaben/ Whatever The Hell Her Name Is' multiple lovers to dispose of my body and sell me to unsuspecting members of the public as gristle.

I'm too pretty to be turned into GRISTLE Bhabz. So PLEASE- distract him. In order to do that, you will need to do the following:

Read this:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sex

When you're ready. Move onto this:

https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=sex

Part Eleven- Saag Raat