Cherished Wounds ( Updated Ch 14 ) Pg 140 22/06 - Page 78

'I should have killed him.'

'Yes. You should have.'

Silence. Flooding memories. Memories containing visuals and images of a painful past.

'I thought you had your priorities straightened out, Arnav. Or have you forgotten what Anjali went through?'

Azaan Singh Raizada watched as his words shot through his son's mind like a sharp blade. But his face remained just as emotionless and blinded as it was every time Anjali's name was mentioned. He wondered if the reasons behind not finishing off Sajjid at one go, was a girl. Or in simple plain words, love. He too, had been in love, but it had only made him weak, vulnerable.

He only hoped Arnav wouldn't follow his footsteps.

---

Arnav fell onto the soft bed sheets, closing his eyes and wanting sleep to overcome his senses instantly. And this was after a long time, his wanting to fall asleep as quickly as possible. The last few weeks all he did was try to evade sleep, so that his mind was flooded by Khushi's images. But tonight was different. He was transported back into the dingy rooms of the brothel, as he clenched his eyes tightly, fisting the bed sheets unconsciously.

"Where is she?"

"I don't kn...know."

"Where the hell is she Shyam, answer me,now."

"I don...don't know. This morning when I re...reached home, sh...she was gone."

A few gunshots resounded through the room, as that visual abruptly ended, giving rise to some more painful ones. And since that chilly January Monday of 1946, she had disappeared. His one sister, had simply vanished from the very face of earth, it seemed.

---

'Good morning Aakash.'

'Morning, Bhai.'

'So...so how his everything at the Base?'

Aakash knew just exactly what his brother wanted to know, rather about whom he wanted to know. But he didn't have time to play mind games with him today as guilt overwhelmed his mind every time he saw Khushi. So he got down to business.

'How come you are not down here, Bhai?'

'What do you mean?'

'I mean that throughout the past month, you were almost always at the Base by seven or eight in the morning. Then, today?'

'I'm a soldier Aakash; I can't waste my time meandering around all the time,' Arnav's voice dripping with annoyance.

Aakash didn't know how to respond to his mood-swings, he never had been able to. Lately they had been less. And it didn't seem likely that he might have fought with Khushi.

'No...it's just that Khushi's lost a decent amount of blood and I can't figure out from what or how exactly. So I was wondering if you would know.'

On the other end of the line, a few guards saw, how in a matter of few seconds the Brigadier's face was devoid of any color, a tormented look hovering on his sharp features. It seemed to them that he was trying hard to breathe, swallowing in large amounts of the chilly air.

'Bhai, are you there?'

'Ye...yes.'

'So do you have any idea?'

'What...no.'

---

And then, as soon as he had showered and gulped down two searing hot mugs of coffee, his feet found their way through the gritty stone path treading down to the Base.

Arnav didn't know if what he was doing was right or wrong. Though how anything, could even be remotely wrong about it, he didn't know.

His father's words reverberated through his mind. Priorities. Was Khushi already a priority to him? Did he want her to become one? But as soon as the thought even wafted through his mind, he meticulously suppressed it.

She had, already become his top most priority.

---

He saw her lithe body sprawled on the white bed sheets. He didn't like it. He hated the pale cream curtains, the plain white walls, the mundane, colorless, lifeless things that surrounded her. He failed to realize how he shivered for a few seconds, seeing the needles and pipes pierced through the porcelain skin of her hand.

Arnav edged forward his own shaky fingers as he very gently enveloped her small frail hand with his own. And touching his throbbing forehead to their entwined hands he felt all the tension ebb away, slowly. He tried to remember from the previous day but he couldn't recall any instance of her getting hurt or even any cut on her hand.

Unconsciously, he placed a soft kiss on her hand, and let his lips linger there for a few seconds, before he felt her stirring under the bed sheet.

'Hi,' Khushi murmured, her face instantly lighting up on seeing Arnav's face. 'Good-morning,' he replied, trying to sound as distant, uncaring he could possibly manage, but failing evidently. But Khushi didn't miss the myriad of emotions flitting across his eyes. 'What's wrong?' she prodded on.

'Nothing,' he muttered. 'Arnav, will you just say whatever it is that is on your mind, please?' 'Where's that kid?' he asked through clenched teeth. 'She is sleeping in the next room and that is definitely not what you wanted to ask,' she stated, determined.

'How did this happen, Khushi? These cuts...did that bas***d do something yesterday?' Arnav went on, trying to conceal his anger. 'No, he didn't do anything. I just accidently cut my hand...there was a broken window'' she spoke, trying to sound as convincing as she could. 'Accidently...how can you be so careless Khushi? How the hell did you become a doctor?' Arnav bellowed on, hoping against hope that she wouldn't cry or get angry at him.

But he was rewarded with tears nonetheless, as her face shook with mirth, a tinkling laughter he had so longed to hear since the day he had left for India. He smiled at her for a few seconds, taking in beauty of the image she created.

---

They sat there in silence, not knowing how to start a conversation, when Khushi's mind drifted off to Noor.

'I was thinking to get her admission done at one of the government schools tomorrow,' Khushi said, awaiting his reply. When nothing came, as he only nodded mutely, she spoke once again. 'Will you come with me tomorrow?' she asked hopefully.

Arnav ignored the hopeful voice, and looking away from Khushi, he voiced his own thoughts. 'I work for the Indian Army, Khushi. I don't have time for such trivial things,' his voice overwhelming with scorn and sarcasm. It was not like he didn't want to go at all. He didn't mind going, if it meant spending time with her. But somehow, what his father had said the previous night seemed to claw at his actions, words every time.

And he couldn't deny the fact that before Khushi had entered his life, his mind, his way of thinking, acting had a huge contrast to the man he had slowly become after meeting her. And it was not that he was not proud of the person he had become; he was more thoughtful, way more understanding and almost, humane. And humane was something he didn't want to be, because being emotionless, ruthless had always been his forte.

Khushi, however tried to ignore the momentary hurt that she felt on hearing his words, and shoving aside her own thoughts, she questioned the troubled look on Arnav's face.

'Is everything okay?'

'Yes...I should go now; I have some work at the Front.' He replied firmly, getting up from the stool beside her bed, but she tugged at his hand, gently pulling him backwards.

'Don't go...please?'

---

Maybe it was the hint of silent pleading in her trembling voice, or maybe the way she held his hand so softly, or the way she said please, that all the resolve Arnav had put up minutes ago to stay away from her, crumbled haplessly.

He sat near her knees on the bed watching her as she shifted making space for him.

---

Aakash tried to ignore the very disturbing image of Arnav and Khushi enwrapped in each other's arms as he walked through the corridor, even though the hospital's unspoken rules didn't allow anything that he thought was taking place in that room.

---

Arnav entwined his fingers along the silken strands of her hair, reveling in the warmth of her bruised hands splayed across his chest. He ignored the word priorities ringing across his head, as he placed lingering kisses on her hair, her eyes. He trailed his lips along the smooth slope of her nose, edging towards her lips, when she placed a finger on his parted lips.

'I want to tell you something.'

---

Khushi had somehow realized that life was a hell lot unexpected. The whole brothel incident had made her understand that this feeling of being next to him, the little kisses and his hesitant words, were meant to be cherished. And so she did what she had probably wanted to do since the very day he had kissed her, for the first time.

'I love you, Arnav.'

She tried to gain an insight from the emotions flitting across his face. But she didn't find anything. Stone-cold eyes, lips pressed into a thin line, as they suddenly parted again to say something, getting up from the bed and looking away from her expectant eyes.

'You should know Khushi, I don't believe in the concept of love. I do...don't love you.'

And for the second time that day, he expected to see tears in her eyes. But she surprised him as always.

'That's okay. I love you enough, for both of us.'

Arnav felt close to something that consisted of a stilling pain, tug at his heart as he took in her words. He didn't deserve her, that's all he could convince himself of. He didn't deserve any of her goodness or her unadulterated understanding, he thought, as he blinked away a lone tear that threatened to escape his eyes.

---

Another beautiful morning, Khushi thought, as she helped Noor into a woolen tunic, as she toyed with the maroon scarf that hung across her neck. She was a pretty girl, naive, but her eyes spoke of an intelligence, much greater than what other's of her age would have possessed.

Khushi happily recalled the conversation they had a day ago.

"Am I going to stay here now?"

"Yes, beta. Your'mother, she is..."

"I know, she is gone...to a better place, than here. She'll be happy, I think."

Khushi hugged the little girl, as Noor mumbled on her hair.

"Can I call you Ma?"

"Uh...sure. Sure."

Khushi hugged her tighter, trying to ignore the sudden happiness that she felt at the child's innocent words.

"Would you like to go to school Noor?"

This time, Noor put her thin arms around Khushi's shoulders, nodding frantically.

---

'But why can't you register her name?'

'Behenji, what is the name of her father? Where is she from? You won't tell us anything. You don't even have her birth certificate. How can I admit her?'

'But---'

Khushi didn't need to argue further as she saw the registrar's eyes drift towards the door, as the intimidating form of Arnav Singh Raizada entered swiftly through the creaking blue doors of the school.

A few words, and some death glares, the registrar, silently finished the admission procedure, not bothering to protest.

---

And much later when Khushi walked hand in hand with Arnav beside her through the valley, she realized that the man beside her simply didn't want to give their relationship, or rather what he felt for her a name. And Khushi was more than satisfied with it. She knew he loved her. His little actions, gestures like earlier at the school, his caresses, the relief she had seen in his eyes when he had found her a day ago, the unsaid words conveyed through moments of passion, everything told her that he loved her. He could deny it all his life, but if she had him beside her always, she didn't care if she never heard the three damned words.

She loved him. And he cared for her. And that was all that mattered.

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A/N: This update is dedicated to yesterday's brief spell of rain, the most beautiful hug I've ever witnessed, on 1st and in the trepidation of what is to *ahem* happen in the next episode. Fingers-crossed. Enjoy!

Oh and updates might be a little less frequent, credit to the many exams I've throughout June. Sorry:/

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