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::Author's Note::
I am to excited to say anything just now, and yes I know i am making no sense, i will soon but for now - THANK YOU amazing amazing readers.
😃
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~ CRASH AND BURN ~
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Cannot touch
Cannot hold
Cannot be together
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"What if she doesn't want you to go?"
It would be so easy to choose to believe that.
So easy to pretend that she would still be ready to fall into his arms.
But he couldn't do that anymore.
He wouldn't.
Swallowing back the lump of emotion the very thought of the possibility had stirred in him, Arnav turned carefully to leave, only to find a persistent hand hold him back, reminding him of a one other person holding him back.
One person, who mattered.
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Cannot love
Cannot kiss
Cannot have each other
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"What if she doesn't want you to go?" repeated the plaintive voice.
And finally he answered, Arnav Singh Raizada be damned, he would answer a million times if the slightest possibility was ever even an inch away from unconceivable.
"Then she'll find me waiting…"
"For how long?" challenged the same voice apparently unable to heed just how profound that simple statement was.
Or else too fearful of the past.
Of his past.
A past filled with temperamental arrogance and a conceit born of a man who had yet to learn to love.
But he had learned now.
Now he had learned more than love.
He had learned to let go.
And he had learned to pray.
Perhaps it was irony that spoke then, perhaps it was merely the understanding that affection that could not be bound.
For whatever the reason, Arnav Singh Raizada, allowing the echo of that last question to tremble in his hollow soul, answered with a simplicity that belied the truth of his sentiment –
"For her?" He asked as he proffered a stark white envelope to the girl he had entrusted with the care of the person he had finally admitted was his world.
"………..Forever."
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Must be strong, and we must let go
Cannot say what our hearts must know
How can I not love you
What do I tell my heart
When do I not want you
Here in my arms
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It had been almost a year from that fateful day.
More accurately, it had been ten months and twenty-seven days.
For the first few weeks she'd struggled to breathe.
But then, it got easier.
Or at least that is what she told herself.
In less than a year, Khushi Kumari Gupta had gone from wistful wife to the shy yet confident care-giver.
She started out by simply helping watch over little Kelly from 307.
A mini-bombshell of nuclear proportions Kelly Cassius was the daughter of imminent shipping magnate, Aiden Cassius and more importantly she was a handful.
Or at least she was for other people.
For Khushi, she would range from sweet silent cherub to the naughty five year old who would force her to run after her. And in a way run after life.
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How does one waltz away
From all the memories
How do I not miss you
When you are gone
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"Hey Khushi, is Kelly asleep already?" whispered Dana Cassius as she stepped carefully inside the unlocked flat.
Khushi, looked up and smiled, a brittle smile, but a smile, as she motioned to the sleeping child on the plush green settee.
"She fell asleep an hour ago."
Carefully hitching her expensive Prada purse up on her shoulder Dana bent over the child, brushing a soft kiss onher tousled blonde curls before looking gratefully up at Khushi.
"I don't know what I'd do without you, you have such a way with her, you're going to be an amazing mother someday you know." She added in after thought not noticing how the other woman stiffened imperceptibly at the implication.
Children.
She closed her eyes in agony.
After the bleak moment of pure anguish when she realized that not only had she lost the man she'd fallen in love with despite every damning thing, she'd lost the chance to hold on to the hope that he would come back, even if only to see the child.
Their child.
The child she had hoped and prayed for.
The child that had never existed.
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Cannot dream
Cannot share
Sweet and tender moments
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It had been over ten months since he'd last seen her.
And still, everytime someone walked through a door he expected it to be her.
Every time his phone rang, his heart skipped a beat.
In hope….in anticipation…
His hands went to the torn strand of pearls he'd had set into a crystallized photo-frame, set precariously on the edge of his desk.
If he closed his eyes, he could almost believe he could feel her in his arms.
A frantic knock forced him to open his eyes with ill-concealed fury.
"What is it?" he bit out curtly, his annoyance at being dragged away from even a second of his wonderful hallucination enough to momentarily paralyze the young man standing at the doorway.
"Sir there's a storm building in the east coast," he explained hastily, "Sir, the pilot says you'll have to fly out now…erm Sir."
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Can not feel
How we feel
Must pretend it's over
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Khushi awoke with a searing headache as she tried uneasily to stretch the crick in her neck, blinking twice to clear her vision, she realized she was still seated in an inelegant sprawl on the carpeted floor her arms braced on the foot of the settee where she had evidently fallen asleep after letting Kelly and Dana out.
Her eyes fell on the soft cashmere shawl draped across her knees – Lavanya
And as if just on cue, the tanned beauty stepped out of the wood paneled kitchen, to peek into the soft sage themed parlor across the hall. "You're awake." She noted as she wiped her hand on the tea-towel.
"How long was I asleep?" Khushi asked dubiously, carefully folding the shawl away.
"Awhile." Answered the other girl, a thundering silence ensuing in the wake of her simple answer.
Lavanya had used the same answer for the same question once not too long ago, and the very fact that the young girl before her still evidently remembered made her realize that that moment Arnav had asked her to wait for was here, excusing herself gently she pressed a hand over Khushi's own – "Stay here…there's something I have to give you."
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Must be brave, and we must go on
Must not say, what we've known all along
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Lavanya Kashyap, had been a young girl when she'd first met Arnav.
Not in her first bloom, nor inexperienced, but young none-the-less,
She'd been ignorant.
Ignorant of the fact that a love could possibly run so deep that without a second thought, without a practical second of doubt, a purported machine like Arnav Singh Raizada could sign over, everything he owned and ever would own to a woman he was not sure would ever consent to seeing him again.
Her hand smoothly gliding over the leather bound folder, Lavanya thought back for a second not to the heart breaking moment when he'd drawn these folded papers out, only to ask his London based MD of one final favor, but before that, to every moment she'd ignored.
He'd always loved her, she realized.
And somehow that made it easier to deal with than if he'd fallen in love with her later.
Quickly standing up and retrieving her phone from beside the open safe, Lavnaya realized the blinking light was evidently indicating an unread message, even as she deftly flicked the text message open, a soul-wrenching scream pierced threw the haze of her old memories.
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Must be brave, and we must go on
Must not say, what we've known all along
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