Posted:
Credit goes to Maham(Allbut1) for this beautiful Banner
-------------------
-------------------
This is is a study I read on the way men and women communicate differently. If fit AarYa to a T so I am pasting it here with the link if you want to read it on the site. I am of course highlighting the stuff that seems particularly relevant and making my own little asides. Of course the love stuff doesn't apply at this stage but a lot of this is still very pertinent. All the Aarti-related stuff is in purple and Yash-related in green.
6 Ways Men & Women Communicate Differently
Will men and women ever see eye to eye?
Men and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women communicate.
Here are six important communication differences that you should be aware of:
1. Why Talk?
He believes communication should have a clear purpose. Behind every conversation is a problem that needs solving or a point that needs to be made. Communication is used to get to the root of the dilemma as efficiently as possible.
She uses communication to discover how she is feeling and what it is she wants to say. She sees conversation as an act of sharing and an opportunity to increase intimacy with her partner. Through sharing, she releases negative feelings and solidifies her bond with the man she loves (Actually we saw Paridhi doing this with Prateek a while back. Good for her! And now Prateek is encouraging Aarti to do the same with Yash. I guess the couples have a lot to learn from each other).
2. How Much Should You Say?
He prioritizes productivity and efficiency in his daily life, and conversation is no exception. When he tells a story he has already sorted through the muck in his own head, and shares only those details that he deems essential to the point of the story. He might wonder, "Why do women need to talk as much as they do?" Often he will interrupt a woman once he has heard enough to offer a solution
She uses communication to explore and organize her thoughts to discover the point of the story. She may not know what information is necessary or excessive until the words come spilling out (That's our Aarti!). But a woman isn't necessarily searching for a solution when she initiates a conversation. She's looking for someone to listen and understand what she's feeling.
3. What Does It Mean To Listen?
He is conditioned to listen actively. When a woman initiates conversation he assumes she is seeking his advice or assistance (Aarti didn't initiate a conversation but she did give him a reproachful look across the bridge re. Ansh's depression. That is conversation in AarYa world). He engages with the woman, filtering everything she's saying through the lens of, "What can we actually do about this?" Learning to listen patiently not just passively doesn't come easily to him.
She sees conversation as a productive end in and of itself. If she feels sufficiently heard or understood she may not need to take further action to resolve a problem or "make things better." The fact that she has been listened to assuages her anxieties and dulls the pangs of negative feelings (BIngo! Aarti felt understood only by Prateek till now. Her main issue in the Scindia house is that nobody is trying to understand her). Sharing with someone who understands and loves her heals her from the inside and equips her with the emotional tools necessary to handle the trials and tribulations of the outside world.
4. When She Is Feeling Down
He will want to tackle her problems head on, like a fireman (🤣 so true!). He feels impatient to put the fire out as quickly as possible. For him, the quickest way to put the fire out is by giving solutions. Because he wants so badly to provide for his spouse, he may take her mood personally and defend himself. He might hear things literally, not realizing that when his spouse is upset she will use words as tools to explore and express difficult emotions.
By using words as tools to explore and express her difficult emotions when she is upset, she is able to process her negative emotions and let them go. She values support and nurture, and is most fulfilled by sharing, cooperation and community. When he shows interest in her by asking caring questions or expressing heartfelt concerns she feels loved and cared for. He is fulfilling her first primary love need.
5. When He Is Feeling Down
He will often withdraw into his "cave" (becoming quiet and withdrawn) when he's upset or stressed. A man's "cave time" is like a short vacation: he reduces stress by forgetting about his problems and focusing on other things like watching television, reading the newspaper, or playing video games. (Is Yash's "cave" his office?)
He might avoid communication with his spouse during times of duress. If she persists with nurturing questions or criticism, he withdraws even further, fearing that his partner doesn't trust him to take care of business on his own. However, with her support and understanding, a man will return and be more emotionally available, caring, and loving.
She might interpret her spouse's silence as a sign that she is failing him or that she's losing him. She instinctively tries to nurture him through his problems by asking an abundance of caring questions. Or she may react defensively out of fear that her own need for healthy open communication is not being respected within the relationship (That is what Aarti was doing when she defended Ansh's "mamuli" school. That wasn't really the issue but she felt like she was being misunderstood and undermined so she defended her choices and her beliefs)
Ultimately, she can do more for him by appreciating his space, which shows him that she trusts him to work out the problem on his own. Trusting is one of the greatest gifts she has to offer him. In the meantime she should do something nurturing for herself (like asking her devar to get her some ice cream?), so she won't resent him when he emerges from his "cave time."
6. Communication Breaks Down When
He feels like he's being told what to do. The most important thing to a man is doing a good job. When his competence is questioned he'll not only feel hurt, but he'll throw up a wall of resistance, and communication begins to breakdown. He thrives in an environment where he's the expert (So according to this, Yash's reactions could stem from the fact that Aarti seems to be mistrusting him. Maybe he isn't really as cocky as he is being right now, but she is driving him further and further into dabangg mode by constantly questioning him, which is not wrong but also not strategic). Rather than being told, "You should do X" he is likely to respond better to, "What do you think of X?" The trick to improving him is to resist telling him what to do.
She hears from her spouse that her problems aren't as real and pressing as they seem in that very moment. Her spouse may mistakenly think he's being helpful in providing "reality checks" like: "You're making a mountain out of a mole hill" or "You're getting overly emotional about it." To her it feels like he is attempting to minimize her feelings or talk her out of having them (Heck yes! I have nothing to add to this, it speaks for itself!)
Men and women desire to satisfy their partners, but they may miss the mark because it is truly difficult to understand and accept our partner's different ways of communication. Men and women need education on these differences to help their relationships, so they do not end up in a frustrated state of resentment and feel stuck.
www.yourtango.com/experts/richard-drobnick-mars-venus-counseling-center/6-ways-men-women-communicate-differently-exper
Episode AnalysisMen and women are different in many ways. They see the world through completely different perspectives. The key to understanding their differences is in the way that men and women communicate.
Here are six important communication differences that you should be aware of:
1. Why Talk?
He believes communication should have a clear purpose. Behind every conversation is a problem that needs solving or a point that needs to be made. Communication is used to get to the root of the dilemma as efficiently as possible.
She uses communication to discover how she is feeling and what it is she wants to say. She sees conversation as an act of sharing and an opportunity to increase intimacy with her partner. Through sharing, she releases negative feelings and solidifies her bond with the man she loves (Actually we saw Paridhi doing this with Prateek a while back. Good for her! And now Prateek is encouraging Aarti to do the same with Yash. I guess the couples have a lot to learn from each other).
2. How Much Should You Say?
He prioritizes productivity and efficiency in his daily life, and conversation is no exception. When he tells a story he has already sorted through the muck in his own head, and shares only those details that he deems essential to the point of the story. He might wonder, "Why do women need to talk as much as they do?" Often he will interrupt a woman once he has heard enough to offer a solution
She uses communication to explore and organize her thoughts to discover the point of the story. She may not know what information is necessary or excessive until the words come spilling out (That's our Aarti!). But a woman isn't necessarily searching for a solution when she initiates a conversation. She's looking for someone to listen and understand what she's feeling.
3. What Does It Mean To Listen?
He is conditioned to listen actively. When a woman initiates conversation he assumes she is seeking his advice or assistance (Aarti didn't initiate a conversation but she did give him a reproachful look across the bridge re. Ansh's depression. That is conversation in AarYa world). He engages with the woman, filtering everything she's saying through the lens of, "What can we actually do about this?" Learning to listen patiently not just passively doesn't come easily to him.
She sees conversation as a productive end in and of itself. If she feels sufficiently heard or understood she may not need to take further action to resolve a problem or "make things better." The fact that she has been listened to assuages her anxieties and dulls the pangs of negative feelings (BIngo! Aarti felt understood only by Prateek till now. Her main issue in the Scindia house is that nobody is trying to understand her). Sharing with someone who understands and loves her heals her from the inside and equips her with the emotional tools necessary to handle the trials and tribulations of the outside world.
4. When She Is Feeling Down
He will want to tackle her problems head on, like a fireman (🤣 so true!). He feels impatient to put the fire out as quickly as possible. For him, the quickest way to put the fire out is by giving solutions. Because he wants so badly to provide for his spouse, he may take her mood personally and defend himself. He might hear things literally, not realizing that when his spouse is upset she will use words as tools to explore and express difficult emotions.
By using words as tools to explore and express her difficult emotions when she is upset, she is able to process her negative emotions and let them go. She values support and nurture, and is most fulfilled by sharing, cooperation and community. When he shows interest in her by asking caring questions or expressing heartfelt concerns she feels loved and cared for. He is fulfilling her first primary love need.
5. When He Is Feeling Down
He will often withdraw into his "cave" (becoming quiet and withdrawn) when he's upset or stressed. A man's "cave time" is like a short vacation: he reduces stress by forgetting about his problems and focusing on other things like watching television, reading the newspaper, or playing video games. (Is Yash's "cave" his office?)
He might avoid communication with his spouse during times of duress. If she persists with nurturing questions or criticism, he withdraws even further, fearing that his partner doesn't trust him to take care of business on his own. However, with her support and understanding, a man will return and be more emotionally available, caring, and loving.
She might interpret her spouse's silence as a sign that she is failing him or that she's losing him. She instinctively tries to nurture him through his problems by asking an abundance of caring questions. Or she may react defensively out of fear that her own need for healthy open communication is not being respected within the relationship (That is what Aarti was doing when she defended Ansh's "mamuli" school. That wasn't really the issue but she felt like she was being misunderstood and undermined so she defended her choices and her beliefs)
Ultimately, she can do more for him by appreciating his space, which shows him that she trusts him to work out the problem on his own. Trusting is one of the greatest gifts she has to offer him. In the meantime she should do something nurturing for herself (like asking her devar to get her some ice cream?), so she won't resent him when he emerges from his "cave time."
6. Communication Breaks Down When
He feels like he's being told what to do. The most important thing to a man is doing a good job. When his competence is questioned he'll not only feel hurt, but he'll throw up a wall of resistance, and communication begins to breakdown. He thrives in an environment where he's the expert (So according to this, Yash's reactions could stem from the fact that Aarti seems to be mistrusting him. Maybe he isn't really as cocky as he is being right now, but she is driving him further and further into dabangg mode by constantly questioning him, which is not wrong but also not strategic). Rather than being told, "You should do X" he is likely to respond better to, "What do you think of X?" The trick to improving him is to resist telling him what to do.
She hears from her spouse that her problems aren't as real and pressing as they seem in that very moment. Her spouse may mistakenly think he's being helpful in providing "reality checks" like: "You're making a mountain out of a mole hill" or "You're getting overly emotional about it." To her it feels like he is attempting to minimize her feelings or talk her out of having them (Heck yes! I have nothing to add to this, it speaks for itself!)
Men and women desire to satisfy their partners, but they may miss the mark because it is truly difficult to understand and accept our partner's different ways of communication. Men and women need education on these differences to help their relationships, so they do not end up in a frustrated state of resentment and feel stuck.
www.yourtango.com/experts/richard-drobnick-mars-venus-counseling-center/6-ways-men-women-communicate-differently-exper
------------------------
Since I am not a part of this relationship and don't have to worry about hurting any egos or burning bridges, I can say this:
I TOLD YOU SO, YASH SCINDIA!
Since yesterday's episode I felt like Yash was missing the point completely. He didn't tell Payal or Palak not to tease Ansh, he gave them no consequences whatsoever and on top of it, gave Palak a reason to hit back doubly hard. Palak was wrong in many ways yesterday, not only did she pull that stunt on Ansh in school, she told her dad school was fun and she lied about it when Ansh explained why he didn't want to go to scool, none of which was dealt with by Yash. So what would stop her from doing something like that again? What really freaks me out is how much joy these two kids get out of being horrid to Ansh. whatever criticism I had of Ms. Lobo, I take it all back. Her tone was absolutely justified if this is how the girls are with their peers.
Today Ansh observed keenly (and it is clearly a trait of his character to do so) that Palak tricked Aarti out of the room with her fake cough and then attacked him. Whey should be fight a battle which does not start on fair ground? And let's not even get started on how wrong that cough deception was! Palak is hugely manipulative and just plain cruel really. It all stems from insecurity that Yash absolutely refuses to acknowledge. Ansh, like Aarti vocalises his problems and concerns without a filter (which is how children should be) and so in this context he gets all the punishment, simply because he is straightforward and has been taught to communicate with his mother, rather than to manipulate her.
I do agree that there are some kids who make a fuss about going to school, but Ansh is not one of them, and Yash has seen that with his own eyes. Why is it that the moment a kid starts to act out they are immediately tagged as irrational? This is why Payal and Palak have learned to vent their frustrations so silently, because they aren't allowed to express them in any other way. Ansh doesn't want to go to school because he is scared and in his fear he is not able to express the source. But Aarti is intuitive enough to understand that the fear is very real and could be unhealthy. She is also not the type to let him miss school as we saw on the first day 9(when, btw, Ansh was crushed not to be able to go) but she sees something real in his fear. Yash has not developed this instinct of reading his children.
Ok coming to Yash's bhashan, I thought that it was hugely unfair and was shouting into my TV screen! 😆 (I loved that he spied Bua spying and dragged Aarti to a quieter place. It seems he also resents the intrusion on pati-patni matters). When he said you have to take Ansh to the bazaar, I was like actually she didn't and guess what happened? And then when he said do you think we don't treat Ansh as our own, I was like actually...Gayatri doesn't, and finally when he said, "do I stop you from being a mother to my kids?" I was like actually, yeah you did. But I think the reason Aarti didn't respind despite feeling the injustice and the incorrectness of his remarks was because he hit her where she was weak, her trust issues. This is one area where she is humble enough to admit she lacks. So when he brings it up, I felt like she heard him and fell silent, agreeing that maybe she was wrong and maybe she had been a little "passassif" (never thought I'd hear that again! 😉) of Ansh. She gave in, thinking he has a point I should let him be the father. And she must be kicking herself for going against her maternal instinct now!
How stupid was that driver? No, really...🤔 An interesting aside for later, because right now I don't like Yash very much, is that both Aarti and Yash had the exact same reaction to the driver's revelation. They both went totally ballistic and I am glad. In the first place I am not sure how I feel about sending such small kids alone with a driver, and on top of that if he doesn't even take care of who he is serving in the context then it is really pitiful. Payal and Palak are scaring me with their guileful smiles. They are acting like no less than spawn of the devil right now and I hope they get outed sooner than later for their own sakes, they need help!
I refuse to dignify the Bua with a response. What nonsense. 😡
I loved Prateek in a crisis. He did all the right things, asking Palak about Ansh, finding out he hadn't been in school all day, getting the photograph. He is a great guy to have a round.
Finally, I cried with Aarti today, from the bottom of my heart. The anguish she must be in right now, knowing that she could have stopped this if she had just trusted her instincts and put her foot down and the very idea of where Ansh could be...that is terrifying! The strong Aarti, who can take any taunt and turn it into an endearment for her son, who can handle any situation with a sunny smile and a helping hand, breaks entirely when her son is taken from her. Kratika was absolutely brilliant today in that conversation with Shobha and the aftermath. I love how she called both to check for Ansh, and I think to just share the pain with someone who she knew would understand, because everyone at casa Scindia seems on a mission to undermine her every feeling and sensibility. She needed someone to panic with her at that moment and Shobha was the only one. It was nice to see her too.
I think Yash was absolutely shaken to see Aarti this way, because he has been trying to get a response out of her, approval from her for his decisions and the decisions he makes. He is horrified that he has completely broken this murat of resilience and for a second when Aarti breaks down, everything comes to a stand still while they all feel the weight of her grief and anxiety. And then Yash comes up with the solution. He will go find Ansh. How dare Gayatri stop Aarti from going? Would she have stayed at home if one of her sons were missing...well the honest answer is...probably, if Casanova ordered her to. But Aarti is not Gayatri and she will not sit at home. I just loved that fire in her eyes when she looked at her mother in law. She is working through this family for Ansh, when Ansh is in danger, what else matters? Good for her!
Precap: Not sure if it is a kidnapper or not. I kind of hope not. It could be a well-wisher too who is confused as to whey there is a kid crying on the street and will help him find his parents if he is lost. Too optimistic?
I TOLD YOU SO, YASH SCINDIA!
Since yesterday's episode I felt like Yash was missing the point completely. He didn't tell Payal or Palak not to tease Ansh, he gave them no consequences whatsoever and on top of it, gave Palak a reason to hit back doubly hard. Palak was wrong in many ways yesterday, not only did she pull that stunt on Ansh in school, she told her dad school was fun and she lied about it when Ansh explained why he didn't want to go to scool, none of which was dealt with by Yash. So what would stop her from doing something like that again? What really freaks me out is how much joy these two kids get out of being horrid to Ansh. whatever criticism I had of Ms. Lobo, I take it all back. Her tone was absolutely justified if this is how the girls are with their peers.
Today Ansh observed keenly (and it is clearly a trait of his character to do so) that Palak tricked Aarti out of the room with her fake cough and then attacked him. Whey should be fight a battle which does not start on fair ground? And let's not even get started on how wrong that cough deception was! Palak is hugely manipulative and just plain cruel really. It all stems from insecurity that Yash absolutely refuses to acknowledge. Ansh, like Aarti vocalises his problems and concerns without a filter (which is how children should be) and so in this context he gets all the punishment, simply because he is straightforward and has been taught to communicate with his mother, rather than to manipulate her.
I do agree that there are some kids who make a fuss about going to school, but Ansh is not one of them, and Yash has seen that with his own eyes. Why is it that the moment a kid starts to act out they are immediately tagged as irrational? This is why Payal and Palak have learned to vent their frustrations so silently, because they aren't allowed to express them in any other way. Ansh doesn't want to go to school because he is scared and in his fear he is not able to express the source. But Aarti is intuitive enough to understand that the fear is very real and could be unhealthy. She is also not the type to let him miss school as we saw on the first day 9(when, btw, Ansh was crushed not to be able to go) but she sees something real in his fear. Yash has not developed this instinct of reading his children.
Ok coming to Yash's bhashan, I thought that it was hugely unfair and was shouting into my TV screen! 😆 (I loved that he spied Bua spying and dragged Aarti to a quieter place. It seems he also resents the intrusion on pati-patni matters). When he said you have to take Ansh to the bazaar, I was like actually she didn't and guess what happened? And then when he said do you think we don't treat Ansh as our own, I was like actually...Gayatri doesn't, and finally when he said, "do I stop you from being a mother to my kids?" I was like actually, yeah you did. But I think the reason Aarti didn't respind despite feeling the injustice and the incorrectness of his remarks was because he hit her where she was weak, her trust issues. This is one area where she is humble enough to admit she lacks. So when he brings it up, I felt like she heard him and fell silent, agreeing that maybe she was wrong and maybe she had been a little "passassif" (never thought I'd hear that again! 😉) of Ansh. She gave in, thinking he has a point I should let him be the father. And she must be kicking herself for going against her maternal instinct now!
How stupid was that driver? No, really...🤔 An interesting aside for later, because right now I don't like Yash very much, is that both Aarti and Yash had the exact same reaction to the driver's revelation. They both went totally ballistic and I am glad. In the first place I am not sure how I feel about sending such small kids alone with a driver, and on top of that if he doesn't even take care of who he is serving in the context then it is really pitiful. Payal and Palak are scaring me with their guileful smiles. They are acting like no less than spawn of the devil right now and I hope they get outed sooner than later for their own sakes, they need help!
I refuse to dignify the Bua with a response. What nonsense. 😡
I loved Prateek in a crisis. He did all the right things, asking Palak about Ansh, finding out he hadn't been in school all day, getting the photograph. He is a great guy to have a round.
Finally, I cried with Aarti today, from the bottom of my heart. The anguish she must be in right now, knowing that she could have stopped this if she had just trusted her instincts and put her foot down and the very idea of where Ansh could be...that is terrifying! The strong Aarti, who can take any taunt and turn it into an endearment for her son, who can handle any situation with a sunny smile and a helping hand, breaks entirely when her son is taken from her. Kratika was absolutely brilliant today in that conversation with Shobha and the aftermath. I love how she called both to check for Ansh, and I think to just share the pain with someone who she knew would understand, because everyone at casa Scindia seems on a mission to undermine her every feeling and sensibility. She needed someone to panic with her at that moment and Shobha was the only one. It was nice to see her too.
I think Yash was absolutely shaken to see Aarti this way, because he has been trying to get a response out of her, approval from her for his decisions and the decisions he makes. He is horrified that he has completely broken this murat of resilience and for a second when Aarti breaks down, everything comes to a stand still while they all feel the weight of her grief and anxiety. And then Yash comes up with the solution. He will go find Ansh. How dare Gayatri stop Aarti from going? Would she have stayed at home if one of her sons were missing...well the honest answer is...probably, if Casanova ordered her to. But Aarti is not Gayatri and she will not sit at home. I just loved that fire in her eyes when she looked at her mother in law. She is working through this family for Ansh, when Ansh is in danger, what else matters? Good for her!
Precap: Not sure if it is a kidnapper or not. I kind of hope not. It could be a well-wisher too who is confused as to whey there is a kid crying on the street and will help him find his parents if he is lost. Too optimistic?
Bade Achhe Lagte Hain
