Chapter 11

She had a lot of thinking to do, she thought as she drove home. Is it really me who has given up an argument not because I was wrong but I wanted to compromise to make someone happy? But is he really happy? Why doesn't he say something? Does he love me or am I just some time pass that he wants to mold to his liking? What the hell am I supposed to do? She was frustrated beyond belief by the time she stopped the car in the garage. Taking a deep breath to smile for her mother, she entered the house, and was relieved to know that her sister was at a friend's and both her parents had gone to a tea party.

Taking a hot shower to make herself fresh, she sat down in front of the heater. She loved winters. She loved cocooning up in an oversize sweater and sitting in front of a heater or simply in the fog to have some coffee. It was most romantic thing in her opinion, but today she was puzzled. She was strong enough to face anything, of that she was sure, but what is the thing that I am facing? Rejection? Or is it something more sinister? Tired of going around in circles, she called up Farah.

"Ask him straight out Saaru," she said, distaste for Adal evident in her voice. She didn't like the fact that he had her sensible friend tied up in knots.

"Why should I be the one, Faree? Isn't he supposed to start?"

"Do you love him?" Farah asked pointedly and sighed when she was met with silence. "It is difficult for you to admit that even with me Saru, just imagine how difficult it would be for an egoistic jerk like him"

"Hey!" Sara said outraged.

Farah only laughed and said, "Oh yeah you love him to pieces, Sara, and it scares me because you're not the kind of person who will move on or get over him."

Sara was quite for a moment as she digested what Farah had said. She was absolutely right, Sara had to admit.

"Do you like him Farah?"

"Yes, and I think he loves you too but there is something dark in him, Sara, that he barely keeps at bay. Be careful, he may be the only one in the world who can break you as nothing could. You are the strongest person I know, you have been my rock through each and everything and I don't know what I'd do if I saw you fall to pieces. I know it is selfish but I want you to stay strong sweetheart."

"Yeah I will be, Faree don't worry about me." Sara said, alarmed at the catch in Farah's voice. If Farah is worried about me, I am seriously in trouble.

"You always say that, but please be really careful"

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She was deep in thought next day, sitting outside in the sun, a pile of assignment laying forgotten in her lap as she pondered how best to approach Adal and ask him what she meant to him.

"Sitting alone?" Ali asked as he sat down on the bleacher beside her.

She looked over at him with a new perspective that Adal had awoken in her, and could see the change. His eyes were too mature for a sixteen year old, his manner was too adult and his smile too knowing.

"Why aren't you in class?" she asked, trying to sound stern.

He looked at her for a minute, "It is a free period."

"Where's the rest of your class?"

"Some are in the library, some in the caf" he answered with tonelessly.

She nodded and then pointedly picked up the assignments, sending a non verbal message for him to get out of there. There you go Adal, she thought, I have stopped being friendly with them.

"I should have known you'd react like that." He mumbled, just loud enough for her to hear and then vehemently got up from the bleacher.

"React to what?" Sara asked, suddenly realizing what her coldness at this point could have translated into. It had been only three days since they'd gone to the movie. She had been normal with him, but they'd only seen each other during the class.

"Stop playing dumb, Ma'am" he said sarcastically and turned around to stalk off.

"Sit down!" she said, really sternly this time. Perhaps it was the shock of her scolding him that made him sit down.

"Don't you dare use that excuse for any of your habits or for any of your failures!" she said furiously. "You think you're a martyr? You think you're a victim? Did you even ask your mom for her side of the story?" she demanded.

He shook his head, turned mute by the fury in her voice.

"You mother's life is not your concern. She is allowed to do whatever she likes! And it is jerks likes you who use their parents or their friends or strangers to justify their own weakness! Did she shackled you to the chair and made you watch while she f**ked anyone?" she asked angrily.

He again shook his head, his eyes huge with surprise at the things she was saying.

"Then only you are to blame for the mess you have created for yourself. Get out of your pool of self pity and put your life in order. If you end up destroying your life, nobody is to blame except yourself!" she said and then stalked off. Few things made her as angry as people blaming others for their own weaknesses.

Ali sat on the bleacher, and looked at her, and continued looking at her until she had disappeared behind a corner.

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She deserves better, he thought as he entered the dark world again. I am not good for her, and I will definitely destroy her.

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She got to the university only to find that the class will start in an hour and a half rather than in twenty minutes. She bought a cup of coffee and then went to sit in a deserted corner of the huge lawn behind the Management Sciences Block. She knew that it would be empty at this time. She did not want to be found before the class. She had not yet decided how to approach Adal and wanted more time to figure out what to do. She took out head phones from her bag, attached them to the phone and sat back, her back against a huge tree, to listen to the mind numbing music of Guns and Roses.

She had only listened to half a song, when she got a message from Adal.

Where are you?

She ignored the message, and continued to listen to the song. She wanted to be alone right now, not with anybody else.

Sara?

She continued listening.

I can see your car, I know you're in the university.

'...Nothing lasts forever, even cold November rain...'

Five minutes of silence followed the last message. Given up already, she thought, I must have hurt his ego, she thought and closed her eyes tight against the unexpected stab she felt, somewhere behind her ribs.

She was listening to Taylor Swift when she felt someone standing near her. She opened her eyes to see Adal standing behind her. He looked at her, looking into her eyes to see why she had wanted to be alone. Then without saying anything, he sat right down with her, his back to the trunk and closed his eyes too, just like she had been sitting a minute ago.

Puzzled, she leaned back and was looking at her mobile to select a song that best suited mood, when he said quietly.

"In future, if you don't feel like talking, tell me, I won't mind that. But please don't push me away."

Startled she looked at him, but his eyes were still closed. Somewhat pacified, she smiled a little and closed her eyes, only to open them again, jolted, when he took her hand in his, and held it tightly until it was time for her to leave for her class.