Take Me Home Tonight - Page 14

Arnav felt a little uncomfortable for a moment. He weighed leaving versus staying here a bit longer. He didn't want to go back. He might murder Shyaam if he saw him so soon again. He turned his head slightly to observe Khushi's resting head on his shoulder. Soon, it didn't seem very odd anymore. It actually began to seem like the most natural thing in the world. Sitting here with her in this serene setting resembled an awful lot like the so called domestic bliss. But that was another delusion created and celebrated by greeting cards, so that was hardly something he wanted to spend time thinking about. Yet' he felt way too comfortable at the moment to even move an inch.

They sat there in silence for a while. Neither acknowledging the intimacy, but not denying it either. Pretending like this wasn't real, just like they had been practising for so long.

It was Khushi who broke the silence. She didn't really want to. This cozy laziness was making it hard for her to even think. Let alone speak or move. But she had some things that she needed to get out of her head. And now was as good a time as any that she was going to find.

"Arnavji'" she said without moving.

His head slightly turned toward her, she could feel.

"Arnavji' If we hadn't met the way we did'. then'. then'" her voice drifted away.

She could feel Arnav's eyes on her, waiting.

She tried again. "If we hadn't met under these circumstances' then' would you have''.. would we have ever been'" She couldn't finish.

Arnav was waiting patiently. Khushi raised her head slowly. Her eyes met Arnav's. His eyes were kind. Silent, but patient. Khushi tried to swallow the ball of emotions that was keeping her from speaking coherently. But it only got more clogged up her in her chest.

"Arnavji... I had no idea all of this would happen... I tried so hard..." her lips trembled... "tried so hard to keep everyone happy... keep everything under control... Then why did this happen to me? How do I handle everything now?"

What was she talking about? Arnav was confused, but he felt concerned anyway. This was not like her.

"Khushi? Khushi what are you talking about?"

Khushi looked at him deeply. He was listening to her. Waiting for her to say something. But how could she tell him? What she was about to tell him would have taken this heavy, heavy load off of her chest, but truly, how could she? What would that get her anyway? If she didn't have his heart now, telling him about Shyam was not going to help that cause. At least she had his company right here and right now; at least she saw affection in his eyes in this fleeting moment. She would lose that as well along with everything else. She would have to be a fool to believe that Arnav Singh Raizada would even look at her after knowing the truth, no matter how innocent she was. She knew at least that much.

Maybe she was resisting that natural course of things. Maybe this is what should happen. If she left, things would slowly resolve themselves. She would save herself from Shyam's disturbing words and looks. Anjali di would never have to know. Arnavji would never have to know. The families would not have to be torn apart. Arnavji would probably be happy as well, overall. No more sharing his room with his mischievous brat of a wife. Not more having to save her at every step. No more "what the!" and no more "unbelievable" either. Would he miss her at all? And she... well she would finally be able to breathe... Khushi tried to imagine... no, not true... she wouldn't really be able to breathe being away from him. She should have left when she still had a chance. It's too late now. But it's a lose-lose situation for her either way. At least the others had something to gain with her gone. Her jiji... at least one of their marriages would be successful. And she deserved it. If anyone deserved that, it was her jiji, her dear sister. As for her heart, it was just going to have to heal itself somehow... people have gone through worse pain and survived, why couldn't she?

Arnav could sense a change in her mood from the change of her expression. She had become calmer, but somehow, that did not satisfy him.

"Arnavji... after I leave... you are going to take care of Jiji and Aakash ji, right? I did everything you asked me... you can do at least this much for me, can't you?"

What? Arnav was confused. Where did this come from? And why is she talking about leaving? He was suddenly angry.

And just as sudden, was there a shift in the weather it seemed. He hadn't noticed when the bright sunny day had turned stormy. Dark clouds were gathering in the horizon and the wind was fast blowing, gaining momentum every second. A single drop fell from the heavens and landed on Khushi's cheek, replenishing the tears that had dried up.

"Khushi you were going to say something earlier," he commented.

The look on her face was eternal. Her eyes suddenly tired. She sighed.

"It's alright... don't worry about it... there's no point talking about these things anymore anyway," she looked at the darkening clouds... "Let's go home now...it's going to rain soon." She got up and prepared to leave.

A thunder crashed somewhere far away. Khushi was caught off guard. She took a step back.

Arnav instinctively jumped up to reach her. But like always he stopped himself before he did something irrational.

There was something about what she had said earlier. It was more erratic than usual. And what was bothering her so much? He could not let it go. "Khushi I wanna know what you were about to say." He was persistent.

Something snapped inside her. "You want to know?! Why do you want to know? And why do you want to know now? When I have nothing left to say?!" She felt like crying again. What was wrong with her? Why was she screaming? She felt absurdly bipolar all the time these days, with both poles manifesting at the same time. Couldn't focus on anything. Couldn't decide on anything. Couldn't remember her own thoughts anymore.

Arnav's first reaction was complete bafflement. But that quickly turned into anger. She thought she was the only one in this mess, the only one who is suffering? What did she know about pain? About heart break? He crossed the distance between them with two forceful strides and grabbed her arms and pulled her toward him.

He was hurting her. Khushi tried to get away but that only tightened his grip on her arms.

"I. Said. I. Want to. Know." He spitted each word out icily.

The wind had become uncontrollable by then, taking over everything around them, stomping and parading ominously. The trees were answering to its calling and swaying their branches in every direction. The leaves had sprung to life and were performing a tribal dance as if to please an invisible god. The light drizzle had transformed into mature drops and hitting them on the face, leaving them drenched... and washing away Khushi's fears. Suddenly Khushi wasn't afraid anymore. Not of him, not of Shyam, not of her ownself. Not of the consequences, not of the future, and not of fate itself. It is what it is. And if this is her destiny, then so be it.

"Are you really that desperate to know? Then listen! I wanted to ask if I absolutely had to leave after six months. And if I do have to leave, then please let me go now... let me go now because I can't take this anymore ... I can't keep pretending any longer... I can't live being so afraid all the time anymore! I can't keep everything inside me anymore! I'm tired of hiding everything! Hiding things from everybody... from di...from you... I can't handle seeing the hatred in your eyes anymore...I...I... I can't bear any of this anymore...I'm so tired of it all..." She was almost panting.

"I have no idea why I act this way... Even after everything that happened, I go along with things... You ordered me to marry you, and I did it! You declared it was to be for six months, and I agreed to that as well... You said no one should know and I made sure no one did!... And hid the secrets that weren't even mine to hide! So that our families weren't hurt, so that you weren't hurt! Do you have any idea why I do all this? Any idea why I endure all this pain and suffering? No matter how much we fight, I always come back, do you have any idea why? ... I live through this suffocation... can't do anything, can't even leave ...do you have any clue why?!" She was screaming.

Arnav was silent with shock. His hands let her go and almost froze midair as his fists clenched.

"Why aren't you saying anything now?! Why don't you ask me?! Ask me!...Ask me why?!" Her face twisted in pain.

"Why..." Arnav whispered almost inaudibly.

"Because I fell in love, Arnavji! I fell in love! I fell in love with last person that I ever thought I would fall in love with... I fell in love with you..." Tears were streaming from her eyes. "I'm in love with you'" Her voice broke off.

The thunder fell almost nearby this time. The lightning flashed across the sky dazzling his eyes. He was speechless. For the first time in a long time he was truly left without words.

***

Take Me Home Tonight: Part IV

"I. Said. I. Want to. Know." He spitted each word out icily.

The wind had become uncontrollable by then, taking over everything around them, stomping and parading ominously. The trees were answering to its calling and swaying their branches in every direction. The leaves had sprung to life and were performing a tribal dance as if to please an invisible god. The light drizzle had transformed into mature drops and hitting them on the face, leaving them drenched... and washing away Khushi's fears. Suddenly Khushi wasn't afraid anymore. Not of him, not of Shyam, not of her ownself. Not of the consequences, not of the future, and not of fate itself. It is what it is. And if this is her destiny, then so be it.

"Are you really that desperate to know? Then listen! I wanted to ask if I absolutely had to leave after six months. And if I do have to leave, then please let me go now... let me go now because I can't take this anymore ... I can't keep pretending any longer... I can't live being so afraid all the time anymore! I can't keep everything inside me anymore! I'm tired of hiding everything! Hiding things from everybody... from di...from you... I can't handle seeing the hatred in your eyes anymore...I...I... I can't bear any of this anymore...I'm so tired of it all..." She was almost panting.

"I have no idea why I act this way... Even after everything that happened, I go along with things... You ordered me to marry you, and I did it! You declared it was to be for six months, and I agreed to that as well... You said no one should know and I made sure no one did!... And hid the secrets that weren't even mine to hide! So that our families weren't hurt, so that you weren't hurt! Do you have any idea why I do all this? Any idea why I endure all this pain and suffering? No matter how much we fight, I always come back, do you have any idea why? ... I live through this suffocation... can't do anything, can't even leave ...do you have any clue why?!" She was screaming.

Arnav was silent with shock. His hands let her go and almost froze midair as his fists clenched.

"Why aren't you saying anything now?! Why don't you ask me?! Ask me!...Ask me why?!" Her face twisted in pain.

"Why..." Arnav whispered almost inaudibly.

"Because I fell in love, Arnavji! I fell in love! I fell in love with last person that I ever thought I would fall in love with... I fell in love with you..." Tears were streaming from her eyes. "I'm in love with you'" Her voice broke off.

The thunder fell almost nearby this time. The lightning flashed across the sky dazzling his eyes. He was speechless. For the first time in a long time he was truly left without words.

"I have no idea how this happened to me, or...or when this happened"' she was sobbing' "I never thought in a million years that something like this will happen to me... what am I supposed to do now Arnavji... tell me what can I do now?"

There was a storm inside Arnav's mind. Memories, so many memories flashing across, blocking all the corridors, jamming all the doors shut. She was saying something, he couldn't hear anything clearly. Did she say she loved him? How was that possible? The memories were colliding with each other blending into one...

...The first time his eyes met hers... the first time she fell into his arms... all the times when they crossed paths unintentionally... and all the times when they forcefully separated themselves ... their petty squabbles, their innocent laughters ... the moments when he looked into her eyes and lost himself... and moments he couldn't take his eyes off her...him holding her hand... her crying on his shoulder... him walking away from her... her running into his arms...

...the time when he let her hand go... and the time when he gave her the chudiyaan... when she pushed him back with all her force... and when he saw his name on her mehndi...when he tore her dupatta off the side mirror... and when he chose a saari for her... when she drenched him with water in anger... and when she selected the same saari that he chose for her... so many memories... oh god... Arnav was losing his mind...him pushing her hair back... her holding his face in her hands...him carrying her back to their room... her hands clutching to his shirt... her smile, her lovely smile... the hurt in her eyes... his anger and his frustration... his denial... and his love... his all consuming love for her... the love that had once lifted almost all inhibitions, inspired so many dreams... the love that hadn't been extinguished completely, couldn't be extinguished completely... despite his endeavours... the love that burned slowly, but surely, in the deepest chamber of his heart. Love? Did she say she loved him? But he had thought... he had thought...

"You don't have to say anything, I know... I know what a fool I am... I know you don't care, and you don't want to hear these things... I know I should have stayed in my limits... But Arnavji... I didn't realize it myself when I started feeling this way..." she sobbed softly... so much pain in her eyes... "that if you are beside me, then everything will turn out alright... that if you are happy, then I could find all the happiness in the world solely from your smile... didn't realize when your thoughts seeped into all of my prayers... and when you became this close to my heart..."

Her face tear stricken, she was shivering. Arnav's heart was breaking just looking at her. He wanted to go closer to her... wanted to wipe away her tears... wanted to reassure her... but he couldn't move... why couldn't he move?

Khushi looked down. She tried to compose herself as best as she could. As much as she could after spilling all of the contents of her heart out.

"But don't worry Arnavji... these are not your problems... they are mine, and I'll fix them... I only have one request for you now, that you let me go... and after I leave, you take care of everyone, and take care of the situation'... and about me...please don't be worried'. I'll be alright... and if I'm not alright now, I will be, soon... it may take a while... but everything will be turn out right one day... and hopefully one day... I'll be able to forget everything...And by then, you will have forgotten everything as well... And maybe, just maybe, one day, I will finally feel as if nothing had ever happened...like my heart never was broken... like... like this love never even existed''" her voice drifted off as she tried to control her trembling hands.

'... But this love had existed undoubtedly'. someone whispered into Arnav's ears silently... and my heart was unmistakably lost in the process '... because I am still unaware of where it wandered off to..' Is it with you Khushi? Because it never did return to me?...The thunder in his head crashed louder than the one outside, deafening him. Arnav realized with a turbulent surge of emotions how long he had waited to hear these words. He hadn't realized it at all. After he found out Khushi's affections were engaged elsewhere, he had thought he had lost her. After his heart was broken, he had thought that he had risen from the ashes and forgotten that he even held his heart in his hands for one brief moment, anxious to be accepted by her. He had truly thought all of those had gone away. But how wrong he had been... he had thought it had ended, his heart hadn't believed it for a moment... when his eyes were clouded by anger and judgement, his heart saw through it all... and waited, waited for this day... for this moment... for these words... for her... it had waited till now... but it had been prepared to wait for a lifetime... this love had breathed once for sure... and had breathed so strongly... that it shook the earth with its force...and changed his whole world ... unquestionably and absolutely, he had fallen in love once... with this lovely, charming girl... who, with her radiant smile, and darling playfulness, stole his heart with such ease, that he didn't even realize when it happened'. didn't realize when she dragged him into her crazy world and made him a part of it... and now... life without her simply makes no sense... his child like wife... and his mature companion...who captured this heart in such a way... that... that the heart didn't have any restraint anymore... and now she wanted to leave him? Leave him after changing his whole world? Leave him alone and by himself?... But Arnav didn't remember how to live just by himself anymore... he had become too accustomed to her being part of his life... he had become much too used to seeing her first after returning home every day... much too used to telling her off, and then making up with her... laughing with her, and sharing her pains... holding her hand, and holding her close to him...taking care of her and staying in her embrace... of looking at her... of seeing her every day... of longing for her every moment... got too accustomed to it all...got much too used to her...and had become much too attached to her... she had become just a bit too close to his heart... how could he let her go now?

Arnav had reached the eye of the storm that was passing through his head. He took a moment to orient himself. He looked at her. Khushi was hugging herself tightly. He went near her. Then he put a hand on her shoulder.

"You're gonna leave? Where do you think you're gonna go?"

***

Part 5 (English): 55487636

Originally posted by: kajal620

WOWWW i jus loved it...no wrds left for appreciation..u r very talented...love ur writing skill