Though he'd noticed her right after she'd boarded the train, he'd taken his time to approach her. Despite the breeding familiarity of knowing her from the same locale as his in SF, he chose to stay away from her after it dawned on him that she hadn't visited the coffee shop in over a month's time. In reality, it had been others who had approached him first to strike up a conversation, but given the hermit he'd become recently, he'd smoothly evaded a few social dinner invites he'd acquired within his first hour of being in the train. If anything he was in that train as a desperate measure to stay alone over the holidays. But without his knowing, he'd continued watching her, who had an obvious resignation to the goings on of the world around her; so much so that, she hadn't paid attention to his presence in the same coach as her.
The forlorn look on her face had reminded him of a similar time in his own life; not too far into the past he'd spent a considerable amount of time deliberating, every chance he got, on why his relationship with Sam had fizzled out after being together for nearly two years. She was his first blond American girlfriend ever since grad school - Samantha Donovan. A girl from another opposing culture had shocked his grandmother to no end, but he'd continued seeing Sam against her threats to kidnap him to India and get him married to a skilled paratha making Punjabi girl there.
Though he'd harbored doubts initially, just as his Daadi had, Sam and he had been a fairly charming couple with the usual ups and downs that came with every relationship and that had convinced him he had it going good with Sam,. One year had turned two and he couldn't help noticing the gradual decline in the number of times she sought him out or felt appreciated for all the things an American boyfriend had not been to Sam: he hadn't run from commitment and nor did he oppose their moving in together. In fact he'd gladly forgone Monday night football to spend many evenings under the sheets on her only nights off, for she almost always spent all weekend in the library, working towards her Ph.D.
When she'd informed him, in the beginning of the year that she was going away to Europe for three months through an exchange program, he hadn't thought much of it. But she'd extended the stay by another three months and then by another two months, telling him about all that she wanted to cover; to utilize the opportunity to study there to the fullest.
In the beginning, he'd considered the possibility that she was genuinely intrigued by European architecture, when she took on courses that wasn't related to her course work; she was piling up her already cumbersome course load with papers like Pre-renaissance influence of Roman sculptors on modern builders of Central Europe that had little to do her specialization: bridges.
Eventually after 11 months of Sam's departure - he'd caught on that it was really a roman guide who'd caught her interests. On Thanksgiving Day, he'd confronted her. She'd denied quite obviously. In turn, he'd insisted she come back to the states if she cared for their relationship to continue any further. He'd waited for her to respond and then the phone had gone blank after a few seconds, with nothing but the beeps of a disconnected line echoing in the vast space of his empty apartment.
He'd bought a loft overlooking the bay for them, while she'd been gone and he'd meant for it to be a surprise whenever it is that she was to return. However with time, he'd accepted that the glory days of their companionship had seen its end long before her departure to Europe. Buying that apartment and hoping for a revival after her moving in, was really an eyewash of a dream that wouldn't have suited him even if he were sleeping had he gone the whole nine yards with Sam. It was only bound to happen when he'd gone for a compromise in many forms to start with.
With Daadi's help, he'd recuperated fast with a clear head. His priorities were straight again; he only needed to get past one day at a time. And since work occupied a major part of his day, it didn't take him much before he lost himself in his work. He'd locked himself out of all social gatherings, including his friends circle and only reserved himself for brief visits to check on Daadima. People didn't force themselves on him and he didn't need them to tell him, that seasons would change and that there were other fish in the sea. In another life, he'd been a social animal and it had become increasingly difficult to ignore that part of him. And when a colleague's wedding invitation had presented him with an opportunity to fly to Seattle, he'd reluctantly, but finally welcomed the change of place.
The weekend spent at a white winter wedding had bored him endless, albeit the white of the snow had whispered a different kind of secret to him. Inside the blanket that covered all of the valley and the mountains far beyond, there was dormant life waiting for spring to come around. It was then it occurred to him that he'd been searching for something to make sense after the whole ordeal of life he'd been through until that twenty nine years of age. Or how else could be trying to find meaning...looking for hope in a snow frosted backdrop while ignoring the two people who were taking vows to love each other forever. The realization had depressed him and he'd left without another word to any guest there. Only his luck hadn't favored him at the airport as well and he was forced to resort to a train to get out of Seattle quickly.
It was exactly all those reasons that puzzled him when laid against his compelling urge to pull her out of the same wormhole she was going down. And it remained an unvarying mystery to him long after he'd made her laugh as to why he'd felt increasingly pulled towards her withdrawn self when he was running away from the same things himself. She gave him glimpses of her misery inside, in the spurts of laughter she struggled with and that had him driven to make her open up to him. Ready as a clam she was - he thought - to shut herself out in case the subject of her grief was ever to be broached by him and so he stepped with caution, measuring every step he took her way.
Ishaani
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