Scene 3 - Aakhir Kyun!
Like I said above, this is my favorite letter scene. I'm going to try and verbalize the 'why' but it can come out really vague, so headsup on that!
Technically, what i like most about this scene is, how Kesar's letter finally shows his lack of perspective of exactly how and why this hatred found seed - when it did. While its always been obvious - even more, with the frequency of his Duggu FBs - that he himself thinks he hates her for the betrayal in the evident sense of denying justice to his one brother, saving the other who is a murder and even 'possibly' being his accomplice of a decade in reaping exploits of the 'murder scheme' - the latter most he believes in moments when his hate of Dushyant peaks which usually comes from Gulaal 'siding' with Dushyant.
But the point is, to me so to say, that Kesar is most most offended on quite another ground. Let's trace back the way Kesar has deemed his bond with Gulaal, from the first time they strike the camaraderie, to him, she has been - yes loved by all, shared by all - yet someone, who has an exclusive relationship with him. Something that even in his boy brain goes far and beyond anything else she may have with anyone. In the scene of leaving for pagphere, he tells Vasant he's taking Gulaal away today, because everytime Vasant does it. In numerous scenes preceding the GV lagan, he's heard to show 'wish' for having done lagan with Gulaal himself, but for Vasant butting in š What I'm trying to say is, what Kesar much better summed up himself in one of best dialogues - main humesha se tujhpe apna haq samjhte aya hu, kisi bhi rishte ki parwaa kiye bina - and in light of that 'haq' especially post the DV when Kesar truly and solely becomes the focus of Gulaal's world, especially after scenes and claims like the kavachh scene, Kesar sort of in his own system begins to assume not only rights, but responsibilities towards Gulaal. To me, what hits him the most - apart from of course the ghastly truth of his dearest brother's murder - is the fact that there is something in Gulaal's life, which she has not shared with him, her Kesar. His betrayal in not being her confidante is what actually serves 'seed' to an emotion that steadily, almost alarmingly high at times, touches peaks of hating. Somewhere - he has been sidelined in her life. There is a secret that she and Dushyant have, rather than him Kesar and her Gulaal.
To me, the most immediate GK interactions after chota Kesar learns of the truth, are - yes, surely reflective of the way his mind gets scarred by the gross reality - but even more frustrated and grudging at that she does not tell him. When he comes back home the morning after disappearing for an entire night after learning the truth - he doesn't right away shun her, he just looks at her in this angry and disappointed sort of expectation - Ali's eyes talk so much in that scene - like he's inwardly, unknowingly, expecting, expecting, expecting her to say it now, or now, or now - that she has a secret to tell him. That he must know of this important thing. And when you think about it - even if he was but a kid at that point - Gulaal in telling him of the truth could have had him entirely on her team from the start. Of course, I'm not even going to suggest Gulaal should have realized this, heck no! But to Kesar - the point was not that he was a kid, but that Gulaal was his equal (in his head, always). And so, when he throws that vase at Dushyant, and Gulaal rushes to D instead of K, I think, comes the first pang of 'belief in comprehending' Duggu's accusation! Its a pang enough to make that little boy version of Kesar consent to go to a boarding.
The whole shut himself up process which follows after, not respond to letters, not meet her - in my head - is subconsciously about doing what she has done, keep secrets. Not let on to her, what he is, how he is, what's happening inside and around him, anymore. In his own way, he's repaying Gulaal, by shutting her out - especially, from his darkest truth. And day after day after week, after month, after year - he lives that philosophy. That Gulaal has betrayed his brother (translate: him, Kesar); that Gulaal has saved Dushyant (translate: that Gulaal has a confidante in Dushyant that is over and above him, Kesar); that Gulaal has denied the right to truth to the family (translate: that Gulaal has broken their pact, that she has snatched away his spot of being her kavachh, her confidante, and given it to Dushyant!) and in all of that, he finds the 'logic' to hate her with purpose, with something is really, only, a kind of betrayal of 'camaraderie - almost like a pinky pact they made - when he was but a boy.
And the first time I look at his hate for her in this light is courtesy this letter. Yes, he says only the obvious - of how he hates her, but really can't. Of how he can't stand to be with her, or without her. Of how he waits ceaselessly on her letters and visits and yet, doesn't mail back, or meet her. Of how he gets so mad at her one minute, and the next minute he misses her so terribly, that it makes him weep. It all stems, all, all, all, of it, from that first instinct - that he was her confidante, her focus, and she was his girl in every sense that prevails with whatever age he is at different points of the show - and yet, she did not confide in him; kept a secret between them. And it kills something inside of him to 'keep' himself a secret from her for a decade - and then the fact that she's kept one, such a major one at that, and is still keeping it all this time - makes him hate the fact that he must be so vulnerable secret keeping when she's managing just fine, and in turn he hates on her - her ability to be able to hide from him so easily - and calls it hating her for betrayal! And how interesting is it, that they both hide the same secret from each other!
Of course, Kesar really has no idea that is his trouble. For some reason, I don't think he ever explicitly realizes it like that - he only lets it all go like one bad mistake that he should have never made and one he wasted a decade over! Because in the hug scene where Gulaal tells him everything about Vasant's dream and her reason - Kesar tells her, pata ni main tujhpe shaq kaise kar sakta tha, aise baat kaise kar sakta tha tujhse! - Kesar pins it down to being 'nasamajuh' which is the case, in a way - because his grudge surfaces far more from the 'whim' of being 'second' in her confidante list, than from the whole big revelation of his brother being betrayed! Although, he himself, has no idea of this 'selfish' streak in his hate - for his conscious mind, she has done wrong, and that's that. But because his subconscious knows better, both his heart and Gulaal's - he cannot really come to convince it of what his conscious mind believes!
And so. Phew - long one - but I've loved this letter scene from the first time I saw it, and every new time that I do, there is more beneath those obvious words. The obvious question - kyun! - His obvious dilemma, of why he must hate her but can't. And the rudimentary fact beneath it all is this - the little boy who felt insecure of his place in the life of the one person who mattered the most, took it to heart so bad, that it grew and grew like a wound, like a grudge, like a conundrum that would refuse to solve! Think about how he tries to bait her, from the word go (almost) over revealing the 'secret' of her heart - when he tosses that coin for the first time - his then half mind wary gauging reaction to her saying tu mere dil ko mujhse behtar jaanta hai - because its a statement he wants to0 bask in the glory of, but can't allow to distract him when he knows she's hiding a secret! And then the very next scene where he tells her not to look into other peoples' private stuff - is like the little boy who grudged her for keeping a secret, using his first chance to rub it in š If you try and link it with every time Kesar softens for Gulaal in this antipathy phase of his, its always over some instance that sort of gives him an exclusivity in her life. Whether its the imlis - where he can revel inside about a secret between him and her; whether it is over the whole aam bagheecha - where Talli is no threat and he can easily slip into the mode of being the sole person to witness this side to her; of whether it will now, when he takes care of her over the night - where she gives in so easily to his TLC, lol āŗļø, that he's just swelling inside with all the love he has in her heart for her. Anything that gives him exclusivity - is like a revival of the pact, that its him for her, above and beyond all else and every one. Of course leading consequently to the 'pareshani' scene, and in a way, to the entire fiasco of the KT wedding, where Talli's dream has taken precedence over his wish!
Okie doke - I need to cut this one here now. Hopefully making my point to some extent - would love to hear back on your takes with this interpretation falling out of analyzing this letter scene - where I deviated greatly from 'focusing' on the letter content subjectively. It shall not keep me from quoting my favorite line from this letter - also one of my favorite Kesar dialogues - kyun tujhpe itna gussa ata hai? phir agle hi pal teri itni yaad aati hai, ke rona aajata hai... - I love love love, die for love the way NB delivers this dialogue! There is so much layering to this dialogue, the melancholy of it so beautiful and innocent reminding us this was written by a child of one time, and then NB's voice over giving this idea, that the emotion that had torn that boy apart, hasn't gone away - hence echoing life into the other sentence where he says how she used to tell him he would grow up and understand everything and why he must have to live with this dilemma until he grows up - again a sentence that projects Kesar's state of mind, in having grown up, but still being so far from 'understanding'! Oh I can watch and gush about this scene endlessly - with evidence in the length of this essay š - so I need to zip up. Shush J! š
---
Scene 4: ... something there is, that doesn't love a wall! (R.Frost)
I thought I'd keep this one brief - because the chunk of 'talking' about this one shall come with the next thread - but knowing me, don't be too hopeful.
For starters - Gulaal's first dialogue, saanjh kab hogayi has, as is typical of the script, more meaning than the literal. Gulaal just lived one of those fairytale days in her life, the day before, which ended in an accident to bring harsh reality to the fore - almost like her own life, a fairytale as it was with Vasant, until one accident changed it all! And then, the way she woke up to a routine next morning not feeling well - her initial phase of groping around regaining reigns of her own life post Vasant when she's freshly widowed - to being left behind to rest and skip the wedding - the way her life has been, lonely despite the love and support of the family - and finally, this dialogue - which is so reflective of Gulaal's life. The way she's been leading it for a decade - passing it, not living it, so that days and weeks and years pass - and she lives in a limbo, out of which she'll snap one day and wonder, when did all that time pass me by, I never realized!
And in the literal sense too - I love the realism of the scene. Don't we all have those days - I have plenty given the extent of winters in my place - when you wake up from this kind of slumber and wonder looking outside if its just before dawn, or just after dusk?! Days when you look at the watch and wonder if the '6-o-clock' is morning or evening?
Anyway - moving on to Kesar paaji returning from his letter reading day. Interestingly, he could almost have said to himself sitting in those rocks all day - arre, shaam hogayi? - before making his way back home š Usko kaunsa bada hosh rehta hai time ka! Like hello dude, you had a wedding to attend, remember? But that he wasn't going to had been obvious from his blank response to MB's order yesterday - MB really should have figured right then š To his credit, or should this be discredit š¤ he actually remembers there was a wedding to go to, which he conveniently gave a pass to - because, well, uski marzi! š Anyway, the lover boy comes back after his long day of doing nothing but being spent in spirit - its amazing how that situation contrasts between these two. The way Kesar manages to exhaust himself with the turmoil so many days, and the way Gulaal exhausts herself with the 'rut of the routine' day after day to evade the turmoil as much as she can! A defining contrast of their personalities - a blunt Kesar, so candid he can't rest without digging out truths; and an evasive ostrich Galool.
And when Kesar walks in to wonder to himself about the open doors - its almost symbolic, of how inevitably both Gulaal and he are going to leave some 'long shut and secured' doors open tonight. And walking by her room - how can he not stall in his step and look back? I found it a very interesting parallel, much later, in the finale ME, when Gulaal was almost an exact reflection of this same Kesar halting at the base of the steps, while crossing this room, then retracing steps and going towards it. For Kesar - this is Gulaal's room. For Gulaal, it was GV's place. I might be wrong, but I think I said as much after the ME too. What's interesting is - that Gulaal moved into Kesar's room a long time before the first time her feet were compelled to retrace themselves to the GV room - like a sign that GV had taken a back seat. She could cling onto the 'photograph' - wo to waise bi is omnipresent in the haveli š - but it wasn't until the ME, that she sought the urge to go back to that room. In fact, even her 'seeking' solace in the photo confidante receded with time.
But lets get back to now. Kesar is stalled in his step, kudos to NB's expressions here, nothing overdone, even as he pulls off such a perfect nuance of almost being 'possessed' by a higher power (read: Galool) that holds him back. He lingers at the door undecided - a 'physical' symbolism of all that was said in his letter, the FBs of accusations gift wrapped as 'acceptance' and resignation on Gulaal's part from earlier yesterday haunting him for the 4537365487347290843 time - and consequently his indecision to enter, because if he walked in of his own accord, he would needless to say, confirm his care and vulnerability, making a farce of his denial. The ego wins - or so it thinks, hah! - and he manages to step away, only for the fatefully crash inside the room - and every damn wary concern or holdback or exercised restraint flies right out of the window as it deserves to, and Kesar makes his dashing entry š
I love love love the consequent 'eye-talk' here - okay, fine, I abuse the word love, but don't blame me! GK are so utterly amazingly out of the worldly awesome like that, sighhh š - so anyway, I love how the dialogues are voiced over to each ones expression, which is, yes yes kudos to MP and NB, so perfectly in accord. Kesar's evident to a blind man breathless concern (like he physically ran all those miles which his pacing heart is covering - cheeesy, te he āŗļø) but that slight, oh so slight, lowering aversion of his eyes when the voice over dialogue goes - mere paas meri wajah hai... - because hello, Kesar has so damn always known no 'wajah' is fair enough to treat his Gulaal like that!!! But adat se majbur as he is, he must go all cold and rude, and now the subtle expression (oh NB!!!) of concern and guilt is shinning in that dimly lit lamp light.
Gulaal in turn, MP fantastic as ever, has that silent expression of 'accusing in conceding' as the voice over goes - tuje mujhpe ni, uss wajah par bharosa hai, to aisa hi sahi - and she looks away, a worn out woman who has given up, as she goes about her cleaning up. And that is where your heart just has to break for each one of them - Gulaal's silent acceptance of her fate, so pitifully portrayed in how she cleans up the mess she made unintentionally, almost symbolic of the fate that has become hers by a choice she made, and Kesar looking over her, so helpless and desperate in his futility as he watches her listless 'existence' ready to die in a second if he could change it for her - the DOP, brilliant as he has ceaselessly been, captures the flicker of shadows and dim light oh so well (yes I still love Kesar's bedroom so much more, but this is beautiful nonetheless) I just love how the emotions play between these two, the soulful haunting tune in the BG, and the bodylanguage of NB and MP when they are both together in the frame and the focus is on their entire person than just the faces - a thousand bows to their in character acts š
And the final touch - as Gulaal looks towards the door - her heart, just like Kesar's in this moment, is all over the place, expecting him to be there because she so saw that concern, and not expecting him to be there at the same time, because he's spoken all the words in the word to belie what she thinks she can see in his face. And when she catches him gone, again, the dual reaction, of acceptance, because she knew he wouldn't be there, and disappointment, because she almost also knew he couldn't just walk out on her like that - and her sigh to seal the tired resignation, that yes, he has in fact walked out on her, whatever she imagined she saw in his eyes!
---
ps: In reference to the Frost line I used, its from a poem called 'Mending Walls' - which is basically about two neighbors who have a wall between their boundaries, in a place, which could do so much better without one. And every time some fateful natural factor intrudes with cracks in the wall, and they have to set off to mend it again, because they have agreed to mutually believe that 'walls make good neighbors' - but Frost asks himself, why walls must make good neighbors, and exactly why they even need one! The way the cracks periodically appear is like a sign that this wall needs to be done away with, and not mended everytime! And so he says - something there is, that doesn't love a wall! A sentence I find so true to the GK situation in this Kesar's antipathy phase towards Gulaal - and later again, in Gulaal's wall against Kesar. There is another line in the poem which goes along the meaning of Frost expressing concern over exactly what he's walling in and walling out, when he upkeeps this wall - something, yet again, reflective of Kesar and Gulaal dilemma in their respective times - like should they sit back and think, they'd wonder, where exactly were they drawing this boundary line!
And that's for those two scenes - should I even say sorry for the delay? It wont really make up - but please please (I cannot stress enough) do chip in with your takes, not just because that's the purpose of the threads, but because these scenes are so deserving of gushing, how does one hold themselves back!!! Oh as Nur says, so much satisfaction in the richness of this show - it leaves you in a half state of satisfaction, and half state of yearning for endlessly more! Sigh. š
xx
JZee
Edited by JZephyr - 13 years ago
Kabhi Neem Neem Kabhi Shahad Shahad
