MN - Magical Realism. - Page 10

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Zehnaseeb thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#91
okay the second chapter has me slightly worried🤔 did nupur kill her husband for the money😲 the bit about the hard work going waste made me think maybe she did something🤔 wow mayank is a really big flirt👎🏼 yet he seems to have genuine feelings for her😍 even more surprising was nupur agreeing to the marriage👍🏼 i'm sure they'll both change after the marriage😃 and pretty please happy ending 😳
thanks for the pm🤗
thegameison thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#92
Hey, I am like extremely sorry for the delay but I'd read it the night you updated itself. So, given your endeavor of receiving critical reviews - here I go.

___________


You've got an amazing grip over your characters. Meaning, they are understandable even if they are essentially a complex substance, or some substance that's like thought outta the box. I told you, this is new. So, yeah, that's the first think that makes this story a quality read. :)

But thing is, Fantasia, you dun review the chapters, I think because there are too many grammatical errors, like use of past tense with 'did' or use of singular possessive with 'does', it is not 'doesn't wants' but 'doesn't want', and I am sure you know that. So, I suggest, just edit what you write and well, it'd be great to go.


Speaking of the story now, the greedy man's already in love with the greedy woman, eh? I think Mayank's dialogue is witty, bang on! Nupur could be clearer with what she says, I think - work on her. But you've etched a beautiful crook outta Mayank, hands down. The story's really enjoyable when you read it, amuses me. Way to go! :)



Thanks for the PM, and I hope the way I converse or give my 'two cents' is not bothersome. =]


-Savage
Fantasia. thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#93
hey all!!
Thank u so much and i am sorry for errors, but trust me i re check and still miss out!

Chapter # 3

"aacchooo"

She sneezed for the nth time and glared at mayank, "what the hell is this", she whispered angrily.

"what?, these are wedding garlands sweety", he smiled and she frowned, "what third class flowers have you used?, I just .. aaachoo .. I just can't stop sneezing!", she sniffed.

"that is because someone is remembering you, most probably your dead husband", he whispered again with a smile and nupur felt a shiver in her body.

No matter how brave, crook and evil she was, her childhood fear of ghosts still clung to her.

"this is the first and the last time you have said such a thing mayank", she glared and tried being stiff, but mayank turned to her, sensing the shake in her voice, "after this u say something like this, I'll personally go through the pain of murdering you and become a widow again", she said and looked away.

For a moment mayank was left shocked to react. Was she really scared?

Nupur ' the ultimate brave cat was scared! - but before he could decide upon what to react, they were called for the marriage rituals.

"come nupur", said Pooja, Karthik's sister.

Masking an expression of grief, nupur stood up and pooja hugged her, "God bless u nupur, you don't need to feel guilty okay, this marriage was important, bhaiya loved u very much, and I know u loved him too", she rubbed her back and nupur yawned while mayank bit his lips to control his giggle.

"Mayank", she said turning to find mayank mirroring nupur's sad ' stricken face.

He was quick in changing expressions.

"mayank, our nupur is a fragile piece of glass, u have to take care", she broke down saying this, as she placed nupur's palm over mayank's hand and turned to leave.

"fragile piece of glass hun?", mayank whispered naughtily as they were following her, "I would define you as a ductile piece of brass", he said and before nupur could even huff, they were in front of the priest, who was ever ready to bind them in the scared bond of matrimony.

The marriage rituals started, with the priest chanting all the verses in a recorded manner and simultaneously giving both of them instructions, which they followed very obediently, without improvising anything.

The audience to this quiet and rushed marriage was a total of 5 people. Karthik's sister, her husband, the priest, and two people from mayank's side, which he introduced as his friends, but nupur had never seen them. Maybe he just wanted someone from his side too, chauvinistic by birth !, she thought.

The marriage rituals were new for nupur. Although being a movie geek, she had seeing all this since childhood, but still sitting in a mandap and experiencing all of that was a new sensation. Her marriage with karthik was a paper marriage, done in a furnished office of a magistrate, so the feelings of the vermilion and wedding string came as new tickling additions to her skin.

Mayank was content, as he filled her tiny tear of hair, exposing her milky scrap with a thick coat of powdered vermilion, he felt content. He felt like a kid who finally gets the butterfly after following it in the whole garden.

"mubarik ho, shaadi mukamal ho gayi hai", the priest said in his jubilant and rural accent.

Mayank passed a mischievous glance to nupur, who was trying hard to hide her joy behind her grief masks. She even rubbed her eyes, just as an attempt to produce some tear drops, but she failed, which made her rub more vigorously and consequently mayank had to cough to hide his laugh.

"all the very best for your life nupur, my prayers are always with you", Pooja hugged her with brimming tears and nupur happily gave in.

"I wish life was different didi", she said, slowly and pooja sighed, "okay now no crying", she moved away.

"mayank", pooja held his palm and again placed it over nupur's hand, "don't leave her hand", she said and mayank smiled and nodded.

This, he felt was something straight from his heart, the first genuine expression since the evening started, and he was happy over it, unlike nupur, he used to get tired of fakeness.

An hour later, after all the formalities, they both were seated in the black Honda civic, registered in the papers by the name of Mayank Sharma.

"why didn't u take the limousine pooja was offering", she glared , taking off the garland.

"because I don't know how to drive a limousine", she said simply and nupur closed her eyes., "It is impossible to argue with you", she said and this earned her his trade mark dimpled smile.

"you know I love when you honestly acknowledge my attributes", he glanced at her pouted face.

"and I would love if we keep things simple and straight in our relation,"

"your wish is my command", he winked and with this he turned to the basement parking of a lavish multistory building.

"and now I will have to live in this box type flat of yours'", she rambled as mayank pulled out her suitcase from the car, "thank God that I married you otherwise you would have lost all ur palaces and would have to live in mole hills", he closed the door with a bang and signaled nupur to walk ahead with his sweet smile, which fumed nupur.

The building had the most expensive residential suites of the city, and Mayank Sharma owned the prettiest and the most lavish flat on the top floor of this building. The price of this flat was more equal to an acre of land in the city, but still he chose this flat, because it was on the top of the city. He loved heights.

They came up in the glass lift and now standing in front of the flat door, mayank could still hear her ramble, which he decided to ignore.

"welcome wifey", he threw open the door and the sweetness in his voice converted her ramble into a sigh.

"God mayank, you can be good a times", smiling she stepped in, and mayank followed.

"hmm, nice", she said skeptically glancing around. It was actually the first time she came to his house, although they were on great acquaintances, but still, by destiny, the first time she entered his house was as his wife.

"it's not nice, It's heaven", he said stiffly holding her suitcase and nupur raised an eyebrow, "will u ever stop being so boastful about your things"

"and will u ever try learning to differentiate between boastful and honest remarks", he said moving in the room and taking a deep breath, she followed him.

"wow!, this is ..

"heaven", he said casually , opening the closet and nupur nodded, "yes!, this room is really good".

A sky blue wall paint, with elegant and spacious furniture, white ceramic tiling and aluminum windows gave it a royal, classy and peaceful aura.

"I'll live here, you can shift to the other room", she said quickly and mayank smiled, "sweetheart, since when did married couples started living in separate rooms?"

"shut up mayank!",she said, totally baffled, "don't tell me this is

"one bedroom apartment", smiling he took out his tracks and headed to change.

"what the hell", she stamped her feet and came out of the room to check if mayank was correct or not, but he was.

For a split second she was confused, was it a good or a bad thing?. It should be a bad thing, she should detest living with mayank, but somewhere inside, she couldn't develop the feeling she should. Something inside her whispered, "it's okay"

Jerking away the thoughts, she entered he room back, where mayank was back, standing by the bed, rubbing his wet hair.

"It's better u get used to this sight", he smiled and threw away the towel and nupur glared, "that was clich", she said opening her bag.

"so what?, it still effected", he chuckled and got in the blanket, "good night nupur, please feel at home", he winked and nupur huffed.

Chapter 4 - Page 20

Edited by Fantasia. - 13 years ago
aysha_mayur thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#94

Ufff...I m loving it!!!!...😍...It would be soo fun to watch their love story progressing😍

I m loving Mayank here..!!!😍...can't wait to read the next part😳
Edited by aysha_mayur - 13 years ago
-Anila- thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#95
awesome update...👏👏
i loved it lodsss...😳
so now MayUr r a couple...😳
gosh...dis weeding was a hillarious one!!!🤣
d way Nupur trying to supress her joy wid her fake grief...😉
n Mayank trying to stop giggling was damn hillarious...🤣🤣🤣
i loved it lodsss...😳
i was actually grining...😆😃😆
bt wen Mayank felt content filling Nupur's mang...😳
dat was really adorable...😳
somewhr i felt dat he likes her a lot...😳
as u said he felt like a kid who got d butterfly after running in d whole garden!!!!😳
n den Mayank's flat!!!!😍
gosh...i can really imagine dat...😍😍
beautifully written...⭐️⭐️⭐️
n wen Nupur somehw felt ok wid staying in d same room on d same bed it make me feel dat she too like Mayank...😳
m sooo eagerly waiting for d ""MAGIC"" 😍😳😍
so dat dese 2 started realizing der actual feeling for each other...😉
i loved it lodsss...😳
waiting eagerly for d next part...
love u API...🤗🤗🤗
Edited by 18anila1 - 13 years ago
shivi02 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#96
res😃

woah...superb update!

more than the story the detailing hit me this time,...you have a very good vocabulary
the way u describe things...loved mayank's apartment

can't wait for them to fall in love...continue soon🤗
Edited by shivi02 - 13 years ago
-Annu- thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#97
hmmm...the magical journey is about to start...😉😆
a gr8 update fantu...🤗
luvd the way the talk...😆
Continue soon Sweetyy...😳
luv ya...God Bless❤️
Annu😳

cutiepie12 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#98
loved da update dearie
so finally dey r married...
cn never imagine nupur lyk dis...not even in my dreams

tc
RoohPay thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
#99
awwwhhh...another beautiful chapter!! <3 really waiting for the next part eagerlyyy! <3
Edited by pearl10 - 13 years ago
rumki34 thumbnail
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Posted: 13 years ago
superb update
finally mayur r married.waitin 4 next chap.hope mayur will fall soon

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