FF: New York times Thread 5 Completed 10/03 - Page 25

Are you updating now Hasini?

Originally posted by: princess163

Are you updating now Hasini?

I am really restless about the next part and hence, here at this time to stalk you

Oh! god no...but I'm writing. Will update tonight for sure as its already half way done.

I was thinking Saturday night PST. Hope that works for you.

And you better catch some Zzzs

Hasini

Part 110: Amor fati Update 3

It would be a million years before he would see her.

He'd only gone down to get a coffee when he couldn't finish his draft to Gail - about his decision to quit - and one thing had led to another and just like that he'd decided to grab breakfast instead, from a nearby diner. He had only started to walk the second half of a L shaped crossing at a four way stop, when he heard the booming noise. Instinctively he shielded his head and slightly bent to turn his head backward, when a blinding impact of the blast caught him in the back and thrust him forward by tens of feet. He thought he cracked his ribs from landing on the middle of the road; the cars uncontrollably coming to a shrieking stop right next to him, drew in a horror from deep inside him. Expecting his life to flash in front of his eyes, he paused. Although by some will of the universe or adrenalin - he didn't know - he picked himself through sharp pain and blistered hands to move out of a swaggering Dodge when the flying debris from the building caught him on his bent calf. He collapsed face down, his palms taking the full weight of the forceful fall, broke his wrist. He screamed in agony. However an irregular mass of hot rock landed on his shoulder, pinning him to the road.

The black tar glistened in the morning sun, the light catching the grey of the rock shining like new diamonds. Slowly the burning in his body surfaced, taking root at first in his shoulders then it spread like liquid fire in his veins. Almost in parallel, his mind reeled out images of random events he couldn't make sense that moment. A thousand sun rises broke out in his mind's eye with blazes of golden rays flying in drunken vagrancy and then she was below, holding a cup and looking up to him...A promise to her, echoing in his ears...a cry of agony for the simple requests of life.

"This is how I think we look like from far, when you don't talk to me. I'm indeed lost without your words"

His body broke down from a sense of urgency, finding words to say so many things, hidden in him. Suddenly he felt a great need to finish that unfinished poem at the breakfast diner he'd never seen to the end. She'd to know what it meant when he he'd told her, that he loved her like certain dark things are to be loved. He wanted to find her; somewhere in that crashing hallway where their fingers had first touched and perhaps find the words she always wanted to hear from him. He willed himself to get to his feet, as a fear that he was running out of time gripped him. If only he could have her by his side, before the swirling dust of white wisp like smoke, settled on him...It was white Christmas everywhere...his keepsake...

Minutes passed and he found himself turned to his back, staring at an angry sky streaked by fires of hell, blazing and ballooning against the baby blue of the powdery sky that was raining on him. His eyes glistened as a soft emotion overtook him and he let out a painful smile. At last, everything finally made sense to him. Hot chocolate...

***

She would remember the exact 'moment' for a few lifetimes, she reckoned. It wasn't as dramatic as she'd seen it in the movies, but they'd turned it equally romantic on their part, she thought.

Everyone had come to the hospital and was keeping her company until he would regain consciousness. Despite a clean bill of health except a dislocated shoulder bone and bad internal bruising and a few clots, he was heavily drugged and that had delayed him from waking up any sooner.

Geet had gone to fetch herself some coffee and had returned just in time to find his eyes fluttering, struggling to get used to the light and consciousness. She'd been two beds away in the long corridor, when Daadima had already noticed him open his eyes and hurried to him. One by one, everyone had surrounded him leaving her hidden as she stood rooted to the spot where she'd first observed him move. She'd wished he wouldn't look so tired, beaten and...fragile - just like she was - in that bloodied shirt and shoulder cast.

Daadima cried, leaning in carefully, like he was a child. Naini hugged Rishabh instead of moving close to him.

She'd watched his eyes trace an arc around him, wandering...searching...and yet she hadn't moved. Something had her one heel lift off the floor and she continued to hold still for some sign from him or the heavens, she didn't know. Like the moment could dissolve and wither away as an image on water...As though she truly didn't believe that he was there, waiting to lay his eyes on her.

When he'd searched for a second too long, Rishabh had looked her way and he'd caught wind of where she was at. His head turned ever so slightly or if time itself had stretched with fabric of relativity that she was unsure of, but when she saw his gaze meet hers with absolute unwavering confidence of her presence there - back in his life - a lone tear escaped the corner of her eye as if to cue the 'moment'.

Then everything had dissolved in her view; the patients, the people, the walls and the muttering, wailing sounds of all that enveloped her drowned in a still silence. She'd seen his trembling hand reach out to her and give her a brittle smile that she'd felt, he was living in parallel the seconds where he lost 'them' for eternity and the one where he gained it all. Unable to bear staying any farther, her feet had found its strength to walk to him. Kneeling by his side, she'd cradled her head into the nook of his unhurt shoulder and stayed there as tears streamed into his skin. His hand had crawled to her temples, to hold the side of her face and had waited to have her say something.

"You have a gypsy's tongue Maan" She'd cried softly "You shouldn't give ultimatums"

To her surprise he'd spoken. "Hot Chocolate" The words had unrestrained her tears and they had fell like shattering glass as the back of his hands weaved into her hair.

"Don't you ever dare threatening me you wouldn't pick up the phone"

"Hot chocolate" He'd whispered, turning his neck slightly to lower his lips down to her hears. It stung her once again.

Her hand had reached across his chest and reached up to knot her fingers in his hair. "We are going home"

She'd had no doubt his vocabulary had been affected from the attack when he'd only said nothing but "Hot chocolate" again and closed his moist eyes. She'd shut her eyes too, taking in the serenity of the moment, measuring the elemental happiness that was being held precious in so many unspoken ways. After all, she was certain those were the only words he knew...

***

She stood there watching him trying to sleep, as she folded clothes seated in the window sitting. It had been a week since the gory incident that had shrouded of all of NY with terror and sorrow. Their household was one of the very few lucky ones that only had to forget the fleeting period of agonized searching. Listless others coped and mourned...

"If you are not going to stop looking at me like that, I'm not going to be able to sleep" He said, with his eyes still closed, his voice echoing the life his voice he had gained in the last seven days. He was seemingly much better now.

"Yeah...try and stop me" She said, picking another piece of clothing from her laundry basket.

He didn't talk back. However, a little while later, he called her name, his tone every bit apologizing.

"Geet" He said "When is that data conference?" He hesitated "I never gave you a chance to speak then" When he labored to sit up, she instantly shot to his side and helped him.

If she'd thought there wasn't a thing in the world that would silence her then, she'd been wrong. His words slowly closed her throat and left her speechless.

"Why don't you sleep Maan?" She said, adjusting his sheet, "It isn't a thing to bother"

"No" He said adamantly and tightly held her wrist when she was about to leave, given his resistance to let go of the topic.

"In two days" Her head lowered; her eyes downcast with a grey memory of all that had followed a similar conversation last week.

"Hush!" He said, nudging her wrist to turn to him "I want you present it"

"I can't... In person registrations end this evening" She said, giving him a resigned smile. Convinced he would drop the subject, she turned to get back to the clothes.

"Then its all the more reason to start now isn't it?" He looked at her clearly implying that he wanted for some way to make up for all the harsh words spilled.

"Maan you are wasting your time...All that matters is that I'm here n..." He jumped in before she could finish her sentence.

"You listen to me Geet" He said firmly "I'm sorry for all that I said. I know how important the conference was..." She cut him off this time around.

"Maan, but it's all..."

"Will you just listen" He was almost screaming now, but stopped in time and cussed at himself for the uncalled for impatience that was rising in him. For now, he decided to blame it on the analgesics.

"You are leaving now. That's all" Before she could deny him, he came up with last thing she would take the bait for.

"This is the first time I'm asking you something after the attack...and you would disagree?" That wasn't a question all. Just like that she was crying caught in-between the devil and the deep blue sea. She badly wanted him to eat his words. How was she going to explain that she'd lost interest in the conference as if the event had cast an evil shadow on their life, bringing about their fleeting separation? Though brief, she couldn't help feel that the mere mention of the words had brought to life all her unspoken fears...their fights and now it felt like an omen that was rearing its head back. In reality, she knew it had only made them face their denial and had them realize they were trying to make the other person into something they were not.

Not daring to have another fight about the conference, she packed her bags and left with Rishabh; although only after delivering an endless list of instructions to Daadima and Naini.

***

It hadn't been five minutes since she'd kissed him and gone out the front door, and he was already missing her. Closing his eyes, he titled his head back and rested atop the plush headboard.

...first time I'm asking you something after the attack

Pathetic. His brain must have completely stopped working. Or how else was he going to explain that to her? For a moment there he couldn't be sure which was more painful. To have her sit next to him and assume that she'd brought this upon him with their fights, or the biting censure she'd bring upon herself if she were to be missing wife duty to be at the conference. The latter definitely won out by a big margin and then there was his own guilt from being the only roadblock between her and the presentation.

Without a moment's hesitation he'd conveniently, rather lamely manipulated her with the fact he'd returned from hell's gates to guilt her into going for the conference. For one thing she had worked so hard for the event all along to give up at the 11^th hour. Besides it was the first thing she'd fought for in a long time and he wasn't going to let her believe she'd done anything wrong by doing so. And it was only next to impossible for her to bring up the topic if he was dragging himself at home like an abandoned sick puppy with bandages all around.

Although he regretted not having taken enough time to apologize appropriately, he was fairly persuaded that he'd still done the right thing. Yet, he felt a gnawing at his insides, like he was putting off something; that he hadn't done justice to the gods above who had given him a chance at life again. He winced at the thought of having come across as the same insensible fool who would have his way with her. Of course, she didn't have to know that until when she would go back to SF from her time-off. He would surprise her at their home. He reeled in from the imaginary delirious screams she would let out upon knowing he was moving in with her and that he never intended for her to give up the sense of identity and security the job was giving her. Obviously he would also tell her very explicitly that she wouldn't have to give up anything for him or their relationship. That he...

Just then, his sister's voice roared across the room.

"You dumb a...nd dumber..." She looked hysterical when she couldn't call him all that she had in her mind. Calming down she took a sharp breath in.

"You don't think she hasn't put her papers down..or do you?" She asked.

"What do yo..."

She offered to clarify even before he could finish his question. "Her last day is two weeks from now, but she is working from home until then" She said, folding her hand, her body language telling him she was crossed with him in every which way. He slapped his forehead and indeed felt like the dumb fool his sister had intended to address him as.

"But why didn't she..." She raised her hand as if she was the oracle itself.

"Duh!" She exclaimed "Because of course she didn't want you to think she did it because of you".

His head lolled behind onto the pillow from his worst fears having turned to reality.

"Don't you have to be some place?" His sister was right once again and wincing loudly, he got off the bed.

Once in the car though, he was smiling as he realized he could summarize all that there was in his heart and mind with just two words from his dictionary...

***

"You should go Rishabh...Naini will be alone" Geet said, taking her coffee as he handed a white chocolate mocha:short, decaf, extra hot, whipped latte.

"So you wouldn't be alone here? There is still 45 mts to security" He countered, sipping his own black decaf.

"You could have just told him you know" He said, unable to hold himself back.

She smiled, looking up from her drink. "Let's give him some time...He's gone through a lot Rishabh...First me, then thinking about our living situation, then the attack...

"And yet my wife doesn't think I'm strong enough to hear she quit her job"

Geet's head shot around hearing her husband and she blinked, seeing him limping towards her, with Naini by his side. Rishabh gave a sigh of relief.

"Now there...I was beginning to doubt my own brother-in-law" Rishabh got to his feet and rushed to his aid.

"And you couldn't have been more wrong Abhi..." Naini gave his brother a patronizing laugh. Maan gave her a cold stare and walked free of all the help he was getting. He slipped with his first step making everyone get to their toes, but he balanced on his good leg in time to catch Geet by her elbows.

"Shoo you guys..." He waved his hand at Rishabh and Naini who stood at a distance, rolling their eyes. Geet smiled and her forehead graced his chest.

Lifting her eyes to him, she asked "What are you doing here? I don't want you out...of"

She tried to force the words of her mouth, but they failed her with the way he was eyeing her helpless...and searching.

With some privacy came a few words, she'd never expected to hear.

"I'm an insecure man Geet" He said.

"Huh!" He barely heard her express her disbelief.

"Hush..." He placed a finger to her lips, before she could utter another word. "This is my time to talk"

"I don't like to fail...I don't trust others easily...so it's only clear I take control...I like to win but I don't have a killer instinct either. I never back out from a challenge and that should tell you how big an ego I have" He went on like there was no end to the list of things she'd always known about him.

"Oh! I hate morning breath..." He said and she nodded her head slightly, horrified where he was getting at. It appeared to her it was a warm up session before he could touch deep and she couldn't wait any longer.

"And I hate it when you sing in the bathroom..." He stopped speaking as she gaped at him and added quickly "But I love when you hum...your hum like a lark. I hate when you say I love you when we put the phone down...I feel it then becomes like 'hello' and 'bye'... I have never had the guts to say that to you before, but don't force me to say it if I don't feel like either" Now, he was shaking his head too, surprised at his own words, preparing himself to take her wrath. When she didn't say anything, he continued "Because those three words don't mean anything and that's not how I learnt it from you Geet"

"Maan..." She whispered in the bustle of the airport, as he scooted her over to behind a pillar and hauled on her hand baggage as well; her ever present tears, moistened her eyes.

"Trust me Geet...I know that you know all this" He said as his agitation rose and he ran a disbelieving hand through his hair.

"The funny part is, I wanted to say this and so much more...when the rubble was raining on me and even when I was coming in the car. But it's like they only exist in my head and never want to come out..."

Seeing him like that scared her. She'd never sighted him even slightly disturbed in all her waking time and here he was about to have a breakdown. Babaji! Her husband was anything but predictable, she thought.

"May be I never would...Or I might break free someday Geet...But there is only one absolute truth when it comes to my life...which is you...only you Geet..." He held her cheeks in the curve of his hands.

She tried to calm him down, but he hushed her again and added "I have said everything I shouldn't have and never the one that that count. Somehow I'm still overriding you even as I say this, by not letting you speak..." She smiled in acknowledgement and her eyes gleamed through the dam of tears that brimmed at her lashes.

"But I'm not here to make your life a silent hell...And when it comes to your job...I hope you know I'm not a chauvinistic full-of-oneself prick" She nodded and blurted a smile back at his choice of words.

"I was about to surprise you when you would go to..." He started, but she spoke so softly, he paused to hear her out.

"Will you listen to me please..." She asked pleadingly.

"Maan...I know...I know it all" She tipped her head and kissed his palms. He looked incredulous.

"But how?" He asked him and she told him about how they had accessed his email.

"I gotta do better with my passwords" He said cracking a laugh.

"That and the whole communication thing too" She added "But it doesn't matter to me anymore, because you are 'you'" she said as he gave her a puzzled look.

"This man who is layers underneath...a bundle of secrets is whom I fell in love with..." Her words echoed every sentiment he'd ever wanted to tell her and he was amazed at how easy it came to her.

"I could promise I will never make you cry or torment you the way I did, but I'm sure I would screw up somewhere...but hey! Isn't that what we signed up for with each other?" As raw as his words were, it was every bit the truth and she'd long acknowledged that too.

"But never in my life I will ever stop trying to make you feel what I do every time I see you smile..."

Her fore head creased and she jerked her head asking him what it was.

"Hot Chocolate Geet...Just that and nothing else" He said, resting his fore head on her temples as she lowered her head while an aching to throw herself in his arms grew stronger by the minute. He kissed the side of her hair that came close to his lips.

"For me you will always be the one who never gave up on me..." He drawled making her eyes widen with anticipation.

"Never gave up on buying that shirt for me...but most of all, who wouldn't let go of my hand or wouldn't dare step back until I know what it was and felt it..." He took her hand and placed it on his chest "Here..." and "here..." She was touching the side of his head now.

"When everything ran by logic for me...you made it all irrational and mush as you did...You know Geet, loving you comes so easy, but only when it came to showing it gets difficult..." He stayed silent for a second "because I love you as certain dark things are to be loved... in secret..." He paused again for emphasis "between shadow and the soul"

"Hush now" She said silencing him with her finger "You talk too much"

He raised a teasing brow at her. Upon having heard more than she'd ever imagined him to confide in her, her face lit up with an inexplicable joy. She smiled and hugged him lovingly.

"Aah!..." He screamed as her arm flew over his fractured shoulder.

"Sorry...Lagi?" She pulled back and looked at him with worried eyes.

"Lagi..." He affirmed mockingly scowling at her... then later returned a teasing smile at her...

And it began...once again...just the way it had started.

Somehow felt that the last part, shouldn't dwell on monologues...after all what's the point in making the journey, if everything is still in their head. Did the last part make sense? Let me know folks. I was at odds with my self when I was writing it. Thanks so much for all your comments girls!

I'm speechless... i dont know what to say... Let it all sink in and i'll comeback... Hopefully... but yeah this is for you

You are simply amazing Hasini. The way you penned down the thoughts of Maan and Geet are fabulous.

I just cant wait for the next one...


--Karuna

awesome..wonderful update..loved it to the core...just mind blowing..👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏👏

What a beautifulll update...and What a piece of writing!!!!!

loved the update...