Chapter 39
After the function was over kesar rewa gulaal and panba returned home.
In the night gulaal was completing her kitchen chores she saw light in panba's room...gulaal went inside and asked "panba aaj aap sui nahi"
Panba was cleaning vasant pics she said "neend nahi aa rahi thi aur phir vasant k phot par bhi dhul (dust ) pad gaayi thi to socha saaf kar du"
Gulaal said "laayiye baa mein saaf kar deti hun"
Gulaal started cleaning the photo
Panba watched her and then said "kuch baton par bhi dhul jami hui hai usko bhi saaf karna jaruri hai gulaal"
Gulaal was surprised she asked "kya baat hai panba aap kya kehna chahiti hain"
Panba said yaad hain gulaal tune kuch mahine pehle ek 20 saal k masum se ladke se deeyarvatto kiya tha sirf vasant k sapnek liye"
Gulaal looked at panba
Panba said sirf 20 saal ka tha mera bacha..sirf 20 saal ka gulaal..usne to zindagi dekhi bhi nahi tha usne apne pankh (wings) bhi nahi failaaye the k usko baandh diya gaya tha...unchahe unsuljhe rishta ka bhoj ( burden )dho raha hai woo...sirf tere ek sapne ko poora karne k zid mein"
Panba said "sach yeh gulaal tune mere ek bete k ek ichaa poori karne k liye mere dusare bete k zindagi daav (stake )par laga di"
Gulaal said "panba meine sirf iesliye kiya k kesar aur rewa k zindagi sudhar sake..meine aapse vada kiya tha vasant k sapna poora hone k baad mein kesar ko azad kar dungi"
Panba looked at her and said "aur kya ab is vaada par bhi dhool (dust) pad gayi hai"
Gulaal was holding vasant pics she was somewhere guilty to fall for for kesar despite she had strongly resolved not to sustain her relationship her intentions were pure and now by falling herself she thought she was degrading herself and her love for vasant..her intentions were suspected now
Tears rolled down from her cheeks to vasant pics...she closed her eyes took a deep breath and said "nahi panba mein kuch bhi bhuli hun mein yeh shaadi tod dungi
and she stood up and walked outside
As she came out of the room she saw kesar was sitting in the living area he looked at her lovingly he stood and started walking towards her..but gulaal ignored him she went inside her room and closed her door
Next few days gulaal ignored kesar wenever kesar wanted to talk to her she ignored or overlooked.kesar was hurt with her behaviour..he tried to talk to her but she avoided
One morning kesar came in kitchen and said firmly "gulaal mujhe baat karni hai"
Gulaal said "nahi kesar mujhe koi baat nahi karni"
Kesar was frustrated she grabbed her pulled her close to him and said "kyu nahi karni hai..whats your problem"
Gulaal looked at him and said firmly "leave me kesar"
Kesar still hold her...he looked into her eyes and said angrily "tum phir se mujhe avoid kar rahi hun kyu gulaal kyu kar rahi ho aisa...mujhse door bhaagne k koshish kyu kar rahi ho...y"
Gulaal pulled herself and said "kyunki tum mujhe pareshaan kar rahe ho"
Kesar replied nahi gulaal "yeh sach nahi hai...mein jaanta hun tum mujhse pyaar karti ho par mein yeh samaj nahi paa raha ki kyu tum mujhse door rehna chahiti ho"
Gulaal was irritated she freed herself and yelled "bas kesar tang aa gayi hun mein tumse. tang aa gayi ho tumahri in faltu k baton se...kesar is galatfahmi mein mat rehna k mein yanha tumhari liye waapas aayi hun mein yanha sirf rewa k wajah se hun"
Kesar grabbed her and said firmly "gulaal mere baat samajhne k koshish karo tum is tarah behave karke khud ko bhi takleef pahuncha rahi ho"
Gulaal said "enough kesar enough mujhe kuch nahi sunana...kuch nahi janana plz leave me alone mujhe akela chod do mein rewa k wajah se kuch nahi kah rahi par sach to yeh k mein tumhari shakal bhi nahi dekhana chahiti.aur agar tum mujhe yunhi pareshaan karte rahe to mein aaj yanha se chali jaungi
She continured "agar tum rewa k khushi chahete ho to plz mujhse door raho aur chain se jeene do mujhe" and she turned her face away from him
Kesar was extremely hurt with her talks he had tears in his eyes he didn't speak anything but his eyes had a deep pain he walked away in grief
Aftersometime gulaal too left for hospital
She was sitting in her cabin in solitude and silence she poundered about kesar
She was thinking about him and she saw a familiar face from her glass cabin..she came out and recognized her roommates tammy and mirya were passing by
Gulaal instantly recognized them...gulaal hugged tammy and mirya
Tammy was very happy to meet her but mirya was lost in her thoughts she hardly reacted to gulaal
Gulaal took them to her cabin nd asked "tammy mirya tum log to mujhe bhul hi gaye.."
Tammy said "aisi koi baat nahi hai"
Gulaal looked at mirya she was looking pale extremely weak...gulaal remembered mirya was a lively energetic and extrovert..she was full of life and now she looked lifeless...gulaal was puzzled and astonished to see her who was looking blankly
Gulaal looked at mirya and said "kya baat hai yeh aisa kyu behave kar rahi hai..jaise mujhe pehchaanti nahi kya ho gaya hai ise?"
Tammy looked at mirya and said "gulaal mirya acute depression k patient hai...hum pshychatrist k pass aaye the treatment k liye"
Gulaal was shocked she said "kya mirya ko depression kaise?woo to kitna lively thi aur achanak se yeh kya ho gaya"
Gulaal went near mirya and shake her up and said "mirya yeh tujhe kya ho gaya hai"
Mirya cried "meri zindagi barbaad ho gayi.sab kuch ek hi pal mein khatam ho gaya...usne mujhe dhoka diya" and she cried bitterly
Gulaal asked "kya"
Tammy said "gulaal mirya jisese pyaar karti thi usne use ditch karke kisi aur k saath shaadi kar li aur tabse yeh kho si gay haye khana peena hasna bolna sab chod diya hai...infact isne ek doo baar sleeping pills lekar suicide karne k bhi koshish ki hai"
Gulaal was frightened she said "kya
Then she looked at mirya and said tu paagal ho gaayi hai kisi aur k liye apni zindagi barbaad karne k kya jarurat hai"
Mirya cried "to aur kya karu..wahi meri zindagi tha...aur ab jab wohi hi nahi hai to kiske liye jeeyo...kiske liye"
Gulaal replied "mirya aur bhi to log hai life tere apne...tu unke liye to soch"
Mirya said "nahi gulaal koi maayne nahi rakhta...yeh dard itna hai k kissi aur k bare mein soch hi nahi paati..gulaal bahoot takleef hoti...mein apni saasein kaise le rahi hun mein hi jaanti hun...har pal sirf uski yaad aati hai aur phir dard itna hota hai k bardasht nahi hota"
Mirya said "tu sahi kahti thi gulaal great lovestory nahi hoti hain...yeh sirf jane austen k novels mein hote hain...pyaar karne waale log is duniya mein nahi hai yanha sirf practical log hote hain"
Gulaal wanted to deny it becoz now she knew great lovestory were real she was the part of it and she knew her kesar was madly and truly in love with her..
Mirya cried and then left the hospital cabin
After she left gulaal thought only about kesar...she remembered her rude beahviour towards kesar she remembered the pain she had given to his heart...she remembered those eyes that were filled with grief and tears as she rejected him...mirya's state of mind made her think about kesar she was feeling guilty to be rude with him
Now she was worried...gulaal wanted to talk to him at once...she quickly took out her cellphone and dialled his number but it was switched off...she called him in the office but he was not there in the office..gulaal was tensed and nervous at this moment she only wanted to see him...she wanted to make sure kesar was alright...she waited for some more time and her heart sanked with each passing hour. she called in office thrice but he was not there...after some time she called Vicky and sonu...but he was not with them too...vicky and sonu went to find him they looked for him at all the places he can be?but he was found nowhere
in the evening Vicky and sonu called her back that he was found nowhere they asked her to wait for him as he may return at night...at night wen kesar didn't return other family members inquired about him gulaal didn't wanted to upset them so lied them that kesar will return late in the night...all went to sleep...it was half past one in the clock now gulaal was scared she remembered his accident and his madness wen he drove his car rashly gulaal was too frightened-so frightened that her hand was trembling ..her breath was shallow and fast her heart raced she kept praying "kesar plz kuch mat karna waapa aa jao kesar" she was standing outside the door her eyes was fixed were at door and she was on the verge of tears
and then she saw kesar.
She saw him and took a deep breath of relief
She quickly ran to kesar and asked "kesar kanha chale gaye the tum"
Kesar was angry he looked at her and then ignored her
Kesar started walking gulaal walked along with him and said "kesar tum kanha the itne der"
Kesar still ignored her
Gulaal was furious she said "kesar tum meri baat suno"
But kesar didn't listened
Gulaal was frustrated she stood infront of him and put her hand on his collar and pulled him and said angrily "tum apne aap ko samajhte kya ho..kanha chaale gaye the tum? kisisko bataya nahi..ek phone tak nahi kiya?.kyu nahi kiya aur kanha chale gaaye the"
Kesar looked at her and removed her hand and replied in anger "kya farak padta hai?mere hone naa hone se kya farq padta hai tumhe"
Gulaal shouted back "farq padta hai kesar mujhe farq padta hai mein kitne pareshaan thi?.kesar saara din mein sirf tumhari fikr karti rahi poore din sirf yahi sochti rahi tum kanha hoge...jaan nikal rahi thi meri aur tum kehte ki kya farq padta hai..kanha the tum?"
Kesar looked at her and took a deep breath he said "Jab koi sirf useko soche...sirf uska khayal uske man (mind ) mein rahe to use pyaar kahte hain. pyaar kehte hain gulaal and he left
Gulaal stood still for a moment
Kesar was restless frustrated and furious...he stood there for a moment went onto the terrace...he was sitting on the second terrace of the house which had no boundary walls..kesar sat there staring the sky maybe he wanted to reach the height where gulaal can consider him worthy for her...
gulaal was restless and furious too she came behind him and said "bas karo kesar...bahoot hua... band karo apna yeh paagalpan...kyu tum sabko pareshaan kar rahe ho..yeh sab karke kya jatana chahete ho
Kesar replied "I love u gulaal"
Gulaal closed her eyes and said angrily "bas nahi sunana hai mujhe...tumhare is pyaar se...is zid se tang aa chuki hu mein...mein haath joditi hun mujhe is tarah pareshaan karna band kardo"
Kesar asked firmly "to kya chahiti ho tum???"
Gulaal looked at him and yelled "mein chahiti tum hamesha hamesha k liye meri life se chale jao...door chale jao mujhse"
Kesar stood up...he remained still for a moment he looked into her eyes with deep love and then he started walking backwards away from her without looking behind he was looking her eyes without wavering...without blinking
Gulaal looked at him he was walking backwardly on the terrace without boundary walls she was scared?she shouted "kesar yeh kya kar rahe ho...pagaal ho gaye"
Kesar said firmly "door jaa raha hu tumse"
she heart poundered she shouted "paagal ho gaye ho tum neeche gir jaoge wanhi ruku"
kesar continued to walk backwardly looking at her he said "nahi tum aao gulaal"
gulaal said "kesar wanhi ruku"she took a small step
kesar still walked backwardly and said "pass aao gulaal"
gulaal said "kesar wanhi ruku band karo yeh paagalpan"
kesar said "pass aao gulaal"
and he reached the edge of the terrace..he was about to lose his balance
gulaal was frightened she screamed "kesar"
and quickly grabbed his hand and pulled him towards her and held him in her arms...she was so scared that she embarced him tightly.. as if she will never let him go...he was the most precious thing for her and he stood still looking at gulaal's suffering face which betrayed the inner struggle of her soul
gulaal looked at him and spoke to him with sighs and tears nearly choked with love and vulnerability...kesar looked at her with as much sincerity as he felt for her in his heart...kesar's eyes were silently speaking to her "its love gulaal...its love"
gulaal couldn't bear it and she parted with him and ran down...she ran down in the garden area between the water of her tears and the fire of her love, she kept hovering between fire and water and she broke into tears
she sat down on the garden floor and weeped bitterly...it was raining and gulaal was drenched in her inner turmoil
kesar came behind her and stood there he said "apne aap se bhaagna band kar do gulaal...maan lo ki tum mujhse pyaar karti ho"
gulaal was like a soldier who knew she was about to lose her battle..battle with her soul battle with herself battle with her love
she stood and she wanted to run away..she was about to run but kesar hold her he grabbed her arm with his hand and pulled her towards her
she said in the choke voice "jaane de mujhe".
Kesar held her and said cryingly "nahi gulaal aaj nahi...itne dino se tum mujhe avoid kar rahi ho mujhse door bhag rahi ho...tumhe pata hai mujh par kya guzar rahi hai...har pal mein kaise jee raha hun...mein aur bardaasht nahi kar sakta...aaj nahi de sakta gulaal aaj nahi"
He continued "gulaal mein jaanta hun tum mujhse bahoot pyaar karti ho...mera dil tumhari dhadkan sun sakta hai gulaal...bollo gulaal...sirf ek baar bol do ki mujhse pyaar karti ho"
Gulaal weeped she said criyngly "mein..tumse...pyaar..nahi...karti"
Kesar held her tightly and said "agar pyaar nahi karti to kyu parvah karti ho meri...kyu mere dil k haar baat jaan leti ho...kyu mera intzaar karti ho... kyu mujhe kisi aur k saath nahi dekh sakti...kyu yeh tabbez bandha tha tumne...kyu mera har sparsh (touch ) tumhare maan ko chuta hai...kyu mere binaa jee nahi sakti"
Gulaal was sobbing inconsolably
Kesar looked at her and said "kyunki tum mujhse pyaar karti ho...bolo gulaal sirf ek baar kah do mujhse pyaar karti ho...bolo na gulaal"..
Gulaal gave up and said "haan...pyaar karti hun...pyaar karti hun tumse bahoot pyaar karti ho kesar khud se jyada karti hun..sabse jyada karti hun...bahoot pehle se karti hun...mein bahoot pyaar karti hun tumse kesar"
and she confessed...kesar took a deep breath...he was so content that he wouldn't regret if he died next moment...her confession eased his spirit
gulaal was crying she "mein bahoot pyaar karti hun tumse kesar par mein is pyaar ko nibha nahi sakti...meine panba se vaada kiya tha kabhi is rishte ko nahi nibhaungi..mein tumhe pyaar nahi de sakti"
and she covered her face with her hands and cried
kesar slowly came near her...he gently removed her hand and gently put his hand on her face and said with tears in his eyes "gulaal mujhe nahi pata tumne panba se kaun sa vaada kiya tha...par kuch vaade humne bahoot pehle ek dusare se kiye the jab humne anjaane mein ek dusare ko is shaadi k bandhan mein baandh diya tha...
gulaal looked at him and said "I love u kesar...I love u so much"
and she fall in her arms and he held her tightly...tears streamed down their face kesar and gulaal hugged they were crying in each other arms letting the distance.. coldness sadness wash away between them .emotions and fulfillment flowed in them rendering the true meaning of ecstasy
gulaal looked at him kesar smiled and gently wiped her tears with his fingers then he kissed her cheeks softly he slowly kissed her eyes and then her forehead and said softly "I love u too"
then they hugged each other the tears no longer falling... love was floating in the gentle rain shower and they held one another for a long time
Jhanak
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