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''Arohi's diary'':Once again I am here to express myself of some new experiences in my life that spiced up my chapters of my life. I am no more a teenager, I actually grew up to be the xerox copy of Abhinav. I know few pages if I flipped behind would be the perfect love story between me and him. But yaar,I am pretty sure that it is an experience. It is true I loved him but then it was myself who let him go, I was not ready to leave everything for him and I respected him a lot. Love comes again, is now an accepted clause to me. After I met Arjun I can not deny that I fell for him just like those gracious drops that add beauty in the petal rose. Yet,yaar, the more I think the more I wonder to admire or to regret on the work of destiny between us. Before realising anything,we were together in everything. From studies to parties, we attended together and was always in each other's side. Slowly Cupid was writing our story where the lead characters were not aware they were in a love story and all the other characters tried to hint them in vain. ''Hayi,uske aankhein,meinu marjawaan..uske smile, i feel like i can spend a whole life time in this smile. his style,his way of talking to me, made my nights sleepless.''
We were so carefree spirits that bind as two buddies who were supportive and protective towards each other,yet, not showing the care we had for each other at that time. The way we both surprised each other about with our flash memories on every little detail of our conversation we had. It made my heart glow. I wonder whether was I living my dream or was I living a fairytale where he was the prince and i was the young lady.
The way he made me feel to be such a beautiful person and the way we had eye locked were so real these days which are now stamped as sweet memories I want to pen and continue to read for me to keep those moments everlasting. I know that life is about living now and tomorrow but the feeling is so new that all I feel these days are to cherish the moments we had together.
Actually I felt so complete with Arjun. Now when he is gone to settle in his dreamcountry, hong kong, I am feeling a part of me is not with me. I no longer can see reasons to smile wholeheartedly. My eyes remained blurred these days as my heart is nurturing a sweet pain. A pain that made me confessed to him that it took me time but now I am sure that I will like to be the girl who will be on his side till my last breath. I felt so feminine with Arjun and it seemed that I quenched his masculine side as well. Life with him was so colourful that I felt like I was flying to my destination but I did not know then where was y destination.
Now that I know I belong where he belongs, that his smile matters more than my pain, that in his eyes, it is my world, that all what happened between us were the perfect act from destiny that was the playwright, I can not think right. My confession went in the wrong way because the little touch we had disappear, when I said to him ''not to crush his feelings,'' he is doing this, and I have not yet known why. It is funny but despite making new friends, the feel is so different. Inspite of having good time with new friends, all what nowadays I can see is how different we were when we were together. Memories as sweet as his touch to my heart are driving me crazy.
I feel like to write nowadys everywhere ''I love you Arjun,come back to me'' and still I am not expecting anything to happen between us. Now we have parted so much and he has left me without a farewell that made me wonder ''are we going to meet again for the last time and how?''
Oh diary,if only you have mouth to speak as well, I might have get the answer quickly,like you can see, it is so intense that I feel like chilling in oldies at night that makes me feel to live every word of those beautiful lyrics.
We are parted miles away and suddenly life seem to end as an eye blink. Everyday I meditate to make sure to keep my belief to me, that everything happens for a reason and for the best, but will I be stupid to long and keep waiting for him to comeback when he went away after my confession as if he was covering in his world as well or will I be impulsive if I accept the proposal sent by my best friend because I will not be able to live a fake life where i will try to take care to someone else.
I have left everything to the matter of time because I know that I will get the answer there itself,but I pray that Lord takes care of the purity in my heart and the feelings that I wanted to shun finally blossom in such beautiful mixture of light and darkness. My belief towards the Lord strengthen for me to live another new day as if nothing ever happened. Life is a blessing o my identity and I wish that both of our smiles remain so sparkling with or without us. Dear Lord, please take care of my Arjun and if he is not the right man to me, please give him the girl he needs to take care of him, Such a subtle guy he is and as for me, when he is happy, I will also be happy.
Anyway, dear diary, as usual, I will end it with a poem that I penned days ago about how I am feeling:
Dearest
Anywhere I wander, I smell your fragrance!
Can that be a wonder or is it your essence?
Everytime, your smile dances in my mind.
I paused for a while and I ponder if I am blind.
As what I see, it's seen with close eyes.
Can that be a fantasy or an illusion of miles?
I drouse myself in your friendship but I feel its hardship.
As no matter whether I see thee or I think thee,
Thoust always care in every emotional part of me!
Can that be a wonder or is it your essence?
Everytime, your smile dances in my mind.
I paused for a while and I ponder if I am blind.
As what I see, it's seen with close eyes.
Can that be a fantasy or an illusion of miles?
I drouse myself in your friendship but I feel its hardship.
As no matter whether I see thee or I think thee,
Thoust always care in every emotional part of me!
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