My Adoxography:ArSh-AR SS:Cross my Heart p39 pmltr - Page 5

Originally posted by: funkybratz

aww that's such a beautiful comment, but as i said in the first post, these little os would be related to my feeling and what i feel every day,it was just a part of what i was feeling that particular day when my friend was ignoring me...LOL
sure i'll add you up ;)

Awesome OS

Loved it

Thanks 4 da pm

i wrote it for my english article, and they REJECTED it, i feel really bad now! therefore i posted it here!

ARSH

it pain deeper, than i thought

I laughed continuously as my friends cracked one of the lamest joke when my eyes traveled towards a girl sitting on the last table with her friends, she has recently lost her dad in an accident, I saw her friends smiling as she continued to tell her story, to them but her face wasn't covered with the smile, her eyes didn't shine like they always use to whenever she use to speak!

Maybe the loss of her dad has taken over her so badly that she couldn't smile anymore! I had consoled her maybe more then I should have, but she ended up saying that "you guys won't understand my pain" ofcourse I knew the fact that we won't ever feel her pain! Still the way she was acting was totally rude! No one should be so much taken over by their grief!

I again turned towards my friends who were now busy looking at me, I saw their eyes questioning me that where was I lost!

"Lost somewhere, are we?" one of them said, as I smiled

"Yeah finding my prince charming" I answered, as they all mumbled lame and again turned to chat with each other.

I felt the vibration of my cell phone in my pocket, as I took it out carefully recalling that how eagerly I have asked for this cell phone from my dad, who had at-last agreed and wasted a huge amount of money to get me one.

It was a call from my grandmother! I saw the screen showing her name as I heaved a sigh of relief, since last few days I was willing to call her, but every time something or the other came up, not letting me make a simple call.

She was ill and had recently fell down from the bed due to unconsciousness, the doctor couldn't even find out what went wrong with her, which made her fell off, "she's alright. Nothing is wrong" that was the answer which I used to get from my dad whenever we use to speak but I knew something was going wrong! She was getting weaker every day; her health was going from bad to worse but then as always "she is completely fine" the same answer.

"Hello" I smiled, as I knew how she would start complaining me about everything, from her dressing to her medicine and the food which the doctor has ordered her to eat, but I was wrong! Totally wrong because I heard my sister crying and my heart started to beat as fast as it has never even thought to beat!

"Hello" I whispered again, my friends were busy talking and laughing, no one knew that I was attending a call, and now I didn't even want them to know.

"Hello" I heard the other side of the phone, finally someone was talking, and I could hear noise at the back, like someone was crying! Crying a lot and I could guess that my sister was also finding courage to speak again.

"Can you talk!?!" panic started to takeover me, my blood started to freeze, I didn't know what was happening but something was scaring me, maybe the fact that my sister was crying!

"Can you comeback home tomorrow? From the point! Grandma is no more" she said it, as I felt my heart sinking.

"What?" I questioned again, it wasn't like I didn't heard her, or I wanted a confirmation, but I just wanted her to tell me that she was playing around, joking with me and then she would hand over the phone to grandma.

"S...he...she'gra...ndm'a died" I heard again, and this time she wasn't even controlling her tears.

"Can I talk to grandma?" I asked her, hoping that maybe, just maybe she would hand over the phone to her.

"She died" again the same answer!

"Hand her the phone please!" I held my phone with both the hands, begging my sister to let me talk to my grandma, I wasn't crying but I felt my tears building up.

"She is no more!"I heard her again.

I took a deep breath, as if it was just a general thing "can you send someone to pick me up from the hostel?"

"But'"

"Can you?"I interrupted

"I'll try, but, I don't know cant you come through your point? Can't the campus provide you with a car?" she asked, I could feel her controlling her tears and trying to talk to me but it was getting difficult.

"okay, bye" I whispered, I didn't know what I was feeling but one thing I was sure about, my mind was completely dazed, and I couldn't hear anything my friends where saying.

"Are you fine? Listen I'll send someone to pick you up..." she continued trying to talk to me, but I didn't know what to say, and without letting her complete the sentence I cancelled the call.

I stared at my friends who just continued with their conversation and then suddenly I got up from my chair and moved away from my group, I knew they were all looking at me, but what should I do! I didn't know what to tell them? If they ask who was on the call? I looked at everyone as now I can see they were all looking directly at my face trying to create an eye to eye contact. I moved my eyes down not wanting to look at them! And started to move towards the door

"What happened to her?" I heard one of them saying.

"I don't know!" the other one answered.

"I'll just check" my ears registered the words of my friend, while my step fastened and I took the door which will lead me out of the caf towards the campus side, I didn't want to go the hostel! Not now, when I was already starting to feel suffocation and I didn't wanted anyone to keep a check on me!

I almost started to run as I didn't know what to do I could feel someone following me, but I didn't care, I knew it would be someone from my friends group, my eyes were starting to feel a bit heavy due to tears and a shiver ran into my whole body as slowly things started to register!

My grandmother had died! The woman who was always there with me and for me is no more! The one who use to provide me with late night snacks, who would get angry at me when I use to have a new hair cut just because she was in love with my curls, the one who used to ask about me every day, the woman who used to call me just to complain about the boil food which doctors has ordered her to eat, the woman who used to smile at me whenever I winked at her, the one who loved me more than a lot, a woman who was extremely important to me, whose voice made me relax is no more with me.

My tears started to roll out like someone had just opened a tap of water! I didn't know when did I reach the campus parking area but suddenly my feet started to wobble, and I fell down, I started to cry badly and I tried to get up but failed if she was here with me, she would have held me protectively and made me get up but she was not here, she was nowhere!

Suddenly I remembered the time she once questioned me that when I'll be back from hostel? And I just answered "permanently, after 4 years" I memorize the looks she gave me, like someone had let her down, suddenly she had turned sad and I did saw tears forming in her eyes! That time those tears meant nothing to me! But now I wanted to go back to her! And promise her that I won't leave her ever.

"What's wrong?"a pair of hands came and held my shoulders softly, helping me to get up, I looked to see my friend standing infront of me, from the look of his face I could tell that he was taken aback after looking at my swollen eyes and wet cheeks.

"What's wrong? What happened?" he shook me a little, as I just stared at him while my mind kept replaying my grandmother's each and every expression.

"Answer me! NOW" he voice turned a bit harsh and loudly, as I started to cry loudly, my tears ran again freely, scaring him more, i held on to him afraid to fall again while his eyes stuck on my face.

"Take me home, please" I mumbled trying to control my tears, and directly looking at him.

"Tell me what'" I didn't let him complete his sentence and interfered into what he was saying.

"I beg you, take me home please" and then my phone again rang, I took it out quickly, as again the same number flashed "grandma calling" it announced as I just stared at the vibrating screen which was now filled with my tears making the screen blur, hoping that I would hear the voice of my grandma, hoping that she would tell me how they have made a fool of me, just hoping that she is alive and safe.

"Pick up the phone atleast" I heard him say, but my hand didn't wanted to click on the button, and then within seconds he snatched it.

I didn't know who was on the other side of the phone, and what they talked about, because within a minute, he announced that we are leaving hostel and going to my home, I didn't know what to say and how I felt at that moment, I just know that my grandmother was there, maybe she must be hoping that atleast today, I would visit her.

It has been two week since that day, the memory of that day is still fresh, I still remember how I reached home within 50 minutes and how I heard everyone crying, shouting, I didn't had a single tear in my eyes, and I don't know why? I just sat next to her covered body, looking at her peaceful face, the face which showed no worries, no pain and no tension and somewhere I felt relieved, knowing that she was not feeling any pain, she wasn't having any breathing problem and nor she was feeling the soreness in lungs.

Wearing the white t-shirt and blue jeans, with my hair tied tightly in a neat bun, I sat on the bed, looking at the dairy which my dad gave me, saying that my grandmother wanted to gift it to me always. It had 1991 engraved on its leather front, the year of my birth! I opened it slowly wanting to feel her touch on it, and there I saw my picture with her holding me in her arms I was trying to kiss her cheek, it was sweet and funny at the same time, and then on the next page I saw her broken writing, as if she had just written it now, with a shivering hand

"Shilpa, smile, I'm there with you"

And I smiled, knowing that she was actually there with me, and will guide me at every corner of my life and then I turned to watch the large picture of her hung on my room wall as she smiled back at me through that picture.

I laughed continuously as my friends cracked one of the lamest joke when my eyes traveled towards a girl sitting on the last table with her friends, she has recently lost her dad in an accident, I saw her friends smiling as she continued to tell her story, to them but her face wasn't covered with the smile, her eyes didn't shine like they always use to whenever she use to speak!

Maybe the loss of her dad has taken over her so badly that she couldn't smile anymore! I had consoled her maybe more then I should have, but she ended up saying that "you guys won't understand my pain" ofcourse I knew the fact that we won't ever feel her pain! Still the way she was acting was totally rude! No one should be so much taken over by their grief!

I again turned towards my friends who were now busy looking at me, I saw their eyes questioning me that where was I lost!

"Lost somewhere, are we?" one of them said, as I smiled

"Yeah finding my prince charming" I answered, as they all mumbled lame and again turned to chat with each other.

I felt the vibration of my cell phone in my pocket, as I took it out carefully recalling that how eagerly I have asked for this cell phone from my dad, who had at-last agreed and wasted a huge amount of money to get me one.

It was a call from my grandmother! I saw the screen showing her name as I heaved a sigh of relief, since last few days I was willing to call her, but every time something or the other came up, not letting me make a simple call.

She was ill and had recently fell down from the bed due to unconsciousness, the doctor couldn't even find out what went wrong with her, which made her fell off, "she's alright. Nothing is wrong" that was the answer which I used to get from my dad whenever we use to speak but I knew something was going wrong! She was getting weaker every day; her health was going from bad to worse but then as always "she is completely fine" the same answer.

"Hello" I smiled, as I knew how she would start complaining me about everything, from her dressing to her medicine and the food which the doctor has ordered her to eat, but I was wrong! Totally wrong because I heard my sister crying and my heart started to beat as fast as it has never even thought to beat!

"Hello" I whispered again, my friends were busy talking and laughing, no one knew that I was attending a call, and now I didn't even want them to know.

"Hello" I heard the other side of the phone, finally someone was talking, and I could hear noise at the back, like someone was crying! Crying a lot and I could guess that my sister was also finding courage to speak again.

"Can you talk!?!" panic started to takeover me, my blood started to freeze, I didn't know what was happening but something was scaring me, maybe the fact that my sister was crying!

"Can you comeback home tomorrow? From the point! Grandma is no more" she said it, as I felt my heart sinking.

"What?" I questioned again, it wasn't like I didn't heard her, or I wanted a confirmation, but I just wanted her to tell me that she was playing around, joking with me and then she would hand over the phone to grandma.

"S...he...she…gra...ndm…a died" I heard again, and this time she wasn't even controlling her tears.

"Can I talk to grandma?" I asked her, hoping that maybe, just maybe she would hand over the phone to her.

"She died" again the same answer!

"Hand her the phone please!" I held my phone with both the hands, begging my sister to let me talk to my grandma, I wasn't crying but I felt my tears building up.

"She is no more!"I heard her again.

I took a deep breath, as if it was just a general thing "can you send someone to pick me up from the hostel?"

"But…"

"Can you?"I interrupted

"I'll try, but, I don't know cant you come through your point? Can't the campus provide you with a car?" she asked, I could feel her controlling her tears and trying to talk to me but it was getting difficult.

"okay, bye" I whispered, I didn't know what I was feeling but one thing I was sure about, my mind was completely dazed, and I couldn't hear anything my friends where saying.

"Are you fine? Listen I'll send someone to pick you up..." she continued trying to talk to me, but I didn't know what to say, and without letting her complete the sentence I cancelled the call.

I stared at my friends who just continued with their conversation and then suddenly I got up from my chair and moved away from my group, I knew they were all looking at me, but what should I do! I didn't know what to tell them? If they ask who was on the call? I looked at everyone as now I can see they were all looking directly at my face trying to create an eye to eye contact. I moved my eyes down not wanting to look at them! And started to move towards the door

"What happened to her?" I heard one of them saying.

"I don't know!" the other one answered.

"I'll just check" my ears registered the words of my friend, while my step fastened and I took the door which will lead me out of the caf towards the campus side, I didn't want to go the hostel! Not now, when I was already starting to feel suffocation and I didn't wanted anyone to keep a check on me!

I almost started to run as I didn't know what to do I could feel someone following me, but I didn't care, I knew it would be someone from my friends group, my eyes were starting to feel a bit heavy due to tears and a shiver ran into my whole body as slowly things started to register!

My grandmother had died! The woman who was always there with me and for me is no more! The one who use to provide me with late night snacks, who would get angry at me when I use to have a new hair cut just because she was in love with my curls, the one who used to ask about me every day, the woman who used to call me just to complain about the boil food which doctors has ordered her to eat, the woman who used to smile at me whenever I winked at her, the one who loved me more than a lot, a woman who was extremely important to me, whose voice made me relax is no more with me.

My tears started to roll out like someone had just opened a tap of water! I didn't know when did I reach the campus parking area but suddenly my feet started to wobble, and I fell down, I started to cry badly and I tried to get up but failed if she was here with me, she would have held me protectively and made me get up but she was not here, she was nowhere!

Suddenly I remembered the time she once questioned me that when I'll be back from hostel? And I just answered "permanently, after 4 years" I memorize the looks she gave me, like someone had let her down, suddenly she had turned sad and I did saw tears forming in her eyes! That time those tears meant nothing to me! But now I wanted to go back to her! And promise her that I won't leave her ever.

"What's wrong?"a pair of hands came and held my shoulders softly, helping me to get up, I looked to see my friend standing infront of me, from the look of his face I could tell that he was taken aback after looking at my swollen eyes and wet cheeks.

"What's wrong? What happened?" he shook me a little, as I just stared at him while my mind kept replaying my grandmother's each and every expression.

"Answer me! NOW" he voice turned a bit harsh and loudly, as I started to cry loudly, my tears ran again freely, scaring him more, i held on to him afraid to fall again while his eyes stuck on my face.

"Take me home, please" I mumbled trying to control my tears, and directly looking at him.

"Tell me what…" I didn't let him complete his sentence and interfered into what he was saying.

"I beg you, take me home please" and then my phone again rang, I took it out quickly, as again the same number flashed "grandma calling" it announced as I just stared at the vibrating screen which was now filled with my tears making the screen blur, hoping that I would hear the voice of my grandma, hoping that she would tell me how they have made a fool of me, just hoping that she is alive and safe.

"Pick up the phone atleast" I heard him say, but my hand didn't wanted to click on the button, and then within seconds he snatched it.

I didn't know who was on the other side of the phone, and what they talked about, because within a minute, he announced that we are leaving hostel and going to my home, I didn't know what to say and how I felt at that moment, I just know that my grandmother was there, maybe she must be hoping that atleast today, I would visit her.

It has been two week since that day, the memory of that day is still fresh, I still remember how I reached home within 50 minutes and how I heard everyone crying, shouting, I didn't had a single tear in my eyes, and I don't know why? I just sat next to her covered body, looking at her peaceful face, the face which showed no worries, no pain and no tension and somewhere I felt relieved, knowing that she was not feeling any pain, she wasn't having any breathing problem and nor she was feeling the soreness in lungs.

Wearing the white t-shirt and blue jeans, with my hair tied tightly in a neat bun, I sat on the bed, looking at the dairy which my dad gave me, saying that my grandmother wanted to gift it to me always. It had 1991 engraved on its leather front, the year of my birth! I opened it slowly wanting to feel her touch on it, and there I saw my picture with her holding me in her arms I was trying to kiss her cheek, it was sweet and funny at the same time, and then on the next page I saw her broken writing, as if she had just written it now, with a shivering hand

"Ridhima, smile, I'm there with you"

And I smiled, knowing that she was actually there with me, and will guide me at every corner of my life and then I turned to watch the large picture of her hung on my room wall as she smiled back at me through that picture.