Surprised even I am . . . as like I said I had no intention whatsoever to update it but me and my twisted brain, I was trying to write TL and I couldn't think of anything else but this so I had to write and then since I was writing there was no harm posting although I did consider not posting and rather saving it in Word but like I said me and my twisted brains . . . at least now I can write TL without having my mind wander here and there . . . BTW will update TL tomorrow if nothing comes up . . . though I am in mood of writing BSLS now but since I updated it just 2 days back I'd rather not write it . . . I talk too much . . . Oh and yes . . . like Shika says I am the laziest person alive so keeping true to that . . . I have not proof read it as I hate proof reading so please ignore the typo as well, I might have eaten quite a few words and some might need editing and sometimes I write half a sentence and then forget what I was writing and end missing two sentences . . . all m trying to say is please overlook the errors . . .
If possible do listen to this while reading . . .
Chapter 1
Desolated
Roses
He filled her hands with roses.
He encircled her waist as he pulled her towards him and she smiled.
Resting his forehead against hers he closed his eyes as he whispered "I Love You"
A blush crept at her cheeks as her hands went around his neck and she kissed the tip of his nose
tiptoeing on her heels.
He grinned slithering his hands up her waist and up to her nape, entangling one hand in her hair he cupped her face with his free hand.
Tracing his fingers up her chin and to her lips, he pressed them against her lips as his eyes whispered what intended to do.
They sealed the moment with a Kiss as soft as a rose petal, tender . . . full of love and care.
Dream
Dreams do come true.
Her life was nothing less than a beautiful dream.
Dark
It was pitching dark.
Screaming out his name she let out an agonized cry as she ran.
With bleeding knees and broken heels, she cried out in pain running after him in unkempt clothes.
Tears cascaded down her eyes as she fell onto the ground, looking up she saw his car race into the darkness.
She stretched out her hand and screamed for him to back.
She cried.
She clutched the bed sheet as she twisted and turned kicking her legs frantically.
MAAN . . . She cried out in her sleep as her eyes snapped open and she jolted to sit against the bed frame.
She could still hear the sweet nothings he whispered in her ears huskily, she screamed covering her ears with her hands. She clutched her hair tightly as she closed her eyes throwing her head backwards and opened them the very next second, she saw his face.
Isn't it amazing how someone breaks your heart and you still love them with all the little pieces.
She closed her eyes as tears made their way down her cheeks.
She couldn't summon the strength to carry on fighting. She loved him . . . missed him . . . needed him . . . but didn't want him. She did not have it in her to pull through another rejection. Her heart was already in pieces and every little piece called out to him, and although she had managed to collect those little pieces and place them together, her insides were bleeding, her heart was scarred and her soul damned.
She searched her soul for any slip-up that could have provoked his actions, but found none. She wanted to meet him once and ask what went wrong, then maybe she could live with the contentment it wasn't her. But meeting or even stealing a glance at him was a distant possibility.
Two months, she kept running after him, she fell to his knees pleading for his love, she begged him to take her back in his life, questioned him why he did what he was doing . . . where did she go wrong, but he remained where he was, far . . . far away from her. He walked away like she was no one, like she didn't exist; she had to give up, how long she could fight for something was never really hers in the first place. How long was she supposed to swallow her pride, how long could she compromise with self respect? For him she gave up everything and in return he gave her everything but love. He gave her pain, sorrows, he imposed a self-made hell over her to live with but he didn't give her the one thing she craved the most . . . his love. What did she ever do to deserve his hatred, she could never figure out.
It has been one year and ten months from the time when she last saw him, and two years since that night which changed everything.
Sometimes in the wee hours of darkness, she would let herself drown in the memories of what was once a beautiful dream that she lived with him. Just for a fleeting moment, for a fraction of a second, she would let herself wonder what it would have been like, had he not deserted her, had he not walked out on her, had he not pretended to hate her when his eyes clearly said otherwise. Or was she wrong in reading them, may be what she thought was love was nothing but an illusion, a lie that she mistook as the reality of her life, but could she be so wrong in judging him. He claimed to hate her, then why did she see love in those eyes though he tried his best to conceal his inner emotions, she knew his every single nerve and what they shared was love. But after all this time, seeing the shattered pieces of her life, seeing everything falling apart, she was forced to wonder did she really know him the way she claimed to.
After all the time she spent with him, after weaving countless dreams of the time she would spend with him, it killed her to see him go, it traumatized her to see all hope of a future with him vanish into thin air. He walked away leaving her to her misery, leaving her despondent he never looked back. They say hope is life, it is the last thing that we lose, and she was hopeless, she had lost the last that straw that kept her going even after facing rejection and abandonment repeatedly. Could she fight destiny, she was a mere human and a girl at his mercy, begging for his love. Did he have so much malice towards her that he did not feel it necessary to at least let her know her mistake.
Two years . . . it has been years since that fateful night and nothing has changed for her. She is still at the juncture he left her to suffer, she couldn't move on because the scars on her heart are to remain forever. Love happens again . . . that is what people say, and that may be true for people but it was the biggest lie for her. She had her chance at love, she fell hard and she hasn't yet recovered from that fall and for all she knew, she could never recover. The hurt was too deep, the wound still fresh, her heart still aching for him, she was in love then, she is in love now, she will be in love forever. When she never really fell out of love, how was she supposed to fall all over again? Ironically if back then in the good old days when he was there for her, love was nothing but a beautiful feeling that filled her life with numerous colours and made it worthwhile now, it was everything but a beautiful feeling, it was pain, it was hurt, somewhere even regret. But love nevertheless.
Love . . . the four things that should never be associated with it . . . Lies . . . Obsession . . . Vengeance . . . Ego . . . apparently all of them found a place in the her love story. Was it even a love story, she couldn't figure out. All she knows is the time she spent with him was the best of her life and she would always relish it but that was closed a chapter which she now refuses to open. Sometimes, she would simply want to leave everything aside and go to him, demand answers but she wouldn't do that. She had managed to salvage some pride and dignity; by going to him she would only abase herself. She had mortified herself long time back, not once but over and over again and there was no way whatsoever she would let him tread on the last bits of self respect that she was holding onto.
While she knows that nothing will change, she subconsciously wishes everything to be back to what it was two years back. Whenever an article about him would be published in a magazine or newspaper she would fish for a photograph of him, she would read and re-read the article, moving her fingers over his photo she would make patterns at his cheeks just like she always used to do when she was with him, she would scrunch up her nose moving her fingers over his subtle and murmur what she used to tell him when he purposefully rubbed his subtle against her cheek, tickling her ' are you some combatant fighting at the border that you don't have time to shave that jungle of yours.
Taking cut outs of the pictures she would paste them in her dairy, sitting for hours at the window sill, she would stare into space, shedding tears of anguish and longing. She had no memento of him other than her memories. The photographs of the time they spent with each other, the first rose he gave her, the ticket of the first movie she watched with him, all the gifts given by him, everything that spelt their love was incinerated.
She had gone to the market for grocery shopping when the fire broke out. When she came back she saw sheets of flames shooting in the air, flames leapt her burning house, and she fell onto the ground seeing the last of her belongings passing into nothingness. Men came with buckets of water and began to douse the flames but seemingly it was too late, only ash remained which was also dwindling away with the wind. That was when she realised it was never meant to be, even God's didn't want her running behind something which she could never have. It was two months and ten days from the day everything fell apart and she decided to leave her life behind. She left her hometown never to look back, and that was it. Now, she is all by herself in the cruel world that knows nothing but trample you.
People say when hurt is too much, even the tears betray you but while she was dying every living moment of her life, she still had plenty of tears to shed. If her love for him was endless, so were her tears.
She had abandoned herself to grief.
Short I know😆 . . . but I do not really think u guys would have wanted a bigger update considering it is not Happy Shappy😆 . . . but the next part might be better as I will include past bits😳 . . . happy ones, and even the present will not be so sad. . . anyway just that u know I wanted to write something else as in more miserable as I did not cry while writing so it is not sad enough like it should have been but I can't write it any different😆 . . . this is the limit to which I could have written . . . I'll try my level best to make the coming parts sadder but well, I can't write too much angst so be happy😃 . . . I can't go beyond this . . . Arzoo and Shika this one is SPECIALY for you BOTH😛 . . . now call me cute and sweet and bacchha . . .😛
Edited by 7thHeaven - 14 years ago
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