Maryada FF: Vidya-Gaurav (p. 30) - Page 5

Chapter 8 – Fickle Love

She shut her window as soon as she saw him looking. He had expected as much.

He turned around and leaned against the bars of the window, exhaling deeply. She really was an innocent; not that he should have expected anything else, but once again the reality of it was just starting to sink in. There had been no innocence in his world for so long that he wondered how he would protect her from the depravity of this house. He hadn't had similar worries about Salome. She was… of a different world herself. She had been touched by his world too at some point; it was how they had met… it was how he had fallen in love with her too… During those first few months, when his emotions and his passions had been in full throttle, he had been absolutely sure that if anyone in the world could understand him, that it would be her. That if anyone in the world could understand her pain, that it would be him.

And now, three years had passed and he had figured out that just because two people had been touched by darkness, it did not mean that their souls had some mysterious communion with each other. He did not think Salome understood him. He doubted that he understood her the way that she wanted him to. He loved her despite of all that. Besides, he didn't understand himself at times; it was unreasonable to expect that another person would. And maybe it was rather narcissistic of him to assume that someone else would understand him so completely, or even want to. Love was like everything else in life; it had its rewards and it had its pains. If you couldn't take the latter, then you didn't get to keep the former for too long.

He had wanted to call Salome tonight, but knew that she would be busy with a client. And today's client was evidently someone that she could not afford to offend. Once upon a time, he had pleaded with her to run away with him. He had been falsely optimistic like his mother then. But Salome hadn't been. She was too realistic to attempt something like that, she had said. She couldn't risk getting caught by the district's SSP for running away with his older son. They would be found, of course, and they would both suffer. He had told her that they could leave the country, that his father cared not a whit about him, and that he would not search for them if they disappeared to someplace where his father would never hear of them again. And she had asked him quite pragmatically how long he intended to stay away from his mother; whether he was willing to leave her in this house forever and whether he understood what it meant to never be able to return to see her. He had told her that he would still keep in contact with his mother, that he would somehow figure out a way. And she had told him that he was just being naive… that they had both seen the world enough to know that nothing like that would ever happen… that if he eloped with her, then he would have to stay away forever. He had known that she was right… and he hadn't been able to do that to his mother… he hadn't been able to leave her here alone with his father or cut himself out of her life. Salome had laughed without mirth at his helplessness and had said that the world had already decided each of their fates and that it was pointless to try to rewrite it by sheer will or something as fickle as love. He had looked at her in surprise and had asked her whether she thought his love was fickle. She had answered with some bitterness that the emotion itself was fickle. That it changed with circumstance… that it couldn't help but be capricious by nature… He hadn't responded to that statement… He himself knew so little of love aside from what he felt for his mother and for Salome that he had wanted to consider her words with some seriousness before forming an opinion one way or the other.

That had been more than two years ago… his love had not become fickle yet… but she reminded him occasionally that there were no temptations in his love, that he was not a man who gave any other woman a chance, and thus there had been no opportunities to really prove his love. He had asked her what she would have him do. And finally, she had told him that he should just get married like his mother wanted him to. And if he could keep himself from falling for the 'virtuous' bride they would bring for him, that she would finally believe him. He had not spoken to her for two weeks after that conversation. And then she had called him and apologized, but the idea had already taken root in her mind.

Love, apparently, had to be proven. Otherwise, it was fickle.

He could have told her that he only had a very limited supply of this emotion. That between loving a mother who dictated his happiness by her own excruciatingly suffocating measuring stick and a woman who shared her body for money, he was close to depleted. That to love yet another person required energy and effort that he just didn't have anymore. He was not a saint… not by a long shot. And every microgram of love he received had always had to be paid back with interest. That love wasn't fickle, but expensive…

Nothing in this world was free… nothing… and certainly not the best things like that old cliched adage.

But he was just starting to realize that maybe he would not be the only one paying for this last test… that maybe there would be another who would have to pay for it too… for his mistake… for all of their mistake.

A different Vidya...cool...eager to learn more about the one in your story. 😊

Very interesting update...Gaurav's perspective and his feelings for Salome. Wow. Deep...dark...intense! I like! 😃

Somehow, I am not sure if it was your intention but reading this part made me feel like Salome is Gaurav's first love...but not the love of his life. It feels like he is tied to her in some dark, emotional and twisted way but has started to move on at some level. Maybe I am reading more between the lines than your intention...😆...or that could very well be me projecting...😆.

Between "He had wanted to call Salome tonight, but knew that she would be busy with a client." and "a woman who shared her body for money", am I correct in inferring Salome is a prostitute or some such?

Have to say...I am eager to learn more about the darkness in Gaurav's past. So many little details in the various parts...very intriguing!

Originally posted by: darlunia

A different Vidya...cool...eager to learn more about the one in your story. 😊

Very interesting update...Gaurav's perspective and his feelings for Salome. Wow. Deep...dark...intense! I like! 😃

Somehow, I am not sure if it was your intention but reading this part made me feel like Salome is Gaurav's first love...but not the love of his life. It feels like he is tied to her in some dark, emotional and twisted way but has started to move on at some level. Maybe I am reading more between the lines than your intention...😆...or that could very well be me projecting...😆.

Between "He had wanted to call Salome tonight, but knew that she would be busy with a client." and "a woman who shared her body for money", am I correct in inferring Salome is a prostitute or some such?

Have to say...I am eager to learn more about the darkness in Gaurav's past. So many little details in the various parts...very intriguing!

Chapter 9 – A Rock and a Hard Place

She did not sleep well or long. As she walked to the window just as dawn was breaking through, she discovered that there were some benefits to insomnia and being on the third floor – a view of the sunrise was unequivocally the most beautiful sight that she had seen since leaving her village. It made her feel close to her family, knowing that this was the one sight that they would be able to see as well and she imagined that her mother was watching it along with her.

She bathed and dressed in another one of the simple saris that she had unpacked, although she knew that her mother-in-law would likely make her wear something fancier soon enough. She sat at the desk by the window and resumed writing what she had been unable to complete last night, but an unbidden flash of a memory that she had been trying to repress since she woke suddenly overtook her in that moment of calmness. She saw her husband's face at that window last night watching her in her greatest moment of shame. She abandoned her journal and got up from her chair to roam around the room. What were the chances that she would not have to see him until tonight's reception… She figured that the sheer number of people that would start to arrive at the house would serve as good a cover as any. She would just pretend that it had never happened. And she would worry about tonight only when the time came.

There was a knock at the door and she went to open it, expecting that it could only be her mother-in-law so early in the morning, and thus did not have time to prepare herself or mask her reaction when she saw her husband standing there. If he noticed her startled expression, he allowed her to disguise it quickly enough without acknowledging it. He did not come in, but stood outside the room and asked, "It's a big house. I was wondering if you would like to see it before everyone came in and things turned chaotic?"

His presence and his question were both so unexpected that she stood there for a moment without answering.

"Vidya?" He called her name and it struck her in that moment, randomly, that it was the first time that she had heard him say her name.

She nodded and walked out of the room to accompany him.

He was not a man who wasted words, she thought as she heard listened to him. It was not difficult to follow along as he was always succinct and methodical in how he explained which parts of the house she really needed to know and how to remember them. Almost every wing on the second and third floor had balconies and then he took her to a small parlor with wide windows on the east side of the 3^rd floor that connected to a larger balcony. The parlor itself had two couches, a coffee-table, a desk and chair, a few shelves of books, several plants, and a large painting depicting the beheading of a man that she looked at curiously. He did not see her curiosity as he walked through the room to open the door to the balcony, but she could tell that this was a room that he was familiar with, maybe even used only by him. It looked like the room of someone who liked his solitude, which fit the description of what she had gathered of her husband thus far.

When they walked out to the balcony, she could see that the view of the sunrise from her room had been but a poor imitation of the view from here. They did not speak to each other as they stood there and watched the sun rise higher in the horizon ever so slowly.

He never tired of this sight; there had been many, many days in this house when this was the only sight that had made him feel like there were indeed great glories in the universe that were untouched by everything else. No matter how bad things seemed, the sun still rose just this way every day… he found that reassuring…

A slight breeze blew through and he saw the pallu of her sari fly up out of the corner of his eye, reminding him that he was not alone here. He recollected himself and looked in her direction to see if she had become bored with his silence. Instead, he found her intently watching the sunrise with an awe in her expression that had been missing the first time she had seen this monstrosity of a mansion.

He didn't realize that he was watching her until she suddenly turned to him, coloring at his scrutiny.

"Thank you. This is beautiful." She said with a smile when he did not say anything to ease the awkwardness of the moment.

He returned her smile as he said, "I am glad you think so."

She was so surprised at his smile that her smile disappeared. He stopped smiling as well and seemed embarrassed now that he had.

"There you both are…" Devyani's voice startled them both and he was glad for the interruption as he turned to his mother… that is, until he caught his mother's pleased-as-punch expression as she came towards them to take Vidya away with her, likely thinking about how this marriage was already a success.

And he thought that he was a man who was perpetually stuck between a rock and a hard place.

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Wow! Double update :) Couldn't have asked for a better present hehehe I think I am going to have to read both parts again

Originally posted by: darlunia

Ahhh good ol' Imli & Jaggi... 😆

Enjoying reading Vidya's perspective. Vidya the writer...wow...did not imagine that but it makes perfect sense for a quieter person such as her to pour thoughts in to a journal.

Wish I could jump several parts to know if Gaurav will fall for Vidya eventually...😳

Originally posted by: nikipuki

Isn't it a given that Gaurav will eventually fall for Vidya? 😉 but the journey on how he get's there sure will be interesting

Hiya Niki...in the show they are miles away from having Gaurav feel anything remotely close to love for Vidya...hence the anticipation about how it will be in Devi's FF. 😊

Chapter 10 – The third First Night – Part 1

She had been right. Her mother-in-law did ask her to change into one of the lehengas that she had bought for her. Luckily, it was a manageable sort and if Vidya found that if she walked carefully, she wouldn't trip. The day passed in a blur as half-way through she moved into autopilot, smiling when she met someone new, nodding when they remarked on something that they were required to, and giving short and sweet answers to all the regular pleasantries of 'new-bride' conversation. Devyani and Uttara and Imli and Sweety were all much more social than she was; they thrived on people and festivities, while she herself found that she could do it only for limited amounts at a time. Her mind wandered off nowhere and everywhere at once and she wondered when she would be able to sit down. She saw her husband only once in passing during the day and aside from exchanging a nod, there had been no other interaction between them. The women who surrounded her at that time had made a big fuss about that nod as they took her off to the Haldi ceremony, which turned out to be one of the most embarrassing parts of the evening. These were not her people and she felt strange sitting amidst them in a frail white wrapping that left her shoulders, legs, and waist bare as they rubbed the haldi all over her skin. Their touch was not aversive, but just uncomfortable and disconcerting. What made it worse was that they kept up a steady conversation about what would happen that night, which was more of the same sort of thing that she had tried to escape unsuccessfully with her mother and aunts, but this time with more conjectures about how her husband would be… she didn't know how they could talk about things like that when her husband's mother and sister were right there, but they did not seem to mind. Many of the older women were of the opinion that Gaurav, being the quiet and serious type, would likely be a revelation in how he would romance his wife, as they were sure that still waters ran deep. She wanted to know what that proverb had anything to do with how her husband would be inclined romantically, but she did not ask. And soon after, she lost all her power of speech when she saw the outfit that her mother-in-law had bought for her to wear to her suhaag raat. At her first glimpse of it, she had actually laughed, thinking that they had accidentally slipped Imli's clothes into her pile. And then she had stopped laughing when she realized that they were all smiling, but serious. It was a long lehenga, at least, not like the short skirts that Imli wore, but it had a most troubling similarity with Imli's blouses, with those innumerous ties on the back…

A memory of last night came back strongly then and she looked at Imli with a flushed face. Imli didn't understand the precise reason for her blush and mistook it for a virgin bride's shyness and quickly came around to pull the white wrapping off of her. Vidya was caught by surprise at this sudden disrobing and clutched the white cloth to her chest as Imli pulled on it. They did not realize that she was not putting on affectations and Uttara Maasi came up behind her to tickle her into letting go of her grasp of the cloth. She imagined what Panchali must have really felt like when Imli pulled harder on the cloth and it made her turn around and around until it finally came loose completely. There was no Krishna to supply her with unlimited cover to her modesty… although Devyani, Uttara maasi and Sweety surrounded her quickly as they made her put on the scandalous lehenga from before. She was glad that there was a dupatta; she could at least make sure that everything remained covered later when they left her. Then came the jewelry. As they put each piece on that weighed her down and made her think of her long run after the train just two days ago, she wondered why they bothered putting these on if they thought that her husband would take it all off anyways. Some randy grandma called out precisely that when she said, "Arey, make sure they all have easy clasps. Nothing ruins the moment like a heavy necklace that limits access and you can't take off!" That comment brought on much laughter and whistling and she stood there and revised her opinion. Maybe they should put some things on her that could not be undone without multiple locks and keys.

Finally, it was all over and she was brought over to the bedroom, which looked not a whit like the room that she had slept in last night. She imagined that there was some garden somewhere that had lost all its blossoms for this one night between her and her husband. As if all the flowers in the world would ease her anxiety and shame. It was all too much, the dress, the jewelry, the garden… she could feel a pounding headache starting to work its way through to her head and reminded herself that these were just the last few minutes before she would be alone… She took a deep breath as she turned around to face Devyani with a forced smile, trying to hide the fear that was now making her skin clammy and cold. On impulse, she hugged her mother-in-law for a quick moment, feeling choked up and wanting her mother. She quickly let go when she realized what she had done, but Devyani held onto her and whispered, "It will be alright. My oldest son has the most gentle heart that you will ever find. I promise." Vidya was surprised at this acknowledgment of her fright from her mother-in-law and even if she was not reassured, she felt her headache lessen from pounding to throbbing.

And soon enough, they were all gone and she was alone. She closed the door behind her and breathed a sigh of relief. She didn't know when her husband would come in, but she would not wait for him in agony like she did that first night. If she felt sleepy and he still had not come, she would sleep. She didn't think he would mind. She didn't think he wanted to have such a ceremonious suhaag raat either and was almost certain that he would not initiate anything physical between them, but at the same time, she could not bank on her "almost certainness" so much that she would be caught by surprise if he did request his marital rights.

She walked around the room for some time before climbing into bed with her journal and made sure that her dupatta covered the revealing back of her blouse and her hair before settling down to write. She managed to write two and a half pages before she fell asleep next to her open journal in all her wedding finery, quite alone, exactly as she wished.

What Vidya dreaded wearing, but ultimately did...