#5Kya Pyar Aisa Bi Ho Skta Hai??(AR)note-153 - Page 91

Confession/Note(whatever u like😊): mujhe nahi pata ki mai armaan ke pain, uski feelings ke saath theek se justice kar paungi ya nahi, mujhe nahi pata mai uske pain ko theek se words dene mai successful ho paungi ya nahi, par AR ke pyar mai koi difference nahi hai, last kuch parts mai riddhima ka role thoda jayda strong tha kyunki riddhima victim thi, armaan ka role almost negligible tha, but i hope it doesn't make any difference in your mind and hearts....

one more part after this, again lil emotional parts, hopefully i'll able to do justice with armaan's feelings, how much he felt broken after knowing some facts...

Part-186

R: chaho bhi to nahi kar paoge dur mujhe khud se, tumhe kya lagta hai ek paper hamare rishte ka faisla kar sakta hai?? Jiss pyar ko humne inn 6 years mai jiya hai uss pyar ko ye paper maar sakta hai, dil aur aatma se jode hue rishte ka ant(end) ek paper kaise decide kar sakta hai armaan??? (armaan looked her with mixed feelings of grief,anger, horror and hurt, in between all left from there but AR were unable to notice that, now they were alone)

A: agar ek paper hamara rishta tod nahi sakta to usse bacha bhi nahi sakta, tumhe aaj kal khokli duniya mai rehne ki bahut aadat pad gayi hai, issliye khokle rishte se bhi koi problem nahi hogi tumhe,tumhe bas naam ke liye hamara rishta chahiye tha to pehle bata diya hota, mai divorce ka khayal lata hi mat, mujhe laga tha hum saath issliye rehte hai kyunki hum chahte hai ek dusre ko, hum eek dusre ka saath pasand hai, par sirf naam ke liye hum ek dusre ke saath rehna chahte hai ye mujhe nahi pata tha…

R: (again she became restless) armaan..

A: kyu riddhima itni hairan kyu ho??? Kya ye sach nahi hai ki tumhe bas naamke liye bandhan chahiye..

R: bass karo armaan…kitni baar dil todoge mera??

A: (smile fakely) bas ek hi din mai pareshan ho gayi?? Patience ka imtihaan dene ke liye taiyar thi, bas ek hi din mai haar gayi??? Phir meri patience ka imtihaan kyu liya riddhima?? Kyu?? Wo bhi 1 nahi 2 din nahi pure 2 mahine, kassoor kya tha mera?? Bolo riddhima??? Kya galti thi meri??

R: armaan tum kiss bare mai baat kar rahe ho, mujhe kuch samajh nahi aa raha…

A: dukh issi baat ka hai ki jo ladki mujhse bepanah pyar hone ka dawa karti hai usse nahi samajh aati meri baatein, riddhima khud socho kitne differences aa gaye honge na hum me ki ab tumhe mujjhe samajhne mai bhi dikkat hone lagi hai…

R: aisa kuch nahi hai armaan, pyar mai kabhi differences nahi aate, mera pyar tumhare liye kabhi difference mai nahi badal sakta..

A: Pyar ki baatein karna band karo for god sake..( he suddenly got hyper, than his expressions changed to hurt and he looked at riddhima) tum kehti ho ki tum mere bina mar jaogi, par mai tumhare saath pal-2 jeekar bhi mar raha hun…

R: armaan itni kadwahat kyu bhar gayi hai tum mai??kyu tum itni kadwi kadwi baatein kar rahe ho, please armaan band karo aisi baatein karna, thak gayi hun iljaam sehte sehte, mai bhi insaan hun kyu bhul jaate hai sab..

A: aur mai bhi thak gaya hun tumhara jhut sehte sehte..

R: jhutttt???? (questionably) ye kya bol rahe ho armaan??? Kyu bol rahe ho..

A: haan riddhima mai bhi thak gaya hun tumhara jhutt sehte sehte, haar gaya hun..(his eyes again got moist) mai bhi insaan hun, ek aisa insaan jo apni wife se bahuttt pyar karta hai, sirf ussi ko dekhkar jeeta hai, ussi ke liye jeeta hai, jindagi hai uski wife, kya kare wo insaan jab usse pata challe ki uski jindagi ne hi usse dhoka diya, bina bataye hi uski jindagi ne usko khud se alag kar liya, bolo kya karega wo insaan, kaise react karna chahiye use iss dhoke se???

R: dhoka??? Armaan bas karo, aaj apne iljaamo se mujhe maar daalne ka iraada hai kya??? Dhoka dene ka iljaam mat lagao armaan, ye iljaam tumhare muh se mai sahen nahi kar paungi, armaan mai already bahut tut chukki hun (she settled on floor, holding armaan's knee, then placed her head on his knee)

bahut kuch sahen kar chukki hun, par tumhari kadwahat sahen karne ki himmat nahi hai mujhme, saari duniya ke sab iljaam saahen kar lungi, par tumhare muh se 1-1 shabd chirta hai mujhe andar tak, armaan mujhe tumhare saath aur pyar ki jarurat hai, bahut pyar karti hun tumse,kuch bhi kar sakti hun tumhare liye…

A: tum mujhse pyar karti ho riddhima??? Aaj suddenly ye pyar kaha se jag gaya tumhare dil mai???(riddhima looked him, astonished) mai to tumhare saath hi tha riddhima hamesha, par alag to tumne khud kiya hai mujhe, mai to tumse pyar hi karta tha, par tumne khud mujhe realize karwaya ki ab tumhe iss pyar ki jarurat nahi hai..

R: maine??? Mai to tumhare pyar se hi jee rahi thi armaan, itni sab mushkilo ko tumhare pyar ke kaaran hi paar kar rahi thi..

A: (cutting her) mere pyar se jee rahi thi, hospital mai khud par prostitute ka iljaam le lekar???

R: nahi armaan..(she stopped suddenly as armaan's words registered in her mind, she looked at armaan with shock and widened eyes) armaan..(she just managed to say his name, still looking in his eyes)

A: bolo riddhima?? Prostitute ka naam lekar, mujhse tumhe shaaririk sukh nahi milta issliye aur ladko ke gale mai baahein daale phirti ho, kitni achi sachayi hai na riddhima jo mujhe pata hi nahi thi, tumhara ye roop mujh tak na pahunche issliye hi tumne mera resignation hospital mai diya tha na, kaash iss roop ke baare mai mujhe pehle hi pata hota to tumse shaadi na karta,

after all ek prostitute se kaun shaadi karna chahega, nahi??? (riddhima started looking down, her hands were still on armaan's knees, she's still trying to recover from shock) mere pyar se jee rahi thi riddhima?? Par tumhe pata hai prostitute kabhi kissi ek se pyar nahi karti, wo to pata ni kitne hi logo se pyar karti hai.. phir bhi tum kehti ho ki tum mujhse pyar karti ho, kyu khud se aur mujhse jhut bolti ho riddhima, dhoka dene ka kya theka le rakha hai tumne???

R: (in low tone) tumhe ye sab kaise pata hai armaan???

A: (detangling her hand from his knees) ab tum apni sachayi nahi bataogi to kya mujhe kuch bhi pata nahi challega riddhima???

R: niki ne bataya tumhe??? (she looked him again)

A: seriously tum ab badal gayi ho riddhima, tumne sach mai sab samajhna band kar diya hai..(he mumbled this to himself, but riddhima's so near to him that she listened him, but after a moment she understood the meaning of his words)

R: agar niki ki baato par trust karna hota tumhe to tumne unn photographs par bhi believe kiya hota…yahi kehna chahte ho na???(armaan looked her, then twisted his face) phir tumhe ye sab kaise pata armaan?? Kissne bataya tumhe aur kya bataya??

A: riddhima don't worry mujhe kissi ne kuch nahi bataya aur mujhe koi aadhi adhuri baat nahi pata, koi galat fehmi nahi hai mujhe, tumse related baatein jaan ne ke liye mujhe kissi ki jarurat nahi hai, tum na sahi par tumhari aankhein ab bhi mujhse sach bolna hi prefer karti hai, tumhara chehra ab bhi mujhse fake hona pasand nahi karta, phir chahe tumne apne hotto ko jitney marji kasskar baandh rakha ho,

iss baar thoda, thoda nahi bahut jayda late hoo gaya, jo kuch bhi jaan na paya, bahut trust thana tumpar kitum to kabhi kuch mujhse chuppa hi nahi sakti, bas issi dhoke mai reh gaya aur late ho gaya sab jaan ne mai, kaash tumpar kabhi trust na kiya hota riddhima… pachta raha hun bahut, ki kyu tumhe trust kiya, kyu??? (he hit his hand on his wheel chair and again blood started coming out from his hand from cuts due to continous tight hitting)

R: armaan.. (she holds his hand tightly) ye kya kar rahe ho?? (with tears and quickly took first aid box, armaan took his hand back which caused riddhima fell down on floor, armaan panicked and held out his hand in air with deep voice coming from his heart "riddhima", but then brought his hand back and again hits chair out of frustration and more blood ozzed out from his hands, riddhima cried and holds his handsand kisses them) please armaan aise mat karo, mat pahunchao khud ko takleef…

A: riddhima ye dard aur takleef kuch bhi nahi hai uss dard ke aage jo mera dil mehsus kar raha hai, jo mujhe andar hi andar kachot raha hai aur usse bhi badi dikkat ye hai ki mujhe nahi pata uss dard ka end kaha par hoga, mujhe nahi pata kaise nikal kar phenku uss dard ko khud ke andar se, mar kar bhi uss takleef se shaanti nahi milegi, kaha jaun mai..

R: armaan itni badi koi baat nahi hui hai, hospital mai aisi baatein hoti rehti hai, jab hum achi baatein khush hokar sunn sakte hai to 1-2 buri baaton mai kya jaa raha hai…

A: kitni ajeeb baat hai riddhima, tumhe ab jhutt bolne ki aur dhoka dene ki itni aadat pad gayi hai ki ab tumhari jubaan bhi nahi kaampti jhutt bolte hue.(riddhima looked him) uss din hospital mai kya kya hua, police ne kitno se kya pucha, konse poster par konsa sawal utha, 1-1 word yaad hai mujhe, now please for god sake jhutt bolna band karo..(he said this with anger and moved out from room as his temper's rising when he reminded all the words of everyone , all the accusations on riddhima, riddhima quickly rushed at the back of him after balancing herself a bit)

R: (with pain) armaan…

A: bas ab aur kuch mat bolna riddhima, aaj tumhare muh se apna naam bhi jhuta lag raha hai, aaj aisa lag raha hai ki pata nahi kaunsi jhuti duniya mai jee raha hun, yaha sab jhut hai, pehle kabhi duniya ke jhut se pareshan hota tha to tumhari baahon mai aake sab bhul jaata tha, kyunki meri duniya atlast tumse hi thi, par ab kiske paas jaun, meri duniya hi jhutti ho gayi hai…

R: armaan bas bhi karo, kitna jalaoge khud ko, itni badi baat nahi hui hai jitna tum react kar rahe ho, jo hona tha ho gaya, agar tumhe bhi batati to tum kya kar sakte the armaan, honi ko hone se rok sakte the??? Mai tumhe pareshan nahi karna chahti, tumhe pareshan nahi dekh sakti…

A: tabhi to tumhe divorce dena chahta hun riddhima, mai kuch kar nahi sakta, bewajah tumhare sir ka dard nahi ban na chahta, aajad karna chahta hun tumhe khud se, tumhari aur pareshaniyo ki wajah nahi ban na chahta..

R: (with disbelief) armaan itne chotte reason ke liye tum mujhe divorce dena chahte the, iss silly reason ke liye… iss reason ke liye ki tumhe kuch nahi bataya maine bas issliye tumne 3 jindagiya stake par laga di?? Meri-apni aur aarish ki… mai puri raat ye sochkar marti rahi ki pata nahi mujhse aisa kya gunaah hua hai, aisa kya kiya ki tumne itna bada step uthaya,

aur tum iss silly reason ke liye mujhe divorce dena chahte the ye jaante hue bhi ki mujhe uss waqt tumhare saath ki jarurat thi, tumhare support ki jarurat thi, bilkul tut chukka thi andar se mujhpar iljaam par iljaam lag rahe the phir bhi mera saath dene ki jagah tum mere hi against khade ho gaye

aur thama diye mujhe divorce papers ye kehkar ki duniya ne to puri tarah tujhe apne aap se alag kar hi diya hai ab mai bhi tere saath nahi hun, ek baar bhi socha ki mere dil par kya gujar rahi hogi uss waqt, buri tarah jakhmi thi mai andar se,

tut chukki thi andar se aur tumne mujhe divorce papers dekar jeete jee hi maar diya, mujhe uss waqt sabse jayda tumhari jarurat thi armaan aur tum yaha apni ego mai baithe ye plan kar rahe the ki kiss tarah mujhse picha chudwaoge

kyunki maine apne muh se tumhe kuch nahi bataya,ek baar meri jagah khud ko rakh kar socha tumne?? Itna sab akele sahene ke baad ghar aao aur tumhari jindagi tumhe gale lagane aur ye yakeen dilwane ki jagah ki sab theek ho jayega, mai hun na.. tumpar tumse alag hone ke papers de mare, kaha jaayega insaan???

Bolo kiske paas jaun mai?? Kaha jaakar royungi?? Kya tumhari ego itni badi thi armaan kitum mera dard bhi nahi dekh paye, tumhe kiss baat ki takleef thi???armaan agar mai tumhari jagah hoti to kabhi aisa na karti, uss waqt tumse dur jaane ka khyal bhi na laati jiss waqt tumhe meri sabse jayda jarurat thi,

samajhti tumhare pain ko aur reason ko ki tumne kiss liye mujhse sab baatein chupayi hongi, par tum… (she turned her face with anger, armaan just kept on looking her, again mixture of emotions can be seen on his face mixed with hurt, pain, disbelief)

A: tumhe meri jarurat nahi thi riddhima, issliye mai tumhare paas nahi tha..(riddhima looked him) tum itni strong ho kitum akele sab kuch tackle kar sakti ho issliye mai tumhare paas nahi tha, tum khud nahi chahti thi ki mai tumhare saath rahun issliye mai tumhare paas nahi tha, tumhe khud mera sahara lena pasand nahi tha issliye mai tumhare paas nahi tha, tum meri riddhima nahi ho issliye mai tumhare saath nahi tha..(riddhima looked him with shock)

R: armaan..

A: (clearing the corner of his eyes) haan riddhima, tum sirf dikhne mai riddhima jaisi ho par tum wo riddhima nahi ho jiss se maine pyar kiya hai aur jo mujhse pyar karti hai..

R: tumhara dimag kharab ho gaya hai armaan..

A: apne pyar ko khokar ache ache ka dimaag kharab ho jaata hai, phir mai kya hu, meri riddhima bahut masoom si, bahut innocent si hai, usse ego kya hoti hai nahi pata, uske paet mai dard hota rehta hai jab tak wo apne armaan se sab baatein share na kar le, uski godd mai sir rakhkar use bata na de ki uska pura din kaisa nikla,

waise bahut intelligent hai par usse sochna nahi pasand hai jab tak uske armaan ki soch wo na jaan le to wo apne armaan se kabhi ye chupana nahi pasand karegi ki uske saath itne bade bade hadse ho gaye hospital mai, maana wo intelligent hai par wo apne armaan ke aage sab bhul jaati hai aur budhu ban jaati hai..

(he smiled while clearing his eyes as he reminded, how she used to behave in front of him) wo strong bahut hai, koi bhi difficulty sahen kar sakti hai duniya ki, par uska armaan uske saath hona chahiye uska haath thaame, wo apne armaan ko kabhi khud se alag karne ke baare mai soch bhi nahi sakti, bahut seedhi saadhi, bholi bhalli si hai wo..

(riddhima's anger got subsided and tears started welling up in her eyes with some memories revolving in her mind and her ears reagistering each and every word of armaan) usse nahi pata ki armaan se baatein kaise chupaate hai, actually problem ye haiki agar wo chupaana bhi chahe to uski body language uska saath nahi deti

aur atlast wo sab bata deti hai aur phir lambi si saans leti hai relaxing waali aur bolti hai jaise keh rahi ho "ab maine tumhe sab bata diya, ab tum jaano ki kaise problem se nipatna hai, mai sone jaa rahi hun" aur phir wo meri baaho mai bahut peacefully so jaati hai..(he again smiled reminding her peaceful face) jhut bolna to bahut dur ki baat hai.. really miss my riddhima..

(he looked at riddhima) bolo kyu khoon kiya meri uss innocent riddhima ka, kyu dur kiya mujhse meri khushi ko??? Kya bigada tha usne tumhara?? Kyu usse jeena sikha diya mere bina?? Kyu uski masumiyat ko maara?? Itna dur kar diya usse mujhse ki ab wo kuch bhi nahi samajh paati, kuch bhi nahi…

R: aise kyu bol rahe ho armaan, mai aaj bhi wohi riddhima..

A: (cutting her) aisa mat bolna, maana tum jhutt bolna seekh gayi ho, par mai apni riddhima ko pehchan sakta hun kyunki usse dekhne ke liye mujhe aankhon ki jarurat nahi hai,agar tum meri riddhima hoti to aaj mujhe sab pata hota tumhare baare mai, mujhe pata hota ki bi ke sharaad wale din tumhare saath kya hua,

mujhe pata hota ki diwali ki raat tum kyu pooja par nahi aayi, aarish ki party waale din kyu tum hospital mai behosh padi thi, aur apne b'day par tum ankit ke saath lonavla nahi hospital mai drugs lene ke kaaran admit thi, mujhe sab pata hota tumhare baare mai, (riddhima's still trying to recover from shock hearing every detail from armaan's mouth) bolo ab bhi tum yahi kahogi kitum meri… (he stopped and looked other side)

R: armaan kuch reasons bhi ho sakte hai tumse kuch chupane ki…

A: koi reason nahi tha riddhima, except ki ab tumhe vishwas nahi raha, tumhe darr tha ki mai tumhari uss waqt koi help na kar paata kyunki mai khud apahij hun tumhara kya sahara banunga, tumhe kya musibato se bachaunga..(riddhima shaked her head in no with tears) aur tumhe darr tha ki kahin agar mai tumhari help na kar paya to apni legs ko, apni kismat ko kosunga(curse)

apni apahijta ko kosunga ki mai ab apni kissi kaam ka nahi raha, apni patni aur apne bte ki raksha nahi kar paata to kahi mai aur under confident na ho jaun.. issliye tumne mujhe kuch nahi bataya akele sab face karti rahi ye sochkar kitum bhagwan ho, har musibat akele le sakti ho, kissi ke sahare ki jarurat nahi hai tumhe…

R: (screamed with tears, in low tone) bas karo armaan, ab bas bhi karo..

A: kyuu, jaan na nahi chahti ki divorce ke decision par kaise pahuncha?? Abhi tak to cheekh cheekh kar reason puchna chahti thi aur ab…sachayi kadwi lag rahi hai na, problem ye hai tum sirf sun rahi ho aur maine iss sachayi ko khud paar kiya hai…

har roj riddhima har roj mara hun, ye jaan ne ke liye ki meri riddhima ko kya hua hai, bi ke sharaad se lekar parso tak, pal pal dil mai yehi chalta tha ki tumhe aisa kya pareshan kar raha hai jo mai samajh nahi paa raha aur tum bata nahi paa rahi, kyu tum mujhse duriyan bana rahi ho, har roj ye sochkar pal pal mara tha,

riddhima pata hai jab se accident hua tha mai tut gaya tha andar se kyunki maine kabhi expect nahi kiya tha ki mai..armaan malik jo logo ko unki wheel chair se uthane mai unki madad karta hai,uska khud hi jindagi bhar ka sahara ye ek wheel chair ban gayi hai, mai mohtaj ban gaya hun wheel chair ka, ye sach mujhse nahi digest hota tha,

logo ki najrein andar tak darati thi, pal pal mujhe mere apahij hone ka ehsas dilwati thi, unki baaton mai apne liye daya(sympathy) dekhkar mai aur tut jaata tha aur gussa bhi aata tha ki kya sach mai ab mai jeene ke like nahi raha, kissi kaabil nahi raha mai, par phir dheere dheere realize hua ki mai kitna galat soch raha hun, meri jindagi to tum ho,

phir wheel chair ka mohtaj mai kaise ho sakta hun, meri duniya to tum ho, phir ye duniya kuch bhi bolti rahe mujhe kya matlab aur mai phir se normal hone laga, jindagi jeene laga bina kissi complaints ke kyunki tumhari aankhon mai sirf apne liye pyar milta tha wo bhi bina kissi complaint ke, bina kissi change ke,

jo hamesha se tumhari aankho mai value thi wo hi value mere accident ke baad bhi thi, tumhe nahi farak pada tha mere paralysis se aur yahi baat mujhe jindagi ki taraf aur jayda khinchti thi, mai phir purane jaisa feel karne laga, koi change nahi tha, mujhe kabhi aisa nahi laga kitum mere saath khush nahi ho,

ya mera paralysis hamare relation par mentally ya emotionally effect daal raha hai, hum khush the, maine apne paralysis ko accept kiya tha kyunki tumne mujhe yakeen dilwaya tha ki kuch nahi badla, mai ab bhi waisa hi hun, waqt bhi aur hamara pyar bhi,

aarish ka accident hua 1 baar nahi 2 baar, meri galti ki wajah se, mai thoda dagmaga gaya tha apni nanhi si jaan ko uss haalat mai dekh ke, kuch apna guilt tha kuch logo ki baatein aur hamare bache ka pain, sab mujhpar haawi hone lage aur mujhe laga ki aarish ke uppar mera saaya theek nahi hai, mai uss se dur ho gaya..

Waqt hi kuch aisa tha ki tumhari baatein bhi mujhpar effect na kar payi, nahi samajh paya ki wo haadsa tha jo kabhi bhi ho sakta tha, agar mai theek hota to bhi ho sakta tha kuch bhi, kuch cheezon or haadso par hamara bass nahi hota, unko hona hota hai ho jaate hai, phir acha bhalla insaan bhi unn hadso ke aage apahij ban jaata hai..

Ye baat maine uss din seekhi jab hamare ardhaan ne first time mujhe apni tuti futi language mai daada kaha, (he smiled when reminded aarish) uss waqt koi khud se narajgi nahi rahi accept iske ki maine bewajah hum teeno ko punish kiya,

tumhe iss baat ki tension dekar ki mai normal nahi hun, bahut under-confident ho gaya hun, ardhaan ko uske daeda ke pyar se dur rakha, uss bechare ka to koi kasoor bhi nahi tha phir bhi usse pata nahi kiss baat ki saja de raha tha aur khud ko apni bekaar ki soch ke kaaran sabse dur karke khud ko punish kiya,

uss din maine khud se waada kiya tha ki ab kabhi iss duniya ko aur apne paralysis ko khud par haawi nahi hone dunga, tumhare saath mera pal pal kimti hai aur inn palon mai apni iss banawti(kritrim/materialistic) soch ko milakar mai kabhi waste nahi karunga,

jeeunga bahut ache dhang se, pehle jaisi life hogi hamari, inn sapno ko mai saja hi raha tha ye jaane bina ki bahut tej ek tufaan aane waala hai jo mere sapno ke aashiyane mai aag laga dega, aur wo tufaan ye duniya nahi, ye waqt nahi khud mera pyar hi lekar aayega, jiske saath sapne saj rahe the wo hi mere sapne todne ka iraada mann mai lekar baitha tha..

R: armaan..(with hurt)

A: (without paying any attention and remained looking in space) mujhe nahi samajh aaya riddhima kyu tumne all of a sudden apne raaste alag kar liye, kaash tumne mujhe meri galti batayi hoti, mai uss galti ko theek kar leta, phir kabhi shikayat ka mauka na deta, par khud se alag karne ki kya jarurat thi,

itna khud se alag kar diya ki apna ek bhi gam mujh tak na pahunchne diya, apne aansu apne dil mai chupakar, hamare saamne normal hone ka pretend karti rahi, kissliye??? Hume khushi dene ke liye??? Taaki mere mann mai apne liye koi galat baat na aaye, de di khushiyaa????????? Mil gayi tumhare chupane se hume dher saari khushiya???

Aaj bahut khushi ho rahi hai tumhe hume itna khush dekhkar?? Issliye hi tumne sab chupaya tha taaki hamare divorce tak baat pahunch jaye, aaj seriously mere mann mai apne liye koi galat baat nahi hai, kahi under-confidence nahi hai, kahi guilt nahi hai iss baat ka ki maine 7 phere lete hue tumhari raksha karne ka waada kiya tha agni ke saamne,

tumhare aatm samaan (self-respect) ko apna aatam samaan samajhne ka waada kiya tha maine uss agni ke saamne, par tumhari self-respect ko nahi bacha paaya, tumhe wo security nahi de paaya jo ek wife deserve karti hai, expect karti hai apne husband se jiss waqt wo uss se bandhti hai,

tumhari ijjat ki mere saamne rehte itni insult hui phir bhi mai iss wheel chair par baith kar tamash dekhta raha, kuch nahi kiya, sab tumpar hass kar gaye, tumhare character par buri tarah ungliyan uthakar gaye, tum akeli khadi thi unn accusations ke liye

aur tumhara so called pati ghar par befikar hokar baitha jindagi ke maje le raha tha, seriously I'm feeling proud of myself, kahi under-confident nahi hua hun, dekhho kitna khush hun mai, I'm the happiest person on earth, yahi chahti thi na tum, issliye nahi bataya tha na tumne mujhe kuch, ab khush hona tum?? Mujhe itna khush dekhkar to tum aasmaan mai udd rahi ho, nahi??

R: (in low tone) bass issliye hi tumhe kuch nahi bataya tha armaan, issliye… le liya na khud par saara blame, jo meri kismat mai likha hai wo to hokar hi rehna tha, phir kyu khud ko blame kar rahe ho, yahi mai nahi chahti thi, issliye maine sab chupaya tumse…

A: (smiled fakely) aur mai bhi nahi chahta riddhima kitum ek apahij ke saath rehkar puri jindagi barbaad karo apni, abhi tumhari age hi kya hai, tumhe apni jindagi ke baare mai phir se sochna chahiye..

R: (screamed badly) armaan… apni had ko cross mat karo, kahi baad mai pachtawa na ho..

A: (again smiled fakely) pachtawa aur mujhe.. (ha haa) mai to tumhe apne dil ki baat bata raha tha ridhima, mai nahi chahta kitum ek apahij ke saath raho, mai tumhe kabhi koi khushi nahi de paunga..

R: kamal hai armaan (in sarcastic tone) abhi tum keh rahe the ki tumne kassam khayi thi ki ek normal jindagi jeeyoge aur khud hi apne aap ko apahij bol rahe ho..

A: jab tum itni kassmein tod sakti ho to maine to ek hi todi hai riddhima, waise bhi mai normal tab tak tha jab tak meri biwi mujhe apahij consider nahi karti thi, par jab uss ne hi apahij maan liya to phir mai uski baat par kaise shak kar sakta hun, wo kya hai na mujhe apne se jayda usspar vishwas tha (in a sarcastic tone) agar uski najar mai main apahij hun to apni najar mai normal kaise ho sakta hun…

R: armaan haddd hoti hai iljaam dene ki, maine kabhi tumhare baare mai aisa socha bhi nahi, kabhi khayal bhi nahi aaya, auronse mai ladti hun ki tumhe apahij bolna band kare, kyunki tum bhi normal insaan ho aur tum mujhe hi…

A: taajub ki baat yahi hai riddhima jo tum khud feel nahi karti wo tum auro ko karne ke liye kehti ho, tumhe lagta hai tum mujhe apahij nahi maanti to batao tumne kiss darr ke kaaran mujhe nahi bataya ki tumhare saath itni jayda batmeeji hui thi basement mai?? Sirf issliye na kyunki mai khud ko iljaam mat dun tumhare saath hui batmeeji ka..(riddhima looked down) agar mai theek hota tab bhi kya yahi karti riddhima?? Bolo..

R: armaan tab tum ghar par na hote, mere saath hospital mai hote..

A: by chance mai uss din tumhe na company kar paata hospital mai to??? (he waited for her answer) kya mujhe na pata lagne deti tab bhi iss baat ka?? (riddhima stayed quiet) riddhima tab tum mujhe jarur ye batati, nahi to aisa indication deti ki tumhare saath kuch galat hua hai, par kabhi chupati na kyunki tumhe uss waqt confidence hota ki jisne bhi tumhare saath batmeeji ki hai wo nahi bachega, par accident ke baad tumhe hi confidence nahi raha mujhpar.

R: (cutting him) aisa kuch nahi hai armaan..

A: riddhima tumne khud hi to kaha tha ki tumne mujhe issliye nahi kuch bhi bataya taaki mai apne uppar blame mat lun aur apni paralysed taango ko mat curse karu, tumhe aisa tabhi laga na kyunki tumhe pata tha ki ab mai uss insaan se badla nahi le sakta jisne tumhare saath… tumhe laga ki mai uss ghatiya insaan ko saja to de nahi paunga aur ghar baithkar royunga ki mai tumhe protect nahi kar paya, haina?? (riddhima first looked him, then looked down) matlab tumhe yakeen tha ki uss insaan ko saja nahi mil payegi mujhse..

R: nahi armaan wo to

A: apne uppar blame to tabhi laga paunga na jab uss jaanwar tak nahi pahunch paunga aur apni taango ko bhi tabhi curse karunga kyunki unki wajah se tumhare saath itni batmeeeji hui.. par agar tum mujhe apahij nahi maanti to tumhe laga hi kyu ki apne aap ko blame dunga?? Phir to tumhe yakeen hona chahiye tha ki wo insaan kabhi bach hi nahi sakta….

to be continued...

next part: today or tomorrow..

precap: AR conversation continued...

ruchu mere pyare locha singh: welcum back, sharam kar track shuru hone pe gayi thi aur ab jab sab khatam ho gaya tab thumak thumak ke aa rahi hai, aur aate hi apni confusions ka pitara khol diya, rahem kiya kar kabhi to mujhpe, parts likhu ya teri confusions dur karun?? anyways mai reply jarur kar dungi par next update ke baad, abhi uss part ke liye bahut confusion hai, teri confusions ni dur kar sakti... tab tak tu apna khud ka dimag chalati reh...

anu: (anupama96) are tune mujhse questions kab puche, questions puch tabhi to reply karungi na.. hee hee, waise mai theek hun ab..😃

baaki sab ke replies baad mai, means next update ke baad.. please do hit like tab if you dont have time to comment your views...

pms with next part..

ankita

Part- 187

A: apne uppar blame to tabhi laga paunga na jab uss jaanwar tak nahi pahunch paunga aur apni taango ko bhi tabhi curse karunga kyunki unki wajah se tumhare saath itni batmeeeji hui.. par agar tum mujhe apahij nahi maanti to tumhe laga hi kyu ki apne aap ko blame dunga?? Phir to tumhe yakeen hona chahiye tha ki wo insaan kabhi bach hi nahi sakta..

R: armaan ye sach hai mujhe darr tha kitum apne aap ko blame karoge kyunki tum uss waqt mere saath nahi the jiss waqt mere saath…mujhe darr tha ki kahi tum ye na socho ki agar tumhari legs theek hoti to kissi ka saaya tumhe haath bhi na laga paata, mai tumhe down nahi dekhna chahti thi armaan..

A: aur uske liye chahe khud ko jitna marji neeche gira hua dekh sakti ho??? Riddhima agar tum uss waqt mujhe jara sa bhi hint deti iss baat ka, may be mujhe uss waqt thoda bura lagta, mai jarur sochta ki agar mai theek hota to kissi ka saaya tumhe chu bhi na paata, par mai itna paagal nahi hu ki us dukh mai hi doob jaata kyunki tumhara mujhpar vishwas aisa hone na deta,

mujhe pata hota ki dukh mai baad mai bhi raha jaa sakta hai par filhaal uss jaanwar ko meri jayda jarurat hai, par tumne mujhe itni badi baat batane ki jagah, mere paas aane ki jagah khud ko humse dur kar liya, mai har roj paaglo ki tarah jaan ne ki koshish karta ki tumhari pareshani ki wajah kya hai par nahi tumne nahi bataya,

khud akele hi ghut ti rahi kyunki tumhe lagne laga hoga kitum ab saaf nahi rahi, issliye hume chunne se bhi darti thi ki kahi hum na gande ho jayein.. (riddhima looked him with surprise, wondered how come he knew everything so perfectly) tumhe ek baar bhi realize nahi hua ki tumhe ek sach ko chupane ke liye kitni jayda badi kimmat deni pad rahi hai,

tumhe har roj jhut bolna padta tha, chahe mujhe pata tha kitum jhut bol rahi ho kyunki tab tak itni maahir nahi hui thina tum jhut bolne mai, tumhe aarish se dur rehna padta tha jiske kaaran tumhe yebhi nahi pata challa ki wo tumhare bina 2 dino tak bukhaar mai tapa tha, tumhe mujhse dur rehna padta tha, hum pareshan the, tum pareshan thi.. khush kon tha ridhima???

Aur jab khush hi koi nahi tha to phir itns jhut bola kiske liye??? Kaash tumne ek baar bataya hota, aur chod diya hota mujhpe hamesha ki tarah, kaash ek baar believe kiya hota mujhpe aur kaash hamari najro se dekha hota tumne ki armaan aur aarish ko unki wife and mumma kaisi lagti hai, kitni pavitra hai wo,

kitna shaant atmosphere hota tab, hum iss situation mai kabhi na pahunchte jisme aaj hai, kaash uss waqt tumne mujhpar trust kiya hota, kaash trust kiya hota ki mai taango se apahij hua hun dimaag se nahi..

R: armaan maine tumpar kabhi doubt nahi kiya..

A: phir jhutt riddhima, tumne to har baar hi mujhpe doubt kiya, kissi tarah mai tumhare pov ko samajh leta agar baar baar tumne jhut ka sahara na liya hota, ek baar ki baat hoti to kissi tarah tumhe samajhne ki koshish karta, karwachauth… tumhare cuts, hunter.. shit.. (he hits his head on wall with anger when a slight visualization of that day crossed from his mind)

kaash tumne mere naam ka vrat tod diya hota, aisi apahij waali jindagi se to acha tha ki mai na hota…(with bitterness) (riddhima shaked her head in no, a little bit she started understanding armaan's pain, she started feeling his side a bit) subah se mere liye vrat rakha tha tumne, kissliye rakha tha??? Sirf rasmein nibhane ke liye???

Itni batmeeji… batmeeji nahi, ye theek word nahi hai, jaanwaro jaisa treatment hota hai, itna kuch saha aur ghar aakar ek uff tak na nikli tumhare muh se, jhut bolti rahi, seediyo se giri, machar challa gaya, operate karte hue cuts lag gaye, ye sab jhut bolte hue tumhe ek baar bhi nahi laga ki jiss insaan ke liye subah se bhuki rahi,

itna dard uthaya uss se jhutt bol rahi hun, tumhari aatma ne bhi ek baar bhi tumhe nahi kachota kitum galat kar rahi ho, apne saath nahi to apne pati ke saath, apne saath hote anyaye ko baantne lyke to tumne samjha nahi kam se kam (he holds her hand and looked at her palms) unn jakhmo par to marham lagane deti..

dil ke jakham nahi dikha payi to bahari jakham hi dikha deti, khud se aaj itni nafrat na hoti atleast… (tears droped from his eyes on her palms as he caressed her hands) kitna dard saha hoga na inn haatho ne…(ridhima with band aid hand caressed armaan's head, with tears, armaan looked her and then with a jerk pushed her hand)

next day tumpar shraab peekar duty karne ka accusation laga, aarish ki b'day party mai nahi aa payi, tumhe pata tha ki mai tumse naraj hun par phir bhi kuch clear karne ki jarurat nahi samjhi, bas apne aap ko bhagwan samajh kar sab kuch sehti rahi, sabki narajgi,

sabke gande words par phir bhi kuch nahi boli, tumhe ek baar bhi nahi laga ki mujhe ye sab pata hona chahiye?? Tumhe ek baar bhi nahi laga kitum khud ko mujhse dur kar rahi ho bahut jayda??? Hum dono ke beech kitni problems aa rahi thi,

par kamal hai jiss insaan ke liye apne honth band kiye the uske saath tumhara relation bigad raha tha par phir bhi tumhe najar nahi aa raha tha, kaha hum log aadha din bhi ek dusre se baat kiye bina nahi nikal sakte the par ab 1-1 hafta ho jaata tha hume dhang se baat kiye, tumhe realize nahi hua inn duriyo ka??

Phir bhi tumhe nahi laga ki sab clear karna chahiye mujhse, bas bahut akele bhoj utha liya har baat ka, ab apni jaan ko bhi include kar lena chahiye apne saath, par nahi aisa kuch nahi hua, tumhare b'day par sab bhulkar maine phir koshish karne ki sochi , par uska result..(he looked at photographs) drugs ka iljaam laga tumpar,

aur tumne mujhe phir budhu bana diya ye kehkar kitum lonavla gayi thi, kitni asaani se jhut bolne lagi thi tum, ek baar bhi socha ki tumhare bina hum kaise jeete honge ghar par, pal pal mai sochta tha ki mujhse kya gunaah ho gaya, itni duriyan kyu bana li, tumhe mere naraj hone se bhi farak kyu nahi padta,

tumhe ab meri hug ki jarurat kyu nahi padti, diwali par tumhare saath habshiyon(don't know English meaning) jaisa saluk(behave) hua tha..(he closed his eyes when visualized ridhima's face, though he'd not seen anything but he can see very well how much scared she's) patakhein…(he hides his face in palms and remained quiet for a moment) aur parso ka din…

phir bhi tum kehti ho ki tumhe mujhpe doubt nahi hai, kaash meri maut accident ke waqt hi ho gayi hoti, mar gaya hota mai ussi waqt..

R: (cried) armaan aise mat bolo..

A: kyu tumhe itna pain ho raha hai?? Sach hi to keh raha hun, ab pal pal saans lena bhi bhari lagta hai, apne muh se tum mujhe apahij kehti,ye kehti ki mai kissi kaam ka nahi hun wo mai aaram se sun leta, itni takleef na hoti mujhe, par ab jo tumne bina bole aur ye sab karke mujhe realize karwaya hai wo mai nahi bhul paunga jindagi bhar,

pata nahi kyu sahen karna itna mushkil ho raha hai, tumne mujhe apni najron ke saath saath khud ki najron mai buri tarah apahij bana diya, hamesha se mujhe yakeen dilwakar ki mai normal hun, sab ke jaisa hun ab mujhe itna niche gira diya ki jindagi beet jayegi par shayad phir bhi mai normal nahi ho paunga…(riddhima shaked her head in no with tears running down)

R: armaan aisa kuch mat karna, mere mann mai sach mai aisi koi baat nahi aayi thi…

A: tumhari harkatein tumhare mann ka saath nahi de rahi hai riddhima.. bolo kyu kiya aisa riddhima??? Kya galti hui thi mujhse aisi jo itni badi saja di mujhe??? Mai to issi dhoke mai jeeta raha ki tum meri ho, koi alag nahi kar sakta mujhe tumse aur tum ne apne raaste pehle se hi alag kar liye, mujhe pata bhi nahi chalne diya,

mai tumhe dhundta raha har jagah aur jab tum apna raasta paar kar chukki thi tab mujhe pata challa ki hum to bahut pehle se hi alag raasto par chal rahe the, abb tak to mai illusion mai jee raha tha.. "kyu kiya riddhima tumne aisa kyuu???? Itna pyar karne ke baad kyu itna dur ho gayi mujhse, kaise dur ho gayi??

Hum to ek hi the na, hamari ek hi aatma thi na, phir kyu alag kar liya khud ko, kab alag kiya, mai to sochta raha hum ek hi hai, aur tum apna raasta alag karke chal bhi padi…ek baar jara sa hint hi de diya hota, atleast mai prepare to rehta, 1 hi din mai itne sab jhatke kaise leta???

Agar accident ke waqt marta ye sukoon rehta ki tum meri thi, meri ho aur meri hi rahogi, ab to mar kar bhi chaen nahi milega, dhoka diya tumne mujhe har jagah, iss dhoke ko seh paana mushkil ho raha hai, inn taango ka bhoj uthana mushkil ho raha hai..

(riddhima didn't utter a word, just holds his hands) kaash tumne bi ke sharaad par hi sab bola hota riddhima, agar mai uss jaanwar ko na maar paata to atleast itna to ho hi sakta tha kitum uss hospital mai na jaati, yaha ek hi hospital nahi hai, hum police ki help le sakte the, sabko sach bata sakte the..

R: (cutting him) koi believe na karta armaan..

A: hum shehar chod dete, hamesha ke liye kasaulli challe jaate, atleast aaj ka din na aata hamari life mai, maana tumhari self-respect hurt ho chukki thi, par bi ka sharaad tumhari life mai pehla aur aakhri din hota kissi bhi aisi harkat ka, agar mai kuch na kar paata to tumhe iss shaher se hi dur le jaata, shayad isse bhaagna kehte par tumse aur tumhari ijjat se jayda mujhe aur kuch pyara nahi tha, sab baatein tumse niche hai, tumse aage meri koi soch hoti hi na…

R: to phir ab le challo armaan, mujhe iss shaher se dur, sabse dur…

A: (could read pain in her eyes) nahi riddhima, ab to hum alag alag bahut aage nikal chukke hai, ab iss distance ko khatam karna bahut mushkil hoga..

R: (with hurt) please armaan aise na kaho, mai tumhe khud se alag karna bardash nahi kar sakti..

A: alag to tum already kar chukki ho riddhima.. tum mujhse thodi daer pehle keh rahi thi ki mujhe kiss ne hak diya divorce ka itna bada decision akele lene ka, kabhi khud se ye question pucha ki tumhe kisne hak diya tha mujhse itna sab chupane ka?? Kiss ne hak diya tha mujhse bina puche khud ko alag karne ka??

Kiss ne hak diya tha apna dard mujhse chupane ka?? Hum to 6 saal pehle hi ek ho gaye the na, hamare sab decisions ek saath hote the, hamare sukh dukh mai koi batwara(division) nahi tha, tumhare aur mere dukh, hamare dukh the, akele mere ya tumhare nahi,

jab hum relation mai equally participate kar rahe the to phir itne sab decisions tumne akele kaise le liye riddhima??? Itna hi nahi decisions lekar tumne unhe implement bhi kar diya aur mai bechara issi dhoke mai reh gaya ki meri riddhima mujhe dhoka de hi nahi sakti,

maine to phir bhi tumhe pehle warning di ki hum ab officially alag ho rahein hai inn divorce papers par sign karke, tumhe bataya ki mai tumhe divorce dene waala hun, mere paas to reason tha aisa karne ka par tumne to bina bataye hi khud se alag kar phenka wo bhi bina kissi reason ke, bina kissi kasoor ke, bolo hai koi jawaab tumhare paas???

Aaj tumhe achanak se yaad aaya ki tum meri ardh-angini aadha hissa ho, hum ek dusre ke bina adhure rahenge, pehle kabhi 2 mahino mai ye baat yaad nahi aayi tumhe??? Pehle kabhi nahi laga ki apne aadhe ko tumhare dard ke baare mai pata hona chahiye, agar hamare haath mai dard hota hai to pura sharreer uss dard ko mehsus karta hai,

batwara nahi karta shareer ka ki right waala aadha hissa apne dard ke baare mai left waale hisse ko nahi batayega, wo dard pura shareer milkar hi sahen karta hai, ussme tere-mere dard ki alag alag feeling nahi hoti, par tumne to apne dard ko alag hi kar liya mere aadhe hisse se aur batwara kar diya sharreer ka do hisso mai..

agar ek taang(leg) mai dard ho raha hai aur second leg mai bhi dard hone lage to kya wo leg apna dard chuppa leti hai ki nahi first leg ko itna pain ho raha hai mai nahi apna dard share karti kahi stress na pad jaye, aisa hota hai kya hamare shareer ke saath??? Nahi.. aisa nahi hota, aur yahi hak hota hai riddhima, yahi apna pan hota hai, yahi pyar hota hai, aur tumne jo kiya wo sirf sacrifice hai, usme pyar, apnapan aur hak kahi par nahi hai, bas tyag hi tyag hai, apni khushiyo ka tyag, apni self-respect ka tyag

phir batao tum meri ardh-angini kaise hui?? Tumne to mujhe apne pain ke baare mai pata bhi nahi chalne diya… tumhe kya lagta hai bas khushiyon mai hi hume ek dusre ke saath hona chahiye, dukh mai khud ko alag kar lo, yehi aadha hissa hona hota haina???

(don't know why riddhima felt guilty, she moved her hands back from him and started looking down) and shame on me, tumhara aadha hissa hokar bhi tumhara dard mehsus nahi kar paya, hum nahi ho sakte na ek dusre ka aadha hissa?? (riddhima shaked her head with tears)

Yaad hai riddhima jab sanjana hamari life mai aayi thi, wo 10 days..(riddhima got some flashbacks) hamari life mai kitni confusions aa gayi thi, kitni tensions aa gayi thi unn 10 dino mai, kyunki mujhme guts nahi the tumse apna past share karne ke,

aur jab tumhe sachayi pata challi to tumhe kitna dukh hua tha ki mai apne pyar par trust nahi karta, wo to mera past tha, beeta hua kal tha, jiss waqt mai tumhe jaanta bhi nahi tha, mila bhi nahi tha tab ki baatein thi jisse tumhe nahi bataya to tumhe itna gussa aaya tha aur itna hurt hua tha,

par tumne to apne present ke baare mai chupaya tha, uss present ke baare mai jiska mai aur hamare pyar ki nishani-hamara ardhaan hissa hai, uss present ke baare mai nahi bataya jiss se hamara future decide hona tha, aur phir bhi tumhe lagta hai ki mujhe gussa nahi aana chahiye tha, 7 vachan tode hai tumne phir bhi tumhe lagta hai ki mujhe normal rehna chahiye tha..

mai tumhara saaya nahi ban paaya, issliye tumne bhi apne aap ko hamare pehle vachan se free kar liya, khud se jayda maine tumpar bharosa kiya aur badle mai tumne mujhe tuta hua bharosa mere haatho mai thama kar hamara dusra phera bhi tod diya, hamare pyar ke beech to kissi ke bhi aane ki gunjayish nahi thi,

par tumne hamare beech apne soch aur galat decision ki deewar ko khada karke hume alag alag mod par laakar khada kar diya, hamesha ek dusre ko support karne ka waada kiya tha, har sukh dukh mai saath rehne ki, ek dusre se kuch na chupane ki kasmein khayi thi humne par tum har kassam 1-1 karke todti gayi

aur tum mujhse puch rahi ho divorce ka kaaran.. tumne jab khud hi apne aap ko mujhse alag kar liya, sab vachan tod diye to iss jhute bandhan mai rehne ka kya fayda hai riddhima, mai to bas officially sabko batana chahta tha ki hum ab saath nahi hai, alag ho gayein hai, but tumhe apne saath jhoota label lagana pasand hai to kya kar sakte hai

bahut shownk hai na tumhe mahan ban ne ka, akele sab kuch face karne ka bahut shownk chada hai na, kisi ki interference pasand nahi hai na apni life mai tumhe to jao riddhima aajad kiya tumhe har cheez se, har bandhan se, hum ek chatt ke niche rehkar bhi hamesha alag alag rahenge..

R: (with shock) armaan tum hosh mai to ho, kya bol rahe ho kuch pata hai…itni badi saja.. kissliye???Itne kathor kaise ho sakte ho tum armaan??? Itni badi saja..

A: (cutting her) tumhare liye ye saja kaise ho skati hai riddhima??Tum khud hi to apne according apni jindagi jeena chahti ho, to mai kaun hota hun tumhe rokne waala, apno ke uppar jor jabardasti ki jaati hai, apno ke uppar hak jataya jaata hai, par mujhe nahi pata kitum kaun ho, kyunki mere liye to hamesha se mai tumhara tha, par nahi pata tha kitum khud ko mujhse alag samajhti ho..

Saja to ye mere liye hai, tumse alag hona matlab apne aadhe hisse se alag hona, aur adha adhura kaise koi jee sakta hai, par yahi saja hai meri, meri apahijta ki jo maine khud apne liye chuni hai, tumhari self-respect ko nahi bacha paya na, tumhe secure rakhne ka waada kiya tha aur security nahi de paya, ek pati ki jo normal responsibilities hoti hai wo bhi nahi utha paya,

saja to honi hi chhaiye na mere liye jo mere hote hue bhi meri patni ko itna kuch sehna pada, itna bura behave kiya, jaisa behave hum jaanwaro se bhi na kar paye waisa behave hua tha aur mai kuch nahi kar paaya, saja to honi hi chahiye na iss ke liye, meri apahijta ki saja meri patni ko kyu mile,

kyu wo kuch sahe mere liye, kyu wo jindagi bhar mera bhoj uthaye, kyu wo khushaal jindagi na jiye, saja to sirf mere liye hi honi chahiye, tumhare liye nahi… saja to maine khud ko di hai tumse dur karke khud ko, kaha thana tumse dur hokar mar jaunga mai, marna bahut aasan hai na, sab musibat se ek hi pal mai chutkara mil jaata hai, par abhi tumse dur rehkar bhi mai jeeyunga, yahi saja hai meri .. tumhari nahi sirf meri..

R: armaan stop it, stop it (she holds him from his shoulders and shaked him)…

A: riddhima bolo na kyu mahan ban ne ka itna showk chada tumhe?? Kya show karna chahti thi tum??? Aaj khush ho hume ek dusre se itna dur karke?? Aaj khush ho itne saare accusation lekar khud par??

R: mere liye wo accusations mayne nahi rakhte armaan, tumne hi kaha thana ek baar ki hum dono ki life mai hum dono se uppar koi nahi hai, mujhe auro ki baaton par react nahi karna chahiye, to bas wohi kiya maine armaan, mujhe ab kissi ki bhi baaton ka koi effect nahi padta, koi kuch bhi bolta rahe, bas tum aur aarish hi meri jindagi ho, baaki sab ki koi ahmiyat nahi hai meri life mai…

A: ohh really riddhima tumhe koi farak nahi padta koi kuch bhi kahe??? Kal jab tum iss ghar se bahar niklogi sab tumhe giri hui najro se dekhenge, koi farak nahi padega tumhe?? Sab tumse baat karne se dur bhagenge koi farak nahi padega tumhe?? Hospital mai job nahi mil payegi koi farak nahi padega tumhe, aarish ka school mai admission karwane jaogi,

sab tumhe ghur-2 ke dekhenge aur finally sorry kehkar bhej denge tab bhi koi farak nahi padega tumhe, haina??? (riddhima looked him with shock) kya hua itna shocked kyu ho, future bata raha tha riddhima tumhe, near future, tum to bahut strong ho ye sab baatein face karna tumhara chutki ka khel hai…

jab sabse rejection milegi na tab cheekh cheekh kar kehna sabse ki mujhe koi farak nahi padta tum logo ki baato se, mai akeli jeena jaanti hun,kya hua agar tumne mere bte ko school mai admission nahi diya, mai khud usse padhaungi, uske liye school kholungi, koi farak nahi padta tumhare hone se ya na hone se…

samjhana iss puri society ko aur banana apne liye alag duniya, rehkar dikhana issi society mai puri jindagi akele, (riddhima looked down) tum kya ho aur kya kar sakti ho ye tum ache se jaanti ho, ek person kitum narajgi bardash nahi kar sakti to iss duniya ko kya face karogi??

R: tum ho saath mai to sab face kar lungi armaan.. (in low tone)

A: nahi riddhima ab tumhe meri jarurat nahi hai, bahut jayda strong ho gayi hona, ek apahij insaan tumhari kya madad karega, sab kuch tum akele face kar sakti ho, u don't need me at all, par hamesha yaad rakhna rehna issi society mai hai atlast chahe tum kissi se kitna bhi pyar karte ho, chahe wo tumhari duniya hi kyu na ban gaya ho par tum phir bhi society ko ignore nahi kar sakte, jab tak hum ache hai,

hamari respect hai tab tak hum chahe ignore kar dein society ko par jara si agar negative baat ho gayi hamare saath to society ko ignore karna mushkil ho jaata hai riddhima, kyunki hum chahe bhul jaye par society kabhi nahi bhulti aur na hi hume bhulne deti hai negative baato ko,

kissi ki kadwi baatein sunkar apni aur apne ghar ki shaanti kharab karna galat hota hai, specially jab unki hamari life mai ehmiyat na ho aur wo log hume theek se na jaante ho, par uss se bhi galat hota hai kissi ka torture sehna, kissi ke lagaye hue accusation ko chup chap ye soch kar tolerate karna ki mujhe koi farak nahi padta bahut badi galati hai,

ek tarah se sabki najro mai ye saabit karna hai ki haan tum galat ho, jaise ki tumhare saath hua, kya mila tumhe chup rehke?? Aaj sab tumhare hi against ho gaye aur jisne itni bade gunaah kiye wo aaj aaram se apni life jee raha hai, tumse tumhare dost bhi cheen liye,

agar tum ladi hoti inn gunaaho ke liye to aaj uss darinde ka asli chehra sabke saamne hota, agar tumne pehle hi bata diya hota ki tumhare saath kya hua hai to aaj sab tumhare saath hote aur wo ankit iss hospital, iss shaher se bahar hota… hoga to ab bhi aisa hi..

(he said this with determined voice, riddhima looked him) saja to ab bhi usse milkar hi rahegi…(armaan's eyes again started fuming with anger as he reminded ankit's face, but than controlled himself when looked at riddhima) aur ek aur baat yaad rakhna,

bhagwan ne relations dukh sukh baantne ke liye hi banaye hai, agar sab kuch akele hi face karna hota to iss duniya mai kabhi kissi ko kissi ki jarurat na hoti riddhima, sab akele hote, hum tum na mile hote, ye shaadi-wadi kuch na hota, pyar naam ki cheez na hoti…(he kept silent for a moment, then clearing the corner of his eye)

Mujhe abhi tak samajh nahi aaya ki tumne sacrifice kyu kiye the itne saare?? Waise hamare relation mai kabhi bhi sacrifice ki jagah hi nahi thi, but accident ke baad hamare relation mai chotte-motte sacrifice aa gaye the par wo sacrifice hum dono mai se kissi na kissi ke hotton pe hassi ka kaaran jarur bante the, inn sacrifices se kaun khush hua?? Kiske hotto pe hassi aayi riddhima???

R: agar tum meri jagah hote to kya karte armaan??

A: tum meri jagah hoti to kya karti riddhima?? (both kept mum)

R: (after a moment) mai shayad..

A: soch kar bolna riddhima…(riddhima stopped) tum shayad??? (riddhima didn't speak) kya karti tum riddhima?? Hospital jaakar ankit se ladti ki uski himaat kaise hui mujhe haath lagane ki, saare hospital ko sir par utha leti, chahe maine tumhe ye hak diya ho ya nahi??? Kiss hakk se tum hospital aati riddhima??

Jab maine itna jhoot bolkar, itna sab chppakar tumse khud ko alag kar hi liya tha to phir kiss hakk aur kiss muh se hospital aati sabse ladne aur mera haath thaamne, kya tum mai itni capacity hoti ki all of a sudden tumhe pata challe ki mujhpar kya-2 jurm hue hai jo tumne kabhi sapne mai bhi na socha ho,

itni capacity hoti ki tum uss shock se recover ho paati ussi pal aur normal behave kar paati ye jaante hue bhi ki maine pata nahi kitni hi raatein ro-rokar gujari hai.. bolo riddhima kya karti tum??? (armaan cried) kaha se itni himmat laata riddhima mai uss waqt, tumhara 1-1 aansu mujhse puch raha tha ki tumhare hote hue bhi hume itni buri tarah kyu inn aankhon(riddhima's eyes) ka saath chodna pada,

tumhari 1-1 dil ki cheekh mujhse sawaal kar rahi thi ki kaisa pyar hai tumhara, kyu tumhare dil tak hamari aawaj nahi pahunchi, tumhara shareer mujhse puch raha tha ki mujhpe to sirf tumhara hak hai, tumne waada kiya tha ki tumhare alava koi aur isse nahi chu payega phir kaise kissi ki himmat hui mujhe haath lagane ki, bolo kya jawaab deta mai???

Uske baad tumhara mujhse khud ko dur karne ka faisla mujhe khaa raha tha, meri apahijta mujhe kachot rahi thi, mujhe gussa aa raha tha, kissi aur par nahi khud par, dard ho raha tha buri tarah mere andar, samajh nahi aa raha tha kaha lekar jaun apna dard, sahen nahi ho paa raha tha itna dard, khun khol raha tha mera,

darr tha kahi uss darinde ko jalane se pehle khud hi na jal jaun, phir bhi jab tum uss din ghar aayi maine tumse pucha tha kitum kuch kehna chahti ho, chahe mujhe tumhara jawaab pata tha, chahe pata tha ki jab 2 mahine tumne aise hi nikal diye to ab kya bataogi, par phir bhi chotti si hope thi ki shayad aaj tum meri baahon mai aakar royogi,

apna pain bata dogi, par nahi tum feelingless bankar ghumti rahi, bolo uss waqt kaha se himmat laata tumhe hug karke console karne ki jabki mujhe ye nahi pata tha ki mai tumhari jindagi mai kaha mayne rakhta hu aur kitna, kaise tumhara saath deta jab tum khud hi proof de chukka thi ki hum alag ho chukke hai,

maine koshish ki tumhe samajhne ki, par nahi samajh paya kuch bhi aur bas divorce hi raasta sujha apne aap ko saja dene ka aur tumhe officially aajaad karne ka kyunki hum alag to ho hi gaye the, bas divorce ki rassam puri karni reh gayi thi, kyunki mai nahi chahta ki tum apahij ke saath jindagi gujaro jab tum khush hi nahi ho to mai apne saath kaise rakh sakta tha tumhe??

Kyunki hamare saato phere ke vachan tut chukke the aur bina vachano ke kaisi shaadi?? Kyunki mai tumhe nahi jaanta tha riddhima.. mai iss nayi riddhima ko nahi jaanta tha, kissi stranger ko apni patni maan kar khud ke saath kaise rakh sakta hun, tumhara ye roop hi naya hai, kaise reh sakta hun iss roop ke saath???

(riddhima covered her face with her palms and cried, this time without any complaints, after sometime she opened her eyes only to find one glass full of water on table and armaan's missing, riddhima got up and looked for armaan and found him in garden, he's looking towards sky and his lips were mumbling something, riddhima moved lil more closer and his sound became clear)

A: kyu bhagwanji, kyu aisa hua mere saath???bass ab mujhe aur aisi taangein nahi chahiye bhagwan, mai aur apahijta ka jeewan nahi bitana chahta, iss apahijta ne mujhse mera sab cheen liya, meri jindagi, mera pyar, meri duniya, aur mere pyar ki ijjat sab kuch cheen liya, nahi chahiye mujhe aisi taangein jo har kissi ke liye bhoj ho,

aaj meri apni saasein bhoj ban gayi hai, ghinn aa rahi hai khud se, gussa aa raha hai khud par, sab theek kehte hai kissi kaam ka nahi raha mai, bas bhoj hu iss dharti par, sabki jindagiyo par, kaash aisa jeewan dene se acha mujhe uss waqt hi apne paas bula lete, atleast ye shaanti hoti ki wo meri hai, sirf meri,

kyu bhagwan kyu usne aisa kiya mere saath, mai to ab ussi ka thana, wo to mujhe apahij bhi nahi maanti thi, phir kyu usne mujhe apahij bana diya har cheej se, kyu itna dhoka diya, kyu akele sab kuch saha kyuuu bhagwan kyuu??? Kya galti thi meri??? Kyu alag kiya usne mujhe bhagwan, kaise iss dard ko sahu bhagwan koi to rasta dikha de, kab hoga iss dard ka ant???

Again tears flowed from his eyes in continuity, and as if his tears were not enough to show his pain, clouds too started crying with him, it started raining, armaan with lost eyes and heart kept on moving his wheel chair slowly slowly in ground, and with each memory again fresh tear rolls down from his eyes… again at the end he remained with same question "whyyyyy??????, kasoor kya tha???"

He mumbled some words out of frustration…

Kaisa dard diya hai jeena mushkil kiya hai,

dil mai rehke dil se kaisa badla liya hai,

pyar se naata toda, saawan mai rota chodda..

Sanam bewafa… sanam bewafa…

Tune dil mera toda

kahin ka na choda

sanam bewafa.. sanam bewafa..

riddhima rushed inside and settled on floor crying badlyyy with hiccups and mumbled "mujhe maaf kar do armaan, mujhe maaf kar do.. sach mai apni soch ke kaaran hum dono ko kaha se kaha le aayi, sach mai main tumhe nahi samajh payi, apni soch aur decisions ke kaaran ye nahi samajh payi ki tumhe kitni takleef dungi mai, kaha se kaha pahunch gaya hamara relation", she hides her face in bed and cried…

Armaan visualized riddhima's condition again and found ankit laughing and mumbled with anger "ankit itna yaad rakhiyo ki ab tu nahi bachega, 1-1 aansun ka hissab dena hoga tujhe mere riddhima ke, 1-1 suffering ka tujhse teri 1-1 hassi cheen kar badla lunga, jitna tadpaya hai tune meri ridhima ko uss se dugna tu tadpega

aur itna tadpega ki cheekh bhi tere muh se nahi nikal payegi (he said this with anger) chahe riddhima ne khud ko mujhse alag kar diya tha par mai ne usse alag nahi kiya tha khud se, uske dard ka hissab to ab bhi tujhe mujhe hi dena hoga, chahe mai uski life rahu ya nahi, phir bhi usko dard dene waale insaan ko mujhe hi sabse pehle face karna hoga..

(remember in part-182, when niki left from AR's house after giving him photographs, armaan dialled riddhima's number as he wants to ask her, he wants to give her last chance if she has any explanation regarding the reports, photographs, its not like he wanted to know the truth coz after seeing photographs he's shocked thinking how much riddhima'd suffered in past but she didn't let him know,

not for a single second he doubted riddhima but was shocked that she didn't tell him anything, he wanted to ask her why she hid everything from him, but she didn't pick up call, and after sometime he finally heard her hello tune, his restlessness lil subsided, he said hello many times but no reply came from riddhima as at that time police's doing inspection in hospital,

and by chance when riddhima felt vibration in hands, she without looking at phone thought to cut the call and pressed one button but that button was for recieving calls and unknown to riddhima her phone remained on hold, armaan on other side thought to cut the call when heard police inquiring about drugs and then he heard riddhima blaming ankit and like this he heard whole conversation,

and he linked each photograph with riddhima's conversation and then remembered all the moments where riddhima behaved weirdly and that's how the whole truth's out to him, he's in a daze, atfirst no feelings crossed his heart he didn't know each and every small details of her but yess he did placed himself in place of riddhima to know and to feel the pain of riddhima, he got every answer of riddhima's condition but didn't get why riddhima hid things from him..

then he called ranjeet(who saved riddhima on bi's sharaad) to confirm if she's riddhima whom he saved on that day, ranjeet first hesitated and tried to lie, but armaan warned him telling him that he has some photographs with riddhima and him and it looks like he's consoling riddhima, finally ranjeet told him the truth,

armaan knew ranjeet as he'd suggested his name to trustees and seeing those photographs, armaan's shocked, and another life taking shock he got was from phone call to riddhima, after sometime he managed himself and called ranjeet to know the truth, this's how armaan came to know about everything…)

to be continued…

Finally finallyyyy finalllyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy one track is over, may be the saddest track of this story.. hope I's able to do justice with armaan's character, with his feelings and pain..

Precap:

Trustees: dr. armaan, hum chahte hai ki aap sanjeevani waapis join kar lein, hume aapki kaabiliyat par koi doubt nahi hai..

A: sir mai aapka proposal accept kar lunga par meri ek shart hai, dr. riddhima bhi iss hospital ko join karengi mere saath …

Trustees: aap jaante hai dr. armaan ki yaha koi unki shakal dekhna pasand nahi karta, to treatment karwana to dur ki baat hai, phir wo as a doctor

A: (cutting them) wo as a doctor nahi join karengi, wo as a assistant join karengi mujhe…

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R: tum jaante ho na armaan ki mai uss hospital mai waapis nahi jaa sakti..

A: jaana padega riddhima..

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Next update: very soon… may be after 2 days..

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Stay tunned to know if everything's sorted out between AR, if yes then how and when…

Will reply to your comments soon..

Filhaal ke liye goodnight, neeni aa rahi hai… tata

Lots of luv

Ankita…